Here’s my third Facebook chat with this cute little pixie of a Bengali chick. The first chat was just to establish my existence and then she literally wasn’t online the same time as me for several weeks. I get a quick chat on Sunday and bail quick when I need to go out. Finally I get a chance to work without a time constraint. Here we go….

Me – boo
Her – hello     how you?
Me – I’m eating a vegetarian duck  [immediately off on a slightly odd footing]
Her – hmmmmmmmmmmmm      sounds lovely
Me – it is      but I was worried it would be a real duck, that was fed lettuce or something  [joke]
Her – wat is a vegetarian duck exactly
Me – tofu?
Her – oooooo    doesnt sounds so good now
Me – it’s de    li    ci    ou    s    😀    what you doing?  [playful vibe already set]
Her – on the fone    multitasking
Me – ok, I’ll be here a while. Come back when you’re gonna give your full undivided attention    😉  [not gonna DLV competing for her attention]
Her – ok cool

[half an hour later]

Her – hello again  [Great, she reinitiates which is an IOI]
Me – 😉
Her – so your a vegetarian?
Me – yeah, but I love meat. It’s not easy    I eat soya meat all the time  [this is true]
Her – how come you decided to be a vegeterian?  [IOI, general conversation making]
Me – I was camping in Wales with my family when I was 12    I saw a cattle market in some small town    It was the first time I made the emotional connection between those Disney animals that talk like humans, and burgers    didn’t like it much  [rapport but not making a huge moral issue out of it like so many vegetarians do. My frame is I don’t judge her unless she fails a major screening characteristic which is unlikely after I screened her in the first meeting]
Her – wow    so since you were 12 you havent eaten meat    ??    thats a huge commitment n self restrain you have  [IOI and telling me something she likes in men]
Me – thanks    It was quite hard when I lived in Japan    They have fish, pork or beef in everything   [remind her I lived abroad]
Her – do you eat fish?     do you eat eggs?
Me – Veggie. I’m nto vegan    I tried when I was 17. Too tough
Her – well some people dont like eggs  [this is all simple rapport stuff]
Me – I love diary 😀
Her – 😛    lol
Me – Are you a good cook?  [qualify her]
Her – i fink im good     give me ingrediance    ingrediance*     n i can make anything  [she qualifies]
Me – I don’t like mushroom, onion, or peppers    can you handle that AND vegetarian???? 😀  [qualify her harder]
Her – noooooooo    i love peppers     n mushrooms      ill have to feed you like a rabbit    thats what youve resorted me to    😦  [she qualifies. She’s also fun, I’m really liking her girly vibe]
Me – Boo, we can’t be friends 😛  [push pull]
Her – ok      😦
Me – Maybe we’ll have to share a fruit salad from M&S    Sit in a park, like tramps    Drinking special brew  [future project]
Her – sounds good to me    loool    you muppet  [she’s confident enough to tease me but it’s basically an IOI]
Me – ME???????    A MUPPET?????  [mock anger]
Her – ill bake you a cake    (p.s i dont know how to bake)  [mock surrender]
Me – ok. You bake a cake and in exchange    I’ll protect you from zombies  [retarded vibing]
Her – yay    sounds like an amazing trade    i do respect you alot more because i dont think id ever be able to not eat meat
Me – are you a proper carnivore? into red meat and steaks?
Her – i can be a vegetarian for a couple of day but then i start craving    yYES
Me – haha, I like a girl with hearty appetites for life  [frame her for the obvious]
Her – 🙂    how was lithuania??
Me – very very good. I’m taking the gang to Latvia on Friday 🙂  [DHV]
Her – wow     im going turkey in april    but compared to your trip thats nothing    you seem to go away so often    im jealous 😦  [I am well established as the interesting worldly-wise older guy now. She is looking up to me]
Me – We go somewhere every month, for a week    prepare to get jealous…….    July was Lithuania
Her – 😦
Me – August was France     September was Lithuania again     October was Poland    November was Croatia    December was France    January was Lithuania    This month is Latvia    Next month Ireland    April is Spain    😀
Her – 😦    not fair
Me – life isn’t fair, [her name]
Her – your mean    but true
Me – I’m a horrible man
Her – im trying to find short breaks away for next month aswell    but im not really sure where
Me – What type of holiday do you want?    City, beach, adventure?
