How To Use Cialdini’s “Influence” To Improve Your Daygame

May 9, 2016

Way back in 1984, the era of River Raid* on the Atari 2600 and the newly triumphant Margaret Thatcher, an interesting pop psychology book was released: Robert B. Cialdini’s Influence. It has since become a classic. Cialdini summarises his research in the behaviour of compliance professionals – those individuals whose job it is to persuade you to do things for them, such as salesmen, advertisers and TV executives – and of seemingly unexplained social events such as the spike in air crashes in the weeks after a high-profile suicide in the area.

1984, yesterday

1984, yesterday

Cialdini came up with the “click whrrrr” mental model as a handy way to parse the human tendency to follow fixed-pattern interactions that overrule logic and evidence (something Scott Adams included into his “moist robot” hypothesis). He then devotes six lengthy chapters to explaining six such patterns and their triggers, being:

  1. Reciprocation
  2. Commitment and Consistency
  3. Social Proof
  4. Liking
  5. Authority
  6. Scarcity

What makes the book most interesting to me is that he shows each works by hijacking an otherwise highly-adaptive evolutionary program. The human tendency to follow these click/whrrr programs is actually very smart most of the time. The problem arises when a predator has eaten from the tree of forbidden knowledge and knows how to game them. Cialdini states:

“This feature [of click/whrrr program] is simultaneously its major strength and its major weakness…. It provides a convenient shortcut for determining how to behave but, at the same time, makes one who uses the shortcut vulnerable to the attack of profiteers who lie in wait along its path”

So how can we take advantage of these weapons of influence ourselves?

You thought this piece would apply the six weapons to influencing girls, didn’t you? Admit it! You’re a black-hearted rogue looking for any edge to get laid. But no. I’m occupying moral high ground so elevated that you can barely see me as I sit on a cloud in the stratosphere playing my harp. We are using Cialdini for the Light side of the Force. We are going to apply his weapons of influence to ourselves, to increase our likelihood of sticking to the path and completing our Player’s Journey. Settle in, grasshopper.

Me ruminating on daygame, yesterday

Me ruminating on daygame, yesterday


This is the principle that if somebody does you a favour, you feel compelled to return the favour in order to balance the books, and to avoid being seen as a welcher. How can we turn this around so we give ourselves a favour and compel ourselves to return it to ourselves? Yes, that sounds tough just trying to write it.

One way is to reduce an outrageous demand to a more reasonable demand. This makes it a concession, and thus a favour.

Cialdini introduces the rejection-then-retreat tactic, which goes thus: A man entering into a deal has his desired outcome. So he initially makes far higher demands in order to anchor his counterparty to this outrageous number/term. He knows full well he’ll get rejected but it’s a ploy so he can then walk back from it and make a “concession” – which happens to end in the terms he is really aiming for from the beginning. It’s like Donald Trump** building the wall and expecting Mexico to pay for it – he can walk back a little and perhaps pay for it with US money but he still gets the wall.

Done skillfully, this triggers the click/whrrr program of “he made a concession to me, so I ought to make a concession to him”. How can we do this on ourselves? The two participants in your internal negotiation are your forebrain and hindbrain. The pre-daygame conversation usually goes like this:

Forebrain: Come on, daygame time. Let’s go out and hit on ten hotties. We need out 10+10+20 this week.
Hindbrain: No.
Forebrain: Come ooooooooooon! Please! We need this. Ten hotties.
Hindbrain: No. Let’s play Call Of Duty

And another daygame session is cancelled. You spend the rest of the afternoon earning killstreaks and feeling ashamed of yourself. Let’s rewrite that script for a happier ending.

Forebrain: Come on, daygame time. Let’s go out and hit on twenty hotties. This is going to be a big day. Only the hottest girls. Maybe we’ll do some three sets and girls in lingerie departments.
Hindbrain: Fuck no.
Forebrain: Look, we both want success here. I’m trying to reach a deal. What do you want?
Hindbrain: Call of Duty
Forebrain: Look, I’ll tell you what. I’m probably not supposed to do this and I definitely can’t write it in a field report, but how about this: this one time, as a favour to you, we’ll just hit on ten girls. They don’t even need to be hotties. Nice easy sets – solo dreamy girls with rucksacks. Rattle off ten of them – bam bam bam – and we’ll spend all evening on Call of Duty
Hindbrain: Promise?
Forebrain: Promise!
Hindbrain: Okay.

