Here’s another sex chat I did with a girl a few months ago. The usual ewwww warnings apply. Feel free to copy/paste with your own targets, just bear in mind the girl may google it. Everything is my words. Her responses are taken out, was mostly just expressing satisfaction. So we begin….

probably worth getting your vibrator if it’s nearby

So we are on holiday in Mexico, staying at some beach huts in the middle of nowhere. We’ve been there a week already

already done sightseeing and diving

We’ve been swimming in the sea today. I’m wearing my grey surf shorts. You’re in a bikini

what colour?

We haven’t seen anyone all day. It’s a completely secret part of the beach

Just us, playing around, swimming, eating sandwiches

We pop back into the beach hut to collect a bottle of vodka

We have a quick shower together, to freshen up. Still wearing our swimwear

When the cool water is splashing onto your head and shoulders, running down between your breasts…

… I like it

I can see your nipples go hard

We are looking at each other, a quick kiss

We both know we want sex right now, but we’ll wait a little

We don’t bother drying. We just grab the bottle of vodka and a towel, then go back out, walking along the beach

It’s getting a bit darker now. The air feels cooler on our skin

We are walking along the beach, feeling the soft sand between our toes, listenign to the crashing of the waves

Around the corner, there’s an old Mayan temple ruins. We visited it a few days ago to take photos

it’s closed now. We have better plans for it

We sneak up the path quietly, watching carefully to see if there’s any security

there isn’t. It’s completely empty

the only sounds we hear are the ocean waves and the animals moving around in the trees

We both take a sip of vodka. You are giggling at being so naughty

Soon we are at the top of the hill, where a big Mayan temple is

you’ve been drinking more vodka. Already you feel a bit drunk

like this

The sun has gone down but it’s not so dark yet. Just dusk. There’s still some rays of sunshine coming over the horizon

the temple seems to catch them

I take your hand. You think we are going to walk up

No. I pick you up and throw you over my shoulder. You are going to be my human sacrifice tonight

well, the sword is meat, not metal…..

so I’m climbing up the stairs with you on my shoulder

every now and then I stop and you pour some vodka into my mouth

and I slap your ass

Finallywe reach the top and I lay you down on the altar…. exactly where they used to kill people. You feel tingly and weird, but very hot

I take your hands and stretch them over your head, holding them down

you feel like this

so I rip your bikini top off

not untie. I rip it

so your breasts spill out

hard nipples

you are already writhing and grinding your hips, moaning softly

I’m still holding your hands down against the cold stone. You can feel it cold against your ass

With my free hand I roughly caress your body, feeling every curve

You are looking into my face, and the sky, imagining how the Mexican virgins felt when they were killed here

wondering if they were raped first

it turns you on. it’s just so dangerous….

I kiss your breasts, and drag the tip of my tongue down your stomach… it tickles a little

I bite your hips and thighs

now I’m holding your legs down too, at your ankles

I keep kissing down the length of your leg, down the calves, down to your ankles

you are struggling to control yourself now, you keep staring at my cock, waiting for it to come out

now I rip your bikini bottoms off. It’s violent and leaves a pink mark on your skin

you are naked, panting, lifting your head up to look at me

The sunlight catches against the line of my shoulders, and my cheeks

I look powerful and determined, you know there’s nothing you can do to stop this

how do you feel?

You struggle your hands against my grip, but you aren’t strong enough

I force your legs apart and put my hand against you

You gasp in shock, and suddenly you are twice as hot

I can feel how wet you are, you grinding yourself against me

I let you do it

I help a little, rubbing you, pushing my fingers into you

there’s some resistance, but not much, and I slide them in deep, feeling how warm you are

Then I move around to your head

I’m behind you now, you are still on your back, looking behind

I grab your hair and slide you to the end of the altar. Your head is hanging over the side

I pull down my shorts and force my cock into your mouth, your head upside down

I stuff it in hard, and you are immediately full, almost gagging

it feels like it’s going all the way down your throat

so deep you feel my balls against your nose

then I put a hand on each breast, flick your nipples, and start fucking your face

You’ve got both hands on your pussy now, playing with it, making yourself hotter and hotter

I take a drink of vodka, then poor some over your breasts and stomach

I’m laughing now, “murdering” my innocent victim on the altar

You can just feel my cock going in and out, choking you, your tongue licking and you’re sucking hard

Every thrust shakes your body, sometimes scratching you on the cold hard stone, but you don’t care

I pour the rest of the vodka over you. Your skin shines with the liquid in the low light

It feels cold and refreshing on your hot skin

Then I take the neck of the bottle and push it into your pussy

You gasp at first. Unbelieving, that I did it

It feels cold. My cock is now hot in your mouth, and the bottle is cold inside the other end

But soon your relax and accept it. It’s just a unique vibrator!

