I just spent the last half hour sitting in my underwear on a bank holiday morning trying to draw a graph in Paint. Have a look at it. I was going to do more but its a massive fanny on, so one is all you get. This is my explanation for your lays / near lays as you develop in game. Don’t pay too much attention to the details or numbers. Just try and draw out the general principles, which are…

Legend

This graph assumes the man is a run-of-the-mill male six with normal social skills and normal chode game. We track him through his first year of game, assuming slow progress. Up the left side is the total amount of attraction he can generate with a girl. So 100 is Jabba-esque and 0 is around the PUAhate level. The pink shaded area is the man’s fundamental value being a combination of his looks, age, job, physique, fashion, vibe, character and all those other things that combine before you add your in-set technique. It’s pretty stable over time unless you are actively working on it. Your value represents the tide upon which the boats float.

The blue line is your Game value-add. This rests upon your value and as your game gets better it can reach further and further above your core value. It’s also volatile depending on your mood, state, circumstances and ability to think on your feet. You’d expect it to increase culmatively over time as your bank more sets.

Now we come to the female part of the graph. Every girl has an Attraction Threshold in which guys below her SMV requirements are blown out and guys above it are welcomed to play the game. Exceed it and you might fuck her. This AT is also volatile based on her monthly cycle, available options, weather and whatever other random shit buffets women around like a little boat in a storm. The key points are (1) it isn’t a flat line and that (2) the hotter the girl, the higher the threshold.

So now lets draw some conclusions from my fictional guy.

• In the beginning he has anti-game, the blue line of “total game applied” being below his natural value. It’s actually fucking up his results by doing all the stupid chode shit blogs like mine try to stop you doing.
• The second girl is only a six but she’s hypergamous so under normal circumstances she won’t fuck a male six. Note the gap between his line and the sixes’ line during the early part of the year.
• But whoah, what’s this (circle 1). He improved his game a bit and happened to string together his A-game when it coincided with her being horny and needy. He gets laid!
• Now he’s got laid his game gets better and he’s getting closer and closer to repeating the trick with another six. The sevens are still blowouts or sets-to-nowhere. And then (circle 2) he comes really close to bagging another six. Tighter game but unlucky to get the girl at the wrong time. He can’t quite exceed the AT and she gives him unbeatable LMR. Bad luck fella.
• He chalks it to the game and keeps trying. Despite not really being on top form he stumbles into another easy lay (circle 3) and keeps her on rotation for a month.
• As the year comes to a close he’s on fire. Some really solid work, riding his luck, he gets a cute seven back to his room. He battles her LMR for a few hours, can’t quite beat it, but she sucks his dick and he knows how close he came (circle 4). One for the blog.

Okay, so this whole graph is rather facetious. My point is to lay out a basic visual aid so you can imagine how the graph can change over time. What happens when you work hard on your value? The pink shaded area rises higher, the tide raising the upward potential of your game and bringing the higher quality girls into reach. You should also see that relying on Game alone is not going to score the hotties. You’ll also get a feel for how you can occasionally punch above your weight if you keep approaching but if you want consistent results you must claw your way above the Attraction Threshold and stay there.

This is why high value guys can have zero game and still score hotties, while low-value PUAchodes can do thousands of sets and get nothing.

I rarely solicit guest posts but sometimes I just want the free content come across a concept too good to ignore. Daygame.com’s executive instructor Tom Torero has been exploring such a concept which we put to good use on our recent FSU tour. He’ll need no introduction to most of my readers, being widely considered one of Europe’s top daygamers and of course the author of the second best daygame book on the market. Tom, the floor is yours……

A street kiss close I caught *

Elephant in the room: a metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth that is either being ignored or going unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss.

Smoke-and-mirrors, a masterful illusion, distraction and persuasion. Traditional Game involves getting a girl to comply to sex through the use of tools and techniques that sweep logic and reality under the carpet. It’s no coincidence that the most notorious early pick up artists were magicians and persuasion practitioners. Artificially raise your value, cunningly lower hers, and let the reversal chase begin.

