I just had a bit of a ding-dong with Steve Jabba over breakfast this morning as we were discussing some of the implications of his recent post on the three levels of Game. I thought I’d put a few notes down here for my readers’ edification.

My mother is a shrewish frame-controlling narcissist. Well up into my mid-twenties I’d not even seen anything unusual about this so thoroughly had I bought her frame as normal. Gradually as I got more life experience, discussed things with my brother, and spent longer periods of time away from her due to my living away from my hometown I started to see her behaviour more objectively. Don’t get me wrong she wasn’t a malignant narcissist and she has always been very giving in putting her children’s interests first. For a long time I even considered my childhood idyliic. But that frame-controlling…… here’s a sample conversation:

Her: How was your day?

Me: Pretty good. I’ve been looking for a new camera for a while. There’s a new Nikon advance companct I think I’ll buy

Her: um [impatient]

Me: I want something that’ll fit in my pocket but is pretty good at taking photos in low light, because then I’ll be able to carry it around on my travels but still get decent photos when I’m in pubs and

Her: [interrupt] Yes, pubs. You’ll love this new client at work. The family is…

Me: [interrupt] That’s got nothing to do with what we’re talking about.

Her: Yes, yes yes. So this new client…. [prattles on for half an hour about her job while I overtly show no interest]

My mother is incapable of talking about anything except herself and in particular whatever is at the front of her mind at that moment in time. She’s also got an extremely aggressive frame-push conbined with zero calibration and a refusal to listen to or learn anything new. Her reality is so strong that absolutely nothing can penetrate it unless there’s a predetermined spot prepared for that new information to occupy. Like transplanting an organ if there’s the slightest incompatibility the new information will be rejected out of hand. The frame-push is so strong she’ll constantly interrupt people and follow them around the house to keep chipping away. I’ll say things like “Stop talking to me. I’m trying to read” and it’ll just bounce off. She cannot process the world as it is. Feedback is not allowed into her complex reality-weave.

I consider this a learning disability. In earlier times she’d likely have been murdered.

So that’s what I grew up with. Whereas my father just rolled over and “yes dear”ed his way through the marriage I fought it the whole way through my childhood until I’d internalised the same frame. Narcissistic contagion. A strong frame combined with zero calibration is a recipe for social ostracisation as you dominate social gatherings without taking due care that others are enjoying the situation. Before long they just avoid you. I do that now with frame-controlling weirdos – although I can easily rip the frame off them I just see no point in expending the energy so I just freeze them out of my life.

The trappings of civilisation

The manosphere didn’t exist in my twenties. I had no vocabulary to describe these dynamics, just blue pill psychology. It never crossed my mind that twenty-five years of resisting a frame-controlling narcissist had a hugely positive silver lining: (i) a bulletproof frame (ii) a strong regard for protecting my own self interest. I struggled to reconcile these attributes with society’s expectations and my own moral code. Put simply, I felt like my animal brain was a barely-domesticated pitbull straining on a leash held by my human brain. The thin veneer of civilisation that covered the beast inside existed only because of a constant restraining effort on the part of my learned logical forebrain. If I let the pitbull off the leash it would just run amok. Not high-school-shooting-amok (I felt no hate to society or urge towards violence) but that the pitbull would just run directly to whatever it wants and take it, consequences be damned. Then like a dog owner cleaning his dog’s shit off someone else’s front lawn, I’d have to deal with embarassment and social fallout as I try to return my self-opinion to that of a gentleman. A respectable member of the community. So I consciously learned to moderate by behaviour to prevent the pendulum to swing out to the extremes – I came to deny myself both exhuberance and anger. I learned state control and a poker face.

Of course this barely-civilised barbarian schtick is a big part of why women fell for me. Blue pill beta that I was I felt it but couldn’t get it into my logical brain.

Many men remember their first encounter with the manosphere (taking the red pill) as a Great Liberation. It’s the moment when a respected elder teacher puts his arm around your shoulder and says “It’s ok to feel like this. You aren’t the only one. Your feelings and secret theories are right. It’s the world that’s wrong.” Women get the same immense relief when I put them in their place.

in touch with his core

Now I see that men are supposed to impose themselves upon the world. Men are supposed to put their own interested front and centre. Women are attracted by men who do this and feel secure around them. You do need to put the leash on the pitbull in order to navigate through society. Unrestrained alphas don’t last long in modern society – sure we can point to some apex alphas who are killing it, but that’s survivor bias. The road to successful alphadom is littered with the graves of failures. To build the metaphor further, you need to accept your inner pitbull. Accept the aggression. Accept the animal spirits. Accept the urge to chase the car down the street and piss against a lampost. Don’t forget you’ll need a wise owner on the end of the leash lest the exterminators come around with a court order.

And don’t for a moment consider exchanging the pitbull for a poodle.

I have written how I consider men’s lives to follow three fundamental phases: foundations, accumulation and maintainance. Don’t overthink this it’s just a convenient mental map to be deployed where useful. So let’s consider the second stage which typically begins upon graduating university or beginning an apprenticeship.

Goal: Max out your manly talents of intelligence, creativity, wealth-generation, physical competence

The accumulation phase could equally be described as “setting yourself up for life” or “becoming the best man you can be”. It’ll typically take you the whole of your twenties. Whereas the foundational phase was building the well-rounded basic skills of life taking advantage of the general education granted to children while side-stepping the weakness inherent in kids of not knowing who they are or what direction they wish to go in, the accumulation phase is about specialisation. Society channels you down predetermined tunnels as a kid fixing everyone on more or less the same generic path. Where foundation is Call of Duty (“follow the NPC”) accumulation is Deus Ex (“augument and choose”). I’ll let you in on a little secret right now:

There’s no money and no status to be had from being a generalist. All the upside is in specialisation.

Specialisation, in the future

1. Choices

What does that mean to you, dear reader? First off you have to carefully marshall your intellectual, physical and emotional resources. Make careful decisions on what skills you seek to acquire.

• The payoff for any given skill is wildly disproportionate to its difficulty
• If something is enjoyable, its probably not lucrative. Expect to make tradeoffs
• Scaleable skillsets are a huge gamble

Consider language learning. It’s a difficult task involving hundred of classroom hours and, to be fluent, living in a country where its spoken as a native. I had university friends doing language degrees and almost exclusively the only ones who got good jobs did a joint honours with another skill. Spanish on its own will help you navigate South America but it won’t add a penny to your salary unless it’s combined with a real money-making skill such as accounting, engineering or law. Speaking of language, they are not all created equal. Japanese takes approximately three times longer to learn than Spanish or French and it’s only useful for one country. Serbian is bloody difficult and only useful in one small country where per capita income is only $11,000 and they all speak English anyway. Why on earth would anyone learn Serbian unless they are fully commited to living there for years on end? It’s just a dumb waste of effort.

Consider the UFC. That’s the biggest-paying promotion for the sport of MMA. There’s only one PPV every six weeks or so which only has six TV fights per show across all weight divisions. So that’s twelve fighters getting TV-level paydays per show making an annual total of TV-paydays about 104 slots. Assuming you are fighting at that level and get offered a slot, it’ll be a minimum of six week’s training with its attendant costs. Probably 20% goes to your manager and gym. Assuming no medical costs or long injury-related layoffs, fight four times a year, and assuming you win every fight (so statistically 75% of fighters won’t manage even this) you are spending 24 weeks in training and getting by on four paydays. Now go look at how much these guys get paid.

Shocking. Truly shocking. And this is at the most lucrative end of the sport. The top guys do fine (well, not compared to £80k per week footballers but fine compared to normal guys) but look past the top 5 names. Most MMA guys are taking <£10,000 a fight. Drop down to the next level of show and its <£1,000. For six week’s work. I make that in two days sitting at my desk. When I have a bad day at the office I don’t get beat up too.

The lesson isn’t that I’m awesome and fighters suck. The lesson is some careers are far better than others despite being considerably easier and considerably less risk. The 437th-best lawyer in London earns considerably more than the 10th-best London MMA fighter and that income is far more stable. My advice is treat the exciting careers as a hobby.

