Jimmy Shite-Town and I are out in Camden looking to do a few 2-sets. It’s a Saturday afternoon. As much foot traffic as we are ever likely to see but just thin on the ground for quality girls. After over half an hour of nothing I notice a couple of little French teenagers walking behind us. Ok, let’s open that. Kick the day off.

It goes well. I realise my target is actually really hot. In the video it’s reversed – the curly haired girl looks best on camera but trust me the straight haired one was a full 2 points above her and with an adorable Frenchness about her. So we bounce them to a bar and begin putting beer down their necks. It’s all going swimmingly and it’s a done deal mentally. It becomes a game of logistics, and finally that’s where we come unstuck.

Round about 6pm, two hours in, and we’ve got them to a bounce-back frame of mind. They have some weed and want to come to our house to smoke it in the garden and watch the squirrels. However, they are staying at a friend’s place who is cooking them dinner for 7pm. We try to get the momentum our way and we are on the bus to our place, but by half six we are stuck in traffic and it’s killing the mood. The girls are agitated. There’s no question they are up for it but what kind of friend takes someone’s free rent and cooked dinner then doesn’t show up? To be honest, if they’d bitched out on their friends they’d have needed screening out. Sometimes the god of logisitics fucks you over, and this is such a time.

So we tell them to get off the bus and take the tube to their friends. Swap numbers, arrange to meet tomorrow. We’ll see. Attraction momentum was great tonight, but I’m not banking on tomorrow’s date coming off. Live an learn.

This was a ten minute number/facebook close on Oxford Street in early January. We haven’t dated yet. Treated as a normal set this is a dead one – she wouldn’t come out on a date. But I liked the girl and I’m practising different avenues to reach the cock-into-fanny position. So I’m gonna long game her and see if I can either social circle her or just get a late-2011 fuck from her when logistics become favourable.

I'm not scared

This next chat takes place over two hours. The whole time I feel the girl is uninvested but feels some attraction. After all, why chat for two hours when there’s no attraction and I’m not throwing validation at her? So I persevere for the intellectual challenge of trying to invest her. She gradually goes for it.

My frame is that she is a beautiful/low-esteem girl and therefore needs to be lured with banter, strength, and false disqualifiers. I need to be a challenge and different to the long line of higher beta supplicators that fill her coffers with tips every night she dances. This girl’s job is playing men for validation and the money that brings. I must be different.

So I tease close to insulting and I decide any time she calls me out I will stand my ground without backing down. I’m still at the stage of Long Game of being “the guy on facebook she chats with”. They all break eventually.

Me: I’m having a party in [Bar district] tomorrow.    Come along, bring some friends  [non-needy, not a dating frame]
Her: tomorrow i work    sorry   [denied. short uninvested answer but more polite than ignoring me altogether]
Me: no prob    I like your new profile photo    You look sexier  [it’s a photo of a yapping little puppy]  [tease her vanity]
Her: lol    thanks
Me: There was a dog like that on my street when I was a little boy    I used to throw stones at it  [expand tease to move into a conversation]
Her: what!!!!!  [hook]
Me: It was noisy    little dogs like that always cause trouble   [imply she always causes trouble and I don’t like her]
Her: realy you are crazy for me not is fanny do that  [shit test]
Me: I like big dogs. Like siberian huskies  [pretend it never happened]
Her: yes its nice
Me: I like wolves. Huskies are almost wolves    Do you have normal photos on your facebook?  [challenge her vanity again. I wouldn’t come out this hard on a girl who started off giving me normal attentive answers]
Her: yes    why??   [girls hate open loops concerning vanity]
Me: Every photo is in a club, wearing nothing    like a barbie doll  [imply but don’t outright say that she’s shallow and that I disapprove]
Her: no i have photo whit clothe and outside of club  [she qualfies, but only a little bit]
Me: I saw one where you look like a carrot  [snip and move]
Her: lol
Me: I don’t like carrot    I like potato  [I’m not attracted to her]
Her: its a sliping bag    lol    me to dont like carrot dont worry about that  [more mild qualification]
Me: Are you a stripper?    I prefer librarians  [my third strong challenge to her, to a normal girl this would be a beasting but I think she is so used to being validation that it requires a relentless attack]
Her: no i m not streper im dance  [she’s a scantily-clad pole dancer for clubs. She definitely wants the legitimacy of being a dancer so I’ll withhold it]
Me: proper dance? like contemporary, jazz, hip hop etc    In fact, I don’t care.    I’M the best dancer in the world  [outright telling her I dont care, but playful]
Her: haahahah lol   [hit. It’s all about being different to the supplicators]
Me: like Elvis, Justin Timberlake, and Kermit the frog    [her name] dancing. I found it on youtube…. [clip of Yogi Bear and Booboo dancing]
Her: you are yogi no??i  [This is five minutes later. So she watched it – good sign]
Me: smarter than the average bear
Her: aah good  [she’s rewarding me]
Me: If we dance together, I’ll do all the cool moves    You just shake your ass to collect the tips    then give the money to me    and maybe I’ll buy you a milkshake  [future projection where I get one over on her]
Her: not thank i dont need you for do tips beliveme  [she thinks she’s pushing back but really she’s qualifying on her dancing ability]
Me: Are you good at playing the guys? Naughty girl…. -10 points  [I know she doesn’t want to be considered a player. This is my fourth neg / attack / rapport-break]
Her: mmm i think you mistake about me you dont know me but dont worry i forgive you because you are men and all people knows that the brain men its small  [anger is a form of investment. She’s testing me and trying to position herself above]
Me: It’s WAR!!!!!    England vs Spain    We are now enemies    Next time you dance, I’m gonna sneak into the dressing room and put itching-powder into your costume  [tease, reframe]
Her: are you sure?? you want war with a woman  [likes it – IOI]
Me: I’m not scared of little blonde girls    That’s like being scared of a puppy    or a mouse    or a chipmunk  [tease]
Her: hahahaha lol
Me: But don’t worry, I won’t spank you    I don’t like your ass  [false disqualifier]