Her – short city     warm-ish
Me – What do you do? visit the sites, sit in cafes, drink like a maniac in clubs?  [eliciting values]
Her – anything    no drinking     i like cafe     and just chilled atmospheres enough to think and talk    in
Me – you never drink?
Her – nope
Me – since how long ago?
Her – since forever
Me – interesting     so when I’m drinking special brew in the park, you’ll have Ribena  [incorporate it into the future projection]
Her – yes     exactly
Me – or Orangina    maybe Tizer or Irn Bru  [just dumbass, as if those details matter]
Her – yuck    i hate orange drinks     ribenas fine with me
Me – so, to recap……     our first date is gonna be    1. me getting drunk    2. while you cook rabbit food     3. no oranges (I like oranges)     it’ll be a disaster
Her – i like oranges    but not the drink    yeah i think so too    or i could bake a cake
Me – We’re gonna be so unhappy. It’ll be like a married couple 😀    YES!! CAKES!!!! I’m excited again  [lots of rapport now]
Her – while we drink lemonade and sit and take in love warm weather    the lovely*    with a slight comforting breeze    🙂  [she’s adding value]
Me – If we need warm weather, we’re gonna have to take a flight    where are we going [Her name]?    a beach somewhere?  [so it’s easy to run with it into another future projection]
Her – yes please    barbados i think     ???
Me – ok, I’ll ring up my friend and organise a good beach hut    There’ll be a few palm trees overhanging it, mind    A slight danger of falling coconuts
Her – its fine
Me – Can’t guarantee twin beds. So no trying to jump me in the middle of the night    I need love, trust, connection…..  [frame her as chasing]
Her – if anything drops on me im sure youll save me some how    loool
Me – OK, the first morning when we wake up, we’re gonna play in the sea
Her – you muppet
Me – you fraggle  [establish callback humour]
Her – whats a fraggle?
Me – “what’s a fraggle?” she says……
Her – ok fine but if i drown youll try and save me right???
Me – you look like Red, from the beginning of Fraggle Rock    Yeah, I’ll save you. Maybe splash you a bit    What colour bikini you gonna be wearing?  [starting to sexualise it]
Her – hmmmm havent decided yet    suggest a colour?  [telling me she wants to be led, however I do want her to do some work in this]
Me – I like girly girls usually, so maybe pink or light blue
Her – (im very indecisive)
Me – It has to match my red speedos  [more playfulness, getting her thinking about me naked]
Her – nooooo
Me – like in 300
Her – i hate being a girly girl    black it is    or purple    well maybe pink if its a nice shade of pink    (p.s love 300…best film ever…men waking around in just their underwear…genius)
Me – Did you know I was almost in that movie?
Her – whatever    you liar!!    are you lying??
Me – I was gonna be Leonidas
Her – im not sure now
Me – But then they’d have to rename it “1”    😀
Her – you muppet
Me – you fraggle
Her – so do you cook then?
Me – I like cooking when its for lots of people    not so much when its just myself    I’m pretty good at Japanese food
Her – cool
Me – I’m thinking of cakes    So anyway, once you’ve chosen your bikini we gotta go play in the sea    I’m gonna have a big inflatable crocodile    You’ll have some little girly beach ball    and inflatable arm bands so you don’t drown
Her – sound wonderfully wierd    sounds*    can we go to the spa please    get a lovely massage  [she’s asking permission, so she definitely enjoys being led and looking to the man for approval]
Me – I’m not massaging you. Well, not unless you laugh at all my jokes  [I’m demanding. She’s chasing]
Her – shut up    your so silly    and by a professional
Me – Ok, I’ll take you to the spa and leave you there so I can go to the boxing gym
Her – ok sounds like a plan
Me – I’ll be properly sweating mind. I’ll be training hard. So we’ll have to jump in a jacuzzi after
relax  [more imagery]
Her – hmmmm if its relaxing why not    then dinner afterwards    or a nap whichever really
Me – I think dinner then a nap. Food makes me sleepy    You’d have to change out of your bikini    wear something elegant    ideas?
