FR: Day game in Covent Garden

October 26, 2009

Saturday 24th October and I’m feeling good. I sit in Cafe Nero. I’m there so often the charming gay dude behind the bar knows my drink and starts it before I reach the front of the queue. As I continue with “Power of Now” (which while I’m open to the message it seems to be awfully esoteric and full of mumbo jumbo) I situationally open a 2-set beside me of HB3 Black and HB9 Black. Unfortunately only one of them hooks and you can guess which.

Outside I meet up with Suave and Chris. The latter is on a tear, apparently having opened 10 sets before I’ve turned up and he rattles off another five before I get started. He’s undergone a major transformation since I last saw him – and all for the better. I start getting competitive.

My first two sets are horrible. I open 2-set HB5 German and HB7 Aussie but they are fairly dismissive if not actually outright rude. Then I follow 2-set HB7 Young Brits into a shop and get rudely dismissed by the target with a “It’s none of your business”. Funny thing is, her friend was smiling and IOIing me. I just wasn’t ready for such hostility otherwise I might’ve recovered it with a dominance show. Two rude sets in a row – that’s rare. Fortunately it improves.

I number close HB7 Asian right away. She’s on her lunch break from a shop (she actually has the shop ID round her neck) and is rushing to meet someone. My hand is forced so it’s most likely a flake cos I was in set less than five minutes. My state is up and I hit a hotter streak.

I get the Facebook of HB7 Thai as I open her right in front of my wings so they actually hear the whole thing.

Krauser: Hi. I saw you walk past and knew I had to talk to you. Are you a dancer?
HB7: Yeah. Well, sort of.
Krauser: I can tell. You have the dancer walk. It’s like an easy feline grace.
HB7: *smiles*
Krauser: Some of my friends dance at the Pineapple over there *points* and they all have that walk

HB7 Thai

I lock in to a fence post and we vibe for ten minutes or so. I’m very relaxed and she’s going with it. On the close I try my new Entourage gambit:

Krauser: Do you like clubs? Good clubs, I mean. Not the noisy Piccadilly ones.
HB7: Yeah…. blah blah….
Krauser: Cool. I do some promoting for some of the high end clubs. Like Movida and Jalouse. I often fill up part of the guest list. They like me to bring cool guys and pretty girls. The sort of people who will be fun in the club. You’re fun aren’t you?
HB7: Yeah
Krauser: Cool. I’ll let you know next time I’m organising something and I’ll put you on the guest list. Here *takes out phone* give me your Facebook.

She accepts the invite the next day. Unfortunately she’s married. One for the entourage, then. I facebook close HB7 Young Brit with a similar routine after ten minutes of vibing then follow HB6 Estonian into Urban Outfitters to number close her. That’s a nice open:

Krauser: Hi. I was just looking at shirts down there when I saw you walk past. I knew I had to come talk to you.
HB6: *nods, listens*
Krauser: I think the way you’re dressed…… that fur coat, the nice jeans, it’s really stylish and works well…… except the backpack. God, what were you thinking. It destroys the image. *smile*

She had an awful luminous “street” backpack, you see. She laughed and hooked. After the number close she lets me know she has a 3 year old child. Ok, no go. Next up is a good ten minute set with HB6 Korean. She’s petite and cute, smiling coyly and clearly enjoying the experience. I number close. She’s a bit ill so I don’t instant date. I add her to Facebook and nothing happens for a while. A few weeks later warm things up:

Krauser: You have funny pictures on your Facebook

HB6: Hey – Isit too late for reply? hehe Sorry, I’ve been sooo busy since school started, woking either. Thank u for sending invite text last time. really wanted to go there but it was closed to deadline, I cldn’t afford it. I hope cld make it next time n see u! J

Krauser: No problem. Talk soon

HB6 Korea

By this point Suave has gone home and Chris is on an instant date. I get horribly blown out by HB8 Slim Blonde and decide I’m done for the day. As I walk back to the station I do one last set with HB6 Turkish. She’s saying she’s in a rush to catch a shop before it closes so I do well to hold her with chat about Turkey then get a Facebook. Surprisingly she accepts the invite the next day.