Nicolas Taleb writes well on the risk/reward payoffs of scaleable careers. The general self-improvement advice is choose a business / career where you can scale upwards. Acting, music, software are classically scaleable careers. If you can be Seinfeld (syndicated worldwide), or have Gangnam Style (200+ million youtube views), or write the next Angry Birds then you can rest on your royalties. The problem is survivor bias and winner-takes-all. The very nature of a pyramid business structure is that only one pharoah is buried in it. Freakonmics has a great essay on how the scaleability of the drug dealer business model means almost everyone earns less than minimum wage and sustains themselves on the dream of being the one Mister Big. Don’t gamble your life’s trajectory on being that one guy. If you truly believe you’ll overcome unsurmountable odds buy a lottery ticket. And stay away from battlefields.

Yes, that’s me

In summary, choose your career wisely. Don’t be afraid to switch careers before you become too committed. Your risk appetite likely differs to mine but here’s my dream list of career conditions:

• Based on a real skillset that is difficult to learn (e.g. accounting, medicine, architecture)
• Most of the population is literally unable to compete (e.g. requires too much abstract thinking, training period is too stressful, entry costs are too high, apprenticeship is difficult to obtain)
• Nature of the job cannot be adequately offshored or automated because it relies on high-trust thinking, verbal knowledge, quality decision making, and personal contact (e.g. law, computer programming)
• Stable income stream with a large pool of commoditised jobs (e.g. accounting, contract law, computer programming, consulting)
• EDIT: I haven’t read this book but it looks like a great resource for choosing a career: “Worthless”

2. Excellence

Once you’ve started on your career your main goal is to become really good at it. Shine your star as bright as you can. Take real passion in excellence for its own sake. Ignore all those office-politics TV shows and books that would convince you advancement is all about who you know. No. Right up until you hit senior management advancement is what you know. Consider pick-up: what is the more successful strategy (i) learn the secret code to bullshit women into your bed or (ii) become the kind of high value man that pretty women want to sleep with? Precisely. When you know full well that every single day you go into the office you are producing high quality work, when every single product you deliver to a customer is best-in-class…. the money will keep rolling in. I’ve read all of Robert Green’s books. He’s right in his 48 Laws of Power and his 33 Strategies of War but these are only effective at the margins. Consider them defensive positioning so that the passive-aggressive office freaks can’t hurt you. Do not willingly engage in such petty power games or you’ll take on the character of your opponents. Never wrestle a pig. You both end up covered in shit but the pig likes it.

An internet forum HB8

At the beginning of your career things are rather nebulous. Your academic record matters but both you and your prospective employer know your basically a know-nothing kid who needs to be trained up on the job. So heading into an interview your vibe, character and potential matter alot. Five years down the line it’s all about genuine markers of geniune skill. Do you have the industry-standard qualification? Do you write the industry-leading program code? How many sales did you bring to your last company? Whatever the metric is, you are on stronger ground having acheived the matric through being excellent at your job than bullshitting your way through with gambits you learned in a self-help book. The business world is not as dumb as you may think.

3. Intelligence

Your twenties are your peak brain-forming years. You can google yourself all the studies showing how artists are most productive in their twenties, how creative thinking is maxed out in those years. By spending your twenties feeding your mind you will become more intelligent. I’m lucky – I spent the whole of my twenties straining and challenging my mind quite naturally by taking a difficult study-intensive job, reading hundreds of books, writing for several publications, learning a foreign language, cerebrally learning martial arts (in addition to the raw physical side), playing intellectually engaging video games etc. I was not simply sitting on my sofa with a bag of Wotsits watching X-Factor. You must find challenge in your twenties. Work is a great place for it but also consider your leisure time. Learn expert systems. Take joy in it, whether it be chess, crossword puzzles or Starcraft. You must read alot, with a good portion of those books being stimulating rather than mere entertainment. Set yourself little projects within your hobbies. Here’s a sample of what I did in my twenties:

• Learn how global financial and economic flows work. I found five top quality technical blogs to read daily and deepened my knowledge of sectors through reading about 45 books. It took eighteen months.
• A deep dive into Japanese culture. I studied the language at a school, watched lots of anime with English subtitles, and read English-language translations of major Japanese fiction.
• Micro-analyse fighting arts. I watched a few hundred MMA and kickboxing shows live, analysing the fights as I watched rather than limit myself to letting in wash over me. I read theory pieces on technique, followed the major magazines, learned what I could from fighter records (and to predict future fights), tried to pick out moves in fights to practice in the gym etc.

Those are my hobbies, don’t feel obliged to mimick them. Notice a common trend is my frame was to identify intriguing questions and then set out to answer them. Even the dryest blogpost on sub-prime ALT-A mortgage servicing fees becomes fascinating when it’s the answer to a question you’ve been asking yourself. That’s how your brain glows.

Accumulation is by its nature a forward-thinking phase with considerable deferred gratification. You’ll take alot of manly pride in building your castle but there’s no getting away from the fact that it’s alot of hard graft. You must be prepared to work hard. There is no shortcut because your brain and body require the hard work in order to reach their potential. Even if somehow inexplicably you were to stumble upon a suitcase full of millions you could not shortcut this process. Sure, you’d be financially set for life but all those other male attributes would wither on the vine.

Done correctly, you will end the accumulation phase towards your early thirties with the following dimensions to your character:

• Clever as fuck
• A highly marketable skill set so you need never fear unemployment
• A huge reservoir of interesting knowledge about the world, it’s culture and history

Congratulations. You are now entering your SMV prime holding four aces.

Becoming closer to this

*NB* – I didn’t touch on physical culture, fashion or other lifestyle areas. I’m assuming you know you should continue working out and learn to dress well. By necessity this post can only touch a few concepts so don’t think this is all there is. And of course don’t get married. I’d also add don’t buy a house or do anything else that ties you long-term to one place and high monthly payments. I’ll discuss that more in the final part…….. and btw, this is my 500th post.

Rather a grandiose title but it is something of an intriguing question – how does a 37 year old office worker (rather than say 22 year old star athlete) continually get told by SMV-prime young women that he’s the best sex they ever had? I hear it from about 50% of them. Now some of this will be that I clack low-N girls who thus have a limited frame of reference. I’ll freely admit there’ll be men out there who do it better than me. Nonetheless, I’ll share my thoughts on why I repeatedly have this effect on girls.

• Rule #1 – Her perception of your value is more important than your technique
• Rule #2 – Domination is the biggest turn on
• Rule #3 – Please yourself above pleasing her
• Rule #4 – Have full control of your touch

Let’s run through these in turn.

Rule #1 –  Her perception of your value is more important than your technique

A common misconception in the Blue Pill world is that you improve her estimation of your sexual ability by becoming better at bedroom gymnastics, whether this be through tantric weirdness, karma sutra positional knowledge, finding the g-spot, or a viagra-enhanced longevity. That’s all supplicating bullshit. Her estimation is overwhelmingly determined by how high value she thinks you are. Just think back to selected highlights of your own sex life. I’ll bet money that the top three memories are the top three hottest women no matter how they performed. Just as fat old hags are wasting their time learning better blowjob skills, qualifying spineless men are wasting their time reading techniques of sexual mastery. Improve your value, project it well, and hold the frame. In short, extend your Game to the bedroom.

The frame fell off

Rule #2 – Domination is the biggest turn on

I haven’t talked much about 50 Shades of Grey on this blog due to my instinctual distaste to be letting my mind be led by popular trends. I’m the guy who doesn’t buy Black Ops 2 until six months after release. Nonetheless I have dipped into that book and can see why it’s a cause celebre. It’s served me as a jump off point with a few girls to turn conversations sexual and explore their limits. The key takeaway, of course, is dominance. Fix this before you move onto the lower-order technques. This means things like:

– Never ask permission. You’ll need calibration to learn when to move forwards and when to play it safe but even when the latter never actually ask permission, just don’t take that step forward until her mood is right. If you must ask it’s not “Can I…?” or “Shall we…?” it is “I want to….” and leave the question hanging in the air unasked. Growl into her ear “I’m going to (something explicit)” then slowly begin doing it. Her opportunity to say no is in the time delay of escalation. If she really wants to say no, you’ll hear it then.