So you are rubbing your clitoris while I push the bottle in and out, and keep fucking your poor face….

Then I change my mind

I pull out, and drag you to your feet by your hair, then bend you over the altar

You don’t like being suddenly empty. You flail your hands around, searching for my cock

I put your arms behind your back and then take you from behind. You squeal as my cock slides all the way inside your pussy. Finally, you have what you want

I slide in so you feel my balls against your pussy and my hips pushing your ass flat

how about now?

So I’m fucking you hard now

It’s pretty violent, but your body is strong enough

You haven’t been fucked properly for months and now you are getting the fuck of your life

You are moaning hard

I slap your ass and you scream. So loud some birds fly away out of a tree

I’m holding your hands, pinned behind your back, with one hand, and grabbing your hair with the other, pushing your cheek against the cold stone

but you aren’t thinking about the cold stone. Your whole mind and spirit is thinking about my cock, slamming into you hard, over and over again

shaking your world

I let one hand free and you start rubbing your pussy

bringing yourself closer and closer to orgasm

I can feel your pussy tightening against my cock, trying to suck the cum into you

You try to push your ass back into me, getting me as deep as possible, waiting until I fill you full of my cum

your whole body is going red, it’s so hot

So it’s just my cock now, hard and fast

sweat is dripping off you, your pussy is so wet it’s dripping

you are screaming my name

Then I pull out, and before you can think, I bury my cock deep into your ass

You almost rip in half as my hard cock forces into your ass

your knees shake

you let out a long deep moan, and close your eyes so tight I see tears

you are rubbing your pussy harder now

enjoying the twin pleasure, all the hottness between you legs

You feel much tighter now. I’m invading you

I don’t let you relax. I’m fucking you hard and harder, like a wild animal

Your eyes are spinning. You try to look ahead, focusing on the bricks in the temple, the trees behind it, anything,

Your whole body is shaking. It’s like a volcano about to explode

The pressure is rising

I can feel it too. I’m enjoying this. Looking at your young innocent body beneath me, as I ravage it, and treat it so roughly

Watching and hearing your pleasure at what I’m doing to you

finally it’s too much to me. I need to shower you with all my cum

I pull out and release you. You immediately spin around, on your knees, and almost swallow my whole cock

You are sucking it hard, rubbing your pussy, making yourself cum while you suck my cock

You’ve completely lost control now. All you care about is winning my cum

It’s so animal. Quite quickly I feel the familiar pressure and finally I come

I splash you all over. Your face, your breasts, your hair. My thick hot cum covers you

You gasp and smile as each blast hits you

And that sends you over the edge…..

Your whole body shivers, your knees knock together

and you let out a massive cry of pleasure

Your body shakes for a minute, a long hot orgasm

you are rubbing your pussy with one hand, and rubbing my cum into your skin with the other, enjoying your victory

……

I’ve stumbled back into abundance lately. Before I went out to Croatia I had very little going on, just a Saudi girl in London I’d had a couple of dates with, a young little Spaniard in Madrid I may or may not see again, and a Bosnian completely obsessed with me but quite far away. Not exactly swimming in girls. Croatia went well, to put it mildly, then I did a couple of half-arsed daygame sessions with Robusto and got some good leads.

One lead was a little Hungarian 20yr old who looks just like the dappy tarts who show up for Pierre Woodman castings videos to earn a crust. Apparently Hungary is porn casting capital of Europe and no surprise when you see the birds – that correct mix of curvy, hot, and slutty looking that could stock the stripclubs of the world ten times over. I wasn’t overly enamoured with her character on the couple of pre-date Facebook chats but no real red flags. Just a cute little girl from a country I haven’t flagged. So we arrange a date for 7pm in Camden.

• 7:05pm she texts: Sorry. I will be late.. i will tell you
• 7:35pm: I leave warrenn street
• 8:01pm: Here. Long story

No doubt you’re wondering why I was still there one hour after the time. Me too. I’d taken half an hour and £3 to get there and was commited to the same to get home. The market was on so I could look at the stalls while I waited. And she’s physically completely my type. I reply:

• Wait 5 min while I walk back to station, then I’ll hear the story

She smiles as I arrive but I can already detect insolence. I refuse to go into the pub until she tells her story, which she does in a half-arsed unapologetic manner. She’s an au pair, the host family came back late, and she didn’t have her own keys to lock up.

