I bang my first 22 yr old Canadian stripper

September 14, 2011
krauserpua

I nearly fucked this one up many times and it was hard work. I was out a couple of months ago along Oxford Street and having a so-so day. There’d been a couple of instant dates but nothing really sticking so I decide to take a time-out in Wasabi to eat some cheap tofu curry. As I leave a curvy Polish-looking chick in a tight black figure-hugging t-shirt and skirt rolls past. She’s got the archetypal stripper’s body with curves all over and massive false tits (DD, she tells me later). So I open and she’s really low energy and sultry.

I wonder why she attracts so many stares

Within two minutes we are talking sexual when I ask her if she’s seen any girls today with a better rack than her. So we stand side by side checking out other girls on the street to see if anyone fits the bill. Once I’m sure of the hook I walk her to the nearest bar. It’s beautifully located and full of homos. We sit down in a corner by the toilets (yes, you guessed my intent). She’s strangely quiet and softly spoken like she’s smouldering with sexual energy. I verbally escalate hard by telling stories of fucking, showing her dirty text message exchanges and soon her hand is on my cock. She tells me she’s married and shows me her ring.

Woah. Hold the phone. What?

Something doesn’t ring true (see what I did there? see what I did?) so I keep going and when she hits sexual state I try to drag her into the toilets. No go. After the second drink she wants to go home and I let her go. We chat on Skype that evening and I keep verbally escalating. Probably a mistake to overdo it but she’s playing along.

A few days later we have the Day 2 and she’s quiet, weirdly reserved but I figure if she came out she must be attracted. Kino is awkward and she says it’s “inappropriate” when I kiss close her in the bar. Day 3 is horrible because she’s got a migraine so we barely exchange words for an hour and I just practice subcommunication to keep myself entertained. More Skype and she sends me pictures of her tits in a new bra. It’s all a bit weird. She’s clearly a low-esteem girl and admits as much. She also comes clean and says the “I’m married” ring thing is just a ploy to stop guys opening her, which she claims happens loads.

Finally I have a head-to-head with one of my wings to figure out what I should do on Day 4. His advice is simple – push push push until I either fuck her or she storms out. I meet her at Baker Street and before she’s even arrived the tour bus chode has opened her and is knuckle-dragging at her heels so I have to dismiss him before I take her to the park. It’s as we walk around the park I get an eye-opening sight: every single guy is checking her out. And I mean every single one. Joggers, cyclists, husbands taking kids for a walk – everyone. It’s no exaggeration to say over 100 guys blatantly wanted to fuck her within half an hour’s walk. This girl must live in a strange reality.

I run lots of comfort, no kino, then an hour in go for another kiss. She literally fights me off, so I hold her down hard and she relents. She tells me it was inappropriate to do that in public. On Skype before Day 2 I’d told her in the pub idate I’d wanted to just grab her hair, drag her to her knees and stuff my cock in her mouth. Her response had been “that’s so hot!”. It was obvious this girl was gonna put up strong token resistence. I take her to a pub and she spends a while telling me I’m not gonna fuck her and she agrees to come back to my house (but she’s not gonna have sex with me). I parade her past the boys to approving nods. Especially those tits. Damn, what a pair! Upstairs we have a little vodka and I pounce.

As expected she’s resisting plenty. So I keep letting go and giving her an out, which she never takes. She never gives me “no” or “stop”. It’s always variations of “this is so inappropriate” or “you shouldn’t be doing this to me” before re-escalating me. Before long I’ve got my cock between her bare tits, which is a bigger win than fucking her in this case. Then I pull her remaining clothes off and fuck her. It’s a mediocre fuck but a joyous sight to look down at the quality of body I’m fucking.

Good grief, what a pair!

Then she gets all buyers remorsey and wants to leave. She calms down when she realises I’m not trying to pump’n’dump (she’s low esteem, remember) so I keep her around another hour. We are still in contact but it’s proving difficult to get an encore. Strange girl.

Learning points

  • Be very careful about over-escalating early if the SDL isn’t on
  • Some girls will tell you they need to be taken roughly, then you can do so
  • But when going in hard, always leave her “outs” so she knows she can actually get away if she wants to
  • Girls with huge fake tits are usually low esteem. That’s why they get them, and the tits just exacerbate their problems.
  • You get strong intent when you go into a date deciding “either I fuck her or burn the set”

Eurochode Hell – Spanish guys have no game

September 5, 2011
krauserpua

It’s part of my relationship game that I teach my girlfriends about life, the universe and everything. I want to impart upon them in short order the sort of wisdom it took me a (much longer) lifetime to acquire. There’s so much bullshit and quackery in the world and I want to innoculate the girls against it before I send them back into the wild, outside my umbrella of leadership and protection.