– Only “Stop”, “No” and a deliberate physical disengagement count as non-consent. Girls will give you all kinds off soft refusals that are meant to be overridden. It’s just her forebrain-hindbrain conflict resolving itself outloud by giving herself plausible deniability. Often the refusal is part of her enjoyment in rubbing up against your manhood. So ignore “we shouldn’t do this” or “this is too fast” or “we should go back downstairs” etc. If her hands are still exploring and her crotch still grinding then proceed as planned. If that stuff stops you need to slow down and add a little comfort such as stroking her hair, kissing her forehead or looking into her eyes and giving a gentle smile. A firm no will come in a firm non-sexual tone of voice. A token no still rings with passion. You’ll know the difference. If in any doubt use the fire escape move – get up and go to the bathroom leaving her a clear line to the exit. If she hasn’t taken it within a minute or so, return as your were. A girl giving a firm no will quickly rearrange her clothes and remove herself from the area of sexual conquest. If she doesn’t do so take it as a green light.

– Always lead. You are a tsunami of sexual power sweeping her little fishing boat of innocence along an irresistable wave. She needs this to feel the thrill of submission. Make her feel the inevitability of eventual surrender because this’ll excite her far more than an explicit mutual consent. This isn’t a freely-entered sexual union of equals. No sir, you are ravishing her against her better judgement.

A ravishing, yesterday

Rule #3 – Please yourself above pleasing her

I never go down on a girl. I don’t think I’ve done it in five years and I’m not about to start now. Surely I’m selfish. Surely girls will hold that against me when dispensing their own sexual favours……. no. Far be it for me to advise you against going down if you happen to enjoy doing so. I just find it unappealing and unbecoming of a man. I associate going down with supplication.

Women will often mid-ravishment blurt out words to the effect of “use me for your pleasure!” That’s the hindbrain talking. Women know they exist to satisfy the man in their lives be it ironing his shirts or swallowing his cum. Her hardwired state-of-nature survival strategy is to attach to a man and then make sure to keep him happy so he allows her to remain attached rather than casting her out into a world she is ill-equipped to navigate alone. Keep this in mind in your bedroom. She is there to satisfy you. Thanks to the wonder of nature her satisfying you will give her satisfaction and you don’t lose the frame.

Men who dedicate themselve to giving women orgasms, oral sex and longevity are just beta-boy sexual providers. It’s a sport fuck to her. Little different from going to the spa to have some maids pamper her with a different kind of facial. She’ll enjoy it, you’ll get sex, and the chemical reaction may even keep her around but you’ll have no domination. She’ll be her own woman, not your woman.

Fuck the girl like she’s a rag doll. Do whatever turns you on. Finish whenever you’re ready. When she asks for something don’t give it right away. When girls give me a sexual request e.g. “I want you behind me” I’ll look into her eyes, smirk, and say “I know”. Maybe I’ll do it later, maybe I won’t. If she gets a little insistent grab her rougher and as you look into her eyes give her a really hard thrust. That’s a way of saying shut up that she appreciates.

Come wherever you want to. If she’s dodging having it on her face then go for the breasts, making sure an accidental spurt gets some of her face. If she’ll take it on the face try and get a little bit in her eye or up her nose. Unapologetically.

Something to wipe your cock on. If she has no curtains.

The one big caveat in all this is – let her know you are enjoying her. Breath heavy into her ear, give some low growls of satisfaction, smirk, give the occasional flattering compliment (“I love fucking you”). The woman needs to know you appreciate her offering herself up for a ravishing. She wants to fantasise herself being used, not to actually be used. So mix a little velvet in with the steel.

Rule #4 – Have full control of your touch

A strange observation in my life has been that Brazilian Ju Jitsu has offered me far greater profit in the bedroom than it ever has on the street. I spent a couple of years rolling around on the mats in my angry white pyjamas slapping on armbars and triangle chokes, learning a half-guard game and all sorts of other such stuff. Yet I haven’t had a streetfight in ten years. It’s an entirely different blogpost why this is (basically, hard targetting and good control of my monkey brain) but one of the ironies of MMA is you take a far greater accummulated punishment in self defense training than you ever would if you were just a fag hipster who accepted his periodic street beatings.

But when it comes to sex, nothing beats a solid MMA background.

Part of it comes into 1) because MMA raises your physical confidence. Partly it’s 2) because you’ve already learned dominance over other men and she can feel your strength. Most of all you are bringing physical competence into the bedroom. MMA gives you exceptional hand-eye coordination, balance, control of your weight distribution and the ability to efficiently move another person’s body around. Here’s a few of the techniques I employ:

– Grip: Women love to be held firm, crushed in a man’s arms but they recoil from actual physical pain. Consider how to grab a woman’s wrist when you want to pin her hand to the mattress, do you use your fingers or palm? I grip her the same way I’d grip a man when applying a kimura or chicken wing. Study the diagrams. Often when on top I’ll hook my arm around her neck and pull her close but I’ll use the same grip as a rear-naked choke (but reversed).

imperfect technique

– Pins: BJJ teaches you to hold people down. Women love being pinned to the mattress unable to move, its why they like being tied up. So remember her four points (two shoulders, two hips) are more solid pins than her wrists and ankles. I often press my forearm onto the front of her shoulder and grab a handful of hair at the base of her skull (same hand). This pins her upper torso, immobilises the head and she fucking loves it. Sometimes I press down on one side of the hip as if to begin a guard pass. All of this can be done without any pain to her. She feels roughed up and steamrolled but no acute pain. This is the physical expression of steel and velvet.

– Weight: MMA fighters hear common refrains such as how when on top you should seek to be as heavy as possible and close down space (bottom game is the reverse – don’t be flatbacked, get the weight off you, and create some distance). During sex you should be in full control of your weight at all times. Mix it up. When your tempo is hard and fast, crush her with your superior size. When you ease off, rise back and take off the pressure. Like riding a horse you have to listen to the feedback to know how hard you can push her. Ease up occassionaly so she doesn’t faint.

– Control: Put her body where you want it. When you’re standing, walk her backwards into a wall and push her against it. When you want to put her on the bed, pick her up and throw her there. When she’s lying on her back naked and you’re about to stick it in DO NOT go to her. Hook a hand under each thigh and pull her to you in one alarming motion. When you’ve finished slamming her missionary style, shrug her leg over a shoulder and turn her over. She should feel her body completely under your control at all times. This turns her on. If she rises up put your hand on her sternum and push her back down. Put your palm over her ear/temple area and push her face into the mattress (side-on, so as not to interfere with her breathing) and keep it there.

Yes, it’s a girl on the right

Lastly, I’ll finish with a few little power moves I like to do:

1. This can be done pre-sex or while standing up during sex. Grab her neck like a one-handed rapist choke (remember the grip! powerful but not painful, don’t actually squeeze) and straight-arm her back into a wall. Look powerfully into her eyes and, still pinning her to the wall, reach down with your other hand to pick up your whiskey glass and take a measured drink. Put the glass down, turn back towards her, and violently kiss.

2. In a standing hug / smooch do a few tender touches like running your fingertips through her hair at your temple, kissing the forehead. Then abruptly hoist her up in a fireman’s carry and do a slow helicopter spin. Deposit her on a nearby sofa or bed.

3. During a rough-hard tempo of the sex when she’s gasping and moaning take a handful of hair at the base of her skull and yank it so her face is looking up at yours. Do some variation of the following – pausing for her responses:

Look at me (hold dominant eye contact) Look at me. (slowly pull your cock almost completely out and leave it out for a few seconds, continuing to look at her. She’ll usually give an imploring look. In your own time, slam her really hard with one long thrust that moves her whole body halfway up the bed. Treat it like a punishment. Rinse and repeat a few times).

