I’ve not really done any daygame since the end of November. I had to go to Paris to meet one of my favourites and then home for Christmas with the family. Then I had a week of swine flu. Combine that with the biting cold and my changing attitudes regarding harem management, and I just did a handful of half-arsed approaches.
Then Bhodisatta pops round for a chat and we start talking ourselves into it. He invites me out two days in succession. I do some sets and realise the off-season has really soldified some changes in my attitudes. I notice:
– I have no approach anxiety. None at all. I fully believe I’m adding value to the girl’s day and fully expect her to respond well.
– I don’t have to mentally override potential bad behaviours. When I used to approach 9s and 10s I’d have to discipline myself not to show nervousness or to qualify. Now I don’t even get those problematic drives. It’s just a girl.
– I am so relaxed and light-hearted that vibing is extremely easy.
– I am going after the very best girls I find. There’s no sense of wimping out by approaching girls who seem most up for it or the easy option.
Over the two days I do about 12 sets. Only two blowouts and five numbers/facebook. Here’s three of them after they accepted my add. A quality stock.
I check Bhodisatta’s blog and he’s talking about the stages he’s been going through in daygame. Here’s an expanded version of the comment I left, as it applies to me.
1. Impossible – Before learning about game and seeing guys do it, I assume it can’t be done. I’ve got the socialisation blinders on which tell me the only ways to meet girls are in bars, social circle or internet dating sits. So I see hundreds of pretty girls walk past me on the streets and never even think there’s a way to get them.
2. New Horizons – I first start with direct openers. I’m awkward and tense which makes the girls feel sorry for me and want to be nice. So I get good responses and sometimes numbers. It’s a powerful feeling, all out of proportion with the results. Just to know it’s possible and I have choice. The girls don’t actually want to date me but I naively think daygame is easy and this motivates me to do massive numbers of approaches. 20 sets a day twice a week is not uncommon.
3. Validation Seeking – I become more practised, with better body language, better able to move the set into a conversation without self-sabotaging. I start hooking most sets and feeling validated by the positive responses. Without realising it, I take on a tendency to turn off the sexuality and not push things, in order to keep the vaildation of the initial positive response. My self image is dependent on having the girls give me numbers and I protect this. I’m not screening girls out when they try to LJBF early because I want the date, even though the girl has basically subcommunicating that its not a romantic frame. Flakey numbers. LJBF dates.
4. The Wobbles – I realise the problem and turn on the sexual intent. There’s a big drop in success because I’m a sexual threat again, although the few successes go further and I start getting laid. I realise I’m not as good as I think I am and tracking my batting average is hindering my development. I no longer care about being able to say “I approached five girls and got four numbers”. I’m happy with less sets but pushing them further.
5. Anti-Monkey – I still haven’t really seen good examples of daygame to learn from. I’ve still got the blinders on, thinking every set has to go the same way: a moving target that i open with a synonym of “you’re gorgeous”. I cast around for alternative methods, refinements, and look to reevaluate what I’m doing and what works and what doesnt’. I start to innovate and add my own personality to my method. I realise I’m talking too much and not getting the girl involved. Showing too much interest and energy. Change tack. Success goes up.
6. Laziness – I’m finally at the stage where I’m happy with the returns I get from the work done. My ego jumps in. I go into sets expecting to hook without doing any work. I exercise poor discipline by not following the model. Feel too entitled to get the girl without doing the work. So I don’t smile when I open, or my vibe is too serious, or I don’t DHV, or a whole list of things. I still get girls but the success rate drops again. My inner game has become “I’m sick of this game shit. I’m high value now. The girl should just like me for who I am”
7. Scarcity Returns – approaching has become so much of my identity that I do too much of it, and return to a chasing mentality. I am the guy who opens, therefore I need to open. Outcome dependence creeps back in as I feel bad letting pretty girls walk past me without opening them. I always need to have new prospects rather than just being happy with all the girls I’m dating.
8. Naturalisation – I live my life, and if I see a girl I want, and I have space for her in my life, I open. It doesn’t feel like game. I don’ feel any pressure and it’s alot of fun.