Mine is not the only adventure

May 9, 2010

Blogging is a wonderful thing. While I trundle onwards along my path to pick up mastery I keep meeting fellow travellers. Here’s a selection of their blogs. If you keep a pick-up journal and I missed you out, post in the comments and I’ll have a look. If I start reading you regularly I’ll post up your link.

Jake Turner:  The Quiet Earth

Bhodisatta: One Man’s Adventure in PUA Land

Willy Wonka: Willy Wonka’s Adventures

Johnny Wisdom: Wisdom’s Game

Karlos the Marmoset: My PUA Training Journal

Anonymous: Green Droppings

Rake: Rake in Seattle

Evolution 4: Transformation

May 4, 2010

Part Four of Four: Key Changes To My Game

Here’s a summary of the advice I received during my one-on-one when we were reviewing my in-field videos:

– Make 90% of the conversation about her, 10% about me.
– While it’s fine to beginning with jokes, I have to move past that into rapport within a few minutes.
– Don’t try to close every girl. It’s bad for my inner game over time.
– Don’t pay any attention to her good/bad response in the first minute. Just plough.
– Stand still to create magnetism. Don’t follow the girl or try to keep her. If she wants to leave it shouldn’t affect me so don’t pander to her whims.
– Put a statement of interest on the end of every personal observation about her.
– Don’t force her to carry the conversation in the early parts.
– It’s good to comment on her nationality but find ways to personalise it so I’m different to all the other guys.
– Be careful about showing disinterest in my body language. The vibe is I am interested but if she leaves – so what? This is more authentic
– Crossing her legs while standing is her way of settling into the interaction.
– Within a few minutes of the instadate I should sit her down and build rapport. Once she starts giving away her real self I’m in.
– Try not to fall into her loops. Reframe and put the interaction on my terms.
– Be creative in my phrasing and make it about her, even if I’m doing all the talking.
– Within ten minutes I can directly suggest the instadate. No need to overcomplicate it.
– Number closes / instadates normally fail to happen because there’s not enough rapport before the ask
– The instadate should be 80% rapport, 15% fun and 5% sexual
– If there’s no sexual undercurrent then verbalise it to create sexual tension.
– If there is a sexual undercurrent then don’t verbalise it or I’ll destroy it.
– Figure out three physical attributes I like in a girl and write them down in a way that is interesting to talk about, conveys sexual interest, and shows appreciation for the effort a girl put in to have those attributes.

Here’s some of the interesting things he said or did in set / in field:

– If you don’t have a good vibe with the girl, try to create one. If it doesn’t stick just move on. No need to try a close.
– If the vibe is good but she resists giving her number just argue the toss – “Why wouldn’t you give me your number? We’re having a fun conversation and we’ve got a good vibe”
– Open with a specific compliment with relatively timid body language. The strength and masculinity is expressed very subtly.
– 2 sets open with “[to obstacle] Hi, is it okay to say something to your friend [to target – normal compliment opener], [turn back to obstacle] I’m so glad I said that. I was quite nervous”
– On the instadate verbally escalate with a sexual comment followed by “I’m a man. I just have to say things like that when I see a beautiful woman”
– Forget bad sets almost immediately. Barely allow the memory to register.
– It’s fine to open under pretty much any circumstance, including girls walking towards you, if the opener is superficially gentle / implicitly strong.
– A good opener doesn’t look like a big deal. It’s almost like saying hello to an old friend.

Body language advice:

– Be directly in front of her so you occupy her whole vision. If you’re there, don’t move off to the side or away because it’ll weaken the vibe.
– You should show direct engagement and interest. No need to play it cool with the leaning back and cock pointing. Your vibe shows the alphaness.
– Don’t put hands / thumb in pockets. Keep your hands free so you can gesticulate naturally. It’s more authentic
– Don’t lean in. Stand straight up like “if I can’t hear you, no big deal”

Advice on the frame:

– You are not the cool guy trying to impress her with your coolness. You are being authentic.
– The street refreshes with new girls every minute. Don’t be fussed about any one set.
– Gaming hot girls you are genuinely attracted to is easiest because its so authentic and the sexual tension is real.
– Plain girls may reject a sincere compliment because of their low self esteem and may also feel overwhelmed by the attention.
– So girls are just cold and mean, or nice girls that you caught in a bad mood. Don’t take ownership of it.
– Most girls by themselves on a weekend are single. That’s the time taken girls are with boyfriends.
– Even the hottest girls are rarely hit on in the street, especially by someone competent. You really stand out and are much rarer than she is.

