Chatting to girls while on magic mushrooms

August 18, 2012

I’ve stumbled back into abundance lately. Before I went out to Croatia I had very little going on, just a Saudi girl in London I’d had a couple of dates with, a young little Spaniard in Madrid I may or may not see again, and a Bosnian completely obsessed with me but quite far away. Not exactly swimming in girls. Croatia went well, to put it mildly, then I did a couple of half-arsed daygame sessions with Robusto and got some good leads.

One lead was a little Hungarian 20yr old who looks just like the dappy tarts who show up for Pierre Woodman castings videos to earn a crust. Apparently Hungary is porn casting capital of Europe and no surprise when you see the birds – that correct mix of curvy, hot, and slutty looking that could stock the stripclubs of the world ten times over. I wasn’t overly enamoured with her character on the couple of pre-date Facebook chats but no real red flags. Just a cute little girl from a country I haven’t flagged. So we arrange a date for 7pm in Camden.

this sort of thing

  • 7:05pm she texts: Sorry. I will be late.. i will tell you
  • 7:35pm: I leave warrenn street
  • 8:01pm: Here. Long story

No doubt you’re wondering why I was still there one hour after the time. Me too. I’d taken half an hour and £3 to get there and was commited to the same to get home. The market was on so I could look at the stalls while I waited. And she’s physically completely my type. I reply:

  • Wait 5 min while I walk back to station, then I’ll hear the story

She smiles as I arrive but I can already detect insolence. I refuse to go into the pub until she tells her story, which she does in a half-arsed unapologetic manner. She’s an au pair, the host family came back late, and she didn’t have her own keys to lock up.

      • Me: Didn’t your phone work?
      • Her: What do you mean?
      • Me: You could have texted me much earlier to reschedule
      • Her: *shrug*
      • Me: One hour is very late
      • Her: *shrug*
      • Me: You don’t seem to care
      • Her: *shrug*
      • Me: And you haven’t apologised for being so late
      • Her: *shrug*
      • Me: No. I’m going home. Goodbye

So I walk off. Back to Chateau RSG to join Bhodi and Robusto for magic mushrooms. I haven’t had any since I was 16 and it’s fun. Round about the peak, my Spaniard skype calls me because she’s arriving in London to see me the next afternoon. I’m just singing Boney M songs and writing gibberish to other girls on text chat. Here’s a few of them.

Serb who LMR’d me… but has since fallen hard

… obviously the link is to a packet of Monster Munch

There’s a Malaysian singer who I opened waaaaay back while she was on holiday and logistics have finally turned my way. We’ve chatted only a few times in the past year but because I made a strong impression and maintained frame, she hits me up when she’s coming to London.

New flag pending

Lastly, some readers with remember the tall smoking-hot Belorussian I met in a Lithuania nightclub. She visited London last summer for 2 weeks and I very nearly banged her but only got one thrust before she went mental and I threw her out. She’s back in London but a couple of months ago I got tired of her shit and put my foot in her arse (literally, sending her skidding across a nightclub dancefloor) and cut her off. After two months of sulking she’s started chasing me again.

She knows I’ve taken mushrooms

I’m utterly indifferent about where this goes

So let her chase

I’m not sure there’s any lessons to be learned from this tomfoolery but if you can find them, you’re welcome.


  1. Me: No. I’m going home. Goodbye
    So I walk off.

    Total respect Krauser.

    A couple of weeks ago a girl flaked on me, a few days before she was moving back home overseas.
    I know a lot of girls in the city she’s from and she’d be pretty low on the list to see, so I just deleted her off Facebook.
    She wrote me an email saying “Wow I must really have upset you for you to delete me”.
    I wrote back saying “Nah I just don’t tolerate people who can’t be trusted to do what they say.”
    A week later I sent another message “You don’t like me calling out your bad behaviour? You are a strange, weird person”.

    Hahaha. Felt awesome. Bet both your Hungarian and this girl have never been called on it before, and won’t be pulling it again anytime soon.

    • The correct response would’ve been no response. The 2nd response was complete loss of frame.

      Krauser: Love the turnaround response after you told the one girl you’d have her eating table scraps out of the dumpsters in the back. Rad.

      • As I said, had no intention of seeing her again so thought I’d teach her a lesson rather than make it worth saving. Heartiste has some great stuff on NOT calling her out until you’re in a relationship if you want to have a shot getting with her – however, had 0 care factor for this one.

    • If you had 0 care for her, you wouldn’t have replied and told her how you felt.

  2. Krauser, I really admire how you handled her bad behavior (Hungarian 20 yr old).
    Damn, wish I’d done it like that with a similar situation awhile back.
    But at least my experience taught me there is no value in keeping your mouth shut to keep things superficially pleasant with the girl when her behavior is like that.
    Wish you could see how incredibly hot she was though.

  3. Did you say a Saudi Girl? A saudi girl? You dated a saudi girl? That’s a real hard flag my friend. My wishes are with you! Good luck with that. And also the Afghan girls.

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