Failure stories #1 – The New York student

October 9, 2013

I’m often accosted on the street in Central London by blog readers. Originally it was a surreal experience to have people want to talk to me based entirely on my online persona. I guess even more surreal than seeing forum posts arguing about what I would probably think on a topic:

Forum Guy A: Krauser says x, y, z…. therefore a, b, c naturally follow

Forum Guy B: No. I imagine Krauser probably thinks 1, 2, 3.

There’s nothing at all wrong with this, it’s just when you’re the subject of it it feels weird. Two guys you’ve never met arguing about something you may or may not have said. It must be really weird when you’re genuinely famous like Justin Bieber and having fans set up forums to discuss you 24/7. I guess I’m glad I don’t run The Silk Road because when I cross paths with my online persona there are no SWAT teams or Russian mafia hitmen involved.

I’ve noticed the guys who accost me are of two types. The normal-looking guys politely catch my attention and apologise for interrupting me, try not to make any demands on my time and basically just say “I like your blog”. Precisely because they are so polite and value-giving I tend to give them the time of day. Conversely the weird-looking guys tend to watch my sets, follow me down the street and then do some creepy opener on me while looking for any pretext to launch into their life story and extract a free consultation. They seem to think they have some kind of right to my time and attention. So I’ve started to blank them and may go the Steve Jabba route and start dishing out wedgies.

No, Achmed. You can't have a free 1-on-1

No, Achmed. You can’t have a free 1-on-1

This long self-absorbed ramble is meandering it’s way to my main point:

Almost without exception the normal guys mention that they are really happy to hear about my failures as well as my successes.

I don’t mean they are churlish or resentful. It’s because the pick-up community literature is extremely biased towards success stories and due to the human cognitive bias of The Availability Fallacy we absorb an impression that Game is easier than it is. And thus guys who are experiencing the harsh reality of cold approach can drop into the frame of “I suck. I’m the one guy who is getting blown out alot.” So while guys like to be inspired by success stories they also take heart from knowing that the better-known guys are still suffering blowouts, LMR and the usual emotional rollercoaster. So allow me to offer a recent failure story.

Two months ago I’m out at the British Museum with Bodi. It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m feeling good. My first set is a wandering Russian tourist who looks about 25 and hooks strong giving me eye-spazzing and soft kino so naturally I take the number and try to set up a delayed idate. It’s a highly promising ten minute set but it fritters away into nothing. After a few text exchanges that weekend she agrees to a date, flakes, and is soon back in Russia. This happens alot so I don’t give it much thought. Half an hour later outside the museum I see a tall slim girl crossing the road and putting up her umbrella. My vibe is great so when I open she’s beaming. She’s from New York visiting for three weeks for a course and a definite anglophile. The set goes great with strong eyes, two-sided flirting and because she’s a native speaker I can really let loose with the full gamut of nuance and cultural references (contrary to popular mythology, verbal game works better on native speakers once you’ve hooked because you can operate at the full extent of your intelligence and charm).

Pretty close to this

Pretty close to this

It’s at the point of taking her number that I encounter the one tiny logitistical problem that eventually blows the set and costs me the lay. She doesn’t have a UK SIM, her US SIM doesn’t work in the UK, and she hasn’t unlocked her iphone to take a UK SIM. The TL:DR is we have to communicate by whatsapp and only when she has wifi (no mobile internet). I tell her to buy a UK phone knowing it’s falling on deaf ears.

First date is the next evening. We go to a blues bar behind Carnaby Street and I quickly decide it’s a great venue. There’s live music but not too loud, it’s rammed with a buzzing energy, and we stand against a wall to chat. It’s here that I develop a few tweaks to my theory of date game for my book (yes, I just plugged it again).

I run a perfect Day 2. Absolute dating mastery. I’m really proud of myself.

I do push-pull, douchebaggery, deep rapport, rapid kino escalation….. the whole time I’ve got her eating out of my hand with the tension on the fishing line at optimal levels throughout. After half an hour she’s giving me strong kiss-me signals so as the music reaches a crescendo I pull her in and she just melts. It’s an extremely hot romantic moment perfectly accentuated by the neon lighting of bar signs and the crashing blues music. I feel her go weak at the knees. Then I roll off and make her chase hard. She’s pressed up against me and I do the Ramy line:

Me: What do you like about me?

Her: I like how confident you are. Arrogant even, but still with a very sweet side.

Me: I’m modest. I only believe I’m half as good as I really am.

Her: And you are so incredibly attractive!

We’ll call that an IOI. It’s getting late so we are struggling to find another bar. I walk her up Oxford Street to get closer to a taxi rank while searching for a pub. The only place still open is Carbon bar in the basement of a hotel. It’s a chode hell but mercifully sparse. We get a booth and she’s soon on my lap taking my dirty talk. She’s boiling in her love juices so when the bar kicks out at midnight I try to put her in a taxi. She’s already been giving me the “I’m not going home with you tonight” talk so I push as hard as I can but I don’t want to snap the fishing line. We end up making out in a shop doorbar with her hands down my pants wanking me off as late-night revellers stumble by. And then she goes home.