Commitment and Consistency

Cialdini found that people are more likely to follow through on a large commitment if they have already actioned a small one. Once the ball is rolling and they’ve become “the guy who does that thing” they continue to do so even after the initial logical reason for starting has been removed. People rationalise after the fact, so once they become committed to a path they’ll find all kinds of new reasons why that’s the right path to continue on down.***

Needless to say, this is very powerful in motivating your Player’s Journey. Once you get moving it tends to become self-reinforcing as the power of Commitment and Consistency works in your favour. Once you’ve normalised a regular daygaming plan – such as 30 approaches a week, an hour or two debriefing your sessions, and of course hitting the gym – it’ll stick. This is why self-help gurus often set ten / thirty / ninety day challenges. If you can will yourself through the “get the ball rolling” period you’ll form a habit and then consistency is on your side.

But what if we could reduce the amount of willpower necessary to form the habit? Wouldn’t that be good?

This is where the small commitment comes in. Have you ever felt too lazy to hit the gym and too daunted by the thought of all that exertion you’ll have to put in once you get there? That’s enough to make a man huddle back under his duvet and watch Tellytubbies. Usually the problem is caused by two things:

  • The scope of the task is too large. You’ve defined “a gym workout” as being two hours of grunting and pain.
  • The failure conditions are too harsh. You’ve defined “failure” as not completing the entire workout to the very best of your ability.

Isn’t it smarter to employ natural supports that obviate the need for willpower? Here are mine for the gym, when I’m wobbling: (i) put on my outdoor clothes and pack the gym bag anyway, because I know once I’ve started that fixed-pattern, the rest of it will click/whrrr into place (ii) tell myself “I’ll at least step into the gym and do a little stretching. If I still don’t feel like it I’ll go home” (iii) I have optimized my gym workout to hit everything I want it to in just four exercises a session, taking about forty minutes. I haven’t yet failed to do a complete workout under these conditions. The very same workout that I would’ve otherwise missed if I had to set my iron resolve without them.

Daygame is the same. The first thing to do is just put on your daygame clobber as if you were in high vibe and ready to get stuck in. Click/whrrr. Then tell yourself “I’ll at least step onto the streets and have a look around. Put myself in the mix”. Click/whrrr. Lastly, you’ll accept that just one opener counts as success for the session. Click/whrrr.

Cialdini found that public statements of intent were the most powerful for producing commitment and consistency. This is why blogging about daygame, or doing it with some friends, will help further. They’ll hold you accountable and you’ll feel extra incentive not to let them down as well as yourself. Blogging is particularly good because you can tell yourself “I’ll just pop out and do some sets, so I’ve got something to write about.”

Social Proof

The rule of social proof is that when faced with uncertainty over how to act in a novel situation, we instinctively look to other people in our immediate environment and take our behavioural cues from them. The more someone is like us, the more we are influenced.

This is why it’s good to read daygame blogs, watch other people’s infields, and to dip your toe into the daygame community of the area you’re working. The act of cold-approaching is a highly novel situation for the newbie daygamer so he will be naturally looking to others for behavioural cues. Even if you’re paralysed by approach anxiety it’s worth walking the streets a little and watching more intrepid guys opening. Sure, you’ll feel a pang of self-loathing for not approaching yourself but eventually that’ll build up and synergise with the sense of normalisation you feel from seeing men just like you cold approaching girls and doing fine.

Social proof is also the reason why students can often overcome approach anxiety on bootcamps as it just requires a push from the instructor to get the first nerve-racked student to open and suddenly all the rest want in on the act. It’s why pairing up with a wing slightly better than you is more helpful than winging with an advanced guy – the former is more like you, but good enough to get some decent approaches in and thus cajol you into doing so via social proof. (the latter is still very useful, just less so from a social proof point of view).

The other three Weapons of Influence will have to wait because I haven’t finished the book

If you think this blog post used someone else’s influence ideas brazenly, you should see my book.

* The junior school me actually took a photo of his high score and sent off to win this badge. I was very proud when my mum sewed it onto my jacket, unaware of the small commitment I’d been lulled into. I would consistently buy almost all Activision 2600 games such as Pitfall, Chopper Command, Megamania, and Enduro

** Peace be with Him.

*** I suppose my blog, business and lifestyle are one long rationalisation of an initially terrible decision to cut down on my video game consumption. Thanks for playing along and keeping my delusion bubble intact.

Reveal vs Restructure

April 30, 2016

I’ve noticed in person and on the internet that wannabe players are frequently talking at cross purposes. Game is a big big subject of infinite depth, wrapped up in a distortion field of ego and bullshit. It’s also an intensely personal journey where every man must find his own way.

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I was thinking recently why some men (I’ll call them Former Chumps) find the Player’s Journey to be a life-changing struggle of high drama and near collapse spread over four volumes of a Tolkien-esque memoir….