The three physical things I like:

– I love your flat stomach. Your silhouette has that nice slender curve from the width of the hips in to your narrow stomach. It’s such a pleasing curve, and then there’s the springiness in the muscle tone, like how you can prod it with your finger and the muscle springs back like a rubber ball. When a girl moves I can see the ripple of the stomach muscles underneath. It’s so hard for a girl to get a flat stomach. You have to be careful what you eat and exercise. But its worth it because I think it’s so sexy. It’s so satisfying just to hold my hand there. Its a similar feeling to holding my palm against a girl’s hip. It just feels so natural and pleasant, like you are doing what you are born to do.
–  I really love the colour and texture of your skin. Young fresh skin has a special shine and smell. I can tell you’ve been outdoors alot. You probably eat lots of fruit too. As a man I find it really sexy to look at the soft puppy fat under a young girls skin – in your cheeks, your arms, and of course your legs. There’s something about that softness, it’s so different to a men – the masculine muscle and rough skin. Girls skin is so much smoother and just nice. Your skin is lovely to look at and to touch. I imagine if we were in bed one afternoon, with the sun streaming in through the open windows, and the light bouncing off your skin. I could just lie there for hours, admiring you. I think it’s really sexy.
– I love your eyes. I think you can see a person’s character in their eyes and yours are so bright and open. They look really big and you have these lovely long eye lashes, and the colour matches your eyebrows and hair so well. I don’t know why so many girls pluck their eyebrows and then paint them back on with a pen. I find it so sexy when a girl has deep natural eyebrows, the perfect colour for their eyes. Your colouring reminds me of coffee. You have these sexy dark eyes and dark eyebrows but then a ligher coffee coloured skin. When I look in your eyes it’s addictive. You can only have eyes like this if you are a nice person.

Evolution 3: Expert Help

May 2, 2010

Part Three of Four: I take a one-on-one tutorial

I’ve been frustrated with the recent plateau in my game. Any time I go out daygaming I’ll come home with a fistful of numbers / facebooks / instant dates but I’m just not converting. In addition my state is still too variable and some days I struggle to hook sets. Hours of DVDs have been studied, blogs read, and introspection performed. I’m well over 500 sets into my daygame career. Time for some outside help.

There’s not many good daygamers out there. I’m fully prepared to drop a few hundred pounds on high quality instruction – this is a part of my life that consumes hours and hours of every single week – but I need to find a guy who is not just better than me but who also has a style that fits. Having been in the London scene since last summer I whittle the short list down to five names. One name stands above all others so I email this guy. A week goes by then he accepts the proposition and quotes a price that is high but justified if he lives up to his rep.

Readers know I constantly admonish aspiring PUAs to mistrust snake oil sellers and to insist on in-field evidence. I sought out this guy because (i) I’ve seen legit in field vids of him (ii) a number of people I know and respect spoke highly of him and (iii) his haters fail to find any credible argument against him. What didn’t interest me in the slightest was whether he worked for a famous pick up company. Ahead of time I send him youtube links to my previous sarging session and refrain from adding my own comments because I don’t want to preframe it. I spend an hour thinking through my objectives for the session and write them down thus…..

Today’s goal: To learn what he considers the best way to run day game (not necessarily best for me personally) and the key stages / structure to go through. To get a feel for the realities of daygame as experienced by competent daygamers (e.g. useful attitudes, %hit rates, calibration) or “what does effective daygame look like?”

Mid-term goal: To integrate the best of his technique into my own personal form of day game that suits my character and motivations.

Main skill set I want: To cold approach the hottest girls (7s to 10s) in the prime of their sexual value (18 to 24yrs old) and make them my girlfriend.

