This girl will be tough but I need to get myself working on tens. I street opened her in Zagreb back in November, and then had my light re-open facebook chat and a week later another light follow-up. I’d just been waiting for a chance to get her sitting at home with time on her hands and nothing better to do. That’s when you can suddenly jump a few levels in rapport. In her case, it was the third chat towards the end of December.
I see her Facebook status is updated to “in a relationship”. This is to be expected from super hot girls – as Jambone says “the girls I date are always in a relationship. I expect to have to take her from her boyfriend”. So I use it as a chance to build rapport and pepper her with DHVs. It’s long game. They’ll break up eventually. And even if they don’t, I’ll have another hot female in my social network. This is the third chat. Two weeks after the second. It’s almost midnight.
Me: ola, I see someone is in loooooooooove :D [recognise the relationship status and don’t get butthurt about it]
Her: :) yes..it is truth ;) how are you?
Me: I’m good. I just got a new girlfriend too, so I’m happy Well, I’m happy by myself too…. but you know what I mean :) [and immediately use it to temporarily disqualify myself from something I can’t have now anyway]
Her: of course.. :) how old are you? you didn t write year.. ;)
Me: I’ll tell you. But guess first.
Her: i dont belive you tell me..I dont know
Her: I was close.. ;)
Me: yeah. You are 22?
Her: however,it is time to have same girlfrend.. ;) yes
Me: same? I’m not sure I understand you
Her: wrong..a girlfrend… :)
Me: I’m still confused. Honestly.
Her: it does not matter..
Me: Who is your new guy?
Her: how do you think who?
Me: Your status doesn’t say who, and there’s no men in your photos maybe you’re dating that girl who is hugging you [genuine interest in who she lets date her]
Her: :) no way I love guys ;) he is not on facebook
Me: Hmmm, so he’s probably an older guy [might as well cold read]
Her: he is 33 [great, she is happy dating guys ten years older]
Me: Too old :P
Her: you are really smart guy ;)
Me: Thanks How did you meet?
Her: this summer..the company [name] organized some tour for students to represent themselves..
Me: hang on, he’s your teacher?
Her: and he was one of the employees in that company no..
Me: I see
Her: that company invited good students in area that is important to them.. to meet us..and on the other hand it was good marketing for them..
Me: Hang on, you’re starting to talk like a business plan!!!! Tell me how you met! Was it a romantic Hollywood moment?
Her: oooo yes
Me: tell me [order her around]
Her: well..at first we didnt talk at all.. because he was attractive to me.. and to all girls.. I dont like be “one of many”
Me: haha, then I’m surprised you talk to me :D but continue…. [might as well DHV and start framing her as a dating opportunity]
Me: way or why?
Me: Because I have lots of women near me. [pre-selection]
Her: but you are not potential boyfriend for me [whether this is a shit test, recognition of living abroad, or she simply hasn’t got me on her romantic radar soon becomes moot]
Me: No. Too far. You’re not really my type [reframe the reason why as if I’m selecting]
Her: I see that you have a lot of women and I know that.. we are not the same world..
Me: I mean, you’re pretty so I like you that way. But in a few years of being a lawyer you’ll be half-man :P
Her: hm..I dont think so..but I am very complicated women and you..even you are psychologist.. [if I had a penny for every self-snowflaking I’ve heard…]
Me: I don’t believe you. If I lived in Croatia, I think I would understand you about 95% within three dates [position myself as not impressed and that I’m knowledgeable]
Her: you would understand but you wouldnt never agree with somebody like me…;)
Me: I don’t need to agree. I’d just learn about you, and show you who I am. Then after a while you’d start to change your opinions to become more like mine [confidence]
Her: hahahhah [hits]
Me: Of course you’ll deny this…….. :P
Her: :) why you dont have serious relationship? you are 35..you are not some teenager [shit test and genuine curiosity, which is a mild IOI]
Me: I was married
Her: well..that is something new about you.. and I even didnt remember to ask you something like that see..different worlds ;) or years.. ;) why?
Me: [link to photo of my ex-wife] why did I get married?
Her: no..why you say was married? she is very nice
Me: You asked why I don’t have a serious relationship This is the reason
Her: I know..but that marriage finished? why?
Me: We changed. She wasn’t the girl I married. I wasn’t the man she married. [it’s important not to evade this and also not to go blaming her]
Her: :( but you loved her?
Her: and now?
Me: I would never marry a girl I didn’t love I’m totally cold to her. No feelings – positive or negative
Her: i want to belive that my marriage will be for the whole life :)
Me: I can. But that requires hard work My parents have been married for 40 years [move it on to positive thoughts without outright agreeing with her]
Her: :) nice
Me: Both my grandparents were married till death Still in love until the end
Her: how long have you been married?