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…. whereas other men (I’ll call them Trainee Chads) would summarise their journey as “learned a few openers, put myself out there, and got laid plenty. Cool”. Naturally the fChumps tend to write detailed blogposts, build and memorise systems that are “a bit like looking at a Gothic cathedral or reading Ulysses: you are incredibly grateful that someone has put in the work and created the artifact before you, but it’s hard to fathom precisely how they went about doing it.”* In contrast the tChad is often ridiculing the fChump – “it’s just talking to girls. Dude.”

I recently finished a short coaching session with an American former Marine. That means he has finished USMC boot camp, picked up a rifle and at any time in his service could’ve been sent to a third world shithole to get shot at by camel-riding goat-fuckers hiding behind a line of children in the local mosque. Three days into our street hustling game he commented words to the effect of “this daygame thing might be the toughest thing I ever do.”

Tougher than USMC boot-camp? Tougher than getting shot at in war?

"I've got this set, mate. You just keep storming the machine gun nest"

“I’ve got this set, mate. You just keep storming the machine gun nest”

Somewhere on the internet, a tChad laughed derisively. And yet many men say the same thing – setting out on the Player’s Journey is harder than anything they’ve done before, just as it was for me despite me having already earned a tough professional finance qualification, competed in boxing and kickboxing matches, and completed the first three Souls games **

So why the divergence in opinion? I think it comes down to which side of this divide you fall on. Is your Journey a process of:

  1. Uncovering a pre-existing SMV and personality that is attractive to women, or;
  2. Ridding yourself of a Pussy Repellent virus and then building an attractive man from scratch.

The tChads are normal men with normal social skills and outlook and inhabit bodies that are reasonably attractive to a wide range of women. Some will require more work than others but all are building on a strong base. It’s like cooking a meal starting with fresh organic high quality ingredients. These men already have decent value, they just lack a Value Delivery Mechanism*** Teaching them Game is like having an out-of-shape teenage Usain Bolt show up on his first day of Learn To Sprint School. They have to put in the work but the rewards are almost immediate. There’s never any real struggle.

"Dude, it's not rocket science. You just say hi and escalate"

“Dude, it’s not rocket science. You just say hi and escalate”

In contrast, fChumps are a broken mess and the older they are upon discovering Game the more traumatic the transformation **** Whereas tChad just needs a daygame model and a shove in the back to start opening, fChump needs a complete overhaul of his entire personality and lifestyle. It’s like the difference between giving your house a lick of paint vs ripping out the entire edifice because every wooden board and beam is infested with woodworm and damp. They are not the same process.

  • The tChad is fundamentally attractive to women already. He just needs to reveal it.
  • The fChump is fundamentally unattractive to women and needs to restructure everything about him.

This is why the Player’s Journey can be so traumatic for many men. They are diving deep into their inner game to confront long-suppressed demons. They are learning entirely new ways of thinking and interacting (what Bodi calls the difference between Digital and Analog communication). They may have decrepit bodies that require extreme diet changes, cutting out all the food they like and changing their brain chemistry to overcome long-standing associations with food and mood. They might walk into a gym for the first time in their life and suddenly realise that gym discipline is, initially, very tough. And they are learning the model and hitting on girls.

Any one of those challenges is big in and of itself. Some faggots spend literally years in therapy and that’s the only thing they do. Others spend years in the gym and that’s the only thing they do. That’s normal – some people only have one “thing” that sucks up all their motivation and willpower. Most don’t even have one.

One.... more.... set

One…. more…. set

The poor little fChump is doing them all at the same time. Not only that, he has an additional emotional issue: The fear of discovering he’s sexually irrelevant.

In the beginning of a fChump’s Player’s Journey he doesn’t have the reference experiences that pretty girls like him. He doesn’t know if he has it in him to learn all these new things. He worries that the next string of bad blowouts might be the one that breaks his grip on the barrel wall and he tumbles back down into the mass of crabs below him. For a long time, it can be terrifying to contemplate that actually, no, sorry mate but you aren’t going to fuck pretty girls. You missed your window. You were born on the sexual scrap heap and you aren’t getting off it.

The tChads don’t deal with this fear nor that degree of personal restructuring. They do the work and get the results. The fChumps must do far more, far tougher work, and all the time cope with the uncertainty over whether results will ever come.

So, that’s why the fChump is rather self-obsessed during his early years and then extremely proud of his Hero’s Player’s Journey once he’s started banging hotties. The tChad might think those lay reports and +1 tweets are just ego validation. Yes, they are. He just doesn’t realise how vindicating it feels to finally get your leg over the rim of the barrel and roll onto solid ground, forever free of the crabs snapping their claws below you.