HB6 Turk

We chat a few times too so it looks like another for the entourage.

FR: Instant date in Westfield

October 26, 2009

Sunday 26th October and I’m well-rested after two consecutive nights of good sleep, having foregone nightgame. Chris suggested Westfield shopping mall and while initially hesitant (for no good reason other than unfamiliarity) I agree. I’m there by noon, reading “The Power of Now” in Starbucks. I do two situational openers to warm up, first asking a Brit HB6 about coffee, then the HB6 Pakistani seated beside me about her Blackberry. The latter is a decent conversation but I don’t try to transition it into a pick up.

Chris shows up with his usual enthusiasm and we go right to it. I like his attitude. He’s raring to get into his first set and opens the first girl he sees, a seated HB4. He’s done a few before I get started for real. I see HB7 Brit walking down the mall and open as usual. She hooks and is nice but for some reason I’m at a loss for words fairly quickly. She’s not discouraging me, it’s all in my head. I’m just a bit stifled. I eject and Chris immediately asks why. I can’t give a good answer.

Next set is a tall HB8 Canadian. She really enjoys the experience but shows her engagement ring. It’s a rule that I’ll steal girlfriends but I’ll never steal fiancees or wives. I chat a little more and let her go. I’m pretty pleased cos all four sets were pleasant and polite, in stark contrast to the clutch of rude girls yesterday.

Chris gets a good open and while he’s in set I spot HB8 Tall Romanian go past. She has all the ingredients I need: Hot, tall, eastern European, walking slowly, inviting. I just know this’ll be an easy stop and lots of fun. The chase takes a while because she’s weaving through a crowd but as soon as there’s daylight in front of her I pounce. My standard opener.

She hooks good. I’m nailing all the alpha behaviours so it’s an easy bounce. I seed it first, talking about an ice cream stand I saw earlier (painting an emotional picture of it) then lead her to it, engaging her mind with questions about her favourite ice cream. It’s the first bounce I’ve done in a while. I get her to sit on the stools while I pay and we chat. She’s gradually relaxing and opening up, starting to have the confidence to joke around with me.

On the Day 2

I try the rollercoaster NLP routine but it’s only a mild hit. She’s a bit negative on London life and I find out later that she’s recently broken up with her ex. I put in pre-selection triggers talking about my dancer ex and so on. She’s so clearly happy to hang around that I lead her to Starbucks and throw in a cube routine that she rates 9/10 for accuracy. She wants me to do the cube on myself so I take that IOI as an opportunity to go of to the toilet and telling her to watch my bag, before I return to do the routine.

Chris pops by to observe my conversation then ejects himself after ten minutes or so. I’m practicing a few things like telling her off (“Don’t distract me. Can you be quiet for 20 seconds, until I finish?”) and inadvertently spit my food onto her (I recover while an unconcerned alpha “I really ought to stop doing that”). I’m trying to do footsie under the table but it’s not quite coming off.

I suggest shopping and try to hand lead her out the cafe but it doesn’t stick. I think she just didn’t realise what I was doing so it’s no loss. I’m really thinking I have to escalate kino or it’ll peter out. Finally I get excited by a shop and just grab her hand, lightly, to lead her in. She goes with it. Excellent. I alternated push-pull on the handholding for the next ten minutes until we are ready to just walk around arm-in-arm constantly. I learned a good handholding gambit there.

I get her to dress up in long leather boots and trenchcoat, continue playful teasing (e.g. asking shop staff which of us is tallest) and she’s being very girlish. She’s laughing the whole time, eyes sparkling, and trying to keep up with jokes of her own. It’s a wonder to behold because it ramps up my alphaness massively and she responds with even more girlishness. This chick is 5’9″, hot, curvy and would probably scare the hell out of most guys – but she’s acting like a 12yr old girl around me and I even manage to get away with kicking her up the arse on the escalator in Zara.