Her – nope    none at all
Me – let me see    …    wait
Her – (indecisive)
Me – I found a nice red top. It actually looks like you

 

Her – your so mean    im not talking to you now
Me – 😦    you keep calling me a muppet
Her – thats me appreciating your funny side
Me – 😛    I think a dark purple evening dress    Quite short, thin material. It’ll be hot in barabados    no sleeves    so it’s quite sexy but not vulgar
Her – i agree    i have a dress just like that actually  [qualifying]
Me – Cool. +10 points for you    …  [rewarding]
Her – 😛
Me – I’ll have a suit. Like James Bond.    But not the gun
Her – damn
Me – don’t need it. My hands are deadly!
Her – a gun would have been cool    loool    how about the aston martin
Me – Maybe. But only if they have the rockets, wheel spikes, and ejector seat  [because these details matter]
Her – we could try and get that    sounds like an adventure ahead    🙂 [she likes the idea of adventure]
Me – but you have to be my spy partner [roleplay begins]
Her – ok    😀
Me – seducing the Russian billionaire while I open his safe    but don’t enjoy it too much    it’s still technically our first date, so you’re still my girl  [sexualise, own her]
Her – hmmmmmm    ill try not to    😦    but do i get to kill anyone?    or do you get all the fun?
Me – you get to kill a few anonymous flunkies in non-descript boiler suits    a few fall over railings into shark tanks     I kill the serious opposition
Her – fine then
Me – You concentrate on looking sexy
Her – but i get to fly a plane at some point    loool
Me – Because after the big fight scene we move on to the do-they-don’t-they love scene  [this is a natural progression in the movie. We are now talking about us having sex, but in a safe way and where I have let her know it’s not a done deal]
Her – hmmmmmmmm    and the credits roll in at that point     🙂    everyones left guessing  [she’s had the opportunity to show demure coyishness, which I like. Note also she never actually stated a “we won’t have sex” rejection]
Me – Or if this is too much effort for a first date, we could just go to McDonalds for a happy meal    and I’d keep the toy  [release]
Her – hate mcdonalds    cant we just go to a nice turkish or Lebanese restaurant    you order veg n ill order meat    🙂     have some shisha n hot chocolate n a lovely chat  [telling me a date she’d like to have with me]
Me – I’ll think about it. Can you dress Lebanese?  [so I set it up for….]
Her – hmmmm ill think about it
Me – What are you wearing now?  [….my favourite question]
Her – right now?
Me – yes
Her – my pjs
Me – cute?
Her – yh    funnily enough pink
Me – Nice    Are you in bed now?
Her – yh sitting on my bed on my laptop
Me – I’ve finished all my vegetarian duck. I’m onto the last few prawn crackers now  [snip, don’t jump at the chance for more sexualisation]
Her – you fatbum
Me – I like to be fat for winter. Penguins can do it
Her – well summers coming youve got to start getting your beach body ready!!    you dont want to be looking fat in your bikini now do you??    😛
Me – Now I’m really shy     How do you look naked?  [pretty good to be asking this outright so early and not seeming uncalibrated]
Her – erm now that would be telling you too much now wouldnt it
Me – If I don’t ask, I don’t get.  [no backtracking]
Her – you make me laugh to much    too*  [IOI, accepts the legitimacy of my question]
Me – cool. When you’ve calmed down answer the question, woman
Her – im still not gona asnwer it    answer*
Me – OK. Tell me a secret
Her – hmmmm dont really have any    you tell me one…
Me – I asked you first  [defiant]
Her – ask me a question that i can answer    coz i really dont have any secrets    talk to much to have any secrets
Me – Ok    thinking    …..    how risque can it be before you get scared and run away like a little Ewok?  [the false dilemma – either she answers or she’s an Ewok]
Her – dunno    depends on the person    and what mood im in    😉    😛    to be honest with you im a good girl
Me – That’s indecisive, right there, that is    OK, I’ll give you an easy one    How many boys have you kissed, with tongues?  [sexual but not too strong]
Her – ive only ever had two guys in my life the first one did not last that long at all but the second one did so just the one
Me – I said kissed, not sex  [deliberate misunderstanding]
Her – hmmmm im gona scare you right now and tell you i dont sleep around
Me – why is that scary?
