I nearly fucked this one up many times and it was hard work. I was out a couple of months ago along Oxford Street and having a so-so day. There’d been a couple of instant dates but nothing really sticking so I decide to take a time-out in Wasabi to eat some cheap tofu curry. As I leave a curvy Polish-looking chick in a tight black figure-hugging t-shirt and skirt rolls past. She’s got the archetypal stripper’s body with curves all over and massive false tits (DD, she tells me later). So I open and she’s really low energy and sultry.

Within two minutes we are talking sexual when I ask her if she’s seen any girls today with a better rack than her. So we stand side by side checking out other girls on the street to see if anyone fits the bill. Once I’m sure of the hook I walk her to the nearest bar. It’s beautifully located and full of homos. We sit down in a corner by the toilets (yes, you guessed my intent). She’s strangely quiet and softly spoken like she’s smouldering with sexual energy. I verbally escalate hard by telling stories of fucking, showing her dirty text message exchanges and soon her hand is on my cock. She tells me she’s married and shows me her ring.

Woah. Hold the phone. What?

Something doesn’t ring true (see what I did there? see what I did?) so I keep going and when she hits sexual state I try to drag her into the toilets. No go. After the second drink she wants to go home and I let her go. We chat on Skype that evening and I keep verbally escalating. Probably a mistake to overdo it but she’s playing along.

A few days later we have the Day 2 and she’s quiet, weirdly reserved but I figure if she came out she must be attracted. Kino is awkward and she says it’s “inappropriate” when I kiss close her in the bar. Day 3 is horrible because she’s got a migraine so we barely exchange words for an hour and I just practice subcommunication to keep myself entertained. More Skype and she sends me pictures of her tits in a new bra. It’s all a bit weird. She’s clearly a low-esteem girl and admits as much. She also comes clean and says the “I’m married” ring thing is just a ploy to stop guys opening her, which she claims happens loads.

Finally I have a head-to-head with one of my wings to figure out what I should do on Day 4. His advice is simple – push push push until I either fuck her or she storms out. I meet her at Baker Street and before she’s even arrived the tour bus chode has opened her and is knuckle-dragging at her heels so I have to dismiss him before I take her to the park. It’s as we walk around the park I get an eye-opening sight: every single guy is checking her out. And I mean every single one. Joggers, cyclists, husbands taking kids for a walk – everyone. It’s no exaggeration to say over 100 guys blatantly wanted to fuck her within half an hour’s walk. This girl must live in a strange reality.

I run lots of comfort, no kino, then an hour in go for another kiss. She literally fights me off, so I hold her down hard and she relents. She tells me it was inappropriate to do that in public. On Skype before Day 2 I’d told her in the pub idate I’d wanted to just grab her hair, drag her to her knees and stuff my cock in her mouth. Her response had been “that’s so hot!”. It was obvious this girl was gonna put up strong token resistence. I take her to a pub and she spends a while telling me I’m not gonna fuck her and she agrees to come back to my house (but she’s not gonna have sex with me). I parade her past the boys to approving nods. Especially those tits. Damn, what a pair! Upstairs we have a little vodka and I pounce.

As expected she’s resisting plenty. So I keep letting go and giving her an out, which she never takes. She never gives me “no” or “stop”. It’s always variations of “this is so inappropriate” or “you shouldn’t be doing this to me” before re-escalating me. Before long I’ve got my cock between her bare tits, which is a bigger win than fucking her in this case. Then I pull her remaining clothes off and fuck her. It’s a mediocre fuck but a joyous sight to look down at the quality of body I’m fucking.

Then she gets all buyers remorsey and wants to leave. She calms down when she realises I’m not trying to pump’n’dump (she’s low esteem, remember) so I keep her around another hour. We are still in contact but it’s proving difficult to get an encore. Strange girl.

Learning points

• Be very careful about over-escalating early if the SDL isn’t on
• Some girls will tell you they need to be taken roughly, then you can do so
• But when going in hard, always leave her “outs” so she knows she can actually get away if she wants to
• Girls with huge fake tits are usually low esteem. That’s why they get them, and the tits just exacerbate their problems.
• You get strong intent when you go into a date deciding “either I fuck her or burn the set”