• Me: Didn’t your phone work?
• Her: What do you mean?
• Me: You could have texted me much earlier to reschedule
• Her: *shrug*
• Me: One hour is very late
• Her: *shrug*
• Me: You don’t seem to care
• Her: *shrug*
• Me: And you haven’t apologised for being so late
• Her: *shrug*
• Me: No. I’m going home. Goodbye

So I walk off. Back to Chateau RSG to join Bhodi and Robusto for magic mushrooms. I haven’t had any since I was 16 and it’s fun. Round about the peak, my Spaniard skype calls me because she’s arriving in London to see me the next afternoon. I’m just singing Boney M songs and writing gibberish to other girls on text chat. Here’s a few of them.

There’s a Malaysian singer who I opened waaaaay back while she was on holiday and logistics have finally turned my way. We’ve chatted only a few times in the past year but because I made a strong impression and maintained frame, she hits me up when she’s coming to London.

Lastly, some readers with remember the tall smoking-hot Belorussian I met in a Lithuania nightclub. She visited London last summer for 2 weeks and I very nearly banged her but only got one thrust before she went mental and I threw her out. She’s back in London but a couple of months ago I got tired of her shit and put my foot in her arse (literally, sending her skidding across a nightclub dancefloor) and cut her off. After two months of sulking she’s started chasing me again.

I’m not sure there’s any lessons to be learned from this tomfoolery but if you can find them, you’re welcome.

Here’s a so-so instant date video from my first week in Croatia, about a month ago. It was a roasting hot day and we were still struggling to get some decent leads. I tried camping out at a cafe near the train station when I saw this girl walk past. Something in her walk really appealed, very sultry, and I knew she was one for me. Unfortunately she’d ducked into a library before I caught up.

So I just sipped my coffee some more and got lucky that she came right back past me. I was very sexual in my subcommunication and making some overt sexual compliments on her sexy walk, legs, and the way she pushes her breasts up at times. Simple idate. After a couple of hours I thought I was on for an SDL but logisitcs intervened. Benefit of hindsight maybe it wasn’t really on anyway.

We had a good makeout and the next evening a date that went well but she was making a big deal out of saying she won’t have sex with me. Couldn’t extract and had to make do with sucking her tits in the park while she rubbed my cock. Squalid guttersniping fun.

Three weeks in and I’ve been pretty unlucky on this month-long Yugoslav jaunt. Under normal circumstances I’d expect such a good set of leads to result in 7-10 lays. That’s not my normal hit rate, far from it, but I’ve had an unusually good set of leads…. and then fucked by logistics, friction, and just plain bad luck. Whatever. I’m quite used to picking myself back up and making things happen from zero. No point having a hissy fit and blaming the world.

My first Friday in Belgrade was an example of how tiny variations in luck can mean the difference between zero and hero, standing on the precipe of greatness and then tumbling arse over tit into the muddy swamps of mediocrity.

Set One – Curvy Serby

Robusto is still in bed recovering from our great night out at a salsa bar so I decide to try a little solo early-afternoon street game. My state isn’t good, I’m tired and a bit frustrated because this city is full of smoking hot women but its so hard to get at them unless you’re willing to do patient coffee shop game. We simply haven’t got time to slowly convert leads. I keep running into the same problems over and over agin, mostly a boyfriend of >3 years. I knock out a few sets and finally get some good luck…. a curvy brunette with massive tits and wide hips bursting out of her short shorts. She’s no stunner, I’d say just a little below the “would date for a while” threshold but quite respectable as a pump ‘n’ dump. She oozes sex and oestrogen which is what turned my head initially, responding great to my opener – “You have the sexiest walk I’ve seen all day”. She’s available and horny. An easy idate.

Her phone blows up with messages from the friends she’s supposed to meet so I know I’m up against the clock, even though all the planets are aligned for the SDL. I bounce her to a bar opposite my apartment where she kinos me, laughs alot, and throws back two vodkas. My spider-sense is triggered, I just know this girl is on but also I know that even if a girl has made an early “I’ll fuck this guy” determination she still needs to be led down the winding path without shortcuts before her legs will actually open. There’s a technical dilemma over how fast to extract her. I’d like to let another hour pass but her phone keeps ringing and at any moment her friend’s may pluck her from my fiendish grasp. I may never get this love bubble going again. So I rush. She refuses to enter my apartment. We make out on the stairs, I tell her I want to fuck her, then take a number. Bah!