Her – ive never ever had sex with anyone
Me – actually, I have alot of respect for you now    +100
Her – lol
Me – I’m not joking you know  [reward]
Her – ok
Me – How often do you think abotu sex? You must still get horny often  [keep pushing because she’s offering only token resistance, not genuine “back off” signals. Also, this might be the first chance she’s had to talk like this to a man]
Her – looool    yh i get horny but i dont think about sex all the time not that often really    i day dream too much to think about anything normal
Me – day dream about what?  [I sense I have to back off a little, so I allow the tangent and move back into rapport]
Her – stuff…if things were different    my perfect job    sometimes i just go blank and just dont think at all    weird i know
Me – so long as you’re not driving when it happens
Her – hmmm yh that i cant promise sometimes    i think im the worst driver in the world    attention span of a fish
Me – So what were you just thinking about?
Her – i actually dont know    im trying to book tickets to the theatre    but i cant find any for the date that i need it for 😦
Me – I’m printing out my Latvia boarding pass. Woohoo
Her – 😦    lucky you    are you really a drug lord?    kingpin of some sort?  [she loves the playful stuff and wants more]
Me – International Dinosaur Hunter
Her – is that why you travel so much?    😦    drug lord sounded abit more fun  [she likes to pretend a risque edge]
Me – So we gonna snort coke from each other’s stomachs?  [sexual]
Her – yh sure something new i havent tried before    😀    yay    😛
Me – Me neither. I hope you don’t have a hairy belly    What’s your ass like. You never gave me a proper look when I asked?  [out of context this would be a very unusual collection of sentences]
Her – loool no    theres a reason for that    i dont like people looking at me    im a very conscious person    i think i have a nice backside  [coy but answers]
Me – I think you’re really cute  [It’s not all nudge-wink, sometimes it’s fine to just tell the girl why you like her]
Her – it looks great in nothing    looool    thanks
Me – You’ve got big saucer eyes, which I like. Racoon eyes    your skin colour is nice    and you’ve got a slim petite figure
Her – you idiot racooneyes    you make me laugh
Me – I’m guessing your ass is really tight. Like prodding a rubber ball
Her – you idiot    erm no comment
Me – = yes
Her – = im not saying
Me – Anyway, stop talking about sex stuff. I’m not that easy    Tell me something else  [retarded reframe like she’s escalating me]
Her – hmmmmm     whats your favourite colour in the whole world?    whats your favourite cake?    how many guys have you kissed ?    how many girls have you slept with?    whats your favourite film in the whole wide world?  [notice the one question she really cares about]
Me – ok. wait
Her – …
Me – 1. It really depends what object it is. But generally I like dark purple    2. Cheesecake    3. Don’t know
Her – ??? what do you mean you dont know
Me – Never counted  [I actually didn’t realise she said “guys” not “girls”]
Her – how many guys have you every kissed in you life time?    men….
Me – men?    zero
Her – are you serious its been that many    loool    now you get it
Me – 5. Fight Club
Her – you didnt answer my middle question?    😦    but its ok    what kind of cheesecake do you like?
