I’m having a quiet drink with friends on Friday 16th October 2009, trying to keep my social life balanced. Nonetheless as we end up in Digress at Moorgate my friend can’t help introducing me to his group of six buddies as “Krauser, the pick up artist” and telling them I’m some kind of miracle worker. Them being chodes they are intrugued to this new shiny thing and bombard me with questions. I try to talk it down, but can’t resist showing them some photos on my phone to prove I’m not full of shit.
They want a demo. Naturally.
Standing behind us is 2-set HB5 Blondes. I open over the shoulder with my usual Spiderman/Hulk opinion. Easy hook, I turn and run the set. I bring in one of the chodes for fun. They think they’ve witnessed a miracle. Instead of being allowed to relax and go back to talking about football and stuff, a friend puts his arm around my shoulder and confides:
Friend: Can you help out Wes? He’s not had a girlfriend for 2 years. I’d really appreciate it if you can set him up
Krauser: Right, shall I just assign him a girl from my harem?
Friend: You know what I mean. Just get him talking to some girls.
Evidently with great power comes great responsibility. I take him around and open 2-set HB5 Blondes (different one). After a few minutes I bring him in but he totally drops the ball:
Krauser: Ok, what would you like to do? I mean, if there were no limits on your time, money, danger, skills. A dream could come true. What would it be?
HB5: Cycling. I love cycling.
Krauser: You mean out in the countryside, going up and down the hills, seeing nature all around you?
Krauser: Hang on. [turns around]. Wes! Wes! Come here a minute. [he comes]. HB5 here was just saying how she loves cycling out in the countryside. Going up and down the hills, seeing nature all around. You’re into that aren’t you?
Wes: Uh…… where are you from?
Wes: Me too!
I leave them to it, knowing it’s already dead. I reopen her later to practice rock star body language and she’s well into it. But I’m not.
We go to the dance floor. I have zero dance floor game but I’m feeling pretty good so I start bumping girls and saying dumb shit. There’s no good sets though. I bump HB5 Nigerian and she hooks strong. I dance with her a bit, do the secret handshake routine and then as I leave she’s saying “take my number! we have to meet so we can practice the secret handshake”. Fun night, but no quality sets.
Next night I try to have a quiet drink with different friends. Again I’m introduced as a “pick up artist” and again I am interogated. Not that I mind. It strokes my ego somewhat. We try a few bars and in one I see a Turkish 2-set I like. I opinion open and do a good job with negs, bodyrocking, rewards etc. I bring a friend in for the obstacle and end up numberclosing the HB7 target. Definitely a number I’ll call.
On the tube to Old Street I open a seated HB6 Red Hair with “Hi. Can I have your hat?” and she hooks but I have to get off the train. On the way up the escalator I bump into HB6 Bolivian who hasn’t called since last week’s day 2. She looks more like HB7 now and apologises profusely. I pretend to give her a hard time and she texts me the next day.
At Hoxton Square I open a three set of HB5s behind us in the queue just to pawn them to get us past the bouncers as a mixed group (opener is to a girl with a tiara: “Excuse me. When you take the tiara off does the wig come off with it?”). Inside I open HB5 Spanish and her HB5 Married Russian friend. It’s dark and she’s my type so I initially over-rate her as a HB7. I spend most of the time talking to the commie cos the target has to keep going out the bar to collect friends (it’s a birthday party). Towards the end of the night I isolate her, kino and number close but I doubt I’ll call.
I do some day game on the Saturday and Sunday, but not very motivated. My first set is a twenty-minute number close of HB6 Taiwan student, then I hook but can’t close HB7 Brit (She’s insistent on the BF defense). I make her laugh a lot but it’s just not happening. I apocalypse a Russian 2-set then instant date HB7 Polish at Foyles cafe. She actually suggests the coffee, and later suggests a Day 2. Despite this, she seems a little flighty and I sense a high LJBF danger.
The next day I only do two sets cos I’m trying shop for a new mobile phone. HB7 Brit stops but doesn’t hook. I lose it when at the beginning I indicate for her to take out her earphones. She doesn’t so I indicate again. After looking at me strangely she says its not turned on and she can hear me fine. Weird, but I’ve essentially DLV’d. Later I run out of Starbucks to catch HB8 Brit student and she gives me an early BF defense but still hooks and gives IOIs. For some reason I can’t get my word-flow going so I eject after five minutes. Should’ve ploughed.