Look at me. You like my cock in you, don’t you. You like it hard and deep. You like it sliding in and out. Moving your body with my power. You like feeling my strength don’t you etc

Look at me, woman. Whose woman are you? You’re my woman, aren’t you. Say it. Say you’re my woman. (replace “woman” with “dirty bitch” if appropriate). Yes, you’re my woman. Your job is to please me. And when you please me, I reward you with my cock.

Once sex is finished always give her comfort. Lie on your back like a king and pull her into you until she’s nuzzling against your chest. Stay like that for ten minutes, absent-mindedly stroking her hair and softly running your fingers along her arms. This is where you get the double-whammy of oxytocin-bonding and a balance of soft dominance to offset the hard dominance of the rough sex.

That ought to give you dear readers a flavour of it.

There’s a convention in the community to refer to “attraction” and “comfort” as separate stages in a seduction. While generally true, it’s also fair to say once a relationship is progressing you can easily mix them together in the same action. Spice it up with a little frame control and away you go. Here’s something Athol would call an alpha move, then probably scratch his bald head and also say it has lashing of beta.

How to buy a girl a present.

Rule #1 is don’t spend much time, effort or money on it. It’s either an afterthought when you saw it and realised it’s suitability. Or, you’re just amusing yourself to playfully mess with her.

There’s no Rule #2. An easy go-to are the Little Miss books. Whatever characteristic of her you want to mock and frame control her with, you can bet she’s got a Little Miss named after it. I recently bought girls these:

Serb A

Serb B

If she’s a more introverted girl who doesn’t take teasing well, consider a more gentle rub. My Serb C is still lacking comfort so I’ve got her Little Miss Sunshine. £2 per book, light to carry in your pocket, and she’ll invest herself reading and re-reading it while Roger Hargreaves does all the reframing for you.

I have a female friend who works in mental health. All day, everyday she is conducting interviews, assessments and site visits for problem families. Everyday she is wallowing in the filth of society’s dregs: junkies, alcoholics, wife-beaters, husband-beaters, child abusers. In her spare time she reads books about famous serial killers or Silence of the Lambs type fiction about serial killers and for TV watches Eastenders. This is a woman who thoroughly enjoys an environment filled with human scum.

I have another female friend who works in fashion. All day, everyday she is at fittings, castings and catwalk shows. Everyday she is engaged in the superficial concerns of styling, hairdressing and make-believe images of beauty, surrounded by homosexual men, vapid models, chancer agents and none of them capable of turning up on time for an appointment nor getting through the day without at least one hissy-fit. This woman deals with such shallow characters by retreating into her thoughts and reading books during breaks.

I work in the banking industry in a job where I’m in constant contact with senior management and team leaders in highly technical fields. I live in a house full of friends in one of London’s nicer areas. I socialise in entertainment hubs such as Soho and Covent Garden. So I’m waking up every morning in a nice house in a nice area and chatting to some carefully-selected friends over breakfast. I shuttle into work on the rush hour commuter train with other gainfully employed people, arriving in the City – a concentration of high-earning high-skilled law-abiding tax payers. All day I deal with highly intelligent men with solid upper-tier university educations and 10+ years of dedicated career experience. These men are typically well groomed, in decent shape and take great satifaction from the job responsibilities they hold and the daily exercise of their hard-won skillset.

These are examples of what I call cocooning, a fundamental tool in reality weaving. The first example shows strange priorities but she’s crafted the environment that gives her pleasure. The second example is a failure to cocoon and it brings her down, forcing defensive behaviour on a daily basis. The later is done well to my priorities.

Why would this be a bad thing?

Cocooning: Structuring your social environment so you only come into contact with the people you like in situations which bring out their best.

London is a multi-cultural socialist cesspit yet it also contains some of the world’s best and brightest. If you can organise your life so you never need engage with (or even see) the capital’s scum then you are not dragged down by them. A wise man said you are the average of the five people you spend most time with. True. You are what you eat. True. Additionally, you take on the colour of your surroundings. Once of humanity’s greatest adaptative strengths is our ability to mold ourselves to the environment and at the same time symbiotically shape it to our needs. That’s why eskimo kids grow up loving snow while Brazilian kids love football.

Reality weaving means structuring your reality to constantly reinforce the identity you want, the emotions you want, so right action becomes effortless. Consider some “big issue” choices you can make:

Accommodation: Do you want a bigger apartment in a shitty part of town or a small room in a nice part? Both are acceptable but consider the implications. The bigger apartment is suitable if you expect to spend most of your downtime there as a commuter dormitory and are willing to pimp it up. If you like to go outside and hang out with your neighbours you’ll lean towards the smaller room.

Workplace: We don’t all get to choose our employer but often you’ll be sitting on a few job offers and the company culture differs. Say you’re an IT programmer. Do you want to work in a fast-paced investment bank surrounded by the elite minds of your industry and high levels of professionalism, an office where you take lunch in a City enclave like Paul or M&S. Or perhaps you prefer to be a top guy in a team of mongs knowing you’ll get an easy ride and less stress, but you’ll have to take lunch alone rather than listen to prattling office gossip. It’s a choice.

Entertainment: This is an easy fix. Channel hopping through cable for prole shows like X-Factor, Britains Next Top Mong and Jeremy Kyle will invite sloth and degeneracy into your mind. I like to absorb cultural products that involve special people achieving special things even if that’s just Jack Bauer being very good at smoking terrorists. Entertainment that creates its dramatic tension by having mediocre people fucking up or vomiting up the dreary minutae of their dreary lives dulls me into apathy.

Travel: We live in an age where we can easy forage far and wide. I used to quip “I only go out drinking when I’m in a foreign country”. You may decide to place your work cocoon in a high-pay/high-cost environment such as London and set up social cocoons in low-pay/low-cost environments such as Latvia and Bulgaria. A typical partying weekend in London could easily be:

• Beers after work: £20
• Club Entry: £20
• Cocktails: £40
• Curry: £30
• Taxi home: £20
• Total: £130

That’s not even extravagant but it’s £130 to go to shitty bars full of unpleasant unattractive women and be subject to the mongs and immigrants of the general poplace. It’s just as easy to spend the weekend as:

• Flight to Zadar: £50
• Transfers: £20
• Airbnb room: £20
• Drinks: £30
• Food: £10
• Total: £130

Same price but you’ve travelled to a monoculture in a civilised country with beautiful women and pleasant environs. Each to his own, but that’s what I prefer.

Welcome to Zadar

There’s no rocket science in cocooning. Most of us already tend towards it through our daily preferences. I’d just say be aware how powerful a self-aware engagement with these principles can be as choices arise and you do occasional cocooning audits of your life to map out where you are relative to where you wish to be.

I recently parsed the history of Game, drawing out macro themes that emerge from the busywork of thousands of individual explorers, theorists and deniers. Painting in such wide brushstrokes necessarily ignores nuance and diversity so my apologies to those of your who feel your school of thought was unfairly represented. Not that I give a fuck. The obvious question is what comes next?

Predictions are difficult to make, especially about the future. Rather I’ll address a question that gets directed my way regularly through emails and comments: I’m a young guy setting off on the path, what should I do? So here I’ll set up a high-level view of one solution. It’s heavily informed by my own experiences and interests so feel free to flex it to your own circumstances. I haven’t followed this path exactly – it’s an idealised version based on learning from the mistakes of myself and others. First internalise the following axioms:

• A woman’s value is mostly fixed at birth. Her strategy is to maintain that value, prevent it’s erosion (e.g. through bad diet or feminism), and learn how to present it to men. Conversely a man’s value is mostly built through his life choices. A high value man is the outcome of a long process relying upon part genetics, part mentoring, part luck, and lots and lots of self-directed hard work. This is why Eastern European women (and women from low-middle GDP countries generally) are so much higher value than their men – the conditions for creating high value women are abundant whereas the specific circumstances to get the best out of men are rare.
• Your life is a project to be managed according to goals of your choosing. In psycho-babble the locus of control is internal. Does a top poker player bemoan his hand and resign himself to defeat? No, he plays his cards the best he can and pounces on the opportunities that arise. A wise man once said “investment success is not about winning more than you lose. It’s how much you win when you’re right, and how much you lose when you’re wrong.” You must take control of your life’s path.
• There are three phases to a man’s life: foundation, accumulation and maintenance. Roughly analogous to a farmer ploughing the field, sowing the seed, and reaping the harvest. The limits to each phase are set by how well you executed the preceding phase.
• Working smarter is better than working harder, but you’ll still have to work hard. Do not search for a Wop Paradise where you can lie in a hammock and everything just comes to you.