* Actual quote from a Daygame Mastery review.

** I only recently bought the fourth, Dark Souls III, so give me time.
*** Term introduced on page x of Daygame Mastery
**** For example, I started aged 34 so I’d already had 34 years of reference experiences built up of “hot girls don’t fancy you” and I’d passed the age window within which a young dog can learn new tricks.

Robert E. Cialdini’s Influence: Reciprocity and Hook Point

April 29, 2016

I’m sure most aspiring PUAs are well aware of Robert B Cialdini’s classic book Influence. I’m wading through it right now and I must say it’s a very interesting text buttressed with lots of research and fun anecdotes (although most social psychology experiments are junk and cannot be replicated). So far so good and now that I’m halfway through, it looks like a book I can recommend. However, there’s one rather important caveat: If you’re a cunt, this book will make you more of a cunt, ultimately to the detriment of your game.


Before we get into that, let’s make an example of the first of his six weapons of influence: reciprocation. Cialdini explains it thus: “The rule says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us”

Cialdini cites research suggesting reciprocity is a universal human trait evolved because it creates high social trust and thus unlocks the benefits of cooperation and division of labour. Societies with high social trust outperform those without – as seen in an obvious comparison between Northern Europe and the Middle East. Cialdini’s best example is an experiment performed by Professor Dennis Regan of Cornell University *. The experimental task was ostensibly about two subjects rating paintings on their artistic merits. The real deal was that one subject was real and the other – “Joe” – was a stooge. Cialdini continues:

“For our purposes, the experiment took place under two different conditions. In some cases…. during a short rest period, Joe left the room for a couple of minutes and returned with two bottles of Coca-Cola, one for the subject and one for himself, saying, “I asked him [the experimenter] if I could get myself a Coke, and he said it was okay, so I bought one for you, too.” In other cases, Joe did not provide the subject with a favour; he simply returned from the two-minute break empty-handed. In all other respects, however, Joe behaved identically.”

After the art appreciation ended Joe asked the subject for a favour – to buy some raffle tickets for a new car at 25c (the Coke was a dime). Subjects who’d received his favour of a Coke reciprocated by buying twice as many tickets as those who hadn’t. Interestingly, while the “no Coke” control group scaled their ticket sales according to how likeable they rated Joe in a post-experiment debriefing, the “received Coke” group bought the same number of tickets independent of his likeability. Cialdini concludes the obligation of reciprocity was triggered and completely overruled likeability.

Cialdini then explains how the reciprocity rule applies to daygame. Sorry, I mean Hare Krishnas offering flowers in airports and refusing to take the gift back. He explains his observations that many travelers will try hard to avoid the Krishnas precisely to avoid feeling indebted, and that once the Krishnas successfully thrust the flower into your hand they will not allow you to return it. They know they’ve triggered the rule and got you indebted.

This is something Gavin De Becker in “The Gift of Fear” calls loansharking. A predator will aggressively thrust an unwelcome gift or favour onto a stranger precisely in order to trigger feelings of indebtedness and thus the obligation of reciprocation. The stranger is now faced with an internal struggle (Do I reciprocate against my better judgement, or risk the cognitive dissonance of refusing the gift and thus risking the identity of being an “ingrate”) and also a frame control battle (“No, I don’t want it” / “It’s our gift to you” / “Yes, but I didn’t ask for it” / “That’s okay, please keep it” / “Take it back” / “No. Please consider a donation”)

The typical stranger just isn’t mentally prepared for that kind of internal struggle and frame control battle – they are just trying to catch a flight. In contrast the Hare Krishna / mugger is well-practiced, mentally prepared, and carries a self-serving ideology to justify their loan-sharking ** It’s not an even battle. I’d be very surprised if you haven’t spotted the parallels to game. Let’s start with a neutral comparison and then trend darker.

Mystery Method does not engage in immediate reciprocation because it’s an indirect style of game. So in the classic MM set the player will make an offhand observation to a group, perhaps an opinion opener. If that gets a response he may drop in a neg against the girl he wants. I quite like MM but it doesn’t work in the daygame scenarios I favour. What’s important for this discussion, though, is that no favour is given. It isn’t until stage A2 (Female-To-Male attraction) that the girl IOIs the player, and thus he will reciprocate with A3 (Male-To-Female attraction) and IOI and/or qualify the girl. This is rather clever in how it flips the script at a meta-level. It just doesn’t work in street game so the London style changes the opening.