An ass nobody could like

Her: hahahah ok
Me: Ok, so Little Miss Dancing Chipmunk    You tell me you are more than just a dancer    Do you have examples of stuff you’re good at?  [It’s a high point, so I try to qualify her harder]
Her: excuseme is it a interviu???  [shit test, but also a sign of non-compliance. She’s not rejecting me, she’s just not playing along]
Me: aha, defensive    all bark, no bite    like the little dog on your profile  [reframe the rejection to put the blame on her]
Her: yes of course i not bite  [she softens]
Me: I’m writing a book right now. What are you doing?  [I realise I’m telling her nothing about me and there needs to be some comfort. It’s often good to offer comfort after passing a shit test and her playing nice]
Her: woooow its good you can speak with me and write a book both congratulation men!!!    hahahahaa  [she’s bantering back which is good, as are the hahahahas]
Me: grrrrrrrrrr    (that’s my angry growl)
Her: lol why are you angry??    you think that im stupid blond girl and im not angry  [she still wants the vanity loop closed]
Me: I see only the blonde hair and the stripper photos.    I’m not judging you. I’m just curious that this is what you show on Facebook    When I met you, you seemed very different. I was actually very surprised at your facebook photos    I expected you were a librarian, or teacher, or art student or something  [this is all true. I’m trying to bring it closer to rapport but without surrending the frame, hence it’s a deeper topic but I’m still challenging her]
Her: first not is striper photo [she really wants to be considered a dancer!] ok and second some people can do teacher librarian or student    and dance in the night but its posible for you its to much for understand  [she’s biting, it’s investment]
Me: nope. I dated a dancer for 9 years. I know all abotu it    She was very smart, lots of interesting hobbies. And she also danced    I understand    BUT    you don’t tell me about your non-dance things. so what can I think?  [not backing down, showing pre-selection and knowledge of her world]
Her: I dot know you can think what you want  [shit test, but she really is only mildly invested. She really could take it or leave it with me. She has a ton of options]
Me: You ARE angry    :O  [so I reframe her and unable to leave it]
Her: hahahahaha no  [Hit! IOI – low esteem girls flip from anger to fun very suddenly]
Me: Hey, [her name]. I wasn’t trying to insult you    I find you interesting    We friends again?  [give some comfort. I’m a challenge, not an outright arsehole]
Her: hahahahahaha    realy im not angry  [reduction of defcom level]
Me: cool    +5    Are you doing anything exciting tonight?  [stack into normality]
Her: yes!!! work!!! lol
Me: busy girl
Her: yes    and you???  [she’s much closer to liking me now]
Me: I’m lazy    I’m gonna do some boxing, then play video games with friends  [finally I throw in a DHV, but disguised under a disqualifier]
Her: are you boxing?
Me: When I lived in Japan, I had lots of fights    Now I just teach my friends  [DHV]
Her: that fine  [no idea what she means by this]
Me: I enjoy it
Her: i dont like boxing i prefer others sport

Conclusion: She’ll be alot of work and I probably won’t bother. However, girls like this if you keep irregular contact will occasionally give you the “Hey, whatcha doing tonight?” call. Just stay in the game and a percentage of them become available. It’s what facebook was invented for.

I’m out with Moran in the west end for daygame. It’s been a while since I did a proper session. We do a few models and head up to Regent Street till I finally see some Krauser girls. First off I get a quickie facebook off a French girl who is only here a few days and off to meet her mum. Then I see a really curvy Brazilian and give chase. Check out the video for the open, instant date and second date later that night. I’m really off form but she’s hooking strong anyway.

So far so good, right?

Nope. It started well. She’s into me at the approach, IOIs, and we get a coffee in Starbucks. In the pub after that I verbally escalate and she’s responding well. There’s no bones about what’s going on and she’s only in the UK two more days. Kino is good, with handholding and thigh touching. I clearly IOI her sexually. She rebuffs two kiss closes with a “not now” and no attempt to escape. There’s a time constraint on both sides because I’ve arranged to meet two daygamers for a coffee and she’s had a long distance meet arranged with some guy she once knew at university who now works in London. She tells me she barely knows him.

So we agree to part at 6pm and meet up again for a drink in Camden at 9pm. There’s no doubt whatsoever about the frame. If she shows up, it’s an SDL. We swap numbers and I give her an out – if anything changes she can text me to bail. At 9pm I show up. She’s 20 minutes late but physically present. So it’s on. Or not….

“My friend should be here” she says. Yes, she’s arranged to meet the guy at the same time. I make my first mistake – I should clarify right now if its a date or not (and walk if its not). I don’t. I figure maybe it’s just a quick pint with him for appearance purposes. This girl was IOIing big time in the instadate so it doesn’t enter my head this guy is gonna hang around and get in her way.

Dude is a commodities trader. I fucking despise traders. Every last one of them I met (and I met alot during my career) is a shallow stressed blowhard. This guy doesn’t disappoint. Right from the off he’s trying to amog me. He’s a smart guy with alot of backbone, being a trader. No pushover. And he keeps slipping into Portuguese with my girl. And he will not shut up.

I’m watching thinking he’s being a tool, and she’s not responding to him at all. There’s very little I can do. I make my next mistake – she knew this was a date, she knew the score, and she still brings this guy out without warning me in advance. She’s playing. I should’ve spotted it and called her out but I didn’t. So she’s sitting with two guys, one of whom (me) has already declared clear sexual intent and the other who is qualifying qualifying qualifying and clearly wants to fuck her. Evidently she can stay all night basking in the validation. So I refuse to give it. I let him talk, don’t defer, don’t seek rapport, and don’t fight for attention.

He gets ruder and ruder. He’s talking over me, calling England worse than shit, bigging himself up, disagreeing with literally everything I say, and trying to push me down. I really ought to just punch him he’s that much of a cunt, but I figure that’ll kill the vibe. And the girl is tolerating it. She could’ve easily said something in Portuguese to rein him in without belittling him infront of me but she failed to do so for the obvious reason she wanted this to continue.

So I lose all respect for her. I still want to fuck her, which is my third mistake. No amount of sex is worth losing the frame but here I am sitting having a drink with a girl who clearly doesn’t deserve my time. The guy keeps pushing until finally he goes too far. To paraphrase the video:

Him: England is shit. It’s history. The future is China, India, Brazil.
Me: Wait and see. There’s a reason we civilised and invented everything.
Him: You guys only did well because you are so violent. All the knowledge and culture was in Persia.
Me: Not true. Learn history. England ruled the world because we had Christianity, monogamy and the reformation. That created the social conditions for the agricultural and industrial revolutions.
Him: blah blah, that’s bullshit. There’s monogamous tribes in the amazon and they didn’t civilise.
Me: Maybe its because they are Brazilian [bear in mind he’d spent two hours belittling Europe and europeans, particularly English, and I’d already decided I was happy to burn the set]
Him: That’s racist. You’re a racist shit.
Me: Just facts. Everything of value that was ever invented was by a white straight beta male [I’d already been explaining the monogamy = civilisation thing to the girl and she was giving me rapt attention, so he was constantly trying to talk over me and say bullshit as he felt himself no longer the centre of attention]
Him: You’re a racist English shit. Are you saying all the whites are better.
Me: No. I’m saying England had the cultural conditions to civilise, Brazil didn’t. Nor did Japan or China or India.
Him: Racist
Me: Everything you’ve said tonight is anti-English. You’ve no business accusing me of racism
Him: I’m not anti-English [a flagrant lie], I am anti-American
Me: I’m pro-American. Well, I don’t like Obama but Bush was ok.

He gets more het up and foolishly I’ve allowed myself to get sucked in and be reactive. I’d simply decided my boundary about being hectored by a retard was more important than fucking a girl who invites such a situation. And to be honest, this guy was never going to fuck off and leave me isolated so he’d already succeeded in killing the set. I decide I’m gonna physically back him down.