Set Two – Nerdy Serby

Yesterday I’d idated a cute little munchkin. Walking along the main pedestrian area I clocked a disguised Krauser girl – just come back from belly dance class with no makeup, hair pulled into a harsh bun, loose-fitting tracksuit. If that was her normal state it would scream “girl uncomfortable with her femininity” and strike her off, but I can tell it’s only a situational outlier. I’m gonna open that, I tell Robusto and he’s “why?”. He can’t see what I see. She loves it and the idate goes great. No kino or kiss but I’m liking her. So next day (after blowing out with Curvy Serby) I meet my librarian girl for a late coffee. It’s a date I have little expectations of becuase she seems so shy and nice. I just figure I’ll do my work and enjoy her company whatever happens.

She prettied herself up nicely and after coffee walks me past her university. I kiss her. Great, it’s on. My social conditioning is interfering with me. A common problem I have is I assume Good Girls are not sexual. Silly, I know. We sit down in a bar and there’s a great moment – she tells me she’s reading Fifty Shades of Grey and loves it. Poor girl has just handed me the opportunity to sexualise that I was looking for. I run with it and we talk dirty and kiss alot. My house is 50m away. I whisk her up to the bedroom. She’s topless on my bed and….. LMR. Bah! As I walk her back to the bus stop she turns her head up to look lovingly into my eyes and says “thanks for not raping me”

Set Three – Dancy Serby

So I have 10pm blue balls but it’s Friday night and I head out to the nightclub boats with Robusto and Bhodi. The signs are good – lot’s of dolly birds tottering in their high heels on the wide strip of riverside grass outside the line of ten nightclubs. First boat we board turns out to be the best club. We make our circle and have fun… thus distinguishing ourselves from every other man in the club. Girls notice and IOIs follow. I get drunk. My state bubbles and suddenly I’m opening everything. Before long I want to start rapid escalating so I run off a few sets. No blowouts but nothing quite sticking and then I get my Set of Glory.

A few girls are dancing with a few guys suspecting little and then I’m like those liveleak videos you see of convenience store workers blindsided by trucks crashing through the windows. I crash into set and immediately harrass the hottest girl. After a brief deer-in-headlights panic she goes for it. I’m too drunk to see anything that’s not directly infront of me but the girl must’ve eye-coded her friends cos they leave us in isolation. It’s a blur but I remember being locked in to the wall while she dances in front of me, leans on me, and kisses me. Attraction is super high. Bhodi is lying drunk under a tree hallucinating after twenty vodkas. Robusto is canoodling with some Russian blonde. I pull my girl onto the grass outside and roll around with her. Ten minutes later I hear a couple walk past:

• Girl: Ugh…. that’s disgusting, those two kissing in the dirt like that
• Man: Yes, disgusting….. hang on, that’s my friend. Nick!

I can’t extract. Her friends come out a few times and I befriend them then we end up in a house party deep in the darkest soviet projects. Fun times with fun people but the social pressure is just enough to keep her legs together. Another hot 21 year old semi-naked on the bed with me and another LMR fail. Bah!

Epilogue – I bang Curvy Serby the next night, Nerdy Serby is in love with me doing sex chats, and Dancy Serby is falling for me.

I’m out in Zagreb by the train station when I notice a film crew shooting in the park, lots of them lolling about on fold-up chairs lined up on the pavement. A girl I like the look of walks past – shortish, curvy, slim, mousey hair – just my type so I stop her. I’m about two feet away from a pair of camera guys so they can watch and listen to the whole thing.

I run a near-perfect set. Compliments, teases, humour, rapport, leading, everything. The girls is giggling and cooing and the guys are well impressed. Probably the highlight is when she shows me her university report card so I read it aloud, inserting my own comments (e.g. “Biotechnology, F. She keeps texting boys on her mobile phone. Must try harder”). I take the number and what a surprise she’s leaving Zagreb that afternoon for the coast. As good as the set is, I don’t expect much. Just another roll of the dice. I write this one up because of the interesting text chat that ensued.

Note I haven’t fucked this girl, or even seen her. She’s still at the coast. Hopefully something will happen when we are in the same city.