After three hours in set I decide I should break. I’ve been future-projecting alot (e.g. in a shoe shop: “Ok, imagine we’re going to a cocktail party. It’s really posh and I’m wearing a tuxedo. You’ve got a beautiful dress on. We walk in holding hands and everyone looks at us. What shoes are you wearing?”) and seeding the idea of a Day 2 in Camden and Primrose Hill.

I’ve been pathetic at getting kiss closes. This girl is clearly ready for one. So I try a new gambit I picked up on an AFCAdam dvd. We’ve just swapped numbers and I’m standing in front of her holding hands. I indicate her to kiss my cheeks. I lean in and kiss on the left, then the right. I hold eye contact then lean in and kiss on the lips. Sorted.

FR: Beginning Entourage Game

October 23, 2009

I like challenges. I like pushing boundaries and exploring new things. In the past week I came across three different PUA materials pushing what could be called “entourage game”. Namely:

1. AFCAdam’s speech at the 2007 Global PUA Summit outlining the basic concept of turning up to clubs with ten hot girls in tow and how that triggers pre-selection and social proof attraction switches. He recruits through day game, then promises the girls a night out during which they get to see him at his most attractive.
2. LSS forum member Uncle B’s series of posts detailing how to social proof exclusive clubs to guarantee free entry, free drinks, and free tables
3. Gambler’s natural game talk about how to network the club patrons.

Seeing all these things one after another actually made me feel inadequate with my level (which I’d still class as lower-intermediate) and put me in a pissy mood. A mood so bad I ended up tooling some poor sod in sparring when I went to boxing in said mood.

But on Thursday 23rd October I suddenly decide over lunch that tonight’s the night to actually try it. Uncle B is pretty specific in his rules and I follow em.

Suave recently met a fellow Brazilian promoter in a club and has been texted an invite to the guest list for a high-end club. We decide that’s the venue. I try to rustle up some girls. Easier said than done with four hours’ notice but HB7 Spanish agrees. I’ve no idea if it’ll work out and fear disaster (like, what happens if we get refused entry? I’ll be badly DLV’d) so I only text girls who have gone cold. I get an interesting learning point right away

Of the eleven girls I text, only four ignore it. Seven reply pretty soon, and all make excuses designed to procure a later invite. These leads have been warmed up. Cool.

Suave get’s Subzero and I on the guest list along with HB7. We want to get in early so we can chat to the doormen, door whore, and bar staff while it’s quiet and they are not busy. Before we’ve even arrived I’ve opened two doormen at a bar/restaurant across the road and then gone inside and done the same to the female maitre’d. More of the same at the pub we meet in. So I’m feeling pretty social as we enter the club.

I immediately open the barmaid over the shoulder as she gives us free drinks. I have HB7 next to me. I’m not pushy but clearly engage her. She IOIs and gives us all a second free drink. I transfer attention to the barman and more of the same banter. They’ll remember me. Suave and I go round the corner and social proof the two barmen there. The idea is to slowly (over the course of several nights) get your face known and approved.

The promoter comes over and he looks like a PUA. We chat and I clearly convey I’ve brought HB7 and could bring more girls if I had more notice. To DHV to the promoter I need to bring the currency of the club – hot girls. Again, it’s just light chat and not pushy. I never ask for anything.

As the club fills up I sit back on a sofa and game HB7, letting her IOI madly to the view of all onlookers. When a bevy of HBs come in (all linked to the promoter) I show pre-selection by walking through them leading HB7 by the hand. I do similar things around the venue. Before long the promoter introduces us to the HB bevy and we are soon locked into that set.

It’s still early days. I haven’t hooked the set, and most of them are ignoring me. Suave does a better job of talking. Mostly I sit down at the promoter’s table and let HB7 game me. More free drinks. At one point one of the HBs takes HB7 to the VIP area for a dance, though she’s soon coming back to me.

We don’t hang around late. By midnight the place is pretty busy and it’s still about 3-1 girls/men ratio and very high quality of average tottie. Night One’s job is done – we’ve brought a little value to the promoter, got face-to-face time with him and the staff, and practised some techniques. Best not to overstay our welcome. So we leave with an invite to come back again.