I give him a challenging “fuck with me if you dare” look and start pressing him on why he called me a racist, that it’s an insult and he’d better defend it. He can’t, he’s just bluster. I happen to have a rolled-up till receipt in my hand that I’ve been playing with. I flick it at him and catch him between the eyes. Beautiful shot! He flips, stands up like he’s about to attack me. I stay laid back, hold eye contact, flip him the finger and tell him to fuck himself. Then  I calmly wait for the violence to begin.

The girl immediately gets up and tries to calm it. He realises I’m ready to fight and dick tucks behind some bluster, then starts walking out. The girl is 50/50 on what to do and ends up following him. I blank her. He tries some parting shot that I blank as I’ve already stopped paying attention to him. I see him in the corner of my eye necking his pint, very very angry. The girl is looking perturbed, like her validation-fest didn’t go to plan. She seems to have contempt for the guy but she’s still with him and not me. They leave. No kino, no IOIs, no raised state from her towards him. There’s no way he fucks her, but he did a good job of stopping me fucking her.

I sit back with the strange quiet satisfaction of a boundary clearly drawn, mixed with the tinge of disappointment that I didn’t fuck a hot girl who had seemed so up for it just a few hours earlier. Live and learn.

Learning points
1. If a girl springs a guy on me, clarify it’s a date and walk out if she gives bullshit. No point wasting time trying to pass her stupid tests.
2. When faced with a smart mouthy amog, do the Reardon gambit. I of all people should’ve known this.
3. Don’t try to win the arguments he starts. Just point out his compulsive need to argue and frame him as try-hard.
4. Hold the girl accountable. The entire displeasing situation was of her engineering and she enabled it the whole way.
5. Never ever ever lose the frame to get sex.

Some girls hook strong at the beginning and are totally into you.  You’re their type, they are looking for a man, and everything clicks. These are “yes” girls. This is the numbers game part of pick-up. If you introduce yourself to enough girls you’ll get some of them. It doesn’t really take skill. Just not fucking up. Conversely there are “no” girls. Married, engaged, loved-up, fucked-up or just simply not into you. You have to filter them out quickly because nothing will ever progress with them. These no-girls are precisely why anyone who tells you he can get 100% success is a liying theiving piece of shit.

The best girls are “maybe” girls. They kinda like you, they might be available. What you do in-set will massively change the outcome. This is where the Game is played. Few things are as satisfying as turning around a maybe girl. And almost every high-value/high-self esteem girl is a maybe. Very few of them are “yes” girls.

I’m doing some daygame yesterday afternoon when I get a good five minute set with a teenage French girl. Exactly my type. In fact I wouldn’t change a single thing about her. Well, perhaps bigger tits and longer legs. And not French. But apart from that, a Krauser girl.

I rate her very highly

I don’t mind that I’ve already banged a Frenchie. I don’t do any of that lame flags bullshit.

The hook is not especially strong, I’m twice her age, and she’s with her family. All the signs of a difficult close. So I’m thinking I’ll just try to invest her a bit and see how it goes. Practice doing retarded attraction material. At 4pm the next day I see her online. I re-open. This is the entirety of our chat:

Me: oh, she’s checking me out…….    the crazy little French girl..
Her: [twenty minutes later] LOL    how are you ?  [low investment! I need to tease her hard, kick away that pedestal]
Me: I’m good    I just had a look at your photo    You have loooooooong arms    Like Mr Tickle

sexy. weird  [flagrantly stolen from Jimmy]
Her: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Me: when you wake up in the morning, are they in knots?
Her: wait i just need to take a dictionnary    just in case    so no they arent    :p
Me: 😛 x4
Her: On which picture have you seen that i have long arms ?
Me: None. I was just teasing  [occasionally ground myself as a normal person despite a theme of retarded attraction material. she’s young so probably flakey and ADHD]
Her: Oh okay
Me: Where are you now?  [Logistics. Is it possible to fuck this girl with short game?]
Her: im not in London    i visit my ante    in the suburb
Me: boooooooring!  [keep challenging her to pique interest]
Her: Yeahh it is    lol
Me: Did you go somewhere nice with your mum yesterday?
Her: no just shoppinbg    what about you    what did you do yesterday    ?
Me: I nearly had a fight    That’s very unusual for me   
Her: Why ?
Me: I was in Camden, drinking with friends    Some Brazilian guy was very rude. He really hated everything English  [there’s a post coming on this. It was on a date]
Her: So    what did you do ?
Me: For the first hour I ignored him    but he really really wanted to offend me  [frame myself as the reluctant aggressive guy]
Her: and .. ?  [I force her to keep asking for me to continue. It’s a mild form of investment]
Me: So I teased him for a while    Made jokes about Brazil    until he called me racist (for no reason)    I had a till receipt which I’d rolled into a little ball. I flicked it into his face
Her: LOOOOOL
Me: It hit him between the eyes
Her: so funny
Me: a perfect shot 😀    Everyone laughed. He stood up, very angry    I stayed seated. Gave him “the finger”    and waited for the violence to begin    …  [obviously I frame myself as the hero of the story. Although all of this is true, reality wasn’t quite as cool – I was really angry with the guy]
Her: seriously ?    ..    so bad :p
Me: I don’t usually do this    but he was on a mission to start trouble    Anyway, he looked at me and changed his mind    then he walked out of the bar    England 1 – Brazil 0    How long are you in London?
Her: until friday    on the morning    im coming back    just q minute
Her: im back
Me: 😉    I’m checking out your profile now….  [open a loop on her vanity]
Her: lol
Me: oh no!    the worst photos I’ve EVER seen
Her: im supposed to laugh right ?    :p
Me: I didn’t realise you are famous    I just googled your name, and found a great picture of you  [Jesus, this one never gets old]
Her: Of course i am    you should know it    😉    i took this picture last year
Me: Do you prefer tea or coffee?  [false dilemma for setting up a date]
Her: chocolate     i hate coffee    and i dont like tea
Me: Hot chocolate?
Her: yeap
Me: afternoon or evening?
Her: im not sure i can    im quite busy    until i leave england    actually im here because my grand mother is sick  [she gets the message. I assume all attraction is sexual attraction]
Me: how many of your family are in England?
Her: a cousin , 2 antes ang my grandparents
Me: It’s like an invasion :O  [again I’m focusing on attraction and retardation. Most sets I’d do comfort here but in this case I’m experimenting with low comfort]
Her: AHAha    IT IS
Me: Here’s my number. Text me if you wanna meet [my number]  [another experiment, suggested by Burto]
Her: Ok    thanks
Me: I’m in Starbucks now. Gonna buy a caramel shortbread    I forget, are you from Paris?  [then snip and stack]
Her: LOOL    Not really in Paris    in the suburb
Me: Not cool enough for Paris?
Her: ?    what ?
Me: Do you llike dogs or cats?  [didn’t want to explain a joke, so I snip and stack]
Her: i have an allergy
Me: -10 points    I love dogs     A real allergy?  [qualification]
Her: I hate dogs    lol    yeah    you have a dog ?
Me: No. I really want a siberian husky    They are like wolves    I have an image in my mind    of when I live by the beach again    talking my big siberian husky for a walk in the morning    wrestling him in the water    then hunting penguins together  [this is true, except for the penguins]
Her: LOOOOOL    i want a cat    but i cant because of my allergy    thats to bad
Me: My parents have five cats. I don’t like them    We can’t be friends  [false disqualifier]
Her: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA    youre so funny    :p  [big IOI]
Me: Can you cook?  [qualify her on  high]
Her: Nooo     im a desaster  [banter]
Me: -50 points  [qualify]
Her: in a kitchen     xD    LOOOOOOOOOOOL   [IOI]
Me: we can’t get married either  [bigger false disqualifier]
Her: MDRRRRR
Me: is that French for “oh no!”?  [subtle flipping of script in this sequence]
Her: no    it means    LOL
Me: When we get divorced, I’m gonna keep the dog, the car, and the Playstation    you can have the pans, cups, and duvet
Her: you can keep everything    a kind of present for me    no for you    :p
Me: You are a naughty girl     I’m shocked     :O    What are you wearing?  [misdirection and sexualise]
Her: naughty ? why are you saying that    ?    a jeans    and    a t shirt
Me: not sexy at all    -5 points    What are you really good at?    (apart from gymnastics)  [doesn’t quite hit so don’t dwell on it, stack into a qualifier]
Her: school    the best of my class    Im good at everything in fact
Me: [don’t validate her]