Me: So this is the cute little Dubrovnikian… [standard follow-up, leave no doubt about man/woman frame]

Her: Ouh yes London man 😛 i am in cinema watching a cool romantic film 🙂  [warm response, good]

Me: Ugh… Romance 😛  [set up first challenge, a bit of hard dominance]

Her: heh, it was good, not too much pathetic. Uh… I am ready for sweet dreams 🙂

Me: Hahaha. Girls really like the romance   [soft dominance]

Me: I’m sitting in History bar, sipping coffee, being very civilised 🙂  [a window into my world]

Her: Nice, good time with your friends. I am going to bed now, zzzzz 😛

Me: Sleep well 😉

So far so good, but the next day the logistics fail….

Her: Hi Nick, I changed the plan and today I am going to Dubrovnik. Have a good time in Zagreb these few days. And I hope you will welcome me when I come to visit London soon, hehe 😉   [sounds like she’s happy for long game, her giving the come on, a good sign]

Me: Young lady, you will be my honoured guest 😉 Enjoy Dubrovnik!

Her: O thank you, older man 😛

This is progressing like a normal set, gradually easing into flirting and rapport while waiting for logistics to pan out. I add her to skype and settle in for the long game. Then, out the blue I get a spider-sense tingle that she’s more sexual than I’d first figured, so I test it with an overtly sexual comment….

Her: Hi Nick, are you still in Zagreb? Some Englishmen are sitting in front of me in bus, so I think of you 😉 Today is friday 13th, be careful 😛   [another IOI and a nice jumping off point to try sexualisation]

Me: Be careful of what, young lady? Of a cute little sex maniac? 😛   [I usually accuse them of being sex maniacs]

Her: Haha. Which sex maniac? Me? Oh, you uncover me. I was that sex maniac who spy on you last night 😛  [she plays along rather than backpedal, another good sign]

Me: I thought I heard some heavy breathing and moaning from my closet. I thought it was a bear.   [don’t jump in too eagerly]

Her: Haha, maybe it was your friend with his girlfriend

Me: OMG you really are crazy. How is Dubrovnik?  [and snip, so I don’t look too keen. I want her to feel like its a mutual sexualisation]

Her: Hahah. Sorry,I am sometimes a little bit kinky 😛 [brilliant!] it’s ok, sunshine, hot.. later i will go on the beach to swim and sunbathe…Jeej

Me: I shall require a bikini picture, of course. That’s one of the rules.

Her: I have a small breasts, so i can’t show you topless picture, haha. Ok, we will see, you must deserve that with nice and polite behaviour 😛  [trying to get me jumping through her hoops, a reflexive behaviour to see what I’m made of]

Me: Nice and polite? I think you have me confused with someone else 😉   [so I refuse]

Clearly the sexualisation was accepted and I was able to push, though I was careful not to break rapport or sound too keen. I’m just a sexual man who doesn’t mind letting the girl know I like sex. A couple of incidental rapport texts fly and then it gets ramped up again….

Her: You are man of the world 😉 And I wish to travel, but when I grow up, someone could kidnap me 🙂   [another come-on from her]

Me: I thought we already agreed… I’m going to kidnap you. You’d be my cook and sex slave… Beware!  [I always throw in cooking with the sex to look more demanding and position her into a womanly role]

Her: I will fulfill your every pervesian fantasy and order. It will be my pleasure… my dear lord 😛   [she likes it, great. If this comes off, I think I’ll really like her]

Me: +10 🙂 I’ll keep you very busy. I’m not easily satisfied!  [but in for a penny, in for a pound. So I continue to frame her as chasing and qualifying because ultimately that’s what we both want]

Her: Don’t doubt in me. I know what I need to do 🙂 I am going to take a shower, I am salty of the sea 😛

From then on I’m out the country so it moves over to Skype chat. I figure there’s a total green light here because she fancies me and is liberal about sex. I might put up a post of those chats too. Anyway, to cut a long story short this one is still in the balance. She’s obviously up for it but there’s not getting around the fact we’ve only met for ten minutes and have horrible logistics. Time will tell.

I’m out on the continent hitting on unsuspecting women. It’s roasting hot. We’ve been dragging our sweat-soaked blistered bodies from cafe to cafe, street-stopping girls inbetween. It’s a glorious holiday with my compadres. Both the quality and quantity of women is outrageous. Girls we would chase down the street in London don’t even turn our heads here, so inured to the quality are we after just two days.