Me – I will, if I get a good question in return    Strawberry  [defiance, make her work because I know she wants the answer]
Her – ok go on    ask me anything
Me – How many times have you masturbated in 2010 (estimate)?  [she did say anything]
Her – do you know hw you have self restrain with what you eat    i have the same restrain for that     (im sitting here laughing so much)  [she is not at all uncomfortable with this, the frame is so natural]
Me – Ok. I’m surprised. But I probably believe you    (you must get SO frustrated at times)    maybe that’s why you keep going blank all the time 😀  [frame masturbation as normal]
Her – hmmm    yh could explain that
Me – ok, my answer    I don’t know for sure, but probably 35
Her – yes………    hmmm ok
Me – I’ll admit, I like sex. I think it’s the most natural thing in the world  [an important frame for later, assuming this progresses to dates]
Her – i dont doubt that    its normal    so how many one night stands have you ever had?  [she’s seriously interested in my sexual history. Why? Because she’s sexually interested in me]
Me – Not so many    I’ve usually been in relationships
Her – so most of them were your girlfriends?    wow    how long was your longest relationship?
Me – Hang on, I get 2 questions now    deal?  [no freebies]
Her – ok    ok
Me – wait a mo, gotta log back in
Her – ok
Me – Longest relationship was 9 years [True. Demonstrates ability to have a successful relationship]
Her – wooooooow
Me – My 2 questions
Her – ok
Me – 1. What do you most like about men?    2. What is the sexual thing that interests you most to do (and maybe you are too scared to try)?
Her – 1. i like silly jokes n stories
Me – haha, that’s me :O oh dear
Her – loool thats alot of guys    im easy to please
Me – -5 points for being easy pleased    second question please  [I don’t go for low hanging fruit]
Her – if you can make me laugh and i dont hate you then its all good    😦    i really have no clue about the second question
Me – you’ve seen movies, read books  [make it easier for her to get the ball rolling]
Her – so    i dont have anything i want to try    maybe when i start having sex ill be a butu more curious  [“maybe when I start…” has an air of inevitability]
Me – it’s just fantasy talk. Not necessarily what you try, just what you have an interest in
Her – i genuinely don’t know
Me – Ok, I’ll rephrase
Her – ive answered your queston now right?
Me – Which movie sex scene excites you most?    answer that, then you’ve answered my question  [lead her into an easier way to answer]
Her – hmmmmmm    i dont know    …..    let me think
Me – cool
Her – my mind has gone totally blank    of i know what will help me….you tell me yours and i can think after that
Me – movie scene?
Her – yh
Me – The Thomas Crown Affair is pretty good
Her – omg yhhh    that was a good scene    i like angelina jolie and ethan hawk taking lives
Me – haven’t seen that    what’s the energy like? the emotion of the scene?
Her – very rough andjust animalistic    you could say
Me – aha, my favourite
Her – loool
Me – Did you get horny watching it?
Her – i am not answer anymore questions its your turn
Me – ok    ask
Her – so youve been with soo many different girls how can you not have met the right one yet???    what happened to your 9year relationship?
Me – It was amazing for 8 years, like in a movie. Then went bad in the last year, so we separated
Her – do you miss her sometimes?
Me – Never. I used to, especially the first 3 months afterwards
Her – thats ok then it was for the best
Me – Yeah. Breakups are hard, but if you approach them correctly you can learn from them and become a better person  [I’m a positive person]
Her – yh
Me – that’s text speak again    -5 points
Her – so what do you look for in the perfect girl?    if you say pink ill hurt you
Me – really tall    white skin    massive tits    small eyes  [exactly the opposite of her]
Her – lol    i like the massive tits
Me – yours are about a handful, right?  [sexualise]
Her – im not answering that at all    anywaysssssssssss    im gona be off to bed now coz i have to wake up bright and early    it was lovely chatting with you
Me – yeah  [don’t ask for the number or a date. No rush]
Her – night night sweetdreams
Me –  😉