A massively underrated and underused concept in the seduction community is something I teach students called the “Elephant In The Room” (although I dissuade you, of course, from picking up elephants) where this traditional trickery is replaced with stone cold masculine honesty. Showing a girl how socially intelligent you are, and also how vulnerable you are, is massively attractive. More attractive than the perfect line or the whitest teeth. Honesty is the ultimate frame in that you’re saying: “I know that you know that I know what’s going on. I’m direct with my intentions and I don’t play games.”

The concept is especially applicable during the day, as there’s no flashing lights, pumping music or alcohol to help mask from the girl from what’s really going on. Stopping a girl on the street in the cold light of day encourages a student to refine his social intelligence and replace distraction with directness as there’s nowhere to hide. Women have hyper sensitive radars when it comes to bullshit, and without the shiny la-la-land vibe of a club then they’re even more clued up as to what’s going on. If she thinks you’re a pick-up artist on the street, then you’re dead.

“say what you see”

So what are some practical examples of this concept in action? First off, a golden rule that I teach students is to “say what you see.” This is much harder than it sounds in that you need to be fully relaxed and present to do this effectively, without the chattering monkey inside your head throwing PUA bananas at you.

Saying what you see and calling out awkwardness immediately diffuses whatever tricky situation you might come across, as it shows the girl you’re socially savvy and smart enough to understand the intricacies and nuances of human behaviour.

Let’s say you see a girl on her smoke break standing outside an office building. A beginner daygamer might charge up to her in approach machine mode and spurt out his usual lines about just seeing her and thinking she looked nice, then plough through her resistance with his usual structure and get frustrated when she stubs out her cigarette and nips back into work. Someone who understands the Elephant In The Room principle, however, would approach the girl with more of a twinkle in his eyes, a cocky smile and the following:

“Hey, I know you’re on your sacred smoke break and I’m taking away precious seconds, but I just saw you and think you look nice”

He’d then rapidly judge how she responded and tailor his conversation accordingly. Perhaps he’d call out how unusual it was for someone to come up to her, or the fact that all the other guys must think of doing it but they’re not brave enough. The same applies if you see a girl at a bus stop (call out the fact that her bus is coming) or inside a store (call out the fact that it’s unusual why you’re in a women’s clothing store). If you didn’t call out the awkwardness of the situation then she’d be thinking it, and wondering why you didn’t have the social saviness to spot it.

Here’s some other examples of calling out the Elephant In The Room when you’re out doing daygame:

• She’s doing a particular activity, and you use that as a situational indirect-direct opener
• You run out of things to say, and you call it out: “I’m sorry, my mind’s just gone blank, help me out a bit!”
• You feel heavy approach anxiety, and you call it out: “I don’t normally do this, and I’m pretty nervous right now….”
• She keeps glancing down at her phone and you mention it playfully
• She slowly edges away as you’re talking and you mention it playfully
• The interaction’s going well but you suspect that she has a boyfriend based on her investment levels, so you call it out non-reactively

Notice how the Elephant In The Room principle needs to come from a place of flirtation, not one of cold logic. You’re showing her that you are fluent in the secret language of seduction, not that you’re a people-watching sociologist.

Spot the PUA forum HB7.75

Krauser and I recently spent a couple of weeks in Russia where we realised that the Elephant In The Room principle could be used to great effect. Slavic women are excellent for testing your masculinity in that they have zero-tolerance for bullshit and expect you to be crystal clear with your intentions. We made sure they new exactly what we wanted through calling out the following:

• the fact that this was a male-female interaction where we were attracted to them and wanted to date them, not give them free conversational English classes
• what their relationship status was, and whether they liked British guys
• if they had enough free time to come on a date with us in our time schedule

Now I’m not suggesting that you replace all unspoken, sexy emotional subtext with cold logic, but in countries where the women test your polarity every few seconds then there’s less time for flowery language and vague flirtation. The same would apply in the UK or the USA if a girl is exhibiting Princess Behaviour and keeps trying to snatch the frame.