It also gives opportunities for fun. In the case of my Barcelona trip, some tooling of Eurochodes.

I firmly believe that while the universal law of gender parity prevails in the long run, in the short run there can be wildly different mismatches in countries between the men and the women. I’m talking top-10%-of-sexual-market here. Mutants, mongs and munters are invisible in this analysis. For example:

  • Britain: cool guys with style and game vs fat entitled masculine women
  • Lithuania: dorky computer nerds vs curvy warm feminine sweethearts
  • Russia: dorky square-headed aspy kids vs leggy smoking hot ice queens
  • Italy: suave good-looking pussy-beggars vs stunning witches
  • Spain: spineless pretty boys vs sultry but kinda chubby hotties

"Will settle for a six"

A skewed sample perhaps but I swear I only saw one couple in the whole of this holiday where the man wasn’t at least a point more physically attractive than his girl. That couple was Russian. Throughout the streets I see lithe tall good-looking guys being led around like puppies by fairly-hot-but-porky-bellied women. This flouts the first rule of game: You should be banging girls better looking than you are. When the sexes turn up at the evolutionary mating pit, women bring their svelte DNA. They are a nicely-formed oven for you to bake your bun in. The guy brings pretty much everything else except looks. So if you are bringing your looks it’s like the old poker table adage: every table has a sucker. If you don’t know who it is, it’s you.

I’ve been clubbing two nights in a row here with my two Lithuanian girls. One is my official girlfriend, the other is her friend and single. First night I sent my girl onto the dancefloor to sway her hips and wave her arms. Sure enough within a few minutes a chode crystal formed around her and four friends spent half an hour slitting each other’s throats trying to get at her. A horrible display of anti-wing rules and an obvious telegraphing of low value. My girl was disgusted. After giving them half an hour I jumped in with some retard dancing to AMOG and sure enough the chode crystal shattered. Not a fair battle, but a fun game.

Eurochodeland

Next night was worse. We went to Razmatazz, a “cool” club, shortly after 1pm. As expected it was a sausage factory mixing local Spaniards and assorted other Eurochodes. Soon lots of painted up 6s arrived to attention whore. I didn’t spot an eight or better all night. Me and my girl tried reading the club and were amazed that nobody was having fun. The guy’s all stood awkwardly near the dancefloor value-scanning or else danced awkwardly off time to the music, or did chode-hopping displays. At no point did any guy seem to be dancing for the sheer joy of it. Most of the girls were just positioning themselves into sight lines to shake their arses in little rapo games. As the night progressed things improved a little and people started to chill a little but that’s when the pussy-beggars went into overdrive.

Again I sent my girl out to dance and she was opened about ten times in half an hour. I say “opened” but I think only one guy did it fairly well – it was like a mild version of 60’s rapid escalation. I’d call it Tepid Escalation. He came in full-on and started a challenging conversation but unfortunately telegraphed too much dependence and crumbled when my bird gave him the Russian Minute. Then he just got creepy until dismissed. Some fat omega begged her friend for a photo. Other guys did really half-arsed grinds or walk-by stares. At no point did any guy seriously commit to the open in a manner that put his balls on the line. These pretty boys are terrified of real rejection. It wasn’t really an environment conducive to indirect game. No one was having enough fun to be the warm end of the pool to draw women in unopened.

So me and my bird just did retard dancing all night and had a great time.

I never considered myself good at club game but I’ve realised just how poor most of the competition is. These guys had nothing behind their looks. I saw guys being tooled all night long. Tall, suave male 8s and 9s getting tooled by little fat 6s. Horrible.

I bang my first 28yr old Italian hand-me-down

September 4, 2011
krauserpua

I’ll admit this girl was below my usual standard. I’ve never been one for bottom-feeding (even pre-game) and after this one I’ve decided I’ll have nothing to do with any girls below a seven, and only drop below eight if it’s easy. This was really easy.