I find it takes a couple of days to dial in my calibration for a new country. There’s been a few very good sets, some solid leads and……. sets like this one which will likely go nowhere. However its the only full set I’ve recorded so far so I’ve thrown it up anyway.

I’d put my game at 5/10 here. Workman-like, lacking in creativity. Don’t let it be said I cherry-pick what I post.

As is now my custom, now that the chilly frost of winter is behind me (not that I noticed while in Mexico, Cuba, Belize and Thailand) the golden path to Eastern Europe has opened. So JJ and I have packed our suitcases and are off on another trawl of slavic women. One thing we much neglected in our previous trips was pipelining. Internet girls are so grotty that it doesn’t seem worth the bother. Not when the daytime streets are properly infested with cute clean-limbed little slavic sweeties.

But now that JJ figured out a way to pipeline while getting lulz at the same time we figured we’d sit in a cafe for a few hours and see what we can rustle up. I fire off twenty messages to girls in our target city. My only rule is they have to be hot enough that I’d open them in a bar (which is below my street-open threshold). They are much like this:

Girl A: Tall 19yr old brunette

Me: Your picture scares my dog. He’s hiding behind the sofa, whimpering. That’s really mean of you. You should apologise to him.

Her: I don’t necesarily apologise, unfortunatly I’m not a fan of dogs! But I may find the resistance.

Me: You’re a crazy cat lady???? Oh no, someone pass my umbrella, I need to chase you away. Nice hair. Very feminine. Cute. I have an electrified fence. Don’t chance it.

Her: I guess I am or on the path to become one… I only have one cat for now and he is already a little much. Thanks 🙂 My name is [name].

Me: [her name]? I have no idea how to pronounce that. I’m Nick. I’ll be arriving in [city]tomorrow, then coming up to [her city] after a few days. Where do you recommend? I’m looking for a cool bar which foreigners rarely find.

Her: Come visit me at work 🙂

Me: Where? I hope you work at a sausage shop, and can give me free sausages

Her: 😦 No I work at a pub, its not necessarily cool but ill be there and i guess i could bring some sausages to work

Me: nom nom nom Great! I like you now.

So that one looks promising and she’s certainly worth spending a few hours of a date to get a closer look. By her photos she looks a solid eight and not at all mental.

Girl B: Artsy 23yr old brunette

Me: You sound crazy. Totally bat-shit crazy. I like your hair. Cute, feminine. Weirdo

Her: Meowww

Me: Oh, you’re in big trouble now, girl

Her: I’m a dragon. nice to meet you 🙂

Me: I slay dragons. I’m a dragon-slayer. I’m just going to go put on my armour and mount my horse, pick up my lance, and come slay you. Maybe rescue a fair maiden when I’m finished

Her: boo!

Me: .

Her: HAHAHAHA xD I’ve survived slayers before, I’ll survive you. 🙂

Me: I’ll be in [her city] from tomorrow. Which bar do you recommend? Somewhere tourists don’t usually find.

Her: We dragons hang out in parks 😛 but yeah, I don’t know, the clubs are all listed online and the popular bars too 🙂 and I’m the wors person you can ask that question I just started going out myself 🙂

Again this one looks likely to progress to a date and she seems fun. This pseudo-trolling method filters out girls who are no fun.

Girl C: Bisexual 23yr old brunette

Me: [her city] won’t be big enough for the both of us. I’m gonna run you out of town, and the donkey you rode in on. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Her: Me and my pinata donkey will never surrender. Never! :dramatically whips her hair:

Me: You shouldn’t rob that bank [reference to her profile]. Being a girl, you’ll get confused, scared, and make a mess of it. I’ll be the sheriff who arrests you

Her: Years of watching Dexter taught me some things. I think I’d be cool as a blade. Boris the blade. :l But yeah, I certainly shouldn’t do it while I’m pms-ing. Ok. Just don’t sentence me to death by hanging. Ugh.

Me: You don’t belong on the plains. You should be in the kitchen. Cooking roast beef, mashed potatoes, and gravy. Mmmmm….. gravy…..

Again another bird who knows how to banter and might be fun. I’ve got seven similar conversations ongoing from my first twenty messages and I wouldn’t place any of the girls below a low-7. If anything comes of it, I’ll update.

While out at the Riverside Bar in Thailand, Bhodi and I were witness to perhaps the worst date-game we’ve seen all year. A textbook case of how to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. While it’s bad form to mock the misfortune of others, I was able to snap off some video for my readers’ edification. If the poor subject of this post finds it, consider it a free consultation.