Secondary skills sets I’d like:
(i) To choose whether I get the SDL, LTR or social circle with any given girl
(ii) To befriend any girl I want even if she’s off limits (e.g. married, not sexually attracted to me)

Specific things I struggle with / questions

  • Is it better to display interest initially and if it’s not returned then to back off a little and befriend the girl, then put her into a holding pattern until she grows to like you OR keep escalating until she either complies or tells you to fuck off and you never see her again?
  • What is a “good” hit ratio of approaches to numbers, and approaches to lays?
  • How many approaches does it take to get good?
  • How much is it reliant on finding the right girl (matches you, is into you, is up for a fuck) compared to how much is about you attracting a girl who wasn’t really up for it in the beginning?
  • What % of girls are likely to be up for it and are there ways to recognised them or screen them early?
  • Logistically what is the best way to get a girl into bed from daygame?
  • What are good habits to acquire to help learning daygame (e.g. approach volumes, changes of location, principles to think about, self-testing)

But most of all I just want him to look at my game and decide what he thinks I need to do. We meet and go to his house to watch my videos. For over an hour he is playing them, pausing and commenting on what I do well, do badly, fail to do, and related theory behind the observations. He’s a technically astute and observant guy. About 90% of what he says I’m nodding my head in immediate agreement and there’s a few things in particular where I’m thinking “woah, that’s spot on. I totally didn’t realise that”. Before we’ve even left his house I feel I’ve gotten my money’s worth. The main insights:

– I’m failing to build rapport quickly
– I’m not talking enough about her
– I’m not personalising the conversation.

We head out to Oxford Street and he demos the first set, a leggy Austrian girl in short shorts. He hooks easily and its ten minutes much along the lines of what’s in the above linked video. I’m standing a few feet behind her so I can hear the conversation. I’m intently studying him – the eye contact, posture, gestures, vocal tone and how he transitions each thread. It confirms my chimpanzee theory. My game is 95% his in its superficial elements but he’s got that extra 5% that catapults his success rate. He gets me to open a cute little Asian and we tag-team her and interestingly his observations on the set are similar to mine. We do a seated two set of a Russian and a German that doesn’t go anywhere but provides twenty minutes of useful practice so I can observe him and he observe me. I’m consciously implementing the advice he gave and when I open a cute buxom Moroccan 17yr old and number close he’s watching the whole thing and says it was an excellent set. The vibe is brilliant and we are opening with no AA at all. We do a few more sets on the way to Trafalgar, stopping for coffee and juice – and more theory talk.

I’ve come to the end of my four paid hours but he seems determined to keep going until the session reaches a natural end so we are out for six hours in all. In Covent Garden he opens a three set of young English girls that we run for twenty minutes and number close, I crash and burn spectacularly with a mother-daughter set (not my fault – just a really cunty mother) and right at the end I instant date a cute little Jap who I date a few days later. That’s the end of the session. I’m very happy.

My thoughts?

He’s definitely the real deal. Although in raw performance I out-gamed him (closed hotter girls, got the instant date) I think that’s just because he wasn’t in his top gear and was spending more energy watching me than gaming for himself – which is exactly what he should be doing as a paid instructor. There’s no doubt in my mind that the famous “10 minute kiss close” video linked above is legit.
There is absolutely nothing about him or his game that I can’t do…. eventually. He’s not relying on his looks, money or position. Every part of his success is behaviour, words and vibe and he showed me how he got those skills. I simply have to keep working until I get them too.
His game is essentially the same as mine, just better. I trend more towards the alpha / masculine side but beneath his gentle yeti exterior he subcommunicates strong masculine polarity and the girls pick up on it.
His apprenticeship relied upon the same nerdish laser focus as my own: diarising the time, approaching girl after girl, day after day, committing fully to the skill set.

It’s great to see someone who is good enough to make it worth modelling their behaviours, and yet close enough that it feels attainable. This guy is a proof of concept – you can bang the hottest of girls in the prime of their lives using nothing but learned game and with no physical or situational advantages. This is the very embodiment of game.

Evolution 2: Stasis

May 1, 2010

Part Two of Four: The Current Structure of My Game

Each time I go out I have something new I want to work on – a little tweak in technique or attitude, perhaps a different opener or DHV story. While my conscious mind is focused on that, there’ll be a whole bunch of other internalised behaviours (good and bad) which are expressing themselves without much conscious direction from me. So I thought I’d try and step back and analyse what factors I’m employing in one of my standard daygame pick ups.