Regular readers will remember my Spanish flag who I passed on to Big Toe. After the fat man closed her I suddenly had an idea, like connecting dots between the elusive and the obvious – I didn’t just do my friend a good turn but I did her one too. She really liked him. So next time she shows up on chat it goes something like this (to paraphrase):

  • Me: Big Toe is pretty cool isn’t he
  • Her: He is. Much cooler than you 😛
  • Me: You realise that you owe me a girl now, don’t you
  • Her: Yes
  • Me: So start looking. Who is suitable and single?
  • Her: I don’t know any. All the single girls I know who want sex are in Spain
  • Me: Keep looking

About a week later she suggests her Chinese and Italian flatmates and sends sample photos. Neither is a sight to behold but of the two the eye-tie is kinda my type. Sunday evening rolls around and Spaniard wants to meet Toe. I tell her to bring her friends and I’ll show up. We manage to rouse JJ too. However the plan for a 3-on-3 date is scuppered when I get an unexpected text from Russian Catwalk Model wanting to meet for an afternoon coffee. Hmmmm. I don’t have an Italian flag but RCM is a full 4 points higher on the scale.

It's a flag

After five hours of coffee, beer and food with RCM I roll up late to the 3-on-3 with her on my arm. We’ll call that preselection, shall we? My team falls into wing rules, DHVing me a little before my arrival and then letting me lead the conversation. RCM is shooting daggers at the three hussies while Italian is IOIing plenty. Last orders soon arrives and I go home with RCM, recording this audio before I bang her one last time.

It’s easy to put Italian on facebook the next day and run some light chat before taking her out for a date. It’s freewheeling downhill with no effort – I just lead her with a few pubs, run comfort, and sound her out on sex. Her and Spaniard had already done the private girl-talk about fuck buddies so there wasn’t much for me to do. I could sense Italian really felt out of her depth because she qualified hard and was constantly fishing for reasons why I’d bother talking to her. Then she suddenly puts her drink down and gives me The Speech:

“Ok, I’ll be honest. I want to have sex with you. Not tonight, I can’t for a week or two, but I will. If we both like it then great. If not, that’s ok.”

I nod, take her to Primrose Hill (scene of an earlier special moment) and she sucks my cock till I come in her face. Then we go our separate ways. A week later I meet her for a quick drink while I’m out with Tom – already planning the hand-off – and finally we set up a date for her to come round to my house. I do her rationalisation hamster the polite service of plying drinks down her neck and an hour of conversation before taking her upstairs for a fuck.

She’s a good performer but just not hot enough. After busting a nut it’s a chore to keep her around. She’s pawing at my cock all night and finally I grudgingly sympathy-fuck her in the morning. Haven’t seen her since. Learning points?

  • Don’t fuck girls when you know that the moment you bust a nut you want rid of them. It’s bad for the inner game
  • Girls are surprisingly logical and premeditated about sex when your value far exceeds theirs
  • Even easy girls require a bit of coaxing and conversation if you want to leave them feeling ok afterwards

Men mature like fine wine

September 3, 2011
krauserpua

We all age. Your game should mature as you do, like a fine wine.

Exhibit 1: The eligible bachelor

Something RSD Jeffy said in one of his talks resonated with me. Getting into the community is like going to university. It’s a phase in your life where you reorient yourself, develop your skills, and then….. leave. Get on with your life. The game never goes away but you take the core concepts on board and then move on to your next mission. That’s pretty much how I view it. I don’t want to be doing 20 approaches every Saturday into perpetuity. There’s guys who have been “in the community” for a decade and while their skills are sometimes fantastic I just wonder what is missing from their life that they still identify. It’s almost like those perma-students you see in graduate school – soaking up Daddy’s allowance with perpetual masters degrees. They just need to get a real job.

Exhibit 2: nothing is ever too serious

I envision my future outside the community to be about living a life of financial and geographical freedom. Sitting at a beach bar dive in Jamaica sipping rum with my buddies before taking my young hottie home for the evening. Another month passes and I’m in a Rio BJJ gym rolling with the other guys, then a big steak at a carvery before sitting at home reading a novel. Whatever, wherever, whenever just living life to follow my interests.

Exhibit 3: poise and balance

As a young man you can get by on looks, testosterone and sexual persistence. That’s how most young guys get most of their sex and female company. As you mature, you… mature. I look around for good role models. Guys who embody the type of man and lifestyle I want ten or twenty years from now. A lifestyle that is intensely attractive to women but not driven by the hunt for fresh pussy. Men of means, wit, and wisdom. I love the three photos I’ve posted here. Every one of them speaks to me even if they are posed to represent an idea rather than to true life of the man posing for it.