We’re all pretty pumped. It probably sounds like nothing, but we really got an insight into what’s possible. On a basic level, this is what we had:

– Free entry to a hot club
– Free drinks
– A seat at the promoter’s table, surrounded by HBs
– An invite to the next one
– A great time

The plan is to do a better job of it next time, preferably turning up with five or six girls. Continue to get my face known.

On the way to the bus stop Suave opens a 2-set of Czech HB6s. I DHV him with HB7 as a pivot and he number closes. I get the number of an Italian HB7 promoter near Piccadilly, but that’s a social networking link, not a game close. HB7 Spaniard comes back to my house, IOIing me the whole way but I put her on the sofa and go to bed.

I intend to classify my closes between “harem” and “entourage”. She’s the latter. The general rule is if I feel the close isn’t strong I’ll put them in the entourage so that it’ll raise my value to them. If I get LJBF’d, the entourage is the back-up plan to still get value out of them.

FR: People insist on demonstrations

October 19, 2009

I’m having a quiet drink with friends on Friday 16th October 2009, trying to keep my social life balanced. Nonetheless as we end up in Digress at Moorgate my friend can’t help introducing me to his group of six buddies as “Krauser, the pick up artist” and telling them I’m some kind of miracle worker. Them being chodes they are intrugued to this new shiny thing and bombard me with questions. I try to talk it down, but can’t resist showing them some photos on my phone to prove I’m not full of shit.

They want a demo. Naturally.

Standing behind us is 2-set HB5 Blondes. I open over the shoulder with my usual Spiderman/Hulk opinion. Easy hook, I turn and run the set. I bring in one of the chodes for fun. They think they’ve witnessed a miracle. Instead of being allowed to relax and go back to talking about football and stuff, a friend puts his arm around my shoulder and confides:

Friend: Can you help out Wes? He’s not had a girlfriend for 2 years. I’d really appreciate it if you can set him up
Krauser: Right, shall I just assign him a girl from my harem?
Friend: You know what I mean. Just get him talking to some girls.

Evidently with great power comes great responsibility. I take him around and open 2-set HB5 Blondes (different one). After a few minutes I bring him in but he totally drops the ball:

Krauser: Ok, what would you like to do? I mean, if there were no limits on your time, money, danger, skills. A dream could come true. What would it be?
HB5: Cycling. I love cycling.
Krauser: You mean out in the countryside, going up and down the hills, seeing nature all around you?
HB5: Yes!
Krauser: Hang on. [turns around]. Wes! Wes! Come here a minute. [he comes]. HB5 here was just saying how she loves cycling out in the countryside. Going up and down the hills, seeing nature all around. You’re into that aren’t you?
Wes: Uh…… where are you from?
HB5: Essex
Wes: Me too!

I leave them to it, knowing it’s already dead. I reopen her later to practice rock star body language and she’s well into it. But I’m not.

We go to the dance floor. I have zero dance floor game but I’m feeling pretty good so I start bumping girls and saying dumb shit. There’s no good sets though. I bump HB5 Nigerian and she hooks strong. I dance with her a bit, do the secret handshake routine and then as I leave she’s saying “take my number! we have to meet so we can practice the secret handshake”. Fun night, but no quality sets.

Next night I try to have a quiet drink with different friends. Again I’m introduced as a “pick up artist” and again I am interogated. Not that I mind. It strokes my ego somewhat. We try a few bars and in one I see a Turkish 2-set I like. I opinion open and do a good job with negs, bodyrocking, rewards etc. I bring a friend in for the obstacle and end up numberclosing the HB7 target. Definitely a number I’ll call.

On the tube to Old Street I open a seated HB6 Red Hair with “Hi. Can I have your hat?” and she hooks but I have to get off the train. On the way up the escalator I bump into HB6 Bolivian who hasn’t called since last week’s day 2. She looks more like HB7 now and apologises profusely. I pretend to give her a hard time and she texts me the next day.