Her: so cute
Me: I was top of my class in everything every year    but I don’t tell people    oh    I just did….   
Her: LOL
Me: I’m actually very modest    I only believe I’m half as good as I really am
Her: yeahh i see that
Me: What colour underwear are you wearing?    if it’s not a personal question…..  [sexualise]
Her: black  [surprised she answered]
Me: I prefer red  [demanding]
Her: Yesterday    it was red   [I’m surprised again]
Me: sexy, or like an old woman’s underwear?

[half an hour passes with her offline – this could be a shit test to see if I chase, bad internet, or she just has other things to do]

Her: hey  [She blinked first]
Me: don’t you “hey” me! 😀  [I like to tell girls off]
Her: lol
Me: did you finish cooking my dinner?  [frame her as my slave]
Her: not yet
Me: I want roast potatoes    with cheese    and gravy
Her: mais bien sur    :p
Me: no onion    no mushroom
Her: okay    :p
Me: I want red wine too    maybe you can sing while you cook
Her: if you like the rain    why not    :p
Me: Your internet is not good
Her: its my internet    its me
Me: you’re a crazy french girl    My mother warned me about girls like you  [frame her]
Her: what do you mean girl like me ?    and what did she tells you ?
Me: she said “be careful of dark brunette french gymnasts”   “they are sex maniacs”  [blame her for the sexualisation]
Her: MDRRRRR    its not true
Me: Yeah, those girls are not all sex maniacs    only you are
Her: we heard the same thing about    english girls
Me: English girls are always fucking    But they are fat 😦  [generalised sex talk]
Her: MDRRRRRR    HAHAHAHAHAH
Me: I prefer skinny girls. More fun to slap their ass
Her: dont be rude    ^^  [simple shit test]
Me: I’m a man. It’s normal    But I guess you are still a shy little girl  [don’t back down, frame her as the weird one]
Her: Probably  [neither acceptance nor rejection. so I back off the sexualisation]
Me: Anyway, you’re fun.    I like that  [time to get real and give her a reason I like her]
Her: lol
Me: I like girls who have energy and can joke around    it’s sexy  [SOIing her]
Her: thanks
Me: I’m going home now. My friends are cooking me a meal    Send me a text tomorrow and we’ll get a quick drink  [assume the sale]
Her: thats nice
Me: I’ve probably only got an hour spare  [FTC]
Her: I’ll thimk about it    okay  [= probably not, but I am above her attraction threshold]
Me: have a good evening    😉
Her: thanks    you too

Conclusions? She’s a maybe girl. There’s some obstacle somewhere whether it’s logistics, a boyfriend, insufficient attraction, whatever. She’s on the backburner for Long Game. With that much family in London she’ll be back. The important thing is she spent three hours chatting to me, investing, and re-opening. I’m now “the guy she talks to on facebook” and from this in lots of beautiful things can be built.

Moran is hyper again and he wants to spend Friday night before Latvia getting smashed. Fuck it, I’m in the mood. We drink some Strongbow on the underground and roll into the Worlds End in Camden at about 11pm. This is an area known for its freaks and methheads but also some good pubs with the indie crowd. There’s lots of decent girls and all the guys are too much into their emo / asymmetrical haircuts to notice.

We immediately go about building value. We do aftershock shots between pints. We’re getting nicely rat-arsed and glowing with fun. IOIs start to come our way. Moran is always a ball of energy and we are just laughing, messing around, doing countless meaningless gesiticulations just for the fun of it. A polish 3-set eyes us and stands behind. A Slovak 2-set positions it next to us and I open. Can’t remember what with, but it’s rude.

Moran's girl

Some little chodeboy comes running over like an energizer bunny. He’s been talking to them the past hour, running “game”. The little Slovak gives him a fake number. She just flat out tells us it’s fake and is trying to get rid of him. He runs back to his friends triumphant. He is like a schoolkid taking a gold star home to show mummy. The little one gives Moran an IOI and he pounces on it.

Cunt, I think. My set. Wing rules.

There’s no way to back either of them off. So I immediately walk up to the Poles and open them by saying my friend is gonna start rapidly escalating even though I told him not to. Sure enough we all look over and Moran has already got her up against the wall making out, in the middle of the bar. I start heckling him. A pole asks “what is rapid escalation”, I demonstrate, on her. Freaks her out but she likes it. All four of us start heckling Moran. He is distracted now and turns round embrassed telling us to stop it. We just keep going.

My set. I don’t care.

I go over and physically pull them apart. I start admonishing Moran. He knows he took my set, but he’s drunk and horny. The little Slovak is a seven. Definitely worth a poke. I turn my back on her and say;

Me: You are not going to fuck this girl tonight. Remember we came here to get drunk.
Him: Yeah, you’re right
Me: So, we’re gonna get drunk. None of this rapid escalation shit. Get rid of her so we can get back on the beer.
Him: *face like a child told his trip to Disneyland is cancelled* Okay

The Slovak can hear all of this. She’s just standing rooted to the spot, speechless. But not moving. The obvious subtext is that I am essentially escalating her for Moran, and he knows this.

Me: Ok. If you have to, either take her number now, or drag her to the toilets and fuck her. Whichever, just do it now.
Him: *looks at her, indecisive*
Me: *to her* Just wait a minute darlin’. Man talk.