Street game requires an early favour to stop the girl: the compliment-tease. A player’s ability to kill momentum and reach hook point comes from pouring in some early value via the act of stopping, the insertion of good vibe into her day, and then stacking forwards with a mythology. By the time you’ve finished those early seconds you’ve done the girl a rather pleasant (but un-requested) favour. She feels indebted and the reciprocation urge is triggered. Usually this will be expressed by her smiling and politely receiving your advance until she decides Yes/Maybe/No.

In the happy-clappy world of unicorns and rainbows this is a win-win scenario because girls like to be approached. Human courtship does not allow girls to overtly initiate seduction so they can only dress nice, put themselves in the mix, and then hope the right man approaches. Even if you’re not that right man, you’ve reminded her she’s sexually relevant and given her a pleasant encounter. Win-win.

The problem is how tempting it is for an aspiring daygamer to misuse the reciprocity rule, to drain girls of the will to live. They’ll plow on despite increasingly strong IODs and constantly hit the girl with “one more thing before you go”. If they are RSD-trained they’ll follow her all the way down the street with a non-stop pestering. So we have now slipped from the win-win of reciprocity to the win-lose of loansharking.


Good daygame will implement all the powerful lessons of persuasion but without the black-hearted exploitation seen by the scammers and Ted Cruz types of this world. Perhaps one of these days I’ll explain how all six of Cialdini’s weapons of influence are hard-boiled into the London Daygame Model. The purpose of game is not to instigate a frame-control battle with an unprepared girl and then to hammer her down until you draw out an unwilling “Yes”. That’s the road to flaky numbers, text-hell, and dates-to-nowhere. If you get very good at it you’ll get some lays that the girls bitterly regret once free of your influence.

If that last sentence got you thinking “fine by me, bring it on” you have some inner game work to do.

As both Lord of the Rings and Star Wars amply demonstrate, the Dark Side is seductive because it’s easier. It’s a set of hacks and tricks that let you plunder the world for a while. For game, the problem is that it rots your soul and pushes you deeper into the win-lose interactions that kill your vibe long term. When your vibe suffers your results will crater and you’ll get longer periods of daygame revulsion.

I always tell students: “Game in a way that protects your vibe over the long term”

Cialdini is just describing the dark side rather than recommending it. He ends every chapter with advice on how to resist such attempts to influence you. Enjoy his book because it really is a fascinating look into the world of professional persuasion but don’t get too carried away with the skills of scammers, fund-raisers, Hare Krishnas, TV evangelists or any other huckster persuaders. Try to extract their tactical wisdom but leave the whole win-lose frame behind or it’ll tank your vibe.

If you think this post was persuasive, you should see my book.

* I dread to think where this position has be relocated under the current regressive Leftist stranglehold on US universities. Probably an affirmative action hire for an immigrant doing Anti-Male Studies.
** If you’ve ever said “Fuck off gypsy cunt I hope you die” to an aggressive gypsy beggar you’ll see spectacular levels of entitlement and ego defence from them. Trust me, I’ve tested this.

How To Set Up A Threesome

April 28, 2016

Well, until I actually show up in town and put it to the test I won’t know….. but here’s hoping. This is a Ukrainian girl who was an anal virgin before her second date with me in 2015. You’d think she was a shy office girl to look at her, but as we of the PUAsphere constantly hammer – good girls are just bad girls who haven’t been caught. This opportunity just sprang up on me so I ran with it. I wasn’t actually angling for a threesome as I never bother with them anymore – they are a logistical nightmare for a guy doing one-week-one-town daygame on normal girls. I think a guy hanging out in one place and establishing regulars is going to do a better job of it by working on his rotation girls. Threesomes have a way of falling through at the last moment due to the pressure and all the moving parts involved.

I mean, if I had a penny for every threesome I almost had I’d be a richer man*

Click on image to enlarge

Click on image to enlarge

And as a bonus here’s a little taster of two types of game I’ve been doing on regulars: (i) I’m Awesome Game and (ii) White Power Game. I’ve fucked this girl plenty of times so there’s no real risk even though she’s a bit of a bohemian musician type and thus not really aboard the Trump Train. The goal is just to have her around and positively inclined so that when I’m in town and she’s single, I fuck her.

Click image to enlarge

No need to enlarge this one

* Richer to the tune of about four pence.

How To Gutter Game

April 27, 2016

Saturday night in Prague and I’m out with a student*. I explain to him the key rules of late-evening gutter game:

  1. Scan for vulnerability
  2. Inquire logistics
  3. Jump on any eye sparkle

The whole point of gutter game is you’re trying to get laid right away via an idate. It’s a different flavour than the usual find-hotties-take-number school of daytime dating. It’s more of a street hustle. So whereas normal daygame should be aiming for YHT and then letting the texting/dating lead to lays, your gutter game is all about opportunism. Replace those 3 YHT letters with DTF. Night time makes things more sexual, even in normal non-depraved towns.