The Elephant In The Room applies to texting and to dating, right up until you’re getting it on. Here are some more examples:

• she keeps flaking on date requests, so you text her: “I didn’t have you down as a flaker…my secretary is not happy ;-)”
• she texts that she’s going to be late, so you text her: “Ok, but you buy the first drinks as punishment”
• you spill the wine whilst trying to pour it elegantly and call it out
• she keeps taking long phone calls whilst on the date, and you call it out
• you’re both a bit nervous on the date, and you call it out
• you realise you’ve got food stuck between your teeth, so you call it out
• you spot that she’s hesitant to come back to yours, so you call it out: “I know you’re wondering if I’m a murderer, and I understand that this is all a bit fast, but come for one drink and I’ll have you home in a cab by 12”

Humility and honesty go a long way to cracking the code of last minute resistance in the bedroom. If a girl thinks it’s all too planned or too slick, then the barriers come up. If you call out that it’s “so fast” and that it’s “so random” how you met then she admires your social intelligence. Tell her you’re nervous if you’re nervous, show her you’re human.

An exception to the Elephant In The Room principle is breaking sexual tension. If you’re sitting in the cocktail bar, looking deeply into each other’s eyes, and there’s the crackle of sex in the air, then there’s no reason to call out the Elephant and say: “I want to kiss you now then take you home and have sex.” That would be a sign of a complete lack of understanding when it comes to seduction. Rather than these situations and silences being elephants, I call them the panthers in the room. Dark, smouldering, powerful and sexy. And completely necessary.

Krauser used an extreme example of the Elephant In The Room on one of his recent dates, although this is not for the faint hearted or to be used by beginners:

K: You are fascinated by me. You find me attractive and very interesting, like no man you’ve met before. You’ve realised that we are not compatible in the long term but you are curious how it would be to have sex with me. So right now you are trying to decide whether to come home with me and have sex, or to go home and sleep.

Her: Yes, that’s about right.

Call it out. Neutralise the awkwardness by commenting on it. Whether it’s a pigeon shitting on your head mid set or the fact that she’s too tall for you, say what you see and point out the elephant. Fingers crossed it will morph into a panther. Now that’s magic.

Tom’s book is available to buy from: Lulu

* Before you all ask, yes that was a legit street kiss close. Took about five minutes from the open. While observing I saw him do the eyes, the proximity and overheard him mutter something about “doing something crazy” so I knew to get the phone camera ready.

Emotional control is the foundation upon which all game rests. By mastering your emotions you can direct your vibe which will in turn align all of the micro-behaviours that a girl’s hindbrain reads. Good micro-behaviours (i.e. subcommunication) leads to imprinting the girl with a positive intuitive assessment of you and thus smoother interactions. This is why some men can do almost comically bad conversations and still get the girl – they were excelling at the 90% of communication that is non-verbal.

It’s generally believed that achieving good state is the core of good game. The argument goes as follows: Wake up feeling good about yourself and head out onto the streets. After a few awkward warm-up sets you’ll start to slip into a social vibe, gradually building momentum. Eventually a run of good interactions cause you to “hit state” and then you can open everything, hook everything and that’s when the magical sets happen.

This is not wrong. It’s just a massive pain in the arse.

