I’ve held off writing this report because most of the seduction has been covered in other posts, and because I have some regrets over getting involved with this girl. When I initially got into Game / PUA I had relatively undefined goals. Mixed in with my general desire to make up for lost time (having been in a relationship 9 years and a serial monogamist for most of my adult life) was a more existential desire to bring my love life under my locus o control. In early 2009 I felt powerless and at a loose end, thrust back onto the dating market without any skills to compete. Just go back to my very early posts to get a window into what a low ebb I was at. The Mighty Krauser of today is utterly assured around hot young women and pretty damn confident that a good portion of them will fancy, flirt and fuck him. The Lowly Krauser of 2009 would’ve been happy with 30-year old table scraps. The journey changes who you are and what you feel entitled to.
If you were to roll up my goals and desires in 2009 you’d find a seething tangled toxic mess of desperation, neediness, bitterness and powerlust. Ok, I exaggerate but I had a negative frame and was easy pickings for the siren voices of the Dark Side. My first eye-opening realisation from summer 2009 was that I could start and hold conversations with precisely the pretty young girls that I fancied. That motivated me to keep plugging away through wind, sleet and snow. As summer 2010 arrived I was dating a sweet 22 year old Thai girl that Bhodi probably still fraps off to (if only he had my extensive sex video collection of her :) ). That relationship ran on 8 non-exclusive months while I also had a concurrent relationship with an even sweeter 19 year old French girl. Not only was I getting regular sex with girls who one year ago would’ve seemed forever off-limits, but I had a second eye-opening realisation… these girls were madly in love with me. I’d discovered my natural gift for
soul collection deep conversion.
This was a sweet realisation because all my power-hungry fantasies came true. I guess I still had some abandonment issues from my divorce, these issues constantly reinforced in my forebrain by all the MRA websites I was reading at the time. I was seriously mistrustful of women both in the abstract and in person so I built a hard shell around myself as protection and also deliberately screened for young niave girls with limited sexual experience. The Thai had one previous sexual partner four years before meeting me, and the Frenchie one partner a few month earlier. So I developed my Soul Collection theories (and even a six hour presentation on how to do it) and set about a one year reign of terror amongst women’s hearts. It’s well over a year since I last ran amok with these powers and I’ve tried hard to manage girls’ expectations to prevent the kind of destructive heartbreaks I left in my wake. I firmly believe that every time a girl gives herself to a man with love, she gives a bit of her heart. Her capacity to feel niave blissful love for the next guy is permanently diminished by that extent.
It would appear my enduring character traits still steer me towards deep conversion, as my new Yugoslav girl showed.
While touring the former Yugoslavia in July I’d ended up walking down the main promenade with Robusto doing some half-arsed daygame. I pick my girl out a crowd despite her lack of makeup, tightly-pulled ponytail and loose-fitting gym clothes. I just know from her walk, figure and facial structure that she’s my kind of girl. It’s the genuine DNA-tug I discuss in my book. The stop hits well and we idate in a nearby cafe for an hour. She’s hit all my tickboxes:
- long legged
- exotic look, especially high cheekbones and cat-like eyes
- sexually inexperienced
There’s something bubbling under the surface, a hot spring of sexual energy waiting to be unleashed. We meet again the next night and I get my kiss close and some really good deep rapport. I use her reading of Fifty Shades Of Grey to handle my verbal escalation and sexual naturalisation. She comes to my room but won’t bang just yet. Next evening I finger her in the cafe to give her a Fifty moment. She begs me to stay but I have to go off to another date / lay. Our relationship continues on Skype.
I’m fully expecting to make this girl my new girlfriend. Not exclusively, she overtly confesses she doesn’t expect or require me to stay monogamous although she will, but I’m giving this girl real affection and building an emotional connection I expect to maintain. Quiet whispers from my subconscious are conflicting me but they are so weak as to be easily ignored. I want a girl in Belgrade so I’ll damn well have one. Things progress until we are talking openly about sex, she’s masturbating to text chat, and also she does a video striptease. Things are proceeding swimmingly. We agree for her to come visit me in London for a week (at my expense, she’s a student) so she begins the visa application. She’s thrilled. Not only has she totally fallen for me but she’s never travelled outside Serbia before and London is so so shiny to her. Unexpectedly, a ten day window opens up at work so on a whim I decide to go visit her. My doubts and conduct are discussed here so I’ll not repeat it.
I close her.
The next evening when I tell her my feelings have died she is mortified. I can read in her eyes, almost see an image of her future crashing down about her. I feel awful but I’ve painted myself into a corner. Her previous (and only) sexual partner treated her like shit, apparently, and dumped her hard. She once told me if I did the same to her she’d break into little pieces so please don’t. I want to let her down gently but that’s like kicking her to death while wearing slippers. There’s only two ways to transition a girl out of a deep conversion:
- Patiently over several months allow her emotions and forebrain to disengage from you of their own accord. This requires reducing the frequency of contact (much easier when in different countries), refraining from gathering anymore heart strings in your grasp, reframing towards being a big brother rather than a boyfriend (so she still feels cared for and inside your reality but with diminished sexual energy), and logically clearing her to feel attraction for other men without feeling guilt. Doing this requires months of paying attention to the girl and even then it’s not a smooth ride for her. For a few girls I’ve been more than happy to do so because I retained not just a strong affection for them as people but also decent levels of sexual interest.
- Dump her hard and fast. The important cruel-to-be-kind point is that you crush all hope immediately so she has nothing to cling on to that will inhibit the grieving process. So tell her your feelings have died and they won’t rekindle, cut off contact (meaning don’t keep inquiring to her wellbeing or trying to be friends), and leave well alone. In these cases expect the girl to have a traumatic three-week purging process of tears and pleas for reconciliation. Maintain a stony-faced disengagement. Suddenly her feelings will turn and she’ll be over you.
I had zero interest in my Yugoslav girl after the first lay. I think my mind was made up halfway through, actually. I just felt a revulsion to her. It’s a really weird feeling because logically I could see she was still the very pretty girl I felt uninterrupted strong desire for the preceeding three months. Her behaviour was impeccable. There was literally nothing she could’ve done differently to keep me. It must be so frustrating for her. My mind made up I just had to sack up and tell her. Timing is important. Having sex with a girl triggers a cascade of hormonal and emotional responses in her that are not present prior to sex. Players are well aware of the sudden dramatic shift in power in a relationship after the initial lay. The effect is doubly pronounced once you’ve banged her three times as the oxytocin addicition takes over and her final barriers crumble. An old pre-game maxim of mine is bang a girl three times and you own her.
So if you’re gonna cut a girl off hard, do it as soon as you realise that’s the outcome. I did it after the first time. That doesn’t make it painless but considerably less so than if I’d strung her along the rest of the holiday. As a postscript, I’ve heard nothing back from her at all. I think she’s wise enough to know it wouldn’t help her recovery. I feel chastened. My own progress is less advanced than I’d come to believe if I’m lacking the self-awareness to know when I’m deep converting a girl I don’t wish to keep. Perhaps my hunger for power blinds me to the warnings of my core.