Scanning for vulnerability

Scanning for vulnerability

While standing near Palladium Mall I spotted a solo mousey girl walking towards the trams and something triggered the spider-sense in her manner, look and fashion. Just a seven but she looked vulnerable so I rushed over and introduced myself. There was a ton of sparkle so I inquired logistics:

“Obviously I’m interrupting you. My teachers did say I’m a bad influence. What are you doing?”
“I have to catch a tram” she replies, confirming my conclusion as I’d noticed her looking that direction a few times. “It comes in two minutes”
“Get the next tram. I’m more interesting.”
“No, I can’t. I’m going to my friend’s house and we’ll get ready to go out tonight”

The set died there and then. I took a number and suggested we meet later but I knew it was a lost cause. So I hit the reset button and scanned again. Luckily within five minutes I spotted vulnerability at the other side of the square – a blonde girl dressed in black who appeared to be headed home. I gave chase and opened. The eye sparkle was there and upon inquiring her logistics she said she was getting the tram home to work on her thesis. Eagle-eyed readers will note that’s an easily-broken appointment.

“I have a better idea” I say while softly and enthusiastically holding both her shoulders. “Let’s get a quick drink right now. I know a good bar on the next street”

Off we walked.**

Phase One of gutter game is finding those lost girls who are feeling a bit horny and have nothing better to do. You want to jump on any chance for an idate with a vaguely interested girl. Phase Two is the next filter – are they DTF or just window shopping? The rule here is to heat them up and start verbal/physical escalation. ***  Time-wasters will happily absorb your attention but will block escalation. The trick is to pace it correctly so that you are doing enough attraction and comfort to earn the right to escalate. In a gutter game set you can go much faster than usual. I’d say you can filter them within about one drink., maybe two Usually, I use the questions game on this schedule:

Drink One

“Tell me a secret about yourself. Something you can only tell me because I’ll never meet your friends, family or colleagues”
“What frightens you?”
“Which part of your body do you think is most sexy?”
“Who is the sexiest man in the world. Fiction or real, living or dead. Note I said sexy, not perfect husband.”

After half on hour we should be near the end of the first small beer and I’ll have touched her fingers, perhaps her hair, and she’ll be responding postively to these questions. I’ll have sprinkled my own answers with DHVs and there’ll be plenty of comfort too. What I’m looking for are three things:

  1. Is she accepting the escalation?
  2. Do I feel a love bubble has formed?
  3. Is there a lack of obstacles to moving forwards? (e.g. she hasn’t mentioned a boyfriend, nor a pressing need to break off the idate)

If the answer to these is “No”, I’ll consider taking a number and bailing. You can usually tell when a girl is just there for the ride and not sufficiently horny to keep working. If the answer is “Yes” we move on to…..


Drink Two

I don’t usually change venues on a gutter game idate. Things move too fast and I don’t want to lose momentum. We’ll start on the second drink and now I’ll usually ask these questions:

“What do you like about me?”
“What colour is your underwear?”
“What is the sexual thing you’ve never done – and maybe never will do – but you think about it?”

I’ll usually also grab her bar stool and physically pull it closer to me, so we are suddenly very close together. This usually gives a pleased deer-in-the-headlights look and she knows exactly what’s going on. Assuming things are heating up nicely I’ll make my move, usually while she’s struggling to think of a question:

“You’ve got five seconds to think of a question, or I’ll kiss you”

If she takes longer than five, I go for it. If she throws out a quick question I just calmly continue the game as if I’d never made the move. She got the message. A few minutes later as I see my beer is half-finished, I’ll say: “Before I reach the end of this beer, I’m going to kiss you”

Then when it’s time to go for it I’ll lock eyes and say “come closer”. She should be reticent but smiling and sparkling. Then I’ll crook my finger to call her in and say “closer”. When she’s reasonably close I lean in and kiss. That brings us to the next critical test: Does she jump into the kiss? If a girl is tentatively kissing, you’ll need more time – maybe that night, maybe on a day two. However if your luck holds she’ll kiss you with some combination of:

  • Hunger
  • Pushing up into you
  • Tongue down your throat
  • Gasping or moaning
  • Hands roving over your upper arms and shoulders

These are DTF signals and you move to Phase Three – extraction. The key to an SDL extraction is momentum. A teeny-tiny window of extreme opportunity has opened and you need to recognise this and act decisively. Kiss her a bit, finish the drinks (I sometimes finish her’s too if she’s stalling) then do your extraction line:

“Come on, let’s go walk somewhere else”

"Have you seen Beatbox Dog?"

