For regular readers, Tom Torero needs no introduction. So I shan’t give him one. Take it away, fella……
The amount of cognitive dissonance for someone new to Game is seemingly overwhelming. It’s a nightmarish clashing of conflicting ideas from so many sources where you can’t see the wood for the trees.
This confusion does nothing to help a guy who’s getting into the swing of things and doing his first cold approaches trying to get the reference experiences under his belt. He’s probably watched dozens of online infields, browsed hundreds of forum posts and amassed an impressive collection of books, PDFs and products that he hopes will make his journey easier.
And then the mind-fuck begins: should he be doing day or night game? Is indirect or direct better? Should he try pre-prepared material or attempt to be natural? Should he approach as much as possible or wait for the girls he really likes? Is verbal or non-verbal more important? Is it essential to be the bad boy or the good guy? Should he make girls laugh or keep a poker face? Is attraction or comfort more important? Should he go for Same Day / Night Lays or master dating? When should he pull the trigger – quickly or slowly? Is it better to immerse himself in Game for a long period or balance it with other interests? Should he take up kick-boxing or meditation to help him on his quest? Should he buy Krauser’s “Daygame Nitro” or Tom Torero’s “Daygame” book?!
It all comes down to being confused about knowing how to reconcile wanting the girl (the “pull”) with not needing the girl (the “push”). How to walk the fine line between persistence and neediness. This forwards and backwards seductive dance is clumsy to begin with, but over time with massive amounts of repetition and practice, a balance begins to be struck. Conscious incompetency becomes conscious competency. The infield action taken internalises the theory, and out of structure comes freedom. Finally a Flow State is reached (unconscious competency) as the skillset is mastered. The sweet spot between pull (Badass) and push (Buddha) has been found. It’s a razor’s edge between the two that only a few will strike consistently, a narrow road between the traps of either extreme.
This table shows the components of both sides of the Badass Buddha:
|BADASS (pull)||BUDDHA (push)|
|Persistence, pulling the trigger||Backing off, non-neediness|
|Fast (SDL / SNL)||Slow (Dating model)|
|Bad boy (seduction) traits||Nice guy (rapport) traits|
|A sexual threat||Master of comfort|
|Punishing bad behaviour (maintaining “the hand”)||Non-reactive (losing the battle to win the war)|
|Cockiness, arrogance, solipsism||Connection, dropping the ego, vulnerability|
|Logistics, planning, detail||In the moment, letting go|
|Hedonistic, hitting it hard||Reflective, balanced life|
|Open everything, don’t be picky||Open the 9s and 10s|
|Full immersion.||Other pursuits and hobbies|
Finding that sweet spot into a Flow State is what musicians call “freedom in the groove.” It’s what mountaineers talk about when they’re climbing on the razor’s edge between life and death. It’s what Ayrton Senna meant when he described his “tunnel vision” in Formula One. Having such a sensitivity to the sweet spot is what is meant by calibration, achieved through thousands of hours of refinement of the skill set through errors and corrections.
The Badass Buddha might sound like some New Age, Self-Help, Life Coaching bullshit but it’s quite the opposite. In fact, my aim with the concept is to ridicule and spotlight such mumbo-jumbo bollocks, internet marketing scams and chakra cleansing nonsense. I’m making the point that it’s ACTION that has to come first to achieve any kind of personal / psychological change. Not just action, but relentless action*. You can’t have the Buddha before the Badass. It’s like trying to put the cart before the horse. Therein lies the spiritualist crap. A fluffy motivational quote you post on Facebook means nothing. Logging off, leaving your house and facing your fears (such as talking to girls through cold approach) is everything.
To a beginner or an intermediate daygamer reading this, I’d therefore stress that you need to go through the Badass stage first, taking on all the alpha-like traits that feel alien right now. Go too far, be massively persistent, be direct, be sexual, escalate fast, pull the trigger hard. Over time you’ll calibrate yourself back towards the Buddha, with abundance in your dating life giving you the freedom from outcome that is so key. You’ll learn the importance of non-verbal game, of slowing down, of mastering dating, of letting go in the wider sense.
Fuck self help. Get help from the girls right in front of you that will show you the way much faster than any Tony Robbins seminar.
Earlier this year I reached 150 lays (144 of them in the last four years). An egotistical “notch count hyena” statistic on one level, but massive deep level personal changes on another level. In the last month alone I’ve had 5 new lays with the top-tier of girls around the world from London, Spain, the Baltics and Russia. 2013 was the year of really leaning into my edge, finding flow and hitting that sweet spot consistently. I know Krauser’s had an outstanding year too, as I’ve had to listen to a lot of his escapades through rattling apartment walls we’ve shared.
With dedication and practice, the cognitive dissonance becomes clarity, the conflicting ideas distill into essences. The narrow road is there, hidden underneath the brambles and weeds of procrastination and confusion. Cut a path for yourself using the razor sharp blade of action, which alone will provide the answers you’re looking for.
* Could those of you planning to take relentless action please not do so anywhere along the route from Primark at Marble Arch, along Oxford Street down Regent Street and ending at Trafalgar Square. Thanks – K.