At Hoxton Square I open a three set of HB5s behind us in the queue just to pawn them to get us past the bouncers as a mixed group (opener is to a girl with a tiara: “Excuse me. When you take the tiara off does the wig come off with it?”). Inside I open HB5 Spanish and her HB5 Married Russian friend. It’s dark and she’s my type so I initially over-rate her as a HB7. I spend most of the time talking to the commie cos the target has to keep going out the bar to collect friends (it’s a birthday party). Towards the end of the night I isolate her, kino and number close but I doubt I’ll call.

I do some day game on the Saturday and Sunday, but not very motivated. My first set is a twenty-minute number close of HB6 Taiwan student, then I hook but can’t close HB7 Brit (She’s insistent on the BF defense). I make her laugh a lot but it’s just not happening. I apocalypse a Russian 2-set then instant date HB7 Polish at Foyles cafe. She actually suggests the coffee, and later suggests a Day 2. Despite this, she seems a little flighty and I sense a high LJBF danger.

The next day I only do two sets cos I’m trying shop for a new mobile phone. HB7 Brit stops but doesn’t hook. I lose it when at the beginning I indicate for her to take out her earphones. She doesn’t so I indicate again. After looking at me strangely she says its not turned on and she can hear me fine. Weird, but I’ve essentially DLV’d. Later I run out of Starbucks to catch HB8 Brit student and she gives me an early BF defense but still hooks and gives IOIs. For some reason I can’t get my word-flow going so I eject after five minutes. Should’ve ploughed.

FR: Coffee shop game

October 16, 2009

Friday 16th October, at Starbucks. The boss is away so the staff are at play. Three of us go out to Pizza Express for a long lunch. We’re chatting about pick-up amongst other things. I’m into MRA these days (Mens Rights Activism) and enjoying the Spearhead site. I go for coffee and a nap.

Waking up I notice HB8 Indian 18 yr old walk in. She has that headturning female polarity where it’s all about her manner and carriage rather than bouncy tits and curvy arse. Slim, elegant, perfectly graceful movement. She’s got one of the 1930s beige raincoats on that I love. She joins the queue.

I sit on the sofa at the other end of the cafe. We catch brief eye contact, which I don’t break, but it’s far away and there’s a good chance she’s not even focused on me. Nearly the end of my lunch. I think. I haven’t done a proper coffee shop sarge. How am I going to do this?

I get up and walk to her. She’s looking at the pastries. I do the light three-finger arm turn and indicate her to remove the headphones. She does and smiles expectantly. I do my usual opener, low energy. She smiles and gives the BF defense. I ignore it, introduce myself and she starts opening up. A few IOI questions. She absentmindedly picks up a sandwich and puts it down again.

My conversation is sparse and uninvolving. I’m concentrating on energy levels (low) and good body language. She seems very comfortable, like I’m not triggering any of her safety alarms. At the till I go for the Facebook close with:

Krauser: I’m headed back now. It was really nice to meet you. Are you on Facebook?
HB8: Yes
Krauser: OK. Let’s trade details and I’ll add you
HB8: I’m not sure I should. I’ve got a boyfriend.
Krauser: Don’t worry. I’m not gonna pick you up. *opens phone*
Krauser: How do I spell your name?
HB8: blah blah…… *at front of queue, orders drink, I wait* …. blah blah
Krauser: Is that right *shows phone*
HB8: Yes
Krauser: I’m guessing there’s not many of you on Facebook, a name like that
HB8: Just the one
Krauser: OK. It was very nice meeting you. You have a good day *shakes hand for third time*

Back at the office I add her immediately and send a message. She accepts quickly and replies:

Krauser: Hey. I probably surprised you a bit there. It was nice to talk to a girl with such impeccable manners. Have fun in Fiji.
HB8: That was quick
Krauser: Slow work day. Gearing up for the weekend

So why the detail on this one sarge? Things I’ve been trying / learning:

– It’s time to expand the range of sets I can open. Coffee shops are the obvious next step
– Calibration requires low energy and strong oak-tree body language because you can’t make a big DHV from jumping out in front of them
– Everybody can hear you, so keep it quiet and don’t force her to defend against social shaming
– The three-finger arm turn is nice. Non-threatening but quietly dominant. It forces them to give you their full attention
– She doesn’t have any momentum to arrest and it’s harder for her to walk away. This is a double-edged sword because you have to be more alert for IODs.