We were watching the live band when a cute little island girl stood a few feet in front wearing a nice dotted top. Although no higher than a seven she was exactly my type so I paid some attention to size her up and consider an open. Perhaps I should observe her a while longer because she’s waiting in front of the gents toilets so I figured probably waiting for her boyfriend. Sure enough, five minutes later a European guy came over with her drink, said something and then leaned in to give her a no-tongues kiss on the lips. Ok, so I won’t be opening her I think, and quickly size up the guy.

• Ingratiating smile and pleading eyes
• Bad haircut that accentuates both the balding and the nerdiness
• Cookie-cutter herb dress sense

My initial thought is “well done” on getting a fairly hot bird despite these drawbacks. But then this starts……

Fuck. Me.

I simply cannot have any sympathy for a man who hands his balls over like that. He’s already lost the lay because several times the girl throws us embarrassed glances. She just wants this to end as soon as possible. He had enough smarts to realise the dancefloor escalation is failing after he leans in three times to kiss her and in each case she keeps her head flat against the post she’s leaning on and presses her lips tight together. So he leads her out onto the patio tables and to the quietest darkest corner he can find.

We get to watch over the balcony as he sits facing her and leaning in while she faces away. I hypothesise to Bhodi: “they look like they are on a first date but he’s already been able to get some light kisses on her lips. I’m guessing they met in a club a few days ago and had a drunken makeout. None of the other kino is there.” It’s obvious he hasn’t banged her. He’s dripping with neediness while she is playing gatekeeper.

Ten minutes later he pulls her up to try to ballroom dance to a slower song and again she looks helplessly up at us as we are cracking up with lulz. Poor guy. She got colder and colder and colder. By then it was 1am and we had better things to do.

I’m out on Friday night with three old uni friends I haven’t seen since before Christmas. There are already a bit monged on champagne before I roll in at 9:30 but we have a good chat about normal men’s things. After a couple drinks we roll on to an Islington bar with a meat market vibe. The male/female ratio is about even so there’s a bunch of 5, 6s and 7s shaking their asses and waving their arms on the dancefloor while nervous-looking young professional guys try to come onto them. For all it’s fascinating people-watching potential I’m just focused on my continued inebriation. I find myself propped up against the bar opening three different girls who order drinks next to me. The last one hooks well.

I’m a douchebag. The whole pick-up is on auto pilot where I’m dimly aware of the model I’m following but it’s never at the front of my mind. I insult her alot in the first five minutes but it’s all smirky-asshole stuff that she likes. So she plants herself next to me and allows it all to happen. The next hour is a blur. I know I remain rooted to the same spot without moving while she does a couple of takeaways (the effect of which is nil, because I can see her staring at me from across the room the whole time). Her bolshy little friend comes over twice to evaluate me, the first time she’s friendly the second time there’s bluster: “Did you just tell my friend you wanted to fuck her in the ass and spit on her hair?”

Easily dealt with and she leaves us to it. By the thirty-minute mark she’s doing a full-body press against me and subtle grinding of her pussy against my legs, kissing, and grabbing my cock. I flip between outrageous dirty-talk, douchebag push-aways, and feigned naivety. I put it at 70/30 that I can SNL her but at crunchtime little Bolshy comes back with her gang and drags her away: “Take his number and we’re leaving”. Nothing I can do. Bolshy is clearly mother hen.

I’m so drunk I scoff a Big Mac (my first ever) and pay £30 for a taxi home rather than find a nightbus. As I’m eating, I start up the text game. Note she’s an English girl (remember, the type my game “doesn’t work on”) so I’m able to use the full nuance of my language:

Me: Is your leopard-printed pointy-fingered (but kinda cute) friend still angry and pointy? [frame the cockblock for what she was, but without being resentful]

Her: Hehehehehe, nah it’s cool, we’re at another bar right now… They like this one better 🙂 are there any other gals or guys you’d like to fuck in the ass over in Angel? Be honest 😀 [she’s still turned on, and still loved the anal sex idea and my outrageousness]

Me: Fucking loads of ’em. You’ve slipped to 13th place in the queue. [douchebag push]

Me: Which, technically, makes you unlucky. My apologies… still like your smell, though [I’m the prize. Push-pull]

Her: Hehe 🙂 [reward]

Her: Is this you trying to be smooth? [banter]

Her: It’s kinda funny 😛 [shit test]