1. Foundation (birth to first real job)

Chances are you will have already completed this phase before reaching the maturity and self-awareness necessary to know there was even a process to follow. If so, console yourself by knowing you can now mentor the younger generation to steer the boys you care about onto the right path. Modern society gives you fifteen years of free education and fifteen years of free time with which to pursue it. This is an opportunity you will never get again – your bills paid for you and no expectation except to learn. Yes the education system is fucked, yes university is a long-con, and yes most teachers are socialist parasites but you can still make it work for you. Enjoy your study, keep focused on the prize, and do not fall into the slacker frame of “it’s all bullshit” and you need to “keep it real” on the streetz, yo. So what is the goal?

Goal: Build the basic foundational skills that society expects of all its functioning members.

It’s not rocket science yet. Example… Learn to read actively. It’s easy to doze off in class and let your eyes just wander down the page, passively letting the words float over you. No. Approach each text as a potential solution to the problems your mind has identified. Most of you theory-junkies here are passionate about Game theory because you can sense it’s giving you real answers to real problems. Approach academic study the same way. Life is full of hugely interesting side stories if you’ll just allow yourself to enjoy them. Most of my school friends found History boring – just a bunch of old stuff of little relevance. For me, each module was a self-contained tapestry of stories and biography. Think of all the richness and colour of human experience in Napoleon’s march on Moscow, or the technical excellence of Nelson’s strategy in the Battle of Trafalgar. Consider the politicking and economics of the Corn Laws and their eventual repeal. Every subject is what you make it. Ask yourself the right questions going into it, set yourself the right frame, and you can strike your own personal gold from your education. This will translate into good academic scores, win-win relationships to teachers, and planting the seeds of excellence into a fertile mind. The main risks here are (i) your classmates – you need to avoid social exclusion while not letting the crabs pull you back into the barrel (ii) maintaining motivation when you’re still a young man who isn’t sure of himself.

As you approach your late teenage years choices open up over what you study and where, such as choosing a university. It’s vital that you take control of your choices. Don’t sleepwalk into a university course. Do not choose a course to learn about society / philosophy / arts / literature / sociology. The reason for the latter is that there are much cheaper, much better ways to get that education on the side while reserving your large time-cost university investment into a subject that results in marketable skills. If you’re really curious about liberal arts type stuff follow this plan in your free time:

• Find a course you’re interested in and obtain the reading list (and if possible lecture notes) then read on your own time whatever looks interesting
• Find blogs by experts in the field and read them
• Over time you’ll learn how to research a field and obtain the books you need.

But when it comes to university or an apprenticeship focus on real-world marketable skills and dedicate yourself to the pursuit of excellence. Not only will your competitive male instincts be harnessed but you’ll build your confidence in line with your competence. So consider what you are good at and what things tend to interest you (e.g. do you like sitting down for several hours single-mindedly solving technical problems, do you like tinkering and getting your hands dirty on machines, do you like glad-handing other people and running events?) then research careers. Don’t wait for it to come to you through a careers department – seek out more experienced men in those fields to advise you. Adult men take great satisfaction in mentoring bright young men, passing on their legacy. As a kid you might think “what do I have to offer this successful adult man?” and psych yourself out. Don’t. Skilled men take pleasure in exercising that skill just for its own sake. You’ll find some experts willing to mentor you.

Another foundational skill is cost control / downshifting. Matrix plug-ins buy into the frame that higher levels of consumption are the route to happiness and social acceptance. This leads their cost base to bloat with high fixed payments for a mortgage, car, cable tv add-ons, taxis home from the pub and so on. Due to the principle of hedonic adjustment you won’t actually experience any greater happiness from this bloated consumption but you will paralyse yourself financially. A man’s happiness requires freedom. Keep your cost base low and flexible. As a teenager you set these foundations mainly by disinvesting your ego from consumption and instead placing a high value on flexibility. Minimise your entanglements by remaining debt-free, do not get sucked into a web of collectivist obligations and counter-obligations from your family, girlfriends, mates or political groups. Late teenage is the time that collectivist parasites will try to suck you in to fight their battles and promise your resources to them. Resist it. The only person with your self-interest at heart is yourself. Do not allow yourself to be shamed for it. The world doesn’t owe you a living and you don’t owe the world. Ask not what your country can do for you. Just tell it to fuck off and mind it’s own business.

This is also the time to set yourself onto the low-tax low-reliance path. Consider your health, skills and personality to be your pension. As a kid it’s easy to take your health for granted but like a woman’s beauty, once it’s gone it’s gone forever. When racked with ill-health everything in life takes on an unpleasant tone so avoid it at all costs. This means get yourself to the gym. I’d recommend focusing your energies into a sport that you enjoy rather than gym-for-gym’s sake which few young men have sufficiently developed mental discipline to stick through. Play football, boxing or whatever it is you enjoy but make sure it’s manly, fun, and carries a low risk of catastrophic injury (i.e. where a bad move can ruin your life, e.g. a bad fall in skiing). This sport will greatly aid your social acceptance while building the health, confidence and responsibility for your own performance that will pay dividends the rest of your life. Be aware of diminishing returns so don’t aim for mastery, aim for “very competent”. Mastery is a timesink that will draw resources away from other equally vital projects.

None of the above needs to be rushed. Just choose the right start lines and set off in the right direction. Youth is impetuous while maturity is patient. Just keep doing the right things in the right balance knowing this is money in the bank as you approach the accumulation phase.

to be continued….

While I was living in Tokyo my co-worker told me about a highly regarded domestic whiskey called Yamazaki. It has a peaty smokey taste coming from an unusual casking procedure up in the mountainous hot springs region slightly north of Tokyo. While I was travelling up in Nikko I visited one of the small hole-in-the-wall whiskey joints they have around the rural train station square and fell into conversation with the owner. He must’ve been into his seventies but still had that gruff clipped demeanour of the old generation – the yamato damashi Japanese spirit. When I asked for a Yamazaki single malt his eyes lit up and he regalled me with the history of the drink.

Total war

Back in the Meiji Restoration (1868) the Emperor waged a power struggle with the Shogun that culminated in a major battle as depicted in the Tom Cruise movie The Last Samurai. Leading up to this samurai showdown was a strange stand-off just twenty kilometres south of where I sat on my tatami mat sipping the whiskey. The Emperor’s army had moved north supported by American rifles and camped out on the south of two large thinly-wooded hills. The Shogun host was on the north side. It was a standoff because whoever advanced into the marshy clearing between was at significant disadvantage.

A local whiskey maker, just a ramshackle operation out of one large barn, had begun to supply both sides. As the standoff stretched from one day to a whole week the amassed troops eagerly bought whatever he put in front of them. Before long he was sourcing whiskey from nearby villages and having it shuttled through forest trails at night under cover of darkness, a team of local boys carrying small casks on their backs as they slip past bribed sentries. For a week raucus singing was heard around campfires and the local whiskey maker Shigeru Yamazki filled his coffers…. then suddenly one day the armies moved, a decisive battle was fought, and like a passing tornado the villages were returned to their normal quiet state.

Mr Yamazaki had positioned himself as the biggest whiskey maker in the district, a position his descendents hold to this day. He’s since sold on the brand to Japan’s huge corporation Suntory. Locals of Nikko still remember the story.

