Trialing a new Facebook escalation method

June 4, 2011

This came out of nowhere. Totally opportunistic. I’m dicking around on facebook and set up a Spanish girl to be a fuck buddy on Monday. A girl I instant-dated last summer and haven’t seen since. Couldn’t even kiss close her. But three days of FB chat and she’s up for it.

Opportunity knocks

So this girl comes online. Haven’t seen her since winter – a five minute street close that went precisely nowhere. She accepted the facebook add, chatted a few times, then nothing. Couldn’t get a date or phone number. She comes online for the first time in months and I go right into it – same routine as the Spaniard but with far less comfort built up. At first she’s just playing along like its a game but you can gradually sense she realises I’m serious and she’s getting warm to the idea.

Amazing how a flagrant booty call can be taken so well if you package it right. I haven’t fucked her but I’d say the probability went from 1% to 35%.

Me: the little pervert is back
Her: lol     how you??
Me: it’ summer weather, I’m great!     pervert
Her: why am i a pervert?     😦
Me: you look like one     big raccoon eyes    shaking your sexy little ass when you walk
Her: your the pervert
Me: you’re the bigger pervert     (not literally, you’re only little)
Her: no im not     i am little but best things come in small packages
Me: You think about sex all the time     I don’t. I’m pure like fresh snow
Her: shut up you silly bum
Me: see, all you can think about is my bum     pervert
Her: arghhhhhhh
Me: now you are having sex chat!     :O
Her: 😦     shut upppp
Me: I’m shocked. I’m gonna tell my mum
Her: ok fine im the pervert and im thinking about your bum
Me: I have a tattoo of a rat on my bum     it looks like you     you can come and lick it sometime    I mean, LOOK at it sometime
Her: yuck     you idiot     where’s your panda tattoo?     (i hope you have one)
Me: No. That would be silly
Her: 😦
Me: Where are you from? remind me
Her: im from london i live in a house and i am a human
Me: you liar
Her: enough information?
Me: you are a little rat and you live in the sewers under Aldgate tube station     I’m the rat catcher
Her: you muppet
Me: I have a net with your name on it    fraggle
Her: shut uppppp    your so mean
Me: I heard little fraggles like you are the worst at sex
Her: well if you say so     your always right…and i’m always wrong
Me: heh    I think you’re really cute, though
Her: thanks…but you shouldn’t judge until youve tried…..
Me: oh, I didn’t say I think you’d be a good lay    I just think you have cute mannerisms and an itty-bitty-wascally cute face    if I was gonna get married     …. you could be my mistress
Her: your such a dork
Me: of course, we’d have to work on your attitude    you’re kinda disobedient
Her: but thats the best part    trying to tame me    😛
Me: I’d throw you over my knee and spank your little bum    then send you to make me a cup of tea
Her: awww would that tire you out so much that you’d need a break     owell
Me: if the tea is nice, I’d have your knickers on the floor within a minute     throw you on my bed     bite your neck    slap your arse again     then drink my tea
Her: ha ha     o how lovely for me
Me: I’m a bit selfish that way
Her: i can tell
Me: I’d probably make you cum a few times     but it would be a side-effect     not the main show
Her: hmmmmmmm    that’s not being selfish now is it
Me: Ok, I’ll admit it     sometimes I’m the romantic sort     sometimes     inbetween slamming a girl into the mattress    I can sometimes kiss her, nibble her ear, and softly bite her neck
Her: aww how sweet…
Me: I think you would break    which is unfortunate
Her: i wouldn’t break     but you’d have to see that for yourself
Me: hmmm, are you offering to make the tea?
Her: i’ll think about that…maybe    ok…fine you’ve twisted my arm     😛
Me: Ok, agreed     Get in a taxi     I’ll pay half
Her: ok fine im doing that right now
Me: [my postcode]
Her: ok     expect me over in a bit     i hope your ready
Me: Text me when you’re on the way  [my number]
Her: alright will do
Me: cool, put a skirt on if possible     I’ve have the kettle boiling
Her: why a skirt?
Me: 😉     I like skirts    It’s not crucial    but I like them
Her: ok well i was thinking of just a black mac and my underwear     but whatever floats your boat
Me: sounds cool    do what excites you     and I’ll keep up my side of the bargain and make you cum all night     see you soon
Her: ok see you in a bit
Me: 😉
[she goes offline]


  1. You haven’t fucked her? So she flaked after going offline? [Yes. Early stages. K]

  2. Like the pervert opener bro’.I hate Facebook pick up but you’re definitely doing it perfect.

  3. Yo, playa you ever think about putting out a ebook dedicated to facebook game? It’s seems to be a great way to warm up cold and potentially uninterested prospects. You know like a way of keeping them in the loop.

    [I’ve written about it in Jambone’s new book. It’ll be out fairly soon. K]

    • What’s Jambone writing a book about?

      [Burnley, starting fights while drunk, and talking about blogging without actually blogging. The usual shit, no doubt. Oh, and how the Beatles are great K.]

  4. you are the king of fb.

  5. Wish I had your energy and enthusiasm to chat up lots of girls and put work into FB, texts, and dates like you. I gotta work on my physical and mental status. FUCK!

  6. She certainly was a proper darlin. Loved her vulnerability, mix of nervous body language and her seeming inability to stop herself being intrigued and excited by the interaction. She was definitely attracted but wrestling with her demons. Wonderful to watch and absorb, top work.

  7. Pingback: Claiming the Spanish flag: Facebook escalation part one « Krauser's PUA Adventure

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