Me: Dated 6 years, married 3. 9 in total Been divorced 2 years. Haven’t talked in over 1 year My new girl is the first one since then who I thought might be good enough for me. [I select, and I’m setting it up because I know she’ll be blown away by the photo]
Her: and now is serious with this new girl or?
Me: No. Just potential. Wanna see who I mean?
Her: i never spoked with someone who is divorced about this things.. that is why I ask.. but you dont have to answer ;) yes
Me: I’m fine. I’m comfortable with it. My life is great right now. If you ever get bored, try browsing my photos and you’ll see what I mean
Her: I saw already :) [Great admission, that she’s already been scanning through my profile. Another IOI. Even if this girl isn’t having sexual thoughts about me, she is intrigued by me which is a good base to build from when the time is right]
Me: impressions? by the way…. my new girl [link to modelling photo]
Her: interesting..that is what I thought about you when I met you wow she is a model?
Me: yeah, catwalk
Her: she is beautiful really
Me: Thank you. I think so too. But that’s not why I like her Beauty is common [qualify the target indirectly by qualifying my girlfriend]
Her: what you like ?
Me: She is confident in her femininity. She likes being a woman and wants to be the best woman she can be. In England, too many women try to be like men. Aggressive, competitive, sarcastic, partying etc
Her: I see..:)
Me: BTW, you now have enough information to know why I talked to you outside Hemmingway [i.e. my original approach]
Her: you ask me did I understood the point? understand
Me: not quite
Me: do you know why I talked to you ? In Zagreb I could have talked to any woman, but I talked to you [I am the chooser]
Her: no..I dont know why.. at first it was very nice and interesting to hear all that.. but when you called me to drink a coffee you were just one of the tipical guys.. now I see that you are special and interestng person..but why me..i am not sure..
Me: Shall I explain?
Her: yes..please..:) than I have to go..:) [it’s 2am in Croatia]
Me: ok I forget it’s late in Croatia I was sitting in Hemmingway with my friend Jimmy ([his real name on facebook] – he’s tagged in lots of my photos)
Me: We were talking about girls. About how they are different in Croatia compared to England I said Croatian girls are quite feminine. That they have a good balance between sexy and serious I was describing the qualities I look for in a girl Then you walked past I pointed at you and I said (I remember my words exactly)
Me: “That is exactly the type of girl I like” “She is a ten” (“ten” meaning 10/10 – the highest quality girl) [I have to hit on her now, but I can’t do it directly because of our respective relationships, so I phrase it more hypothetically]
Her: yes..I know :)
Me: Oooooh, [her name] is confident….
Her: no.. I know what thet mean.. that* not that I know that I am ten :) understand?
Me: Yeah, I know. I’m teasing Shall I continue?
Her: yes yes
Me: So Jimmy says to me “talk to her” I say “I’m on holiday. I’m doing fine with girls right now in London” So he says “Don’t be so weak. You’ll regret it if you don’t say something” So I say “ok” You know what happened next I wanted to see if my first impression was accurate. If you really are a “ten” [you’ll note I never actually answer if I think she is a ten – she’ll have to earn it later]
Her: and what did you find out?.. I think that you cant have a right picture about me because I dont know express what I think on english like when I talk croatian
Me: It’s not really about language It’s about watching non-verbal communication How you move, how you hold eye contact, your gestures, your energy [qualifying her and showing I “get it” abotu human interaction]
Her: that is interesting
Me: that is much more accurate than words It’s easy to fake words
Her: sometimes I ask myself why I talk to you here.. and why I gave you my phone number.. you could be anybody..somebody dangerous., ;) but you have something that I dont know explain.. [rationalisation hamster – she knows she liked me and felt a stir but can’t admit it to herself, hence why she’d been through my profile. This girl is warmer to me than I’d expected]
Me: That interests me. Can you try to explain?
Her: I had feeling that I know you and that I can trust you in that moment later,I thought that I am crazy [Hamster 101]
Me: hmmm How about now?
Her: I have the same feeling but I know that I am crazy :) I always think good about people..and that is not good.. but I dont give my number and name to everyone.. ;)
Me: You probably noticed I had quite strong eye contact with you. Almost like I was in an art gallery, looking at a painting.
Her: yes.. maybe that is the reason maybe I am good psychologist too but I am not aware of that :9 :) here is 2:22 am and I really have to go good night :)
Me: ok sleep well
The plan is for more of the same. Just keep her on the radar, build more rapport, occasionally refresh attraction and then if something turns up, great. If not, it’s all practice and reference experiences with being comfortable turning on tens.