A couple of months ago I opened a sweet English girl near Trafalgar Square in day game. It was an unremarkable set. Nice ten minutes of banter and she responded well but it never quite seemed to reach a point where I could commit her. Nonetheless I follow up. I post this long text exchange to show one way of warming up a cold lead. It takes lots of texts so it’s important to enjoy the process for self-amusement, rather than as a means to an end.
Me: So is this [button nose]? The kinda cute but kinda feisty girl who owes Nick a coffee (white americano, no sugar)
Her: do i look like a girl who buys men drinks? [shit test, hard and fast]
Me: No. Just mine. [stand my ground, cocky arrogance]
Her: you are so insane. [IOI]
Me: Uh-huh. I’m on my way out now. Talk soon. I’m thinking Saturday afternoon, about 5pm. Be a good girl and say “yay!”
Her: im not a good girl and maybe ill discuss with my boyfriend then see. ur outrageous.
So nothing happens. It’s a cute girl who likes me but she’s got a boyfriend and she doesn’t like me enough to ignore the fact. There’s lots of sets like this so I move on. Three weeks later I’m browsing my contacts with a new warm-up text in mind. A few cold leads get the same text and Button Nose responds.
Me 3:18am – You just invaded my dream. I can’t even remember what you look like. That’s totally not fair. [draw her in on her vanity because girls need to know how people perceive them, but make it clear it wasn’t a pervy dream]
Her 8:32am – Sorry who is this? i dont have this number saved… [proves how little investment she has right now]
Her 10:36am – ?? Come on i am so curious now i don’t have this number in my phone.. [I’d not replied for two hours. She’s started work and it’s nawing at her mind]
Me 10:38am – Don’t worry about it, you barely know me 😉 [more defiance – a normal guy would been saying “It’s Nick! We met at Trafalgar Sq three weeks ago. Remember?”]
Her 10:39am – it doesn’t matter if i barely know you then how do you have my number?
Me 10:40am – You liked me so you gave it to me. I don’t think you do that often to strangers. [framing her as liking me and me being different]
Her 10:42am – I don’t… So where did i meet u? If u have forgotten my face it had to have been long ago right?
Me 10:45am – Just a few weeks ago. We were both stone cold sober. I might not remember your face, but I do remember meeting. Dunno your excuse… [slightly challenging]
Her 10:55am – It would be helpful if u gave me your name or where we met and then i will remember… come on if u waited 2 weeks to text or something what do you expect? [this one unanswered question has been spun out so long that it allows me to DHV and invest her]
Her 11:00am – I am fairly sure i remember you but i changed phones so my sim lost you.. are you the sandwich compliment man who chased me down outside costa? [I don’t want to be framed as “sandwich compliment guy”]
Me 11:02am – Not sure about a sandwich. I think I complimented your arse or your walk. [remind her how sexual the opener was]
Her 11:03am – Sandwich complimenting! U complimented them in an offensive way! [mild shit test / banter]
Me 11:05am – Offensive? Yeah right… Little Miss Innocent now, are you? [introduce an image]
Her 11:08am – Of course! I was raised catholic 😉 i think using the word slutty was a bit much… [playing along]
Me 11:16am – So should I apologise and do some Hail Marys?
Her 11:18am – i could def use some form of grovelling right now… bad dayyy [she’s opening up a little about herself, a move into rapport]
Her 11:18am – Maybe explain what i was doing in ur dream [she’d almost forgotten the original text because of how I distracted her]
Me 11:24am – It wasn’t sexual. Well, not very… You were sort of a cameo character in the background. I don’t remember the details – you know how dreams are – but somehow it was definitely you. [this is basically a neg]
Her 11:29am – How…. flattering?
Me 11:31am – Oh, I like you Button Nose. But I don’t control my subconscious. Why’s your day so bad? [SOI and stack forwards. You can’t tease forever, I’ve done enough attraction for now]
Her 11:50am – Oh god its an old cliche to be honest… ‘my boyfriend and i broke up’ blah blah blah. But you know… new day, new start [sometimes you get lucky with timing and logistics. Have to be careful not to jump on it with lame “hey baby, forget him, you’ve got me” lame-assery]
Me 11:55am – Boo, that sucks Does your breakup recovery plan involve chocolate and wine?
Her 11:56am – No because that will lead to weight gain and me feeling even worse!! My break up plan involves fruit and cocktails. Lol i don’t know i don’t have a break up plan i am not organized enough.
Me 11:58am – If I was proper shifty, I’d be looking to pounce during your window of emotional vulnerability right now…. [verbalising the obvious subtext]
Her 12:00pm – ‘if’??!! Anyway sadly for anyone thinking that, break ups make me toughen up.
Me 12:11pm – Ok, I’m shifty…. Unburden yourself on your girl friends for a few days (I’m a bad listener), then we’ll do something together [ordering her to do what she’d do anyway while showing intent and a lack of outcome dependence]
Her 12:11pm – Hahahahahahahahahahaah ok