She protests because she wants to stay and finally Moran takes her round the corner and accepts her number. She’s in a 100% chasing frame now and I’m the Bad Cop. Moran tells her to wait around a few hours and he’ll call her. The SNL is already a done deal. We move to the next bar. We’re just buzzing with energy and vibe now. I take a couple of facebooks on the way and then Moran does my “douchebag opener” on a mixed five set coming down the street. He stops them, holds laser eye contact with the hottest girl, and with a dismissive thumbjerk over his shoulder at the guys says:

Moran: Hi. Are you fucking either of these guys tonight?
Girl: Um…..no  *smiles, tentative*
Moran: Cool. *rapid escalation*

The chodes stand helpless and finally a cockblock tears her away. We roll into the next bar and immediately get into set. More drink, more fun, and Moran pops out to collect his SNL girl. When he gets back with her I’m with a blonde girl styled like Marilyn Monroe. I put her at a six, Moran says seven. I just open direct, handhold and pull her in to the bar. She buys me a drink then a verbally escalate her and put her hand on my cock. She’s massively horny immediately.

Like this. But a six

We double extract.

Getting a taxi is a nightmare. We end up walking towards the canal bridge taking at least ten minutes. I’m in full-on don’t-care douchebag mode. I keep calling my girl a slut. Hurry up slut. What you doing slut. Follow me slut. She’s really into me but this is hard work for her. I keep having to soften to reel her in.

Me: *looks into her eyes* I’m just playing a character. I like your really. We’re gonna have a great time. Ok?
Her: *sheepish* ok
Me: Cool. C’mon slut

When we finally get to a free minicab she’s bolted. Whatever. Getting out the other end at my house Moran has a piss in the bushes and I have to let his girl into the house. She keeps saying to me “I’m not a slut. I don’t usually do this”. I have bright red lipstick smeared all over my face like Heath Ledger and I was still drunkenly opening sets, to zero success, after my girl ejected. Great night. Moran owes me one.

Get a load of this text game as it escalates to full on depravity. Background is: she was a five minute number close at trafalgar square about 3 months ago and though we’ve had some lively banter by text she hasn’t agreed to a date and she hasn’t “crossed the sexual rubicon” of admitting sexual attraction to me. I text her out of the blue late one night, first time in about 2 weeks.

This was about a month ago and I’ve held it back from my blog until I finally went “radically honest” on her and told her I’m a dating coach. So if she’s smart enough to google any of the texts she’ll see this. Due to the rather intimate nature of the texts I’m withholding her photo. She’s a 22-yr old 7. Maybe 8, didn’t get a good look.

Me: Haven’t been drunk in 2 weeks. You must be missing the texts
Her: drunk now i take it?
Me: Nope. Just being filthy on Facebook chat and I thought of you.
Her: Wonderful! 🙂 how r u anyway?
Me: Doing great. Been back in the gym so I’m fit as a fiddle. How come your facebook updates always make you look like a nutjob?
Her: Lollllllll because I am a nutjob!!!!!!!
Me: I’m now officially wary of you.
Her: Why what in particular freaked u out?
Me: Sex and the City. I always screen girls out on that. Doesn’t matter how tight their ass is.
Her: I do hate sex and the city for many reasons. I abhor the films. But sometimes when i hate men, it cheers me up.
Me: Ok, you’ve earned a reprieve. While we’re on the subject – is your ass actually tight? (I mean, the buttcheeks, not the anal sex fit) I only got a glimpse, after all…..
Her: It’s a beautiful ass. Of course. But then again i am biased.
Me: How about the tits? They showed promise, but again I’ve not really had a good look
Her: You are terrible. I will tell you that i have been blessed in the three areas men care about most – legs, ass, breasts, but anyway, moving on…. how are tricks?
Me: I’m a man talking to a woman. It’s the most natural thing in the world. Anyway, about me…. I’m off to Latvia next week with friends. Starting to get excited. You strike me as a vacation skier.
Her: I totally am! U keep jet setting around!
Me: Since June 2010 I decided I will do only those things that interest me and not give a fuck. Grab every opportunity. Make my life a hell of a story for when I’m aged 70 as a washed up drunk in a Jamaican beachfront dive.

[one hour passes]

