Ups and downs

November 17, 2013
krauserpua

This blog represents my ideas as I formulate them. As I continue along my path of self-improvement I encounter new problems and new ideas. Sometimes I’ll look back at an old idea and realise it was really a self-serving justification to feed my ego what it required at that time. We live our lives trapped in webs of self-deceit. Breaking free of those webs is an uncertain process. Sometimes we don’t know where we’re going, just that wherever we are now isn’t the right place.

Summer....

Summer….

For the past two summers I’ve had long periods of feeling invincible. In 2012 I came back from Yugoslavia having knocked over four girls in four weeks, three of whom were great scores, plus a bunch of dates and makeouts with girls of a calibre to make the typical man whimper. I felt I could do no wrong. Just walking down the street I had my chin up, chest forward and a spring in my step. Then came the inevitible downswing as I lost interest in approaching and relied on closing off existing leads for the rest of the year. 2013 has been a good run too. The highlight would have to be knocking over seven girls in fourteen days with really good quality. My Invincibility Upswing lasted longer this year but the seeds of destruction had been sown. As summer wore on I could feel my motivation flagging, suppressed self-doubts surfacing and my vibe deteriorating.

... autumn

… autumn

For the past two months I’ve been atrocious. I had a week or two of dismal failure on the streets, dragging myself out through forebrain-willpower and then having a series of flat sets and flaky numbers. A few dates I couldn’t concentrate on and finally I decided to go off the clock entirely for three weeks. Last weekend I gave it another try. 25 sets and no solid leads. My periods of good vibe were short and it seemed inevitable that when I did rattle off five great sets in a row on Saturday evening every single girl had a long term boyfriend. Bah!

Naturally I’ve tried to self-diagnose the problem. Why is it that at my peak this year (April) I dated twenty-one new girls in ten days and kissed almost all of them (and banged six) whereas the same number of opens in the past month netted me just three dates and no lays? It took a while to break through my own layers of self-deceit but I think I figured it out.

I’m not happy. I don’t mean woe-is-me-my-life-sucks unhappy. More that I’m relatively unhappy. Allow me to explain.

I believe our moods naturally follow a wave-pattern of upswings and downswings. Anyone who tells you he’s happy 100% of the time is lying to you whether he be a buddhist claiming nirvana or a player claiming self-actualisation. The human mind is not designed to be happy. It’s designed to strive for more, doling out intermittent happiness as a reward for moving forwards. The precise timing and shape of the waves depends on many factors, such as:

  • Health
  • Family
  • Abundance
  • Problems

What confused me this year is that on paper I’ve had far and away the best year of my life. I’ve banged 26 new girls with an average quality higher than any previous year. I’ve travelled to Spain, Brazil, Russia, Romania, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Czech Republic and Serbia. I’ll only work a total of three months with the other nine devoted to my own pursuits. I’ve written a new book (well 100,000 words of it so far). I’ve stayed in good shape. I see my family plenty and have some good friends. I completed Grand Theft Auto V.

Meh! I'll let you open her

Meh! I’ll let you open her

So on paper all is great. Yet the past two months I’ve been miserable and lacking any desire to do things. My usual hobbies of video games and reading fail to stimulate me. I’ve had little love for daygame and found dates too boring to engage myself. I’ve started tippling whiskey every night. I’m lacking conviction. So what’s the problem?

I’ve become bored with the New Normal. I’m restless.

I achieved the lifestyle I wanted and have been living it for about two years. The human brain responds to relative changes and thus tiny variations in success/failure are spun all out of proportion. It’s in our nature to experience an upswing when achieveing goals and then to level out, take it for granted, and become restless about the next goal. Happiness isn’t about getting what you want, it’s about enjoying what you get. That’s elusive.

So I’ve been meeting girls when my own head isn’t straight. I’ve dragged myself out onto the streets against my hindbrain’s inclination and I must be eminating miserable vibes. Why should I expect a woman to respond well to me when I’m disatisfied with my life? I’m inviting her to enter a reality I don’t enjoy myself so of course she’ll be reticent. Subtle changes in happiness are magnified through your vibe to create their impact on the girl. That’s why when you feel great you catch more IOIs and hook more girls. And when you suck, you suck balls.