FR: Now I’m an instructor!

October 12, 2009

Sunday 11th October and I’m sitting in Cafe Nero in Covent Garden again. I still fully intend to take the day off from sarging and the cold I came down with on Thursday night has still got me sniffling a little. I settle into a chair and start reading Dr Aubrey Andelin’s Man of Steel and Velvet. It inspires me. I start to notice the pretty girls walking past outside. One comes in for a coffee and I find myself straining at the leash.

I text Instinct and Prize. Busy. I think I’ll sublimate the urge so I text Subzero and suggest we just have coffee. On a whim I also text Suave, a noob I once daygamed with after he say me number close an HB9 Russian Ice Bitch. He says he’s on the Sarge School bootcamp this weekend and is loving it. They are doing the daygame session in Covent Garden in an hour’s time.

Things click into place.

I text John, just intending to bounce off their group every hour or so to maintain state. Instead he asks if I’ll help out with the instruction. Baddabing! I become an instructor. Sort of.

We meet. There’s five students plus John, Jimmy and Ace. I’m looking pretty damn cool so the students just assume I’m doing this all the time. I’m determined not to disappoint. John takes us into a quite alley and gives his group talk on the basic approach. Then we pair off with students and I take an Aussie lad through the specifics, drilling it into him with about thirty practice approaches with me as the HB. He makes quick improvement.

Then we pair up again and I’m taking a Teenage Tim out for his first approaches. He’s really nervous and can’t even memorise the three sentences. I put on my PUA instructor hat and try to figure out the best way to proceed. He’s clearly going to need lots of work but his attitude is good – he is clearly prepared to put the work in. So I think let’s keep it simple and just push him into set.

HB6 walks by. I point her out and say “go”. He wavers. I grab him, point him towards her and shove his back. GO!!!! He goes, he opens, she stops, smiles, she walks on. Well done lad, you’ve broken your duck. I keep up the momentum and push him into two more sets quick-time. The lad is giving it his best shot.

He’s doing everything wrong but I figure it’s a mistake to point these things out. What he needs is a half-dozen approaches under his belt then we can start on the refinements. So in the 45 minutes we are together I get him into six sets, two of which go pretty well and the girls give him beaming smiles and stop to chat for a couple of minutes. Tim is getting some nice early reference experiences – they didn’t kick him in the balls, tell him to fuck off, or call the police. He’s pleased. And lest you think I’m just spectating, I give him encouragement and also open a set as a demo.

The team regroups and next I take two lads out, Asian and Aussie. These two are mid-20s and more assured as men but still pretty nervous as aspiring PUAs. It’s raining so not many sets around but they open and I give feedback. We chat about 2-sets and they want to know how its done. I explain, then get them to point out a set. I facebook close HB6 Israeli 2-set as they look on. It’s a beautiful sarge too, one that deserves an audience. I’m stoked, and they think I’m the Man. [She adds me to FB and messaging ensures]

Later they want to know how to open an HB6 Canadian who is idly browsing at a food stall. I show ’em. No close, but nice open and a few minutes chat. It’s a tough set too because it’s so crowded.

It’s a very pleasant experience. I feel good instructing, and by thoughtfully watching my charges I learn things too. They have confidence in me which greatly elevates my state. It’s only a short session and the SS guys invite me out for the night game in Old Street.

Subzero has shown up by now so we have a coffee, eat and then regroup for the evening at 10pm at the Electric Ballroom. I’ve dusted off my snakeskin jacket and snakeskin shoes, experimenting with a new look. Unfortunately there’s a dearth of sets. We all end up in Zigfrid and Asian opens the one good set. He does really well too. Lots of mistakes, but getting alot right too. Aussie wings for a while but runs out of steam and ejects.