Deep and rich, like my bank account

Ok, I lied. Every word of the above is a sheer fabrication. But ask yourself this given the following two choices:

1. Suntory Yamazaki 12 year malt or
2. Sainsbury’s own brand

Which one will give you the greater satisfaction when putting a slug of whiskey over some ice cubes then sitting back, your feet up, unwinding after a day in the office? Marketers know that we prefer to buy experiences and symbols than mere products. I’d rather smoke a Cohiba Esplendido as smoked by Fidel Castro and Che Guevara, plugging myself into the long lineage of Cuban culture than an equally fine Honduran cigar form Carlos de No-Name’s plantation.

One question I’m asked about Game is how do you avoid player ennui? How do you avoid that empty feeling that its all pointless and women are just stimulus-responders to run the same model on over and over again until you just want to shut yourself into a room and cry. My answer is to mythologise them.

Mythology Game: Create grand narratives of evocative symbolism, sweeping histories that you can insert the woman into and give her a role to strive to fill

This is value-added game. Reductionists will dehumanise interactions to reduce Game down to a mechanical system – a blueprint, a sequence, a secret code. You apply the code on the lizards / HBs / sluts / girls until you achieve your notch. If you reduce male-female interactions down to the notch you are painting yourself into a corner. You’ll find:

• You target venues where women are at their least interesting, such as nightclubs or online dating sites. Not only are you positioning yourself into a millieu which dehumanises the experience but you are also self-selecting the worst of women
• Your game model funnels girls into a particular role – the target. She understands this. At a meta-level you are leading her to be a co-participant in squalid meaningless sex. Girls who reject this position will be screened out. Girls who are in the grey area are stripped of their better features
• The experience is framed as squalid, so you pilot it that direction

Run this over and over again and of course you’ll have no respect for the women you fuck and this will soon bleed out into a lack of respect for yourself. You are NLPing yourself into misery. Compound this with the dopamine addiction of new lays. Not good. Why not make the process work for you by directing it towards increasing your long-term satisfaction? That’s reality weaving, what I consider to be the next jump forwards in Game.

Try to find the good in everybody and everything that you interact with

Say you are lying on your bed now, your logical forebrain in control. Perhaps you worry about a deadline at work or you are mentally reorganising your Xbox gaming schedule to make sure you can level up on Black Ops 2 but still finish Hitman Absolution. Pull your mind out of the future and live the power of now. Feel your toes. Wiggle them. Enjoy the sensation of sending signals to your toes and making them move. Feel the cotton duvet under your fingertips, the soft duck down of the pillow as it cushions your head. There’s a satisfying plume of heat blowing out the fan of your laptop, like warming your hands over a radiator on a snowy winter’s day after your breath has formed perspiration clouds in the crisp air.

You get to decide how much you enjoy your experiences. You get to decide the symbolism you put onto them. Use that to make your life richer.

KGB 2012 collection

Use symbolism to make your girl more interesting to you. She’s Romanian? Slip in callback humour about her being a vampire. Build a whole mythology around it. She’s the last of a long line of vampires from a dark old castle tucked deep in the Carpathian mountains. At night when she closes her Skype she walks over to the windows and looks for miles across dark forests, mist swirling around the treetops and over the vines that snake up the cliff face. Keep the symbolism going, embellish it, get her playing along. She’s Russian? Now she’s a KGB agent like Xenia Onatopp, a top assassin who seduces high-placed diplomats in casinos on the French riviera. Get her talking in an exaggerated Russian accent, encourage her to wear fur hats, call her Comrade when you’re in restaurants.

Women spend their whole lives daydreaming of romance stories. They are desperate to be whisked out of the dreary monotony of the daily grind. Whisk her away mentally. Importantly, you are doing this for yourself. By bringing out the best in her, by fitting her into your favourite mythology, you enrich the experience for yourself. She’s no longer “girl A”. You are co-conspirators in an adventure full of fire, passion and imagination.

Consider routine mechanical dating to be like reading a school textbook or the local free newspaper. Like a repetitive modern dance song. It’s a passionless mediocre affair. How much more fun it is to read a ripping yarn, an adventurous period piece (say Count of Monte Cristo) or to immerse yourself in an amazing song. It’s still just you lying on your bed in your dressing gown but your mind is in the clouds and your heart is beating with the blood of a thousand warriors.

Bring the best out of your women. Mythologise your dating life.

* NSFW link to those Russian birds.

C. Wright Mills popularised the idea of the sociological imagination, the central idea being he “felt that the central task for sociology and sociologists was to find (and articulate) the connections between the particular social environments of individuals (also known as “milieu”) and the wider social and historical forces in which they are enmeshed.” In many respects this means observing humans as actors within small ecosystems with feedback loops and risk/reward systems. It’s common to take this perspective when analysing society through the Game lens. It’s also interesting to zoom out on a meta-level and apply it to the community itself.

The original meta-frame of Mystery/Style/DavidDeAngelo-era Game was pretty simple and sometimes explicitly stated: young beautiful women have a higher SMV than men and thus efforts must be made to bridge the gap until a small window of opportunity arises where relative values are close enough to open her legs, at which point you close. That gap can be bridged by chipping down her value with negs, raising you value with routines / preselection, or even controlling the environment to provide your own pedestal (such as entourage game). Consider the ecosystem from which this frame arose.

Self improvement begins with an ill-fitting blue shirt on every fucking video

Reading through the seminal The Game book it’s obviously not the story of the world’s coolest seducers clacking scores of hot women. The 2002 community was the story of nerdy losers tired of having their heads flushed down the toilet at school and decamping to LA to circle-jerk. A LAN party without the computers. They’d then go out every night and feed women social fuel, considering a success any interaction that doesn’t involve getting laughed at and their head flushed down the toilet. These were insecure men with very low expectations. Hardly anyone gets laid in The Game and the two hottest chicks are a thoroughly unpleasant and mediocre Katya (Mystery’s oneitis) and a vile mannish trollop (Style’s eventual oneitis). Look at the women the original gurus date and you’ll see low expectations written all over the project. I’ll call this Aspy Game and it’s characterised by:

• Obsession with linear programming / engineering of secret systems that simply need to be learned and applied (e.g. the M3 model)
• Dogmatic literal interpretation of evolutionary biology
• Commodifying human interaction into programmable units that are endlessly sub-divisable (e.g the Opener, the forward stack, the roll-off)
• Dehumanising the participants as mere occupants of a social role such as PUA, HB, Wing, Cockblock, AFC, AMOG etc

AMOGed and herbified by a raging manjaw

I don’t mean to deny this phase had value (I still rate Mystery’s original book as a core text) but it’s quite clearly an infant discipline, somewhat analogous to the functionalism movement in sociology (try reading Talcott Parsons to see the same mindset in action). The main outcome and undeclared purpose of the whole meta-frame is to depersonalise and externalise Game. It is something outside you.

Action leads to reaction so by the mid-2000s there was the pushback and phase two being the RSD-led hippy touchy-feely natural game. This is roughly analogous to the ethnomethodology / interactionist movement in sociology that sprung up in the late 60s. They rejected the cold impersonal system-building of the functionalists and zoomed in on the energy flow and symbolism of small-scale social action. The meta-frame of Mystical Game is that we are all in our heads, these structures don’t really exist but are illusory and constantly renegotiated between the participants. It’s characterised by:

• Obsession with rejecting and transgressing social norms (e.g. beasting, AA-busting pranks)
• An overestimation of internal state and it’s ability to suck people in, an underestimation of social structures and people’s stubborn insistence on clinging to them
• Fluid equivocating definitions of terms. It’s all a flow. Read more Tolle
• Self acceptance and living to your own values
• Reading the social matrix at the level of small groups of actors (e.g. in a club)

This is quite understandable as a reaction to Aspy Game as those dedicated original LA nerds had internalised the lessons of 2002-era game well enough to jettison their original low expectations and look for the next plateau-busting themes. Tyler explicitly explains their motivations in the first hour of The Blueprint Decoded. The big problem with ignoring the real world of value and social structure, however, is it bites you in the ass. RSD-types are weird cultist self-helpy schlubs (e.g. Roger) or embarrassing awkward social violators (the Beasts). Denying reality is a fast-track to disappearing up your own arse.