How life changes

September 2, 2011
krauserpua

I’m sitting in a tapas bar in Barcelona as the cool breeze wafts in from the sea. I have piled-up plates of patatas bravas and tortilla on the small upturned barrel in front of me that is used as a table. The waiters have not yet cleared away two empty glasses of Estrella lager. I look down at my arms. Freckles dot my limbs in close order right up to my t-shirt sleeve line. I have as close to a t-shirt tan as a pasty Englishman can muster. Reminiscing I realise I haven’t been this freckled since I was a young boy. Not since then have I spent such long summers outdoors. The intervening time has always seen me couped up in a schoolroom, lecture theatre, or office during the peak daytime hours of summer.

I reflect on how my life has changed.

Last year I quit my job and freed myself from the office grind. It was common for me to work 60-hour weeks, suited and booted. I had a team to look after and a boss to answer to. Deadlines stressed me and there were nights where I’d struggle to sleep as I pondered work issues, unable to let go. Feeling responsible. Feeling guilty for calling in sick unless genuinely bed-ridden lest I let down my co-workers.

I was out with a couple of my old friends last weekend for a post-work drink (their work, not mine). Great guys, great friends but thoroughly plugged into the matrix. I brought my Thai girl with me – an ex girlfriend but now simply a friend, I’m like her big brother now – and we started drinking. Then she went home and my girlfriend joined us. We got smashed. The next day my girl commented that the three guys had been watching us intently, trying to figure out how we were having so much fun, how I was able to open so many other girls for good interactions, and how this young busty chick was just hanging off me all night. I realised that what is normal to me is extraordinary to my friends. Extraordinary to me less than two years ago.

Now I’m sitting in Barcelona with two 21 year old Lithuanian girls who adore me. I’d banged one for an hour last night while her friend pretended to sleep next to us. Yesterday morning while waiting at the gate to board, two different tall hot 20 year old girls texted me to say they’d finished masturbating while thinking of me. A few nights previously I’d had a gin-soaked foursome with a wing and a couple of lovely young girls. The large-breasted Canadian stripper I banged a while ago has started text-stalking me. The beautiful young Italian who added me to facebook by accident (we’d never met) has been telling me how she once had a threesome and fancies another, and by the way can she come around my house to challenge me at video games? I turned down a late-night booty call from a tall teenage black girl because my girlfriend is still in the country.

I like Barcelona. We’ve just been swimming in the sea. I say to the girls I might come and live here for a month next time London gets cold. I’m joking. But I ruminate on the idea and I realise nothing is stopping me. I am so close to financial and geographical independence. So much so that I’m working on my exit to the “community”. No more bootcamps, no more teaching, no more forums and blogs. Just sell my books (two more in the works) and update the blog from any beach with WiFi.

I honestly never dreamed I’d be in this position. At the drop of a hat I can book a flight to any country I please and just live there. Our rat pack means there’s always a couple of guys up for adventure. We have the money and freedom. We have contacts and girls in every port. Just show up, daygame a few hours, hit a bar to meet some cool guys and that’s it. A new base set up within 24 hours.

I love it.

UPDATE: Some dude just linked this in a list of other related posts. They are all great. Check them out here

Messers

August 29, 2011
krauserpua

Regular readers will be familar with the female typology I cribbed off Alchemy42, namely:

      1. High beauty / High Esteem – the holy grail of pickup
      2. High beauty / Low Esteem – ditzy club psychos
      3. Low beauty / High Esteem – annoying cockblocks
      4. Low beauty / Low Esteem – Big Toe‘s girls

I have very pointedly aimed my game for type one girls because I like actual dating and thus want to be around girls who make me feel good and don’t try to fuck me around with their stupid games. I believe that honest direct game, especially street game, is the way to get these girls and then on dates you just take your time. Turn off the bullshit and let the girl see your value. However, type 2 girls are also useful on your journey in masculine development and not just because they are often great lays. Like a boxing prospect needs some testing fights against challenging opponents for him to elevate himself to contender status, an aspiring player needs challenging game-playing girls to teach him about women.

I have been lucky enough to have some such girls. Tall, smoking hot women who are in constant demand from men and have, due to daddy issues or whatever, learned to shamelessly manipulate them and break their frames.

