The Badass Buddha – Uniting the contradictions of game

November 15, 2013

For regular readers, Tom Torero needs no introduction. So I shan’t give him one. Take it away, fella……

The amount of cognitive dissonance for someone new to Game is seemingly overwhelming. It’s a nightmarish clashing of conflicting ideas from so many sources where you can’t see the wood for the trees.

This confusion does nothing to help a guy who’s getting into the swing of things and doing his first cold approaches trying to get the reference experiences under his belt. He’s probably watched dozens of online infields, browsed hundreds of forum posts and amassed an impressive collection of books, PDFs and products that he hopes will make his journey easier.

Badass Buddha (2)

And then the mind-fuck begins: should he be doing day or night game? Is indirect or direct better? Should he try pre-prepared material or attempt to be natural? Should he approach as much as possible or wait for the girls he really likes? Is verbal or non-verbal more important? Is it essential to be the bad boy or the good guy? Should he make girls laugh or keep a poker face? Is attraction or comfort more important? Should he go for Same Day / Night Lays or master dating? When should he pull the trigger – quickly or slowly? Is it better to immerse himself in Game for a long period or balance it with other interests? Should he take up kick-boxing or meditation to help him on his quest? Should he buy Krauser’s “Daygame Nitro” or Tom Torero’s “Daygame” book?!

It all comes down to being confused about knowing how to reconcile wanting the girl (the “pull”) with not needing the girl (the “push”). How to walk the fine line between persistence and neediness. This forwards and backwards seductive dance is clumsy to begin with, but over time with massive amounts of repetition and practice, a balance begins to be struck. Conscious incompetency becomes conscious competency. The infield action taken internalises the theory, and out of structure comes freedom. Finally a Flow State is reached (unconscious competency) as the skillset is mastered. The sweet spot between pull (Badass) and push (Buddha) has been found. It’s a razor’s edge between the two that only a few will strike consistently, a narrow road between the traps of either extreme.

This table shows the components of both sides of the Badass Buddha:

BADASS (pull) BUDDHA (push)
Persistence, pulling the trigger Backing off, non-neediness
Direct Indirect
Verbal Non-verbal
Fast (SDL / SNL) Slow (Dating model)
Bad boy (seduction) traits Nice guy (rapport) traits
A sexual threat Master of comfort
Punishing bad behaviour (maintaining “the hand”) Non-reactive (losing the battle to win the war)
Cockiness, arrogance, solipsism Connection, dropping the ego, vulnerability
Logistics, planning, detail In the moment, letting go
Hedonistic, hitting it hard Reflective, balanced life
Open everything, don’t be picky Open the 9s and 10s
Full immersion. Other pursuits and hobbies

Finding that sweet spot into a Flow State is what musicians call “freedom in the groove.” It’s what mountaineers talk about when they’re climbing on the razor’s edge between life and death. It’s what Ayrton Senna meant when he described his “tunnel vision” in Formula One. Having such a sensitivity to the sweet spot is what is meant by calibration, achieved through thousands of hours of refinement of the skill set through errors and corrections.

The Badass Buddha might sound like some New Age, Self-Help, Life Coaching bullshit but it’s quite the opposite. In fact, my aim with the concept is to ridicule and spotlight such mumbo-jumbo bollocks, internet marketing scams and chakra cleansing nonsense. I’m making the point that it’s ACTION that has to come first to achieve any kind of personal / psychological change. Not just action, but relentless action*. You can’t have the Buddha before the Badass. It’s like trying to put the cart before the horse. Therein lies the spiritualist crap. A fluffy motivational quote you post on Facebook means nothing. Logging off, leaving your house and facing your fears (such as talking to girls through cold approach) is everything.

To a beginner or an intermediate daygamer reading this, I’d therefore stress that you need to go through the Badass stage first, taking on all the alpha-like traits that feel alien right now. Go too far, be massively persistent, be direct, be sexual, escalate fast, pull the trigger hard. Over time you’ll calibrate yourself back towards the Buddha, with abundance in your dating life giving you the freedom from outcome that is so key. You’ll learn the importance of non-verbal game, of slowing down, of mastering dating, of letting go in the wider sense.

Karmic rebalancing, yesterday

Karmic rebalancing, yesterday

Fuck self help. Get help from the girls right in front of you that will show you the way much faster than any Tony Robbins seminar.

Earlier this year I reached 150 lays (144 of them in the last four years). An egotistical “notch count hyena” statistic on one level, but massive deep level personal changes on another level. In the last month alone I’ve had 5 new lays with the top-tier of girls around the world from London, Spain, the Baltics and Russia. 2013 was the year of really leaning into my edge, finding flow and hitting that sweet spot consistently. I know Krauser’s had an outstanding year too, as I’ve had to listen to a lot of his escapades through rattling apartment walls we’ve shared.