Chasing state, yesterday

The reality of daygame is that there simply aren’t enough pretty girls around to keep the momentum flowing. There aren’t enough girls that you can afford to waste the first ten sets trying to hit state. Ok, you could do it but it’s so wasteful. You know your game is getting tighter if you get more girls, better girls, and expend less effort. Hamstringing yourself to the goal of peak state prevents progress because:

• Trying to force yourself into state takes alot of emotional energy and is inauthentic. You are trying to make yourself feel something you don’t actually feel.
• Once you start to improve your state you become outcome dependent on keeping that little glimmer alive. More emotional energy expended.
• In the long periods between sets you get into your head trying to keep your state. Holding your state up is like holding a medicine ball in the air. Eventually you tire and it drops.
• You can frame yourself over the long term into a negative thought pattern of “I’m only successful when I’m in state” or in the short term of “I won’t approach this girl because I haven’t hit state yet”
• Girls can sense the inauthenticity if you’re trying to state leech from them, as with your wings. You can end up in destructive state wars with your wings until one or both of you crash (noobs should especially watch for this “value tap” behaviour from more experienced players)
• Daygame becomes much harder work than it ought to be. You are giving yourself an internal opponent to fight. It’s a fight that doesn’t need to happen.

Peak state is good. When you hit it, embrace it. But don’t try to manufacture it. Far better is to drill yourself in stateless game. It’s advanced stuff and not for everyone but give it a try. Essentially you are following this principle:

I feel however I feel and that’s okay. So I will use this authentically and rely on that authenticity to carry me through.

I’m coming to believe that authenticity trumps state (and is equal to vibe*). Forcing a high state is essentially qualifying to the girl by telling her “who I am at this moment is not good enough to get you, so I will expend great effort in forcing myself to be a happier version of myself just to impress you”. Instead just accept your current state. For example:

• If you’re feeling flat and low energy, work with that. Maybe do light side-on opens at a traffic light rather than run-around front stops. Let your vocal tone stay light, flat and disinterested.
• If you’re feeling cocky, go that route. Ostentatiously stop a hard-walking girl, let your eyes shine, smirk insolently and use an outrageously teasing opener.
• If you’re feeling horny, go sexual. Pick out a girl who has the ovulating vibe, eye fuck the hell out of her, encroach her space. Hold that hand a long time.
• If you’re completely lacking creative inspiration just tell the girl she looks nice and drop a generic cold read and tease on her. Leave silences, let her talk.

Stateless game, today

Stateless game is not a list of instructions to follow, its a mindset. Fundamentally you are shrugging the weight of “hitting state” from your shoulders. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Do you think those approach monkeys running up and down Oxford Street every evening are happy? Allow yourself to instead reach a zen-like calm of whatever will happen will happen. Just flip over those stones, let your authentic state come out, and rely upon your well-drilled Game to just navigate the set for you without getting in your head about state. There’s nothing to be scared of on the streets. Conserve your mental energy by exerting emotional control. You are not pushing water uphill, you are letting it find its natural level and then swimming in that.

And then should peak state ever creep up upon you, milk it while its there and don’t mourn its absence when it leaves.

* Crudely put, state is the power of your energy glow / aura and your attunement to the micro-rhythms of the street. Vibe is your internal level of calm, balance and boundaries. State is far more volatile than vibe.

….After a year has passed since his wife’s death, the King takes a new wife, who is beautiful but also unutterably wicked and vain. The new Queen possesses a Magic Mirror which she asks every morning: “Magic mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?”. The mirror always replies: “My Queen, you are the fairest in the land.” The Queen is always pleased with that, because the magic mirror never lies. But, when Snow White reaches the age of seven, she becomes as beautiful as the day and even more beautiful than the Queen and when the Queen asks her mirror, it responds: “My Queen, you are the fairest here so true. But Snow White is a thousand times more beautiful than you.”

This gives the queen a great shock, and she becomes yellow and green with envy, and from that hour her heart turns against Snow White, and with every following day she hates Snow White more and more. Envy and pride, like ill weeds, grow in her heart taller every day, until she has no peace day or night. The Queen orders a huntsman to take Snow White into the deepest woods to be killed *…

I used to be quite into Brazilian Ju Jitsu. Our local club had an horrific churn rate as new guys would come in to class and not come back. It was easy to know who would stick around – the unassuming guys who had come to learn. It was equally easy to predict the first day dropouts. They’d be wearing some tough guy clothes, perhaps insisting on wearing a coloured belt they’d picked up in a sports centre grading mill. They’d certainly have a stiff pride about them. Then one of our scrawny blue belts would wipe the mat with them. The ego death was simply too much to take. Their buffer had been overrun and their self-image could not take the real-world evidence that they simply weren’t as tough as they thought they were. So it is with Game.