Perhaps you’re wondering why I’ve written such a long self-absorbed ramble so here’s the point: everyone has these downswings. Game increases the volatility of your wave pattern with higher highs and lower lows (in emotional terms that is, the objective reality is higher highs and higher lows but it just doesn’t feel that way). Don’t be too hard on yourself when the struggle appears hopeless or just plain boring. So long as you are balancing work on your value (anabolic) with work on the streets (catabolic) you’ll eventually hit the next upswing.

Emotional control is the foundation of Game. Don’t let a downswing hand the reigns to avoidance weasel. Self-diagnose and figure out your action plan. Perhaps you need to push through more sets or perhaps you need to step away from the streets for a while. So long as you are implementing your Plan you can accept the downswing as a necessary purgatory while also not letting your upswings fool you into hubris.

* since writing this a week ago I can feel myself beginning an upswing

24 Comments

  1. Watch Elliot Hulse’s videos on youtube. He talks about this a lot, that everone has season, just like the yearly season. This is your winter at the moment, and soon you’ll come into spring where everything will start to work once again.

  2. Pop in Tony Robbins’ Personal Power II and listen to audio #6 where he talks about your focus.

  3. Hey blog owner. Do you think it may be possible to write a post on the costs associated with this adventure? I’d figure you need to live not a million miles from Central London and you have to go on lots of dates which can be a costly affair. And reading your posts cost of taxis back to your place or theirs. You can exclude ‘holiday’ trips to Eastern Europe. [I’ve actually written something precisely the opposite. You’ll see. K.]

  4. Mate you have explained here in this article how i’ve been feeling for some time,sex has solved nothing of the mindset. Are you feeling like you have nothing to look forward to and if you have plans they do not excite??

  5. I get the same way. For me, the hardest part is questioning myself and what I’m doing, because when you are in the low-mind state you simply aren’t sure what is right or wrong sometimes, especially when results don’t appear. The reference experiences you gain along the way helps to remind you that you’ve been here before and that your “process” is good. Trying to decipher the difference between something within and beyond your control is difficult in times of low results and a low mind state.

    Nick, your experiences and successes with women have far outweighed mine, yet we both experience the same wave of emotions you are talking about. As so far as what you say about happiness being a certain end point, I think it is more of the journey (i think you are aware of this, but just wanted to say that myself). If we place all our emphasis on reaching happiness from the results, then we are essentially not living our lives as it’s meant to be lived and enjoyed: in the moment. If I am doing what needs to be done to live a life that I want to lead then I can congratulate myself on being active in it, which is within MY control. The ups and downs are somewhat inevitable, but if we look at the total journey then we can find satisfaction in treading the journey we are passionate about.

    Your journey has yielded some incredible results and your blog inspires many people (including me) probably more than you may take into account sometimes. I do agree as so far as how our brains are wired to always wanting more, but more emphasis should be taken into enjoying the moment and appreciating the journey, even amongst the “lows”.

    Thanks for sharing!

  6. Krauser, I’ve been reading following your blog and find your endeavours admirable in many respects. However, what you write about the brain is, unfortunately, gibberish. Please, spend some time reading introduction books on neuroscience and cognitive psychology so you’ll have an idea how actually the human brain and its cognitive capactive work. There is no [Real experience > Book learnin’ K.]

    • There is not only no”volatility of your wave pattern with higher highs and lower lows,” but also “volatility” in this context is a malapropism, plain and simple. There is oscillatory neural activity in the brain, to start with. The brain’s oscillatory activity is represented by four diferent frequencies of brain wave patterns associated with different states of consciousness/awareness.

      I’m certain you don’t want to see yourself as ignorant at the time where information is available at your fingerprints. For example, “Neuroscience” by Bear, Connors, and Paradiso is great, or “The Student’s Guide to Cognitive Neuroscience by Ward”, and anything written by Gazzaniga in the area of cognitive psychology are worth looking at.

      Once again, thanks for the blog, it’s very useful but I suggest that you address the underlying mechanisms of human’s inner workings, so you could make really insightful posts.

      dm [I’m not denying neuroscience, it’s simply inapplicable here. I’m using symbolic language to talk about a pattern I’ve observed from direct experience of daygame. It’s like using neuroscience to explain poetry or music. K.]