“Have you seen Beatbox Dog?”

She may wobble but she’ll probably follow. If she asks where, say to your place to watch YouTube. If she doesn’t, just walk anyway. Even if she refuses your apartment, walk her there and bamboozle her forebrain with soft non-sexual nonsense – I often talk about how cute pandas are and the videos of them on slides. If she comes in, great. If not…… push her up against the wall right next to your door and make out. Grab her hair, bite her neck, push your dick against her. You are looking for a sign that her hindbrain has taken control and will allow her to be taken in. Signs include:

  • Her crotch pressing against yours
  • Hands clawing at you, like you’re having sex already

Then try again. She won’t always come in but this is your best shot to getting it done.

* It’s rare, but it has been known to happen

** In this specific case, we got right to the end of the guide and she wouldn’t come in. Bah!
*** Actual escalation advice is explained in detail in both Daygame Mastery and Black Book

The Hare and the Tortoise

April 26, 2016

I’m a logical, disciplined man reared on book reading and video games. I also spent a large portion of my adult life working in finance and learning martial arts. This encouraged me to develop an incremental linear meta-view of the world.

A meta-what????

Ask yourself this – how does one progress or achieve in life?

Most people of my fuddy-duddy generation were brought up to think we are tortoises rather than hares. The fact that parable is so well understood proves the point that it’s heavy in the zeitgeist. We have been taught that success is about plodding on with smart, persistent hard work and as you continually endure and overcome setbacks, you make your long march towards progress.

  • Work nine to five in an office and keep building up the experience and skills to earn that next promotion.
  • Study for your exams, learn formulae, answer practice questions under exam conditions and then you’ll eventually pass.
  • Hit the gym four times a week, do your reps, slightly increased the weight each time, and your body with grow strong and ripped.
  • Hit the streets three times a week for your 10 + 10 + 20 daygame sets and after enough grinding the lays come through.

But is this actually how we progress?

I don’t think so. Now, I don’t want to take the opposite end of that caricature and recommend the “lottery ticket” strategy or fatalistic Magical Thinking. There’s undoubtedly value in grim determination and persistence – even talents like Floyd Mayweather Jnr will put the hours into bagwork and jump rope. It’s a necessary condition but not a sufficient one. Real progress often comes down to two steps:

  1. Recognising a rare opportunity
  2. Jumping on it

[You could add an earlier step of “making your opportunities” too but that’s what targeted grindwork is meant to create]

Much of success comes down to smart decisions taken at key moments, when the combination of hard work and lucky fate throw up a bifurcation point. How many football games have been won and lost because one player spotted an opening, made the run, and was in the right place when the ball ricocheted off the crossbar? How many boxing matches have been won not due to a steady build up of jabs and body shots but by trapping the opponent into walking onto that one home-run left hook? How many battles have been won not due to steady attrition and tactics but by one innovation or one general’s courageous decision taken on the field of battle?

Me coaching by osmosis, yesterday

Me coaching by osmosis, yesterday

Most of the women you see on the street are not going to fuck you. Just not going to happen. They don’t fancy you, or they are taken, or they are in the wrong mood, or they are against meeting strangers, or everything works out great and then logistics intervene. Failure is the natural persistent state of Game. Players are really looking out for two things in a girl:

  1. She’s available
  2. She’s into you

Some guys have such high SMV and their ping range so wide that (2) is frequently satisfied. However blog readers are well aware I have no interest in looks-matched age-matched “game”. Even the David Gandys of this world have a narrow pool of available/into-you from which to draw if they are red-lining it towards the upper limit of their quality ceiling. Aiming high forces scarcity onto everybody.

So how does this relate to daygame strategy?

In poker you will lose almost every hand. You’ll fold most hands at the very first deal because your two cards simply aren’t any good to pursue. Even if you bet to reach the Flop, you’ll fold most flops. That’s the smart strategy because it costs chips to play a hand. If you’re always trying to get involved, you’ll just burn through your stack. An aspiring poker player must control his urge to play everything.

Compare this to a typical office, factory or service job. In those roles you have a linear relationship to each task. Maybe you process passport applications – you begin the day with a stack of them and then work through steadily, each taking approximately the same time and mental energy. Each incrementally earning that paycheck. Maybe you install widgets in an appliance assembly line – again it’s steady even work that steadily earns your paycheck. Same with serving diners or checking in hotel guests. It’s the tortoise steadily moving towards the finish line. Slow and steady wins the race.