Her: Why did u suddenly decide that? What happened to u?
Me: Oh, you’re alive again?
Her: Was on the phone to an admirer….
Me: Sorry to interrupt you princess. Are you cadging free meals and rides from the office boys?
Her: Absolutely not! And i can’t believe u used the word cadge! Ha!! Anyway answer my question
Me: I don’t believe you. You totally have the airs and graces of a girl who tools the beta boys to get a little army of orbiters to validate the princesses ego. You dirty dog you.
Her: I used to be like that! But since i had my heart broken repeatedly by the same cunt and had it smashed around and then began to piece it back together only for him to swoop in a slide it around on the floor again…. well, i kind of stopped being a girl with an ego and became someone a little fragile and cynical. Oopsies.
Her: I also never used to drop the c-bomb. But i am sorry, he does not deserve any other word.
Me: Is this where the “I hate men” thing came from [reference to a recent Facebook status]? Actually, I can related to that but usually I was the heartbreaker. I’m not bragging in some power trip, I’m actually quite ashamed of it.
Me: C-bomb indeed. I try not to use the F-word, the B-word, or cunt.
Her: Lol yes, i am usually the heartbreaker too!!! i understand. And now it has happened to me i am a bit more contrite about my horrific abusive behaviour. Yes, the i hate men came up when that cunt and i tried to maintain a friendship when the dust settled and he felt the need to brag about shagging hookers.cunt.
Her: I enjoy swearing. Used to never ever do it, but now it amuses me.
Me: Shagging hookers is so lame. That’s what losers do when they can’t get it for free. Ugh. I hope you were disgusted, rather than jealous.
Me: Swear away, but try to keep it thematically relevant, well timed, and above all creative. I have standards.
Her: Ha ha ha! A man with standards?!  NevaaaaaH! Well i was both disgusted and jealous. He and i are not speaking any longer. I hope he contracts a painful sexual disease and his penis falls off. And people see it happen and laugh. Am i mean? I don’t think that’s mean….
Me: Oh dear, you just lost me. A girl jealous of hookers has a few screws loose. Are you a better lay when you’re angry and wrathful? I suspect you are.
Her: I am a good lay at all times. Always. Im not jealous of hookers i just don’t like the thought of him with anyone but me! But i kind of just hate him too much right now to care. Why do we always discuss me anyway? Tell me something about u mr judgemental
Me: You have three questions. I promise to tell the whole truth. Don’t waste them. The window will snap shut after and I’ll be the cocky arsehole again.
Her: One, what was the worst moment in ur whole entire life? Two, what is ur penis size, DONT LIE ABOUT IT! Three, how many times have you honestly been in love?
Her: And bonus question number 4 if u care to answer, how often do you follow girls down the road to sandwich compliment them?
Me: Oh, she’s firing both barrels!! +10 points for [nickname]. Lemmee see…..
Her: Hell yehhhhhhhh
Me: 1. My divorce. Very unpleasant for 3 months and not a whole load of laughs another year longer.
Me: 2. Not measured since I was an adult. Bang on average, the girls tell me (they say above average but I think they’re just being nice). If big dicks are your thing, look elsewhere.
Me: 3. Once. My ex-wife. Not anymore.
Me: If you want the fourth, you gotta take a question or two.
Her: I want to hear about that. When did u get married, when did u get divorced and why? I dont need some essay just some concise facts. Am tres curious ma cherie.
Her: I will answer anything come on u can ask me 3
Me: Met 1999, married 2006, divorced 2009.
Me: 3 questions. Cool. Gimmee a moment.
Her: Why did u divorce?
Me: We changed. Long story. I’ll tell you if you feed me vodka long enough
Her: Maybe i dont want to know lol
Me:1. How many men have stuck their he-rocket in your she-pocket? Real number, I don’t wanna be multiplying by 3
Me: 2. Feminist ideology aside, do you enjoy being dominated in bed?
Me: 3. What’s the sexual thing you most thought about but haven’t had the courage to try?
Me: Heh! Answer THOSE badboys
Her: Reall number, and its something i am not proud of at all… oh my god… ok its 9! I have held off men for ages because i dont wanna reach double figures. 3 were long term relationships and the rest were friends of mine who it seemed like a good idea to sleep with… potential relationships etc etc Oh dear. You are the only person i ever told that to…
Her: Love being dominated. im horrifically kinky, especially dirty talk. its something i miss about my ex, our disgustingly filthy texting.
Me: I appreciate your candour. Really. I know what you mean though, it can take a long long time to find someone who’ll do the right things and get into a position to do it. The shit I used to do to my wife. Christ, it’s probably illegal in many countries
Her: I have tried every real fantasy of mine. The only thing i have considered is letting a girl… pleasure me. But i wouldnt do it in real life, some things are better left in the imagination, everything else i have at least attempted. mostly they are just nice to talk about or think about but are not as good to do. Same question back to you, as well as how many girls u have… With and also how many times a day on average you play with your… ‘he rocket’.. was it?
Me: If I do these 3, I’m getting another 3. No freebies. Deal?
Her: Deal!
Me: Ok. 1. I have recently become enormously interested in fucking girls in the ass while telling them they are dirty bitches. Only got to do it twice so far. Kinda liked it.Would like to do it again, but with the girl giving me some backchat so I have to slap her around a bit.
Her: Definitely enjoy being slapped around…..
Her: Makes me worry for myself to be honest lol the things i enjoy in the bedroom… anyway good honest answer
Me: Girls. Remember I’ve been coupled up for most of my adult life. 35 in total I think. I feel like I should be upping the count as a matter of urgency
Me: Masturbation. No regularity at all. Depends on how I’m doing with girls, hobbies, and how rapey I’m feeling. If I was to keep a spreadsheet (which I don’t) I’d estimate a weekly average of 4.
Her: Rapey?!
Me: Not literally rape-y. A synonym for horny. Though my wife used to enjoy the occasional simulated rape.
Me: My questions. I’m gonna totally do you on these 😀
Me: 1. How many times have you masturbated in 2011 (and if it counts as the same question, what were you thinking about)
Me: 2. How do you feel when a man comes on your face?
Me: 3. did you / would you enjoy having a man fuck your face while he sticks a dildo up you and grabs a handful of that nice long hair?
Her: Fucking hell… over a hundred. I like to do it around ten times a day sometimes. Usually i think about being raped or i guess fucked in a harsh way, being called names… everything dirty and kinky you can think of.
Her: Im not a massive fan of someone coming on my face. I dont dislike it, i just like my face to be clean so i immediately want to wash it off. I have been told i look beautiful like that though LOLLLLLL
Me: +25 points. I think I’ve just fallen in love. Your honesty is quite compelling.
Her: Lolllllll well i have had my face fucked… its not bad. Never had a dildo inside me. I kind of prefer the real thing, not that i know the difference, and i dont know how a man could really used a dildo whilst fucking my face.
Me: Btw, shooting on a girl’s face is a major kink of mine. So I guess we won’t get on after all….
Her: Hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha what honesty? why should i lie? i love that i am so honest with u, u now know everything about me that no one else knows.