  7. I’ve had a pretty miserable few months as Winter’s approached. But as you’ve rightly said, it’s normal. No one can be happy 100% of the time, and happiness by definition isn’t something you can pin down due to our emotions and very nature. Roosh wrote a post about this on his blog a few months ago.

    We get bored of things we get too comfortable with and always seem to thrive on struggle and pain.

    Based on what you’ve said, I would say you’ve now reached the pinnacle of what you’ve set out to do in Game and are no longer finding any satisfaction from it. You’re now simply doing it for shits and giggles more than the challenge of running up to girls and doing your usual patter.

    That’s a good thing, because it means you’ve evolved.

    So bearing all of this in mind, If I was to give my own definition of happiness. It’s the challenge and the battle for success that gives us the most satisfaction.

    Similar to what Tom mentioned in his talk on ‘Flow’.

    Maybe it’s time you evaluate your situation and focus on new goals?

    Good post mate, you’re definitely not alone.

  8. K – As a young man in this retarded day and age with not many positive masculine role models around, these sorts of posts really help a lot… especially with all the scammy mpuas disseminating manipulative marketing dribble about how perfect our lives could be if we just shelled over $4k for their snake oil product (to say nothing of the keyboard jockeys). Getting to read your whole journal and see the honest reality, details and thoughts of someone who went and is still going through this process and get a sense of what is realistically achievable in a given timespan is one of the best masculine development and coping resources I’ve had. I’ve been lurking for the past few years and benefiting and wanted to at least say this. [Thanks fella. K.]

  9. Glad to read that you’re on the upswing now at the end there, K. I wish you a bevy of wild shenanigans in this next “in season.”

    Btw, I listened to the latest Daygame.com podcast. Definitely opened a cute little squirrel today. Adorable, they are.

  10. At times I feel there’s a sense of my own entitlement: I deserve this so why are YOU (Girl) not giving it to me. That’s where I feel the negative vibes come out. They sense my own inner frustration.

    I read a great post somewhere on “letting go”…in other words becoming more Zen.

    When I become outcome dependent: a bang, a date, a number and it doesn’t happen, I find I get more frustrated during a dry spell.

    I tend to over-analyze my interactions with some girls I’m more invested in.

    One thing I’ve started doing is reviewing texts I sent to girls I “like” more than girls I’m gaming just for the sport.

    What I’ve found is in the case of the “sport” girls, I get better success with less effort. My replies, my dates, my reactions are more natural.

    In the case of girls I’ve banged and am trying to bang again, I feel like “Why is this NOT happening???” What I now realize is that you have to game these girls all over again. Nothing is a sure thing…ever.

    That is a learning for me.

  11. Also interested in how you financially keep up your lifestyle. I just moved to a big American city (Chicago) and I find it’s a bit hard to keep saving money for travel while keeping up my lifestyle. And I am quite the spartan-no car, walk to work, buy very little food, don’t splurge meaninglessly, etc.

  12. This writing is one of your best ones Krauser.
    Also I would like to add that I appreciate the honesty like :

    . Last weekend I gave it another try. 25 sets and no solid leads. My periods of good vibe were short and it seemed inevitable that when I did rattle off five great sets in a row on Saturday evening every single girl had a long term boyfriend. Bah!

    It is good that you have the courage to point that out cause some people are only showing success to their followers and ofc the follower things that there is only success. But your kind of explanation clearly indicates that sometimes you get nothing and this is a part of the project.

    I have only one question. How can you do like 25 sets in a day. I mean if you go out around 2PM and you work on girls until 5pm (until sun down) , 25 sets is too much I think. Also finding the good quality in 25 girls in a couple of hours is really hard. Ofc this is my humble opinion and just the question. Me, I am a night gamer but when I am out in my daily life, I don’t see 25 girls which can caught my attention. (not day time neither night time) Maybe 3 or max 5 girls in a day can take my attention if they are lucky enough. But I am a night gamer. So really, how do you manage to do 25 sets and also solid sets. Cause in my opinion solid set would be longer and if possible with idate. And doing 25 sets, it is not possible to give someone an idate.
    Thanks.

  13. Hey Krauser, as one of the older PUA bloggers, do you ever get the tiniest pangs of insecurity regarding your age when you experience a little dry spell or a few consecutive blowouts? I do, lol, but then I’m rather insecure in that regard.