Me: Sorry. I’m terrible with girls. I hope you don’t bust me for being a virgin. [agree and amplify]

Me: Pretend you never read that [feigned naivity and confusion]

Me: So… um… what do you think of Greece’s continued membership in the euro? [de-escalate in tongue-and-cheek manner, drop in implicit contrast game that I’m not just a sexually aggressive douchebag but I’m also educated]

Her: Haaaahaaaa… I knew you were a virgin, I could smell it on your neck, taste it on your lips and feel it on your dick 😉 [playing along, getting herself off on remembering me sexually]

Her: And I think the euro is ridiculous 😛 [a knowing wink at what I was doing]

Me: It was the hover-hand wasn’t it? [keep going with the thread]

Me: I knew it! I should’ve just collected my courage and put my finger up your chuff [feigned cowardice and regret, in contrast to what she knows was strong bold intent]

Me: Then my thumb

Her: Haaaahahaaa! It’s like Fort Knox down there… It wouldn’t have ever happened! But Ilike the visuals your descriptions are providing 🙂 [She’d told me she hadn’t had sex since April 2011]

Her: You’re not bad for a 42 yr old! [callback humour to a game we played, she’s rapport seeking and obliquely IOIing]

Me: If you knew what your imaginary self was doing to my imaginary cock right now, you’d get a touch of the vapours. [blame her for the sexual escalation]

Her: Oh you’ve got a dirty lil mind. [approval]

Me: I’m innocent. It’s your slutty imaginary self taking advantage of me. I’m almost shocked. [feigned naivity, position her as seducing me]

Me: Almost

Her: You kinda called me a slut… I should be offended

Her: Should [girls love being slutty about sex when given permission]

Me: You scandalise me. Stop talking about sex. There will be no more talk about my rock hard dick invading your sweet little pussy. None of that talk at all. [push-pull]

Her: So… um… what do you think of Greece’s continued membership in the euro? 😛 [callback humour, rapport-seeking, signalling a willingness to follow my lead]

Me: Referendum, default on the debt, return to the drachma… and “go greek” on the next hot bird dumb enough to put her ass within banging distance of my dick. [contrast game]

Me: Should I spell out who that bird is, or can I rely on your social acuity to start getting wet on the intimation? [assumed the sale on her being wet for me]

Her: No no… No need as I got that from the moment I laid eyes on you… And you made me quite wet earlier on, I’m still kinda wet… But not as wet 🙂 so I will have to rely on my imagination it seems [reliving the moment to extend her pussy tingle]

Her: I have an amazing imagination!!!! [qualification]

So this was an SNL candidate that never quite got there. Not sure if I’ll see her again. I’ll be leaving the country again soon and I suspect the escalation went past the point of no return regarding buyers remorse. We’ll see.

As I look out my window the snow is falling and wind batters my humble abode. JJ is in Poland freezing his balls off and I left Robusto in Mexico chasing hostel trolls. There’s not alot of game being done in Chateau RSG right now. So it would appear time to dust off the archives and dredge up an old infield. Here’s a routine number-close from a lovely Estonian last summer.

I’ve put subtitles in to show what I was trying to do. She was a stunningly hot bird in my opinion – a very fresh girly look about her. It was my last set of a good three-hour session so I didn’t pay it much mind. You’ll see that it was going well but her time constaint meant I had to take a number without bedding it down with comfort. That makes it a roll of the dice.

I didn’t see her again. Why?

In my book I talk about the proper sequencing of a daygame street stop. The above-linked video is following the model but gets snipped short due to her being late to catch a bus. As the subtitles describe I’m able to get out the spontaneous opener and then tease / bridge into a conversation which kills her momentum. The vibing goes well as she’s smiling and giving back. So far so good. It’s as I start to move into the early stages of investment that she gives me her time constraint.

My book lays out the detail on why you need to invest her and begin comfort before you can have confidence that a number / instant date will work. Doing attraction material is fun and will hook her but if that’s all you do she gets a high buying temperature and walks away thinking “that was fun”. And that’s all. You were a clown. No-one cares to return a clown’s call. However if you can then move her into a real conversation about things that matter to her, and even better get her doing most of the conversational work, then you are showing her emotions that you are both fun and authentic. That’s when you can move to commit her for further interaction.

I couldn’t get there with this Estonian girl and thus I knew it was a roll of the dice. But I could read her hindbrain clearly – she liked me – so it was worth a punt at the number. Get a bunch of weak numbers like this and some of them turn into real dating.