An Eastern guru worth following

Towards 2008 we got the next wave, the meta-frame of Alpha Asshole. Social structure was back in focus but with conflict at its heart. The 2002 guys viewed themselves as outsiders in a system they otherwise mostly accepted as legitimate – functionalists are interested in the forces that keep society functioning. The 2008 guys are more like the Marxists of sociology (ironically) in which society is by nature antagonistic, full of competing interest groups jostling for advantage (men, women, feminists, MRAs, white knights, betas, douchebags, bad boys, nice guys, cougars etc). The Alpha Assholes describe the faultlines of social conflict and then advise how to secure membership of the likely winner – the aloof game-adept alpha bad boy. Like most social theories you can quickly understand it’s flavour by looking at the time and place it developed – east coast metropolitan America – and the men who created it – early middle-age white professional men. The meta-frame is characterised by:

• Obsession with sexual market rank, in particular to achieve Alpha and reject Beta
• An overestimation of people’s adversarial and self-interested intention to screw you over
• Humorous, non-PC, taboo-breaking definitions of people and their behaviour
• Embracing high self-regard
• Reading the social matrix at a macro-level (e.g. demographic trends)

I think this wave will run its course soon. The internet is a fast-moving place and literally hundreds of blogs are rapidly mapping out the territory until there’ll be nothing left to say within that paradigm. It’s also gradually being replaced by the latest meta-frame of Galt Game. While the Alpha Assholes are learning to work the Western niche to score skanky bar pussy, ever-increasing numbers of men are looking to redesign their lives to insert themselves into favourable environments (e.g. ex-pats) and to unplug from the corporate grind. Mostly a younger generation who completely missed 2002 and 2006 Game these men don’t aspire to the white-picket fence respectability of their grandfathers. The meta-frame is characterised by:

• Obsession with finding the mythical pussy paradise
• An overestimation of no-skill “hacks” and passive income, an underestimation of the need to have a real employable skill
• Glorification of freedom, travel and living life on your own terms
• Tension between laziness to get things easy, and genuine drive towards self-improvement (gym, grooming, wide reading etc)
• Dispensing with grand theory and looking to accumulate cliffs notes on “what works”

It represents an individual solution of “how do I get mine” rather than still holding on to the male role as a provider, protector and participant in public life. The big weakness with Galt Game will come down to age differences – it’s quite easy for a 35 year old man to shake off the parasites and live as an international man of mystery. He has already spent his 20s building a marketable career skill (or his own business) and developed fluid intelligence. 35 years of accumulation can now be cashed in. A 22 year old boy seduced by the same freedom porn is like a 19 year old hottie seduced by the cock carousel, unaware that the ride has to end. What is fresh and exciting at 22 is often loserdom at 35. Galting your way through your twenties without an accumulation phase will lead to:

• Severly constrained job opportunities and thus inability to switch paths
• Rootless, aimless life where no place is home and no strong social group you can claim as your own
• Player ennui from addiction to the dopamine hit of new women
• Misanthropy from conceiving yourself as an outsider and from reducing male-female contact to a frenzied animal coupling
• Existential angst from linking your self-esteem to your success with women

That’s the glass-is-half-empty version for young kids to avoid. The glass-half-full-version is very satisfying indeed. I don’t mean to disparage any meta-frame unduly. It simply interests me to see the long-term trends in social thought and how they develop. One characteristic of the wise man is his ability to step back and understand not just the rules of the game but who created those rules and whose interests they serve.

It’s unlike me to respond directly to appeals from the unwashed masses but I suppose my last lay report was rather tantalising in omitting details of a pivotal moment – turning her firm no into a firmer yes on the sex date. There’s no magic here but I’ll transcribe the full text chat and add commentary:

Her: (16:39) Hey, I’m sorry I can’t do this. You are amazing, physical you have everything I like in one man but this is not what I am looking for, I tried to tell to myself I could do it, go there have some sex fun whatever and come back home like nothing happen but I can’t.

Deconstructing her girl-talk I read her mental state as follows:

• Major anti-slut defense / cold feet as the moment of truth approaches. It’s easy to fantasize about bravery from a distance but once you get up close your hindbrain kicks in. I’d worked this girl so her mind is flooded with mental images of hot sex and she’s naturally enjoyed daydreaming about fantasy sex. But once cold logistics take over, ASD rears its head. This was partly my own fault because I’d framed hard on the casual sex so as not to lead her on into expecting a relationship. If I’d gone full Dark Side with empty promises and sweet nothings this would’ve never come up.
• It’s a big ask to require a girl to come directly to your house on a second date, especially when you tell her you have to kick her out at 10pm. There’s a dividing line between enjoyable degradation by an aloof asshole and simply feeling cheap and desperate  Girls follow happy feelings and avoid bad feelings.
• Major IOIs. No worries at all about attraction nor escalation.
• She’s verbalising her inner conflict between arousal and self-image. If you read between the lines girls will tell you how to seduce them. She’s telling me she needs more comfort. Note she’s not telling me I need to promise a relationship – she wants to come but her ASD is holding her back. I see this as her presenting me with a problem she hopes I can solve for her, rather than a firm no. She wants me to overcome her objections.

With this in mind I reply

Me: (16:51) So that sexy underwear and fiery passion will go to waste tonight how disappointing!

Just a few words but consider what is conveyed:

• No uncertainty or self-doubt. I’m not fretting that she doesn’t like me enough or that I did something wrong.
• Do not ever beg for sex. Whining (“oh, but you promised”), wheedling (“Sweetie, but you are so sexy”), negotiating (“How about I cook a slap up meal”) and convincing (“This will be so much fun for you”) don’t work. I accept sex will not happen tonight because pushing hard will come off needy but I don’t accept her frame that sex won’t happen at all. Assume the sale.
• Focus on how we are losing out on a chance for something great. Seduction is a win-win sport so I focus on the (frustrated) mutually beneficial reward.
• Keep it positive. Although I express disappointment it’s done playfully rather than all butt-hurt.
• Make her feel good with the compliment / qualification. Comfort.
• Don’t directly engage in her objections. Her ASD isn’t a real principled objection so addressing it directly will just give it shape and make it harder to shift. Far better to deflect and let it wither. She’s got two basic emotions pulling in opposite directions: arousal to be fucked and anxiety that she’ll feel bad for having casual sex. I focus on heating up the former so it consumes the latter.

Her: (17:28) I’m sorry to disappoint you but im crazy i love sex but not like this. You turn me on a lot you have no idea i think you are a very interesting person but i can’t do it going out from work and go running to have sex with someone i just don’t know. Not so that crazy. Lol

Does this sound like a girl who doesn’t want sex? Of course not, she’s hoping I came overcome the ASD. She’s apologetic and complimentary, feeling bad about disappointing me and hoping I won’t disapprove. She’s still in my frame so I can put her on a compliance ladder to build back up to the booty call, though I don’t want a booty call frame. To deflect this I need to reframe it as a date and apply comfort. Plausible deniability. She knows full well that next time we meet it’s about the sex but if I can throw her hamster a bone, she can quieten him down enough to clear the way for the sex that she so wants.

Me: (17:37) I think you’ll be masturbating this evening 😀 I hope you have a good imagination, so you can vividly feel my hard dick as it slides into you… in and out… until you can’t control your screams 🙂

Her: (18:30) Is nothing that i don’t used to do in this last months ah ahahahah and i am good doing it

Me: (18:51) Imagine I’m in my suit, back from a hard day at the office…

Her: (1853) You are trouble for me…

Me: (18:54) So I put down my briefcase, I’m a bit distracted.. Tell me what you’ll be wearing

Her: (18:55) Just an apron and high heel (just today)

This is all about holding my frame, directing the conversation towards sex, and heating up her arousal. The compliance test is quite mild at first. She wants to be led to my bedroom and I’ve managed to deflect the entire ASD objection without ever directly engaging it. Make your frame a force of nature that cannot be resisted. After a few more sex texts I go to bed. Next afternoon I suggest a date and the rest is simple logistics. I know not to invite her directly to my house lest I revive the same objections so we meet for a drink and then I just lead her home with an air of inevitability.