      • Man-Eater: A tall leggy black English girl with massive fake tits and a £100k City job.
      • Button Nose: A tall leggy white English girl with massive natural tits and from extremely posh background
      • Russian Bear: A tall leggy white Russian girl who oozes sexuality and works as a hired gun for nightclubs.

You’ll probably notice some similarities between these girls. In each case, everytime I walked down the street with them on my arm, every single man’s jaw dropped, his tongue hanging out. Literally 100 times per hour. It was a great insight into these girl’s reality. They are being validated with attention, favours, and offers of cock literally a thousand times a day every day for years. No wonder they are difficult.

I didn’t fuck any of those three girls. Man-eater gave me a few blowjobs, Button Nose masturbated over sex chat and is dating me later this week, and Russian Bear let me put my cock halfway in before she spazzed out and I threw her out my house. No lay report on the later because I didn’t get my two strokes. But over the course of the chase I learned an incredible amount about frame control, shit tests, flipping the script, state control and so on. These girls helped educated me alot for when I encounter the girls I actually like.

JJ calls them “messers”. Girls who mess you around. The most important thing I learned from them is don’t date them. They are a siren song waiting to drown you on the rocks. Learn to recognise the warning signs and don’t waste your time.

Rocky’s Escalation Model

August 23, 2011
krauserpua

I’m busy with all kinds of shit right now, so it’s a great opportunity to hand over the reins to my capable friend and wingman Rocky for a theoretical post that is close to all our hearts – closing high value girls. Take it away….

This model is what I use for girls that I want to be able to see over long periods of time; I wouldn’t use this model on a girl that I just want to see once for sex. The idea is to structure a process that is as linear and as predictable as possible; the aim is to make as few escalation mistakes along the way as possible. By that I mean that I do want to create an escalation process (romantic and sexual escalation) that is as smooth as possible and I want to trigger as little rejection to my escalation as possible. Note that I do not fear rejection and I am not trying to avoid escalation; my aim is to avoid rejection as much as possible and if possible to flip the script, making her seduce me. Experience showed me that rejection is mostly a result of escalating too early (sexual and romantic escalation).

Failure due to romantic overescalation: We all know the “I-would-marry-her-right-now-and-treat-her-like-a-queen-for-the-rest-of-her-life-feeling” when first dating a very hot and charismatic girl. As a result you will become needy because you feel the urge to let her know early on how much you are falling for her. This clearly creeps girls out because you have no reason to like her yet. She will assume that your affection is fake or phony in order to sleep with her as soon as possible or you have no standards and fall for any girl, both of which is bad. You could also miss to create enough attraction if you go down the romantic route too early.

Failure due to sexual overescalation: Similarily, if you bring the girl into a situation where she has to reject your physical escalation, you might lose her as well. Even if you manage to blast through LMR and sleep with her she is very likely to get buyers remorse the next day and she may not want to see you again. Note that sex after strong LMR is not very good usually anyway.

The cure: In my experience, these are the two main issues why guys screw up and lose girls. To circumvent these two problems it is important to understand that

  1. YOU NEED TO GIVE THE GIRL REASONS WHY YOU LIKE HER or your romantic interest will come across as fake and phony and
  2. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE GIRL UNDERSTANDS AND BELIEVES THAT YOU WILL SEE HER AGAIN AFTER YOU HAD SEX WITH HER or she will feel like a slut.

To be able to create 1) and 2) you need to give yourself time because you need multiple dates to make it plausible to the girl. 1) and 2) go hand in hand because for a girl liking a guy and having sex with him goes hand in hand. Girls want to have sex just as much as guys do (or even more). The difference is that girl wants to know that you want to have sex with her because you like her and not only because you are horny. The same counts for herself: if she likes you she will want to have sex with you as well. Girls are very vulnerable and their biggest fear is to have sex with a guy that doesn’t care about her personality and that doesn’t want to see her again after sex. Almost all girls have had this kind of experience and they remember that slutty feeling very well: it is their biggest fear. For that reason girls have very finely tuned sensors that are detecting guys with the following mindset: I want to sleep with you because you are hot but I don’t really care about you. With a very hot and charismatic girl (gf material) it is your aim to make it plausible to a her that you want to have sex with her because you really like her and find her very attractive. In that way you will avoid triggering her slut defense. As a matter of fact, you will become the special guy that appreciates her for who she is and has more than just a physical need to satisfy.