Pre Approach
-Babble endlessly with my wing about whatever is interesting me, which is usually about 50% game related and 50% whatever. Poor Suave is usually on the receiving end of this prattle. The purpose is to get outside of my head, socially lubricated, and not allow AA to fester.
-Constantly scanning the horizon to sort girls into the three categories of approach, maybe approach, and invisible. Usually I’m looking for single girls ambling aimlessly and displaying strongly feminine presence. I also keep an eye out for other demographic niches such as tall bitchy Russians, timid colourful Japanese and dusky brown Mediterraneans. I always avoid the blonde Essex types.
-When a target gets close, I tell my wing I’m going in, click the spycam on then will either (i) run my two-second NLP state building routine or (ii) mutter “fuck it, let’s get blown out”. Both are pre-frames to minimise the emotional impact of rejection.
-As I jog after the girl I’m more likely to be laughing at the ludicrousness of dodging through traffic to get to her, or thinking where is the best spot to open where there’s a lock-in post near.

Opening and Stack
-I’ve got a few basic opening types and usually don’t make my mind up which I’ll use till I’m a second or two away. I go through phases where I’ll use one type for several sessions in a row. It used to be direct, now it’s more indirect-direct. Apocalypse openers are usually for when I’m in a funny mood, the girl has barely beaten my approach quality threshold, or there’s just something about her that is far from my usual type.
-I always without exception command her attention in a strongly dominant manner, so much so that six months ago it would’ve felt extremely intrusive. It’s taken hundreds of approaches to build this basic confidence. It’s the single biggest reason why nearly all my sets hook.
-My eye contact is very strong now. I try to mesmerise the girl and use my eyes to glue her feet to the ground. My frame is usually “this woman will hear what I have to say.”
-The stack is usually a comment about her appearance that immediately becomes a colourful story showing imagination and confidence. For example I’ll describe the fantastical world where she’d fit in. It’ll contain a tease that is partly flattering and partly makes her self conscious.
-When then thread is about half done I’ll switch to a question on what she’s doing today and be ready to pick up the conversational slack with a story on what I’m doing, which will contain a mild DHV. That will be the jumping off point to ask mild screening questions and go off onto whatever tangent she provides.
-Every single set is different. Even when I’m working on integrating a particular story, things get juggled and personalised to the girl. I’m trying to project naturalness and making it a real conversation tailored to the girl.

-After a minute or so I look to lock in. First I’ll turn her by sidestepping around her while I keep eye contact and talking. I don’t do it during a gap in conversation – always when I’m in midflow of an interesting sentence. If she doesn’t follow I nudge her round.
-Then I do the “shameless Suave lock in”. I lean back and work on steadfast alpha body language. By this point I’m pausing more and letting her carry the conversation. This is the momentum shift into her qualifying for me.
-I’ll be kinoing and laughing more by now, having implicitly agreed that she was worth the effort of approaching, even if I’m not sold on whether she’s worth seeing again (this is just the frame – obviously I only approach girls I do want to bang).
-I’ll now be working rapport and comfort, throwing only light hit and run DHVs of a sentence here and there. Usually it’ll be a cultural / geographical observation prefaced with “When I lived in Japan…” or a “My girlfriend at the time used to….”
-I’ll really amp up the emotionally evocative language and use my words like paint on the canvas of life. The love bubble is building and I’m taking her out of the humdrum of mediocre life and into the fantasy world of pleasant emotion. All anchored with kino, of course.
-I’ll be seeding the bounce. My favourite is the childhood sweetshop story.

-I should’ve gotten a good feel for her mood and logistics by now so if neither of us is time constrained I’ll start to work the bounce. It’ll normally involve a leading gesture and then start walking with the implicit assumption that she’ll follow. If it fails, I’ll immediately go off onto another story as if it never happened – I want to obliterate the memory of her refusal before it’s had a chance to enter the historical record.
-Lately I’ll begin the close with Facebook. I’ll throw a mild qualifier (“I was right, you really are fun”) then go for the add usually assuming the sale (“Ok, I’ll add you” then get out the phone).
-While taking the Facebook I soften and distract by starting a new thread even if it’s AFC stuff about the nice weather today.
-I transition to the number with a “There must be hundreds of you with that name. If I can’t find you I’ll text, here” and hand the phone. Not convinced yet how effective this is.
-Talk some more so it doesn’t frame the entire action as being about me trying to get her number. If she’s still relaxed and enjoying the interaction I’ll try for an instant date again.
-When we do say goodbyes I’ll give an oblique statement of intent along the lines of “You know, I think I’m going to like you.”
-As I walk away, turn off the camera, grin widely, then say something positive to my wing about what I enjoyed about the set so I lock in a positive reference experience.

