I’m walking past the theatre on Sunday evening in Prague, just around the corner from Palladium mall. A solo vulnerable-looking girl walks past so I open, hook and run my usual banter. Just another set in a holiday full of them. One thing that stands out in my memory is this conversation. It’s not verbatim, but as close as I can remember it.
Me: What do you do in life? What’s your thing?
Her: I work for an NGO. We help transitional countries become more democratic.
Me: I have no idea what a transitional country is.
Her: It means countries outside the First World which are maybe moving from a dictatorship. Places like Georgia, Albania. We are a European Commission NGO and we advise and coordinate with other locally-based NGOs to help them become more democratic.
I almost threw up into my mouth. An insiduous make-work programe for women to interfere in other countries on the tax-payer’s dime at the behest of the ((globalist elite)). I temporarily forgot I was trying to fuck her.
Me: Hang on a minute. Let me get this straight in my head. I’m no expert on NGOs but am I right that you’re telling me…. The European Commission, that is the European Union – the most anti-democratic and tyrannical organisation in all of Europe – has the audacity to tell other countries how to do democracy. The same EU that conducted coup d’etats in Italy and Ukraine? That’s sounds a bit rich.
Her: Umm…. well….
At this point I thought the conversational might get more confrontational than is conducive to seduction, so I changed tack.
Me: Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a democrat. I much prefer dictatorship, so long as I’m the dictator. In fact, I think I’d really enjoy being a dictator. Once I’m King of the World do you know the first edict I’ll issue?
Her: Umm…. what?
Me: I’ll make it illegal to wear silly pink hats [tug at her silly pink hat]. That will carry a sentence of twenty years’ hard labour. Yes, that’s right. The secret police will come for you and march you off. To the gulag with you!
Her: *giggles etc*
Me: Second thing I’ll do is have statues of myself in every town square, like Saddam Hussein. I’ll fill my garage with Italian sports cars and have a swimming pool of champagne. Everything in my palace will be gold. I’d be a good dictator. The best.
Unfortunately she lived with her boyfriend. Still, it’s always fun to spin out fantastical stories on the fly.