Timing and Escalation: you are constantly escalating. The difference to a 10min club extraction is that the speed of the escalation is much slower and you bring in an additional element which I called romantic escalation. In a club you approach, attract, bounce and close. All this can happen within 10min to 2h. For getting the charismatic hotty that you consider gf material you need to take a different route. You take your time. You escalate sexually but you escalate slowly, while you are building comfort, trust and chemistry at the same time. Then you escalate sexually more while letting her know that you like her.

You have various dates, some of which involve activities that she and you are interested in: maybe an art exhibition or maybe a walk along the canal from Camden to Paddington. After 3-4 dates you end up at her or your place. You have made out with her various times before and both of you feel that this is going very well. You may cook together and watch a movie and then half way through the movie it just happens. No LMR, no ASD, you jump each other, the sex is passionate and there to release all the sexual tension that has built up over time. Because you want to keep her around and because you feel comfortable with her you stay over after sex. You may get up in the morning together and have breakfast. The next day she calls and tells you that she had an incredible evening and night with you and that she is free on Wednesday. You reciprocate and tell her that she can come over on Wednesday.

Thanks Rocky. If this doesn’t sound like rocket science, it’s because it isn’t. Much of the complexity in game comes from digging yourself out of holes you should have never fallen into, or choosing the wrong girl / failing to screen out a girl who isn’t right for you.

Why day game works

August 18, 2011
krauserpua

Never underestimate the chodiness of the average chode. Once you’ve done a few hundred street stops it becomes part of your reality that if you see a girl you like you go talk to her. It seems…. just….. obvious. Why wouldn’t you talk to her? Taking some weird circuitous route seems so weird and circuitous.

I mean, what kind of man can’t talk to a girl he likes?

A pussy. That’s who. Girls already have a pussy of their own. They don’t need another. Fortunately for us the world is absolutely awash in male pussies. They are terrified of approaching and just stand there holding their cocks when a hot girl ambles past.

Unsurpringly whole industries have grown up around this fear of approaching. You have Game companies that teach you how to approach. And you also have internet dating sites that pretend you don’t need to. What is news to me is there are companies determined to fall between two stools: daygame companies for guys who won’t approach.

Witness this:

And this godawful moneypit. (mind you, it’s advanced level!!!!)

I bang my first 18 year old Estonian girl. Anally.

August 18, 2011
krauserpua

It’s the second full day of Big Toe and I’s jaunt to Estonia. We’ve been ripping it up in daygame pushing for bouncebacks and flagrant sexual propositioning. Not the type of solid game I’d usually recommend but sometimes you want to push the envelope on a specific part of your game. We are doing more of the same in nightgame with rapid escalation. So we’re pumped. On the way to the bar I see a slutty-looking 2-set stroll by. Young girls with curvy figures and ripped-up punky clothes. Me and Toe exchange glances. “Let’s just blatantly hit on them for sex” I say and we run after them. They crack open easily.

“Hey girls. We were just over there when you walked by and we literally just saw you. Me and my friend here, we are on holiday in Estonia. We’re about to go drinking but we’re a bit tense. We thought that if we can find a couple of girls, take them home right now, and fuck them… then we’d relax and have a better night”

The girls are dumbfounded – a huge adrenalin spike wobbles their legs and they are hooked strong deer-in-headlights style. We keep ploughing and they realise we aren’t backing down and actually intend to bounce them 50m down the road to our apartment. They start to get turned on. The little redhead is in sexual state and would’ve done it right away but her brunette friend is more resistant. We spend a while telling them exactly how we’ll fuck them and occasionally slip into playful teasing and state raising. Finally we decide the girls aren’t up for it right now but might later, when left to chew it over in their minds. So I number close the redhead telling her “we’re going drinking now. We’ll swap numbers and then later if you get horny and fancy some great rough sex, let me know”

like this, but with another 5kg

Then we go out to a shisha bar to meet Toe’s date (a stunning 21yo ’9′) and her friend. We plan to go to a good club that we’ve been recommended, where one of my girls from the prior night is waiting for me to show up. Then I start swapping texts with redhead. It’s a boring exchange but just note how it is purely logistics. This girl had been given no comfort at all – just a five minute attraction set and even that was basically just intent, with little finesse:

