You are either the chooser or the chosen. This holds in life generally and also in any given interaction with a girl.
- Chosen: Girl already fancies you and quite likely has already decided to sleep with you before you’ve even initiated the interaction.
- Chooser: Girl doesn’t know or care about you until you make her want to sleep with you by running tight game.
So much of the apparently contradictory advice in the community straightens itself once you ask yourself “Is this Game tip for choosers or the chosen?” Let me give you some examples. My friend “Mark” is a 25 year old tall muscular good-looking guy. He’s so good-looking that he does lots of catwalk shows as a male model. He’s had a few amateur boxing bouts so he’s no Hollister Fag either, he has functional muscularity. His Game is quite simple…. dress cool and walk into a nightclub. Stand around with a chill vibe scanning the crowd, waiting for the horny girls to IOI him. Then he walks over with a cocky smile and rapid escalates each girl in turn to filter out the timewasters and figure out which girl he’s leaving with for an SNL. This works well because he’s The Chosen. There was no attraction phase.
Conversely consider another friend,
Tom Torero “Bob”. He’s a 34 year old teacher of average looks and physique. His game is to hit the streets and build good vibe, usually getting a bunch of blowouts as he’s warming up until some girls hook. Then he runs the model to build attraction with teasing and challenging, rapport as a street intellectual, then takes a number. After a handful of numbers he sees what comes through the funnel and sets up a Day 2. This works well because he’s The Chooser.
It should be pretty clear that both guys are playing to their strengths and doing what they have to do to make it work. Mark isn’t much of a talker and he doesn’t need to be.
Tom Bob isn’t much of a looker and he doesn’t need to be. They are not playing the same game. Let’s break it down further.
The Chosen is any guy who is pre-selected before he opens the girl. The top DJ who has a line of girls waiting for the afterparty, the pro wrestler with his adoring ring rats, the NBA star with his girl in every franchise city, the small-time Indie band bassist with name recognition with the local hipster crowd, the cool party guy at the university hall of residence, the well-connected fashion photographer…. these are all The Chosen. Some are chosen because of their looks, some for their social status, some for their role as gatekeeper to scarce rewards but ALL are able to get laid without Game. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Game isn’t the only way to get laid.
Chosen One Game is by far the more efficient, assuming you enjoy the lifestyle and work required to build the little eco-system upon which it relies. Consider the rock guitarist at his concert. There may be 500 fans in the audience of whom 250 are females under thirty. Of those 250, perhaps 200 are in relationships they are happy with or simply don’t fancy him. Of the 50 who are available and fancy him, maybe only 20 are hot. Of those 20 maybe 5 are horny and slutty.
A comprehensive filtering mechanism has taken place before the rock guitarist has even looked at the girls.
Those 5 horny and slutty girls will come and find him. They’ll eye him up from the crowd and then hang around backstage waiting for him to notice them. It’s only at this point that he begins the interaction. It’s the warmest of possible opens because the only girls who enter his field of vision are girls who have already passed every filter:
- Fancies him
- Up for it
- Logistically convenient
Consider this screening mechanism for my friend Mark in a nightclub. He isn’t working an environment quite so favourable (he has competition from other men, cockblocks, crappier logistics, less pre-selection) but most of those conditions are at least partially met. So long as he is alive to the IOIs he’ll naturally filter his interactions so he only needs to open single horny girls who already fancy him.
Now let’s consider The Chooser game.
Tom Bob hits the streets the girls are unfiltered. They are just normal girls engrossed in their normal daily activities. There is no natural filter so he must apply his own. Look for the girls who are walking solo, or looking dreamy, or dressed to indicate horniness. Look for isolated girls such as tourists. Ultimately there’s no reliable filter except opening itself – flip the stone and see if she’s a Yes, Maybe or No girl. Most of the girls will be filtered out at this point by not hooking, indicating they aren’t available or aren’t into him. Of those remaining there may be mild interest which can be amplified by tight game. Sometimes a girl is so hot you aren’t filtering her at all – you are putting out your best possible game and just hoping she likes it.
Chooser game is incredibly inefficient. But if you’re not The Chosen you have to become The Chooser. Or else you don’t get laid much.
I think of Chooser game like putting together an offensive drive in American Football. It’s a series of plays designed to move the ball down the field / move the girl along the courtship ritual. At every step her instinct is a defensive line. The rule of nature is the male intitiates and pushes while the women reacts and resists until she’s finally overcome. The male needs to create something out of nothing whereas the female can simple break up the plays and swat the ball out of the air. The Chooser needs Game.
In contrast The Chosen is in the “hot girl position”. The female is trying to make a play on him. This is why Chosen game can be aloof and full of assholery. You can barely invest and just let her chase because the script was flipped before you said hello. The Chooser begins from zero. He must first establish a beach head (the opener) and funnel his value through as quickly as possible (the assumption stack) until he has an anchor in the interaction. It’s only after this he can start to flip the script and become The Chosen.
+ Easy. High lay count. Almost entirely positive responses.
– Doesn’t travel outside the eco-system. By definition your value is higher than the girl’s. Girls are banging the image of you rather than you. Not possible for most men.
+ Travels everywhere. Choice. Quality. Authentic connection.
– Inefficient. Hard work. Flakes. LMR. Mostly negative responses (too many for most men to stick with it).
I don’t recommend one over the other, just be aware which path is being addressed when you hear pick-up advice. Realistically you can do both at the same time. When a website is telling you to get jacked to improve the raw attractiveness of your physique that’s Chosen game. When you’re scoring a table behind the DJ in a status-whore club that’s Chosen game. When you’re using social skills to move a girl’s emotions that’s Chooser game.
Even in daygame you get both paths. Most of the time you are in Chooser mode but occasionally a girl simply IOIs you – when you jump on that it’s Chosen game. Don’t waste your time building attraction and winning her over because you already have an immediate hook. Instead you can screen hard and escalate fast.