One of the higher-level skills in pickup and any ensuing relationship is frame control. For the most part men don’t fully sense the dynamics at play and thus don’t know there’s a tug of war going on…. this leads to losing the battle by not turning up for the fight. Writ large in society the Feminine Imperative has snatched the frame such that most men so thoroughly identify with femcentric values that their loss of frame permuates every fibre of their being from career choice, capital accumulation to relationship conduct.

• Are you studying hard at university so you can get a well-paid job in order to accumulate the wealth to buy a nice house and a fast car, so that the women will come? You’ve lost the frame.
• Are you feeling guilty because you are attracted to twenty-year old women for casual sex rather than 30+ women for exclusive monogamous LTRs leading to marriage? You’ve lost the frame.

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” Even Scarface lost the frame. You do not exist to serve female goals. If you can’t see this, head on over to Rollo for a crash course. For now, I’ll consider frame control purely on the interpersonal level in dating using some recent examples:

provider

Belorussian

The lay report here goes into detail about the frame war we had before she finally broke. A few other anecdotes from once we were regularly fucking….

• Bhodi comes into my room one evening to ask me something. The scene that confronts him is Belorussian standing against my window with a glass of wine against her chest and a look of smouldering sexual desire and frustration. I’m on the bed with a grin on my face and an Xbox controller in my hand, playing Dark Souls. Belorussian is confused and horny, unable to figure out why I’m not jumping her.
• In my lounge I’m lazily draped over a sofa, eating some pate on bread. Belorussian is flitting around the room, asking Steve about his website (god help her, she doesn’t know how long he can talk about his google adwords, site layout, click throughs and so on!) and seeing what Robusto is cooking. The whole time I’m just eating my pate. Finally I call her over and she drapes herself around me.

This girl has her playbook and its utterly ineffectual. The strategies she uses on beta males come up short on a man who doesn’t put her on a pedestal, doesn’t fear losing her, and most importantly is wise to her game. Frustration aside she likes this. She wants to lose the frame so she can bask in the glory of submission. In conversation she has explicitly said this is why she likes me more than every other guy she ever met. I’m the one she can’t control so she was drawn in, tried to maintain distance as she continued to fight for the frame, and then finally surrendered and came chasing my cock.

I usually do a split down the centre

Serb

This girl is twenty years old, tall and leggy, with a beautiful face. I rate her as a high 8 on account that she still carries some puppy fat but she’ll immediately become a 9 when that’s boiled off. All through my first date with her she was holding herself back, letting silences develop, walking off slightly to see if I’d follow. It continued on the second date when we had a five hour walk around Belgrade. Some examples:

• Crossing the road ahead of me. My response was to lightly pull her back and playfully admonish “I think you forget who is the man” or “You may be wearing trousers but you don’t wear the trousers”. She’d smile and obey.
• As we approached a tram stop she stopped several yards before it and perched up against the railing. I continued walking to the stop and perched up at a much more suitable position. She remained where she was for a few minutes then came over and joined me
• Walking along the riverside she frequently walked ahead of me (I’d stop to feign interest in something till she came back or waited for me), wandered off to one side to look at something (I’d keep to my line) and in one case when we passed a child’s play area I sat on a swing and she took a while coming to join me (I told her to sit down then I pushed her on the swing till she was whooping and laughing.

This girl has already fashioned a playbook of ploys that get men dancing to her tune. I could feel the pressure of discomfort. She was creating a gap that I was supposed to fall into. See how she describes it later on Skype as I ask her what she likes in a man’s eyes:

Her: talk to mee      I LIKE TO LISTEN YOU

Me: REALLY?

Her: yeah

Me: It must be my accent. I sound like Prince Harry      or Hugh Grant      or the Queen

Her: green      shining eyes     or how you call it

Me: describe it please

Her: ask me?

Me: don’t worry if your language sounds awkward. I’ll try to understand the underlying meaning

Her: I am not used to it When man is watching me I decide what next is going to happened

Me: What you will do next, or what he will do next?

Her: he because I have power over him or how you say it but that is not happening with you you’re the lead role and that is making me crazy

Me: I am impressed that you can explicitly acknowledge this about yourself please continue your explanation

Her: And you don’t give up     why are you doing it?

Me: give up what?

Her: let me do things with my pritty eyes and you pretend to be like every other man

Me: so you want me to change myself, and become one of those men you can easily control?

Her: I won’t do that always! promise! just kidding    be yourself     But I feel with you as you love to have me under control in some way and i am not used to it

Me: how does it make you feel, apart from “going crazy”?

Her: Like you are taking away my freedom (not so serious ), no one has such an influence on me this is not well written don’t get me wrong 🙂

Me: I think I understand so you feel different with me than the other guys you know, and you feel more in my power, and it creates unexpected feelings inside you? take your time, it’s fine 😉

Her: you are the first who did not give up in front of me 😀 I mean, in the end I’m the leader always.. with you is a little more difficult.. no, it’s impossible but that is not bad you’re becoming moore and more interesting to me it’s because i can’t turn you in my way

Me: You like it that you can’t control me. You like pushing against my character, to feel it’s strength. It frustrates you, but it gives you a feeling of existential safety

Her: well , I don’t like it very much it’s a little disappointment to me

Me: why a disappointment?

Her: I can’t control you like I used to do [wth other men]

Me: So when did you realise I was different? Obviously in the beginning you were overwhelmed by my good looks and sharp fashion…

Her: When you told me that I’m not fashion designer 😀 [My standard tease early in a set, when I try to guess her job / study I look her up and down and say “Not fashion, obviously”] LOOK AT HIM.. HE KNOWS in some other case I could change somebody’s mind in 5 minutes

Me: Sometimes I watch boys when they meet women, and they just kiss her ass it seems so…… unmanly I feel sorry for the girl I think “she wants a man, not a scared little boy who falls over easily”

Her: you think it about me or generaly?

Me: All girls want approximately the same things, but with some variation for taste and style I think that because you needed to be quite independent from a young age, and because you are tall, you find it quite easy to control men       lower the camera so I can see your breasts better       lower

Her: because I ‘m tall.. say please

Me: lower camera first

Her: that’s it! that is what I’m talknig about

Me: I know

You’ll see the important of the tease in the early stages of a daygame set. Usually it’s not enought to just show confidence and interest in a girl upon opening, you have to give her a little glimpse of the boundaries you set and your internal strength. Many many times girls have told me they really perked up the first time I teased them. Like a sleeping dog’s ears rising to a distant noise, girls suddenly get the “woah!… this guy is different” response.

English

Here’s a girl I haven’t managed to fuck yet. As with the other two girls she’s twenty, tall, and surrounded by oribiters. A solid 8 who could be a 9 if she does everything right. She’s just come out of a nine month relationship with a guy she moved in with. He bought her the house and doted on her until finally his beta weakness repelled her. I got a play-by-play from beginning to end as it happened so I know this girl really wanted things to work and yet now consider her feelings for him:

Her: [ex-BF] has started calling my ex-stepdad to say how depressed he is without me and lonely. Ew.

Me: What a pussy

Her: I know I am so turned off its gross. I have nightmares sometimes that I’m still with him. Makes my stomach turn

Me: Haha.. Are they like Prometheus where you are carrying a slimy alien baby?

Her: Hahahahaha no I’m just like “I don’t understand why I’m still here”

Me: I wonder if an alien baby is more gross than a wuss’s baby

Her: No. Such a vagine-ugh

Me: Heh. Must be terrifying to think you nearly had beta seed in you. Kinda like how I feel about dodging a false rape claim

Her: Hahahahaahahahaha

Earlier…

Me: I’m on a steak and whiskey diet. I think my balls are getting bigger

Her: Ha that’s so hot

These three girls are interesting because they are very well practiced at controlling men and can explicitly articulate what they feel and why they do it.