I recently tweeted:

What is your magic number that, once hit, takes away the relentless urge to bang more girls? Mine was 50. For a few friends it was 100.

Every man with 100+ lays is either a fuck up or a former fuck up

Sitting in my lounge yesterday with my buddies listening to music it occured to me that although my lay count is huge compared to “normal men” it was by far the lowest in the room. There’s Lee with 100+ at the tender age of twenty four. Robusto is on 98, Jambone somewhere north of 150, both Tony and Steve are considerably above 300. No wonder girls are a little intimidated when they come to my house, they can sniff out the sexual experience like dogs.

To an outside observer, or a wannabe PUA still struggling to knock over a new girl every few months, it’s easy to be impressed with these notch counts. You may have even just subconsciously ranked the men in my house placing Steve and Tony at the top (and me at the bottom!). If so then I’m afraid you’ve been cognitively captured by the weirdness of the PUA lifestyle and fallen into it’s messed-up frame. Lays are like money – the people with the most of it don’t think it’s such a big deal and don’t go round conspicuously bragging, they tend to be distrustful of the men who shout it from the rooftops. All the men I named have moved on from relentlessly acquiring notches.

As soon as Lee hit 100 (I think she was a girl in Malia he fucked in the nightclub toilets. He was the inbetween fuck of her three lays that night) he wanted a girlfriend. A switch flipped in his mind and he no longer cared about SNLing, even turning them down frequently. He’s now in a long relationship with a girl he likes.

Robusto has fallen big-time for a sweetly feminine Croatian girl. He wants to make her number 100 when they are in the same city again, so he’s knocking over a couple of sure things to get to 99 before boarding the flight. Yes, that’s both messed up and very romantic. I wonder if she wins a new car too. We don’t see Jambone much but he’s much more interested in running his businesses and setting up his geographical and financial independence. He’s turned down alot of lays in 2012. Tony is doing his own version of the same, far more interested in his personal interests and lifestyle design than clacking new birds. Steve is also in an exclusive relationship and has written about his laycount here.

So why is it that a group of guys with hard-earned finely-honed skills to bang women, a skill most of you dear readers would love to have, are basically refusing to use that skill? Based on conversations with these and other guys, plus my own person experience I’d put it this way….

All men are hard-wired with desire to sow their seed widely and constantly chase sexual novelty. Most of the time society sets restrictions on how much you can do this (e.g. social conventions on monogamy and dating) or sublimates it into over avenues (e.g. porn) which results in societally wide low median laycounts. Some men stumble upon success with women and break out. It’s exciting, like being let loose in a supermarket sweep, so we run hog wild clacking everything we can. It’s tremendously ego-gratifying. The problem is that men who are capable of forming secure attachments will quite quickly run into a woman they really like and want to date. This temporarily eliminates one of the necessary conditions to achieving a high laycount – time in the field. Dating just one girl for a year can knock 10-60 lays off a player’s final count as an opportunity cost.

Thus most guys with very high laycounts are the ones with attachment issues, men who have studiously avoided dating nice women and pushed them away. It’s a strange metaphor but I think the psychology is similar to serial killers. These men tend to be drifters and don’t hold down real career jobs, often forming fleeting alliances with other like-minded males. They are also driven by a relentless pressure to keep finding new girls, like wolves at their door. I don’t want to overstate the case – players are just having fun with women, not murdering them!

Each lay is delivering a dopamine hit, placating Relentless Notch Count Hyena for another week, pouring more water into the leaky bucket. And then at some point you turn a corner, whether it’s a change in your life circumstances, the result of conscious inner game work, a good trip on mushrooms….. the leaks get plugged. Then you hit your magic number and RNCH packs his bags and slinks away tail between his legs. As he disappears from view you hear some yapping behind you. You turn around and meet Secure Attachment Pug wagging his little tail and licking your hand with his little tongue.

While this process is ongoing you’ll find your attitudes to women and sex change. In the beginning you select women for silly reasons (mostly availability) and treat every moment between opener and f-close as a grind to be endured. It’s a quantity-based approach to pour as much filthy water into the leaky bucket as possible. Gradually you transition towards quality as you become competent enough to insist upon it. The water is cleaner but the bucket is still leaky. And then finally, like Angelsinn commented here, you are no longer screening based on quantity or quality – you are zeroing in on precisely the feminine girls you like because now every moment between opener and f-close is a pleasure. The leaky bucket is repaired, RNCH makes way for SAP, and while your notch rate slows your overall satisfaction with life rises.