Poker players do not incrementally increase their winnings. It’s feast or famine. There are a tiny number of hands where you can win big so you must identify them and play them perfectly. You lose often, so make sure you lose small. You win rarely, so you’d better win big and scoop a fat pot. A key skill in poker is to keep your losses small so that you still have enough of a stack to play the rare good hands correctly.

Daygame is poker. Almost every girl is a No, but every now and then you’ll meet a girl who is available and into you. That’s when you bring your stack into play.

It doesn’t really matter if you’re fucking 1-in-20 opens or 1-in-100. The important point is that even with fantastically (I’d say suspiciously) good ratios like 1-in-20 you’re dealing with the reality of 19/20 (95%) of opens being a road to nowhere. You need to identify these No’s early so you don’t whittle down your Vibe Stack on idates-to-nowhere, text-hell, and time-waster-dates. That’s the daygame equivalent of betting too long on a losing hand. Just like you can only bring so many chips to a poker game, you only have so much enthusiasm for daygame and it will eventually wear out and require time-off to replenish.

The whole time you are looking to identify that rare set that could win the entire pot. That’s a real skill. That’s how daygame is played at the strategic level.

This is why you should never spam approach. That’s like a poker player on tilt. A spammer is a blind idiot who bets every hand without checking his cards, running the maths, or watching his opponent’s betting behaviour. He’s not really playing poker at all, he’s doing a mechanical empty caricature of it with none of the craft. He’s pissing away all his chips on hopeless hands until his stack is gone. Even the most aspy nerd incurs emotional costs in daygaming and by spamming he is massively increasing the amount of failure.

The RSD school of "bet all-in every single hand"

The RSD school of “bet all-in every single hand” daygame

This isn’t the “every failure takes you a step closer to success” where you judiciously choose your sets and learn from them. This is more like “every failure takes you closer to a meltdown and giving up the game entirely”. When you give in to the temptation to spam you are switching off your brain and losing the ability to read signals. The sets just blur into one another as if they are more widgets or more passport applications. True art is not made by throwing paint at the canvas and no football team wins a World Cup by shooting every single time they get the ball.

You need to go out and you frequently need to grind, but don’t ever think that x number of sets will lead to y number of results. Sets are not widgets. Grinding just means you are sitting at the poker table, putting in your ante, and waiting until you get a hand worth playing. That’s when you really turn the game on, like the hare turning on a burst of speed.

Once overheard in a daygame set….

April 25, 2016

I’m walking past the theatre on Sunday evening in Prague, just around the corner from Palladium mall. A solo vulnerable-looking girl walks past so I open, hook and run my usual banter. Just another set in a holiday full of them. One thing that stands out in my memory is this conversation. It’s not verbatim, but as close as I can remember it.

Me: What do you do in life? What’s your thing?
Her: I work for an NGO. We help transitional countries become more democratic.
Me: I have no idea what a transitional country is.
Her: It means countries outside the First World which are maybe moving from a dictatorship. Places like Georgia, Albania. We are a European Commission NGO and we advise and coordinate with other locally-based NGOs to help them become more democratic.

I almost threw up into my mouth. An insiduous make-work programe for women to interfere in other countries on the tax-payer’s dime at the behest of the ((globalist elite)). I temporarily forgot I was trying to fuck her.

Me: Hang on a minute. Let me get this straight in my head. I’m no expert on NGOs but am I right that you’re telling me…. The European Commission, that is the European Union – the most anti-democratic and tyrannical organisation in all of Europe – has the audacity to tell other countries how to do democracy. The same EU that conducted coup d’etats in Italy and Ukraine? That’s sounds a bit rich.
Her: Umm…. well….

At this point I thought the conversational might get more confrontational than is conducive to seduction, so I changed tack.

Me: Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a democrat. I much prefer dictatorship, so long as I’m the dictator. In fact, I think I’d really enjoy being a dictator. Once I’m King of the World do you know the first edict I’ll issue?
Her: Umm…. what?
Me: I’ll make it illegal to wear silly pink hats [tug at her silly pink hat]. That will carry a sentence of twenty years’ hard labour. Yes, that’s right. The secret police will come for you and march you off. To the gulag with you!
Her: *giggles etc*
Me: Second thing I’ll do is have statues of myself in every town square, like Saddam Hussein. I’ll fill my garage with Italian sports cars and have a swimming pool of champagne. Everything in my palace will be gold. I’d be a good dictator. The best.

How I see myself

How I see myself

Unfortunately she lived with her boyfriend. Still, it’s always fun to spin out fantastical stories on the fly.

Blog at | The Tuned Balloon Theme.

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