    • Me 1:08am: We are smoking shisha at delaguardia. What you doing?
    • Her 1:17am: Sitting right here, outside at O’Malleys
    • Me 1:19am: We are at Delaguardia, at the shisha place. Come join us
    • Me 1:34am: We are going to Club Privee
    • Her 1:44am: We were just about to come up to delaguardia but ok
    • Me 1:44am: Club Privee!!! Join the party!
    • Her 1:45am: It costs too much
    • Me 1:46am: Boo! Come outside the club and we’ll find you
    • Her 1:58am: We’re pretty much near here right now, what next?
    • Me 2:00am: One minute, gonna see if they let me outside
    • Me 2:02am: They say I can’t go out. Can you come in?
    • Her 2:04am: I don’t have enough money with me at the moment
    • Me 2:05am: It’s 7 euro. I’ll pay that if you promise to 1. Laugh at my jokes and 2. Treat me like a super hero. Deal?
    • Her 2:08am: Haha, would be a deal, but what about my friend, i cant leave her alone
    • Me 2:09am: Ok, both of you BUT…. you must be our slaves. ok?
    • Her 2:18am: Hahah well… We’ll see about that. But we’ll be there in a few minutes.
    • Me 2:20am: Ok, we are on the right, upstairs. Surprise is
    • Her 2:22am: Guess I’m coming alone* but you have to come to the door to pay you know.
    • Me 2:24am: Wait. 1 min
    • Her 2:25am: I’m not there yet, chill
    • Me 2:26am: Fucking hell woman, I just walked down the stairs! It was a good song. Text me when you are at the door
    • Her 2:31am: Im at the door.

So I make my decision. I’ve only been in the club half an hour helping Toe raise state and be independent of his target, and the 19 yr old virgin I kissed the night before is somewhere in the club but hasn’t found me yet. A classic bird-in-the-hand / two-in-the-bush scenario. I go downstairs to check out my girl.

She’s up for it. So I ditch the club and just start walking her to my place. It takes ten minutes and I finally run comfort comfort comfort while engaging her logical mind. Once inside the apartment I tell her shoes off (“the wood floor is too clean”) and walk her to the bedroom to watch youtube videos. She lies next to me and then I roll over and close her.

Note: the interview / sexual fantasies thing begins about the seven minute mark

I get the expected token LMR which is easily defeated by intent (and some fingering). I give her some dirty talk and take her anal virginity, which she fucking loves. All the usual despicable depravity and by then Toe is home, sleeping on the couch. So naturally I try to pass her on. I reframe her on her attitudes to sex, DHV Toe, and push quite hard to get her to go into the lounge to fuck him. She’s considering it but it’s just a bit too weird for her. A few days later I booty call her and she walks 5 miles through the worst part of town in her heels to receive the Krausercock. She tells me she doesn’t understand why she did it.

Prince Harry has his shit together

August 16, 2011
krauserpua

From today’s Daily Telegraph

“……Prince Harry has broken off his romance with the lingerie model Florence Brudenell-Bruce, it has been reported. The Prince, 26, told friends he wants to focus on his Apache helicopter training and does not want to be “tied down”.

Harry began dating the 25-year-old lingerie model, nicknamed Flee, in June but has now broken off the relationship. “Harry has a lot on his mind at the moment. He is concentrating on his Apache helicopter training. After that, he’s expecting to return to Afghanistan,” a source told the Daily Mirror.

“Harry enjoyed spending time with friends over the summer, but he doesn’t want to be tied down in a relationship when training, so he called time on Flee.” Miss Brudenell-Bruce, who has fronted campaigns for John Lewis, Adidas and Knickerbox, was keen for Harry to join her on holiday in Ibiza this month……”

Sloppy seconds of Prince Harry and Jenson Button

It’s an open secret in the UK that Prince Harry and Prince William are half-brothers, sharing only the genes of their bed-hopping suicidal bulemic whore of a mother Princess Diana. This despicable little bitch caused much national shame so I wasn’t the least upset when she got herself driven into a wall at high speed. In fact, I remember where I was when the news of her death came out – I was walking into a bar in Tenerife with my girlfriend to watch the Newcastle-Liverpool game on SkySports, the season after the two famous 4-3 thrillers. As I walked in, the conversation went like this:

Me: Excuse mate, are you not putting the match on? It starts in five minutes

Barman: The match is cancelled

Me: Uh, why?

Barman: Diana is dead

Me: But why is the match cancelled?

Anyhow, I digress….. Whereas Prince William has bought the cow at a moment of sweet irony for me, Harry is busy with his boys in Afghanistan and dating lingerie models. He takes after his dad, the cad of cads. So check out this article. Harry has his mission, and there’s no lingerie models in the treehouse.