I’m looking at the set seeing the obstacle falling further out of the conversation and see a cockblock coming. I’m enjoying chatting to the lads but figure it’s time to wing. I walk over.

Krauser: Hey Asian! You were awesome last night. I gotta get you a drink.
Asian: Krauser. Cool man, thanks. blah blah
Krauser: So, who are your new friends?
* introductions *
Krauser: [to target] Play nice. He’s a good friend of mine. [turns to obstacle] So, that accent…..

I’m totally outcome-neutral (she’s HB3, unlike her HB8 friend) and knowing I have to demonstrate wingwork to the students I’m more conscious and more diligent in implementing technical game. I entertain her with DHV stories, reward and punish with body language, high five, neg, sprinkle in higher learning etc. She’s really enjoying it. Importantly, the two things I pointed out to the other students pre-winging are implemented – I keep strong upright body language (no pecking) and I mini-isolate by turning her away from the target. Asian does a good job at his end and number closes a genuinely feminine HB8. I’d have liked her myself. Good work my young jedi knight.

FR: I’m really fucking stupid….

October 5, 2009

No I haven’t broken my fast. This is a field report of the last straw before I started the fast. Friday 2nd October and I’m in Cargo again. I didn’t want to go out. My flight home was cancelled and the next one (two hours later) rerouted through Heathrow. So I barely have time to drop off my stuff and shower before Subzero badgers me into coming out.

I tell myself I should take “right action” even when I’m not motivated. So I stumble out and get there for about 9:30pm. No queue, and it starts quiet. We are just sitting drinking and I make a decision to just enjoy that and not open. It’s a weight off my mind. I relax and enjoy just normal masculine company.

And then a HB5 English sitting next to me in the beer garden opens me:

HB5: Excuse me, are you Polish?
Krauser: Da
HB5: Where are you from?
Krauser: Krakow. It’s a small town near [my obvious English hometown, cos of my accent]
HB5: Oh.. blah blah

That’s not word for word, I forget, but it turns out she’s into the UFC and so I negged her about her poor choice of favourite fighters. Her two friends were HB7s but totally uninterested. Nonetheless the touch paper was lit and I forced myself to open.

Looking around it seemed awfully cliquey. University is back in season and the whole beer garden was composed of large mixed sets ignoring all other sets. No interaction between sets at all. Subzero is urging me to open but blatantly bottling put his money where his mouth is.

I need a plan to motivate me and I hit on one. I shall use Jeffy’s stupid opener and try to burn the whole bar. Ten sets in half an hour go some variation on this:

Krauser: Hi. [stands full-on, legs wide, staring]
HBs: Hi
Krauser: I’m really fucking stupid. Will you be my friend?
HBs: *laugh, snort, sneer, whatever*
Krauser: Uh, okay that’s fair. [turns away dejected]. Three years of therapy… wasted
HBs: *giggle*
Krauser: [turns back] Anyway…… blah blah

Only one or two sets dismiss me but I’m way too bored to stack so I end up ejecting early. The few times I stack it’s just stupid shit like asking if pandas should be allowed to die out because they are gay bears. It’s vaguely fun.

I’ve got five numbers to follow up on so at midnight I text the recent HB7 Italian and HB7 Japan telling them I’m back in the UK and we should meet. The Italian texts right back with “now?!!?” so I decide yeah and taxi to Piccadilly. It’s a weird meet cos her body language mostly accepts the escalation but her verbals don’t. I’m bored so after an hour I put her on a bus to Camden and go home.

Next day I meet Instinct for daygame and it’s pitiful. I just don’t want to open, and there’s no shortage of sets. We’ve tried Spitalfields market in the rain and it just seems so twatish. I know I’m projecting, but I also know I won’t open if I think all the girls are bitchy princesses. The one 2-set I do open, HB6 Brit HB6 Japan, actually confirms it, being the bitchiest I’ve ever opened. We just have coffee instead.

HB6 Spanish picks up a call and is chatty till I cut it short. HB8 Polish returns texts to say she’s going to Poland for a while because her mother is sick. HB7 Somali doesn’t reply to my booty call.

I just can’t be bothered.