Her: Looooool. All men like it.
Me: On that latter point, girls describe the feeling as “full”
Her: So you have done that before then??
Me: and got the videos. Heh! I like the idea of stuffing a girl so full she just squeaks.
Her: Hahaha. Oh my god why are u so honest as well? U do seem to share a fair few fantasies with me.
Me: I love sex. I think it’s the most natural thing in the world. I don’t care what society says – I just wanna fuck my girl like it’s the last night on earth.
Me: C’mon, raise the stakes. Ask me something challenging.
Her: Lollll i am running out of questions. Ever had a threesome?
Me: No. Several near misses. It’s on my “will try, would enjoy, but not gonna bust a nut finding it” list. Would like it at lease once for my memoirs.
Me: You?
Her: Nope, never. What is it u like about fucking a girl in the ass?
Me: Owning her body and soul. I’m big on the masculine dominance. It’s not the physical tightness – don’t care about that. I do like the visual image because the ass looks more round and peachy than in normal sex. But mostly I like to see her biting the pillow, panting and squealing in that peculiar mix of pleasure and pain. If that makes me a bad man, then so be it.
Me: Obviously I’m gonna reverse the question. What do YOU like about being nailed in the ass?
Her: Oh my god. Marry me.
Me: Haha. Answer the question [her name] darlin’
Her: Oooooooo u assume ive been nailed in there??? I have tried it, twice. And i cudnt do it for more than a minute. I absolutely pleasure myself to it… its a massive fantasy of mine and i loved my ex to talk dirty to me, its particularly hot to imagine a man kind of raping me in there because i KNOW how much it would hurt. Im also massive on male dominance. Being slapped, dick slapped… everything like that.
Me: Dear lord, whatever kept us apart so long 😀  Quick question (doesn’t count as a real one). Are you thinking of rubbing one out right now?
Her: I absolutely am lol. Its not a maybe its a certainty. Are u?
Me: Not yet, but it’s a dead cert before I go to bed. I’m well up for fucking you right now. Teaching you a lesson. And that includes slapping, grunting and punishing that tight ass of yours.
Her: I think some texting when the time comes is in order….
Me: Facebook chat please. It’s far more dynamic
Me: And if I’m gonna wank over you, I expect some encouragement
Her: My internet is rubbish but ill give it a go later.
Her: such as?
Me: A couple of filthy photos. Crop your head out if you’re shy
Her: I am not sending u photos!! Totally not!
Me: Then you gotta rub one out while I masturbate. I don’t do solo sex. Deal?
Her: I thought that was the plan anyway?
Me: I wasn’t sure you were gonna wait 😛
Her: Of course
Me: Ok, we’ll park that till bedtime. Tell me something filthy you want me to do to you
Her: I’ll tell u later…
Me: Short answers. Your brain is shutting down. I think the tingle is getting the better of you
Her: the tingle?? U crack me up!
Me: Haha. I’m in my room now. Log on to FB whenever you’re ready
Her: Wont be for a while
Me: You’re not at home?
Her: I am but supposed to be consoling flatmate whose boyfriend cheated on her…
Me: Boo! I’m going to bed imminently. Let’s do some more back and forth. Describe a sex act you like. Shock me.
Her: contrary to popular belief i really really enjoy giving blowjobs. And not just the usual mundane shit. There is somethign called a lingham massage which involves getting a man to lie comfortably, naked on his back with his legs apart. then the idea is to massage all the area around his cock, then gently massage his balls and perineum and finally the head of his dick. But its not like a handjob its some crazy penis massage i dont know… usually ends with the man exploding everywhere but personally i dont like men to come from that. I prefer to do that until they are well and truly aroused and then start using my tongue to gently lick from the base of the cock up to the tip, before just licking around the head whilst palying with the balls in one handuntil the man gets so excited he forces my head onto his dick until i am deepthroating and choking and he pushes me up and down on it by my hair. Shocking? No. Fun? very. Your turn.
Me: Not shocking. Just very impressive. I love a girl who loves sucking my cock. I like her to treat it like her favourite toy in the whole world. You can really tell the difference between an enthusiastic blowjob and a dutiful one.
Me: Btw, another kink of mine is I like forcing a girl into surprise blowjobs – in restaurant restrooms, elevators, ferris wheels etc. Ok, now mine. Gimmee a minute
Her: Public sex is a massive turn on… and yes i agree there is a big difference between someone who likes doing it and someone who just does it
Me: I Iike to tie girls up in a carelessly aggressive manner. I just grab them from the kitchen or whatever they were doing, drag them into the bedroom, chuck them on the bed then handcuff their hands above their head to the bedpost. Usually without saying a word – just an intense “I’m gonna do you now” look. I’ll do a bit of foreplay, not much in this scenario, mainly sticking my cock in her mouth and facefucking her till she’s gasping, slap her face, slap my dick against her cheeks and nose. Mash her tits a little, then without much preamble, start fucking her hard with no real concern for her opinion in the matter. Shall I continue?
Her: Please, i am intrigued… Don’t you care if she’s wet?
Me: She will be. I’ll be eyefucking her for five minutes before I first grab her.
Her: ok,,, and then what?
Me: Ok, so I’ll fuck her, make her feel all my weight, pull her head into my chest and get some moaning and screaming out of her. Then flip her over, still handcuffed, and do her so hard she’s scared she’ll get smashed into the wall. Maybe in the ass too, maybe not. Depends on my mood. Then I’ll pull out, put my cock in front of her mouth and wait for her to hungrily reach for it and suck me off till she’s draining every last drop of cum out of me.
Me: Then I’ll put the cricket on tv
Her: Lad points!
Me: Heh! I actually do all the tender romantic stuff as well, but I’m a big fan of variety in mood / location / acts
Me: Give it a score out of ten and tell me how you’d feel
Her: I completely agree with u, depends on the mood. I score it maybe a 7. I prefer something random like me going downstairs to the bathroom in a bar but on the way in the stairwell being followed, skirt pulled up to reveal i’m not wearing underwear and then being fucked against the wall with my face pushed against it and a couple of his fingers in my mouth. And being called a bitch and a slut… then people are coming so im dragged by the hair down into a cubicle, forced onto my knees, fucked in the mouth then turned and bent over so im touching my toes and fucked in whichever hole he wants whilst he slaps my ass and then pulls out and comes all over it.
Me: That’s like you are describing one of my favourites. I like a quick knee-trembler especially with the girl standing while I fuck her from behind. Did that in Poland a few months ago in a pub toilet one afternoon with a local I’d just met. Very happy memory.
Her: I also enjoy begging him to stop so he becomes angry and slaps me and tells me to shut the fuck up, or forces my head into a pillow to drown out moaning and screaming.
Me: Good lord woman! Have you any idea how much I wanna fuck you now????
Her: Oh my gosh im so horny. Tell me something else you like… like something really really rough or kinky
Me: You got work tomorrow?
Her: I havent been fucked for over half a year… i need it. Big time
Me: Get a taxi here. Literally, just book the fucking thing. I wanna make you scream
Her: I have to go out of london during the day and then to the ballet 😦
Me: Pack your ballet bag and come suck my cock woman
Her: I really really want that too.. but i cant im still with my fucking flatmate and i gotta be up in 6 hours, the best i can suggest until im free next week is some texting so at least when im alone later on i can come thinking of u fucking my brains out
Her: What wud u do to me if i was there now?
Me: Something really fucking outrageous
Her: Liiike….? Details…..
Me: I hope you like costumes and sexy clothes. I got a wardrobe full of that stuff. Lots of… ahem… japanese imports….
Her: Me too
Me: Ok, here we go….
Her: Make it super super dirty and rough. I can already feel that im wet without touching myself.
Me: First thing I do when you get out the taxi is tell you you’re a dumb fucking whore for being so late and walk off so you have to meekly follow like a naughty child
Me: I walk you through the lounge where all my friends are. I announce “this is [her name]. She looks cute but I’m gonna take her upstairs and fuck her in the ass”. You blush. Then I apologise in advance to them for the noise you’re gonna make
Me: I expect dynamic feedback on this, bitch
Her: Well what am i supposed to say? Ur pretty much just telling me what ur going to do, which i like seeing as ur in control and ur pretty clear about that
Me: Yup, but tell me how horny you get. Don’t bother protesting though. Talk to the hand on that one.
Her: well im aroused but ur dick isnt out yet so its only mild
Her: Bearing in mind im not able to have my fingers on my clit right now….
Me: So I decided you’re gonna suck me off in a few different rooms first. First we go into my boxing gym. I tell you to play with yourself while I hit the bag a little.