    I know it would be hardly a rational fear on your part when you were banging girls left, right, and center only a couple of months ago, but…

    And having said that, I think us older blokes don’t look quite at our best during the winter – cold air on the skin, as well as having to wrap up a still fit and toned body like a fat eskimo. A couple of girls seemed to think I was a homeless begger yesterday, despite £100+ jeans, expensive jacket etc

  14. Its a bit of a mindfuck to a relative newbie like myself.
    Strange how you can instant date a ridiculously good looking girl one day and the next have pretty average girls walk past you/roll their eyes.
    Could it not be that those girls just weren’t that into you for numerous reasons and nothing that you could have done would change it.
    I don’t know, its all just slightly confusing at times…..

  15. its testosterone.it flags in the fall and winter, pops back up in spring. i always increase my workouts to compensate.

  16. I think laying many fine women is not an end in itself, thus can only be a landmark on your way. You were the first to shake that view a little, since you seemed so genuinely happy with it in your London Real interviews, and thoughtful enough to not be bedazzled by short term success. Maybe it’s time for The One, or to look for other goals where you can hone some skills (that never gets old).

  17. Excellent post. As someone who’s about 6 months into Game, it’s nice to hear that even at the “top level” (however you choose to define it), one experiences down periods…and enough that they have a noticeable emotional impact. Nice compliment to your “Everybody’s getting laid but me”.

    Not that I would ever give up, but this is the kind of thing that really gives me a boost. I’m learning to train myself to enjoy the struggle itself. I think therein lies the key to happiness.

  18. I go through stages where I just don’t care. As in really couldn’t give a fuck being bothered.
    It feels like a PITA going through sets. Even though I’m still very social, purposely gaming can be annoying at times.
    But unlike what many PUAs preach, I find if I really dont give a fuck I rarely get laid.
    You still need a purpose and objective.

  19. What kind of whiskey? [Glenlivet Master Distiller, Johnnie Walker Double Black. Aberfeldy 12yr, Jim Beam Black. K.]

  20. Well, if you’re like me, you have a healthy dose of hypomania.

    See here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomania

  21. To Whom It May Concern,

    Interesting, krauser. I recommend reading “The Miraculous Results Of Extremely High Doses Of The Sunshine Hormone Vitamin D3…” by Jeff T Bowles. Take the read from a holistic approach in medicine. As well from an anthropologist perspective, and how much vitamin d3 deficiency is in you can cause deppression, moodiness, low levels of the “He” hormone.

    Earlier this october, I began taking about 20,000 IU (fancy talk for International Unit measurement) along with SUPER K. Both vitamins function in humans during long exposure to direct sunlight. This penetration of direct sunlight into our skin produces testosterone. Also in your blog is mentioned AS libido, respectfully.

    Foods rich in the testosterone are salmon, beans, mushrooms, brazilian nuts, garlic, bananas and eggs. (Heck, don’t take my post for granted, research!)

    It is mentioned the Mediterranean diet is flying rich in male producing hormone boosting benefits…

    I have lost my “bad” habitual eating patterns. No more flamin hot cheetos, just pure carbohydrates, fruits, veggies, protein, and slight fatty foods for calories.

    CONCLUSION 1: High amounts of vitamin d3 with k2 reduce hunger, “trick” the brain in believing it is in a “summer” state, no signs of depression, more testosterone in winter means the hunt is on until you say it is.

    CONCLUSION 2: It is my theory from an anthropologist perspective that women and men during seasons desire different realistic wants. Lust and love will be a trade-off during the season of joy. Fall is more about if you have someone special, where it was a survival need for women’s dependency to be on a man. WIthout a man, her chances of survival would be slim.

    CONCLUSION 3: It is summer time all year-round, that is, at different times. How will you, find your source of happiness? Venture to a different climate? Supply yourself with food fit for a king? Will you spend time with friends? Will you spend time with a blood relative?

    I am humoungous blog fanatic, i know your time is precious and your blogs are worth reading sum moar.

    Please write back.

    Sincerely,

    Fan (aka bigdaddymagnumb)

  22. Well, Krauser, perhaps you ought to work on the quality of the romantic experience, not the quantity. Casanova took his time with his affairs, such that they became great stories. Efficient seduction’s getting old, so how about more mind games?

  23. Pingback: My Final Goal Of The Year | Beta To PUA

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