This came out of nowhere. Totally opportunistic. I’m dicking around on facebook and set up a Spanish girl to be a fuck buddy on Monday. A girl I instant-dated last summer and haven’t seen since. Couldn’t even kiss close her. But three days of FB chat and she’s up for it.
So this girl comes online. Haven’t seen her since winter – a five minute street close that went precisely nowhere. She accepted the facebook add, chatted a few times, then nothing. Couldn’t get a date or phone number. She comes online for the first time in months and I go right into it – same routine as the Spaniard but with far less comfort built up. At first she’s just playing along like its a game but you can gradually sense she realises I’m serious and she’s getting warm to the idea.
Amazing how a flagrant booty call can be taken so well if you package it right. I haven’t fucked her but I’d say the probability went from 1% to 35%.
Me: the little pervert is back
Her: lol how you??
Me: it’ summer weather, I’m great! pervert
Her: why am i a pervert?
Me: you look like one big raccoon eyes shaking your sexy little ass when you walk
Her: your the pervert
Me: you’re the bigger pervert (not literally, you’re only little)
Her: no im not i am little but best things come in small packages
Me: You think about sex all the time I don’t. I’m pure like fresh snow
Her: shut up you silly bum
Me: see, all you can think about is my bum pervert
Me: now you are having sex chat! :O
Her: shut upppp
Me: I’m shocked. I’m gonna tell my mum
Her: ok fine im the pervert and im thinking about your bum
Me: I have a tattoo of a rat on my bum it looks like you you can come and lick it sometime I mean, LOOK at it sometime
Her: yuck you idiot where’s your panda tattoo? (i hope you have one)
Me: No. That would be silly
Me: Where are you from? remind me
Her: im from london i live in a house and i am a human
Me: you liar
Her: enough information?
Me: you are a little rat and you live in the sewers under Aldgate tube station I’m the rat catcher
Her: you muppet
Me: I have a net with your name on it fraggle
Her: shut uppppp your so mean
Me: I heard little fraggles like you are the worst at sex
Her: well if you say so your always right…and i’m always wrong
Me: heh I think you’re really cute, though
Her: thanks…but you shouldn’t judge until youve tried…..
Me: oh, I didn’t say I think you’d be a good lay I just think you have cute mannerisms and an itty-bitty-wascally cute face if I was gonna get married …. you could be my mistress
Her: your such a dork
Me: of course, we’d have to work on your attitude you’re kinda disobedient
Her: but thats the best part trying to tame me
Me: I’d throw you over my knee and spank your little bum then send you to make me a cup of tea
Her: awww would that tire you out so much that you’d need a break owell
Me: if the tea is nice, I’d have your knickers on the floor within a minute throw you on my bed bite your neck slap your arse again then drink my tea
Her: ha ha o how lovely for me
Me: I’m a bit selfish that way
Her: i can tell
Me: I’d probably make you cum a few times but it would be a side-effect not the main show
Her: hmmmmmmm that’s not being selfish now is it
Me: Ok, I’ll admit it sometimes I’m the romantic sort sometimes inbetween slamming a girl into the mattress I can sometimes kiss her, nibble her ear, and softly bite her neck
Her: aww how sweet…
Me: I think you would break which is unfortunate
Her: i wouldn’t break but you’d have to see that for yourself
Me: hmmm, are you offering to make the tea?
Her: i’ll think about that…maybe ok…fine you’ve twisted my arm
Me: Ok, agreed Get in a taxi I’ll pay half
Her: ok fine im doing that right now
Me: [my postcode]
Her: ok expect me over in a bit i hope your ready
Me: Text me when you’re on the way [my number]
Her: alright will do
Me: cool, put a skirt on if possible I’ve have the kettle boiling
Her: why a skirt?
Me: I like skirts It’s not crucial but I like them
Her: ok well i was thinking of just a black mac and my underwear but whatever floats your boat
Me: sounds cool do what excites you and I’ll keep up my side of the bargain and make you cum all night see you soon
Her: ok see you in a bit
[she goes offline]