Newbies are often told that the girl isn’t rejecting you, she’s rejecting your approach. This is only half-true. When you street stop a girl she is holding a mirror up to you. Only it’s not your flattering magic mirror telling you you’re the coolest in the land. She’s doesn’t care for your buffers or your pretty lies. She feels an instinctive emotional reaction to what you present to her and she makes the flirt/escape decision in a heartbeat. The mirror speaks the truth.

It takes only one session of daygame, one run of five consecutive blowouts to realise you ain’t all that. You are not as high value as you led yourself to believe. The weak among you (most men) will scurry back behing the buffers. The stupid will plod on without processing the evidence becoming increasingly angry approach machines. Only the smart and dedicated will process the feedback honestly and realise “I have a lot of work to do on my value.”

When a girl rejects you she is giving an assessment on your entire sexual market value.

Now there are fine gradations of this and while its not necessarily true on any single set it is true in aggregate over the session. Even if she has a boyfriend you’ll see flickers of attraction if she fancies you. Even if she’s in a mad hurry you’ll see her light up a little. It’s only when your SMV is way below hers will she eye-roll, sigh and give you the “how dare you hit on me” response. If that happens, sure get angry that she’s a rude bitch if you want, but process the feedback of why it happened. You ain’t all that.

When a high value woman refuses to have sex with a low value PUA, that is the sexual market functioning correctly.

So granted that you are getting blown out alot and an uncomfortable rate of bad responses, what are you to do? Step one is accept the reality. If you’ve been hit by a bus its not bravery to throw yourself back in front of the next one. Self-diagnose your approach to see what was off about it. Was it shaky vocal delivery? weak eye contact? lack of intent? angry vibe? A good daygame approach requires hundreds of microbehaviours to align into a single well-delivered whole and that’s not easy at all.

If your technique was acceptable its time to look deeper. Did you fail to correctly calibrate to the context such as by opening her as she’s coming away from a cash machine, or chatting animatedly on a phone? Did you adopt a try-hard alpha posture as a buffer to rejection that is transparent to everyone but yourself? Get someone better than you to offer straight feedback.

The problem might be deeper still.You may be hitting on girls above your league. Oh sure, that’s PUA heresy that its not all in your head. Its manosphere heresy that a woman might be too good for you. But if you’re a runtish chode hitting on 19 year old models you should be expecting nothing but harsh blowouts. You’ve got nothing to offer her. Perhaps the answer is to stop approaching hotties and do some serious work on your value. Get to the gym, get a make-over, travel, educate yourself. Make yourself the kind of man a hot young girl would expect to be having sex with. I’m thirty-eight years old and usually hit on girls around their early twenties. This is a huge ask and I have to be bang on my vibe to pull it off.

All men build buffers around themselves to flatter their self esteem and avoid rejection. Every single one of us, myself included. Root them out. Figure out how you are fooling yourself. The easiest single step is to go out into the street and open ten girls. Welcome the responses they are giving you. The harsh blowouts and the flat zero-attraction chats are offering you far more constructive feedback than any online forum can. Compile a wealth of this information, figure out where you stand, and then make a promise to yourself that from this ground zero you will build yourself up.

Accept the reflection that stares back at you.

* Sending for the woodsman = getting angry at the players who are outperforming you.  “But I’ve been doing game just as long as you, I’ve done just as many sets as you… why aren’t I banging hot girls…. waaaaahhhhhhh”. I’ll bet those other players process reality far better than you do.