Me: You rub yourself while you watch me whacking the bag around. You know I’m not gonna actually punch you, but you are turned on by the thought that I could, if you are disobedient.
Her: still no dick out / rape / forcing me into things….
Me: Wait your fucking turn woman. I’m boxing.
Her: Yessir!
Me: So I just grab you, push you to your knees and wait. You look up at me, pretending to be all innocent. Totally unconvincing. I pull my dick out and then watch myself in the full length mirror, while you go to work.
Her: Nice involving the mirror
Me: I just see your reflection in the mirror, full body, trying to cram my dick in your mouth. I tire of this so I grab a handful of your hair and drag you out into the garden.
Her: Very very horny now fuck
Me: You bitch about it being cold. I tell you to shut the fuck up and suck my cock. You do. I see one of my friends happen to glance out of the window. He gives me a knowing wink like I’m the Man. He assumes you are some cheap street whore I just ordered online.
Her: I want ur dick in me
Me: I’m tempted to just cum in your eyes and leave you outside till a taxi comes, but I’m selfish. I wanna fuck your ass till you squeal.
Me: I stand you up and roughly finger fuck you for a minute or two, then pull your shirt and bra off. Throw them on the grass and hair drag you past my friends on up to the bedroom. You are totally fucking humiliated but it just turns you on more.
Me: wait. You don’t get my dick in you till I say so.
Her: Oh my god… fucking hell
Me: Fucking presumptuous bitch! As if having a job and some qualifications is gonna make me listen to you about bedroom matters….
Her: Am actually gonna have to go into the bathroom and finger myself im so turned on
Me: Haven’t even stuck my dick in your ass yet. Horny slut. Make sure you get a good handful of your tits, cos I’ll be mashing them up good and proper when I see you for real
Her: Ok keep going….
Me: So I finally give you the honour of sharing my bed. Which, frankly, is more than a cheap whore like you deserves. But I find you physically stunning, so I do you this one single favour.
Me: You are just begging for my cock now. I slap you a couple of times. No reason. Ok, there is a reason. I want to see your cheeks pinken and a flash of submissive fear in your eyes. Then I rip your clothes off so you are naked and vulnerable.
Her: Just so u know i have two fingers inside my fucking wet pussy and my thumb on my clit and i want u so fucking much u cant imagine to fuck me
Me: Then I stick my dick in you. You quiver, gasp and grab me. I fuck you good. In and out, over and over again. You feel me aggressively pushing into you
Me: Believe me [her name], if you didn’t have that annoying friend and stupid trip, you’d be getting it fucking big time for real right now
Me: You are scratching my back, biting my shoulder and screaming all kinds of filthy shit while I rail you
Her: not dirty or painful enough….
Me: I keep telling you to watch your fucking mouth when you’re in my house but you can’t control yourself. So I slap you around a bit. Not because I expect it to quieten you. Just because I’m an aggressive arsehole and I know I can treat you like some worthless street whore.
Me: I draw some blood from your lip and nose. I wasn’t trying to, you just wouldn’t take a telling. You gasp and get off on it. So I yank your hair and cuff you around
Me: I’m gonna silence that yapping for a while so I grab your throat and squeeze. I’m not trying to kill you, but I do want your face to go purple so you learn your lesson. The look of fear in your eyes is priceless and almost makes me come. You can’t believe you are getting nailed so hard off someone who seems to have so little respect for you and your body. You feel ashamed it makes you so horny.
Her: I meant more sexual violence….
Me: I flip you over. I pull your head down onto my cock so you can feel it bashing against your throat, and inside your cheek. You nearly retch it feels so deep. While I’m doing that I pull a huge dildo out from under the bed
Me: Your eyes go crazy-wide. You are terrified of having that inside you. But you’ve got no choice. I thrust it up you from behind. It’s so big your pussy tightens and resists at first, then gives up
Her: I am extremely close to coming btw, hence lack of textage
Me: As I ram it home, it feels so deep you think it’s gonna touch my cock at the other end. You feel thoroughly spit roasted and cheap as hell. I spit in your hair and laugh.
Me: I facefuck the shit out of you, while ramming the dildo in and out violently. You aren’t even thinking human thoughts now. You are just gurgling and moaning, your spit running out your lips onto my cock, and your hot pussy juice streaming down your legs
Her: Are you touching yourself too???
Me: It’s the closest feeling to dying, but it’s so fucking good you want more. You feel like you’re gonna rip in half.
Me: Not yet, gotta type fast 😉
Me: You can vaguely hear me shouting at you, calling you a whore and names worse than shit. You are past humiliation. Your whole world is reduced to my cock pumping in your mouth and a fucking massive dildo nearly tearing your pussy apart.
Me: For a moment you get random thoughts. What the hell would your workmates think of you if they knew what a slutty little whore you really are.
Her: Well i just came. a lot. And i think it is horrifically obvious from the noises i was making what i was doing   so … u must be pretty horny by now…?
Me: *bows*
Her: You are an absolute hero of this genre
Her: I take it u have a lot of practice… can’t wait til u fuck me for real….
Me: Yeah. I well wanna fuck you. I’ll knock one out before I go to bed. Type me a short story to think about while I do it. Something to make sure I’m thinking of you and only you, bypassing all my porn.
Me: Yup, I’m a horrible pervert 😉
Her: Ok hold on…
Me: Cool
Me: Btw, +100 points for frigging yourself stupid while I wrote that. We can add “[Krauser] watches while [Button Nose] masturbates” to our shopping list of future depravity. I like that.
Her: I’ll do this all in one text, its easier for u to read that way. Imagine u come to my place of work one day, unannounced and its a total surprise but ur horrifically horny and u were in the neighbourhood and u knew that if u needed a little slut to fuck then i was the one to visit. So u come in and ask me to excuse myself. I start complaining so u subtley grab my nipple. Hard. No one else sees u do it but i have to bite my lip to stop from calling out. You want a blowjob. Immediately. You force me into a corner and onto my knees so that ur facing the walls but its obvious what we are doing. u put ur hands behind ur head and start rocking ur pelvis a bit so that whilst ur cock is in my mouth and im licking it at the same time as sucking it, it is going in and out of my throat. Like ur gently fucking my face. after a while I try to get up, i take ur cock out of my mouth and explain to u that i have to work, but u force me back onto my knees with a thud and slap my face with your dick, still wet from my mouth. You tell me to shut the fuck up before u make me, and before i can talk again u put ur cock back in, but this time roughly, fucking my face so that with every thrust my head bangs against the wall. You want to come but you want to be inside my tight pussy first, want to hear me call out ur name and moan so you drag me up by my hair and tell me to go into the back room where there is a table. You lie me out flat on my back with my pussy at the edge of the table and my legs in the air and you ram your cock deep inside me. The shock of the first time you enter me makes me yell so loudly that someone knocks at the door. You tell her to shut the fuck up because ur fucking a little bitch to teach her a lesson and unless she wants the same treatment she will fuck off. You continue fucking me so hard that i am moaning so loudly and touching my clit at the same time. U grab my breasts roughly, hurting me so i moan louder in pleasure and pain and you watch my face contorted in ecstasy. But ur bored. Im enjoying it too much so you yank me up and put me on all fours on the ground. Doggy style. I wait, my pussy wet and open for you to come into it, but instead and without warning you shove your hard dick into my unprepared ass. I cry out in pain so you stick some of your fingers in my mouth, a few more thrusts then you move to my pussy again, and soon im calling out your name in pleasure, asking you to fuck me harder, which you do, but then go back to my ass, repeating this, every time changing so i go from pleasure to pain until u feel i am enjoying ur cock in my ass too much and my pussy is dripping onto the floor so u turn me around and command i suck your cock until you explode onto my face and at the same time as you do, you make me finger myself so as i suck it im also moaning in enjoyment. Then you pull out of ur mouth and the hot come runs down my face and i lick the remainder of it off ur dick
Me: Thanks. Gonna take me a while to read it. Gonna cheat and look at one of your photos too. My dick’s in my hand now
Her: Which photo of mine
Me: Profile 8 of 43. You’ll be in this position when I fuck that slutty mouth of yours
Her: Lollll! Ok well lets say night night. Talk tomorrow x enjoy urself
Me: Good gosh woman, you do have a way with words there! good story and certainly one I can buy into
Me: Good night. if you rub out any more for me, be sure to send a text to confirm the deed. I don’t mind waking up to read that.
Her: 🙂
Her: I will be doing that btw. U can count on it. At least twice more
Me: Heh! That’s my girl 😉