With dedication and practice, the cognitive dissonance becomes clarity, the conflicting ideas distill into essences. The narrow road is there, hidden underneath the brambles and weeds of procrastination and confusion. Cut a path for yourself using the razor sharp blade of action, which alone will provide the answers you’re looking for.

* Could those of you planning to take relentless action please not do so anywhere along the route from Primark at Marble Arch, along Oxford Street down Regent Street and ending at Trafalgar Square. Thanks  – K.


  1. Beautiful. It still helps to have a roadmap, but preferably this should be one excellent source with the essentials only. Like the books mentioned.

  2. That was a bit amusing since one of the tenents of Buddhism is to find the middle path. Not the life of an ascetic nor the life of the sybarite. A middle path without desperation and without attachments.

    Another interesting point in Buddhism is that after multiple requests from a close friend, Gatuma Buddha finally gave in to the requests to allow women in as nuns, but even the most senior nun was to be subordinate to even the most junior monk. This mutated a bit as Buddhism spread through East Asia, but I thought it was an important detail on gender relations.

    And, if you are wondering, I’m not Buddhist. It’s just that my study of Buddhism has thrown much of Western religions into sharp contrast.

  3. Christ almighty tom. That 40 second video had more lays in it then an average chodes lifetime.

  4. Thanks Tom. Really appreciate how you and Krauser are paving the way for all us young guys today!

  5. It’s hard to stay away from that route Tom, good post mate

  6. Action removes ambiguity.

  7. Bit of a two sided post here. The first part is really useful, the second part (after the Image) is some blatant intent to DHV. Which is not bad in itself, but the first part was better.

  8. An insightful post. One of the biggest lessons for me so far has been recognizing “failure” and “rejection” as critical components to learning game, and understanding not to take things personally. I’ve realized that sometimes just being a confident, well-groomed, interesting guy that cold approaches a girl is going to be too overwhelming for her, since she’s never had that experience before. Of course there are ways to improve my results in these situations, but when I know I’ve given my best, the results aren’t as important. After such a “failure” I might approach another girl in essentially the same way and she’ll love it.

  9. Killer post Tom. Yes – I still see contradictory things in the Game. Your chart makes things clearer.

    Its interesting about Tony Robbins: quite cleverly as a marketer realized early that the Masses are never going to take action.

    That’s why, if you’ve gone through any bit of his material, you will quickly be asking yourself, “Well, what do I DO?” There’s a lot of pep talk and firewalls, but not a whole lot of action steps.

    That’s the point. The masses don’t really want to take action. As Krauser said recently, self improvement blogs are not very productive for most people, because – too many rejection buffers.

    Werner Erhard, founder of the Landmark Forum, – the world famous “self improvement group – when asked how his business actually operates, once said:

    * “We preach independence, but sell dependence.”

    Werner Erhard knew what business he was in. You can’t make money for long if you actually teach people to be independent. Plus- this is not what 95% of people want anyway. Most men want DEPENDENCE. They want to pretend their They want to crawl back to their guru, to go back to their rejection buffers.

    Luckily, I see you and Krauser as able to hit a higher target market where you may have more highly motivated guys than the average PUA.

  10. Excellent post and comments. Actually, if any of you read Mystery’s second book he talks about something similar: the ghost and the flame.

  11. Krauser, your “The journey is the destination” post lit a fire in my bung-hole. This post by Tom reminds me of his “Beginners Guide to Day game” video. I’ve been taking action lately and now have what seems to be… a lead.

    Thanks guys.


  12. Fuck self help. Get help from the girls right in front of you that will show you the way much faster than any Tony Robbins seminar.

    Love it…

  13. Krauser,
    Is part of the new book devoted to long-term value building – life is a project, intelligence, specialised skills people pay for, seeking compliance…? Those are my favourite on the blog. Thanks. [No. Just daygame. K.]

  14. Oh Torero…this sounds like another load of new-age, self-help, life-coaching bullshit.

    But I figure what you’re basically saying is that I am the perfect Badass Bhudda.

  15. Sounds like a post aimed at the very beginner and seemed patronising. Don’t know why but all throughout reading this posting, I was thinking this is some marketing sales page.

  16. From reading the other posts it looks like these guys just read the article and missed the video of Tom banging 5 hotties!

  17. Just seen the porn intro video…lol. Props to Torrero given he is not relying just on facial aesthetics.

  18. Pingback: Dans Daygame Diary - Page 19 - PUA Forums - The UK's Leading Pick-up Artist Forum

  19. Pingback: My two sticking points | Beta To PUA

  20. Brilliant, 144 lays in four years deserves a massive pat on the back. Thanks for the inspiration and the motivation!

  21. Pity you and Tom are not as close as you once were , eh Nicky boy?

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