When I first heard about Game I had preconceptions. I think everyone does. I looked at the cover for Neil Strauss’s book and it has an idealised cartoon image of the “player”. The Player is a cool, well-dressed lounge lizard who cocks his head and winks slyly at the camera while in repose at the VIP table in a top-end club, lots of club bunnies around him. There is the tinkle of girl’s laughter above the music. Perhaps on the weekend he’ll drive his Ferrari into the hills on a date.
The Player has an expensive flowing haircut, like an Argentinian footballer (or Johnny Wisdom). His shirt is loose, open and from the most expensive salon. You can smell Old Spice on his collar.
As I got more into game I had an epiphany. This is pure higher beta, modified for the bar environment. This is the GQ / Esquire / Mens Health version of the “guy who fucks hot girls”. This is the supplicating version. The guy who tries too hard.
As I got further into game and started seeing these guys around I saw how brittle their self esteem is. They do attract girls but I lost count of how many times I saw them fuck it up by going all beta. The charisma wasn’t there. They were like little boys and they hadn’t taken the red pill. Guys with those advantages ought to be killing it but they weren’t. Getting laid occasionally, sure, but never with girls equal to them in immediate value. Bizarre.
Sitting in my flat in Latvia I had another realisation. The guys who fuck loads of hot women are nothing like the urban player myth. What they actually do is sit around in their underwear trolling Plenty of Fish. They hustle in Covent Garden through wind and rain. They get shitfaced in Hoxton bars and tool big sets. They rapidly escalate in nightclubs and bundle girls into taxis. They get £30 Ryanair flights to foreign cities and then hole up in shithole apartments plotting their next move.
They are semi-employed. They had some personality flaws that drive them to master the skillset and fuck loads of girls. They sometimes fuck fatties just to get a good story. What they don’t do – ever – is spend £hundreds on clothes and grooming products, two hours getting ready, and then swan around a top end club looking like a player.
February 21, 2011 at 6:52 pm
February 22, 2011 at 2:12 am
Hear hear. This is the truth. I have been on 4 dates this week and had massive success. Blog post to follow in next few days.
All 4 dates this week I wore my glasses (something I would never have done even a year ago), didn’t even bother to comb my hair, wore a shitty old red Henry Lloyd jumper and went to the cheapest bars possible.
February 22, 2011 at 4:25 am
I love this post, man. This is a great perspective to share.
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February 28, 2011 at 1:35 am
something to think about. i think the indifference is key. but not sure if i am buying the entire thesis.
June 14, 2011 at 1:33 pm
If you dress to impress, your right. If you dress because you love to look good, your wrong.
So basicly its all about feeling great in your skin, thats whats attractive, no matter how much you pay for it.
October 30, 2013 at 12:03 am
I have been following you since 2010 and read every blog post sometimes multiple times. I am trying to figure out what “value” is exactly. I can’t remember if you have dedicated a blog post specifically to it. After searching your site, I found bits and pieces here and there. Could you please do a full blog post of what “value” really means? Is it something internal? Is it the way you think? (a beta can become an alpha by changing his behavior and his outlook), but then if someone is broke as shit and fat I can’t really say that person has value even if he is alpha …
June 24, 2014 at 2:14 pm
“What they don’t do – ever – is spend £hundreds on clothes and grooming products, two hours getting ready, and then swan around a top end club looking like a player.”
How do you reconcile that observation with your current presentation: of careful selection of clothing and accessories?