Now that I’ve written it out it seemed awfully mechanical for “natural game”. Hmmmm.

Evolution 1: Frustrated

April 28, 2010

Part One of Four: The Plateau I’ve Reached And How I’m Tackling It

There’s a progression to a man’s formal acquisition of game that goes something like this: First you don’t have the balls to approach, but eventually you start barrelling in and mostly can’t hook. Next you start getting conversations but the girls won’t give out real numbers. Then you get numbers but no dates, then a bunch of Day 2s but no kisses and the girls don’t call you back, and often when they do you’re LJBF’d. Eventually you hit the stage where you can proceed all the way through from approach to sex with a reasonable consistency.

The point is that it’s a linear process. You get good at A1, and that gets you the opportunity to start learning A2 and so on. In the background is your ongoing inner game work which raises the tide for all stages. I’m trying to break out of the “day 2s that lead nowhere” problem. I’m banging some girls but nowhere near as many as I should. To give an example by summarising my past ten days:

Saturday: Two approaches as a demo to student on a bootcamp. The apocalypse doesn’t stick but the normal indirect-direct does and I get a Facebook. Good interaction but goes nowhere on the follow up.

Sunday: Three approaches. One Facebook (turns into a Day 2 a week later) and one instant date with consequent number close and Facebook add. This latter girl then deletes me without comment (and before I did any follow up) and it’s a dead end.

Wednesday: Five approaches. One Facebook where I’m currently doing light comfort and attraction over the chat function. One Facebook where she added me but no reply to my first teaser mail. One kiss close that I never saw again. Two conversations that went nowhere.

Saturday: Three approaches. One instant date and one number but neither girl returned my two follow up calls. One conversation with no close.

Sunday: Day 2 with the Lithuanian. Two long phone conversations with two targets I’d Day 2’d a few weeks earlier.

Tuesday: Day 3 with a girl who had done the instant date and Day 2, then deleted me from Facebook, then called me up unexpectedly and asked for the date. I get an unexpected series of texts from another girl who I’d assumed was a dead end as she’d never agreed a day 2.

So the total sarge score from this period is: Seventeen approaches, twelve number/FB/kiss closes, six insta-dates/day 2s, no sex. Or to tabulate it:

1. Lithuanian barmaid: Facebook, follow up, day 2, seems to be going cold.
2. Russian model: Number, dead end.
3. Russian student: Number, insta-date, Facebook, dead end.
4. English girl: Facebook but not accepted the add, dead end.
5. Italian waitress: Facebook, follow up, potential day 2
6. Jordanian shots girl: Facebook, gone cold
7. English student: Kiss, dead end
8. Colombian student: Insta-date, number, seems to be going cold
9. Black girl: Number, Facebook, day 2 and 3, dead end
10. Aussie fashion girl: Number, Facebook, day 2 and 3, still in play [update – just kiss closed. Hot lead]
11. Taiwanese hairdresser: Number, insta-date, Facebook, day 2 and 3, still in play [50/50 I’d guess]
12. Polish student: Number, Facebook, many texts. Warmed up a little

Lest I convey the wrong impression, I’m not unhappy with my progress. Every single one of these girls is hot (four of them smoking hot) and I’ve essentially been able to create twelve prospects from seventeen opens which is an extremely high hit rate for such quality stock. The problem is I’m then fucking up / failing to capitalise. Anyone who’s read this blog from the beginning will have a good idea what these success barriers / inner game issues / skill gaps are.

It’s frustrating as hell. I know it’s a plateau and I know that when I look backwards I see a long hard trail that I’ve already walked and needs not be walked again. That’s all behind me, the progress is locked in. Just one year ago, even in my wildest dreams never would I have thought I could go and rack up a prospect list like that in less than two weeks / twenty approaches.

But damn, shouldn’t I be fucking at least one of these girls?

NB – This was written three weeks ago. Follow up posts coming soon