It’s a dead cert, I think.

She’s working hard and claims tiredness but we agree to meet Friday night in Camden at 9pm. Plenty of time to reblow the love bubble, put some alcohol in her and end up in a taxi rank. The whatsapp dirty talk and logistics has already agreed this is a sex date. So I show up at 9pm, do a quick circuit of the bar (she hasn’t arrived yet) then sit at a conspicuous seat at the bar. It’s rammed. After half an hour I’m surprised and concerned she hasn’t shown up but I stay with my pint. By 9:45pm I reluctantly write off the night. I’m fuming. It was so totally on and she didn’t even show, despite reconfirming at 8:30pm.

I hate all women everywhere at this point.

So I get the bus home, tail between my legs. Around 10:15pm I’m almost home and my whatsapp buzzes.

Me: What are you doing?

Her: !!!! What happened?? I was there for like an hour… I looked everywhere for you

Me: I was at the main bar. From 9pm. Red leather jacket.

Her: Me too… I got there right on time. Then I walked around the bar a bit

Me: Where are you now?

Her: Back at my place.. where are you now?

Me: Halfway home

Her: 😦

Me: I can be back there in 20 minutes. You?

Her: I just got food with my roomies….

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Because of her stupid US SIM I couldn’t call her in the pub to find her. She couldn’t contact me until she was back on WiFi at her home. And being a girl she’s too much of a dumbass to properly search the pub for me or to ask a punter to borrow his phone for a second to make a call. This is why women should not occupy leadership positions or be allowed to vote.

I rebuild it all back over text and when in Latvia she’s chasing me hard, dirty talking and soon masturbating over sexting. She’s sending me messages like “You have no idea how badly I want to be on my knees in front of you” and “I had an amazing dream about you the other night” and “I came, but not as hard as I’m going to come when you’re railing me with that big rock hard cock” and “I can’t move right now. I want to be yours so bad, ready to do whatever you want with me.” Seems pretty on. So I set up the date:

Her: What do you want to do on Thursday?

Me: Apart from the obvious? What time are you thinking, afternoon or night?

Her: Night

Me: Meet at X station. Drink in local bar. Build unbearable tension.

Her: That won’t take very long

Me: Feel you up at the bar where no one can see. Make you go to the bathroom and bring your panties back for me to keep

Her: I like that idea

Me: I might require you to discreetly finger yourself under the table

Her: you know we’re not going to be able to stay out very long if you make me do that

Me: While maintaining conversation so as not to arouse suspicion of other patrons

Her: Good luck with that. I’m not very subtle. Or quiet

Me: Hmmm…. perhaps you can bite your lip while I outline what I intend to do to you in a more private setting

Her: I can’t wait to hear what you plan on doing to me once you have me alone

Me: That’s enough for now 😉

Her: Oh my god you are killing me. You are making me want you so bad

Me: Yes

I’ve returned from Latvia thinking it’s a dead cert. Thursday evening is set, I’m going to fuck her. And then the night before…….

Her: I have some news for you. You’re not going to like it.

Me: Ok.

Her: It seems as if I’ve acquired a boyfriend.

Me: Ok.

Her: Someone who I was dating in NYC before I left, who asked me to make it official. So needless to say, I can’t see you….

Me: No problem.

Her: Ok.

And that’s the Game. I’ve had about fifteen lays collapse on me this year where the girls were ripe for plucking and something intervened. Like Tom said to me after we’d narrowly missed a same-day foursome with two beautiful Serbian teenagers we bounced back to our apartment, “Sometimes you do everything right and it still falls apart.”



When that foursome collapsed the girls were sitting on our sofa, taking the kino, showing us dirty videos on the internet and then at the moment of truth refused to cheat on their boyfriends. We let them out the door, shrugged, and turned our attention to other things. One reason Game is such an emotional rollercoaster is you constantly maneouvre yourself into positions of great expectation only to have your hopes dashed.

Like Jabba says, emotional control is the most important part of Game.


  1. I saw you in London once was thinking about approaching you, but you looked to much like douche bag so i allowed it. Still going to read your blog as its pretty good. 🙂

  2. With the girl in the bar I’m wondering how she could shut down so quickly on you – just because suddenly a guy asked her to “make him official boyfriend.”

    I’m thinking the NY guy already had serious “hand” with her, for her to shut down so completely. The roll of fate

    So many hot girls have boyfriends or at least a fuck buddy. Being able to come in as THE most dominant, compelling Man to her, no matter who else she may be seeing and get her to comply (fuck) = the keys to pussy paradise.

    Easier said than done

  3. Sounds like you should never put much stock in anything a woman says. It keeps proving the fact that what they say is utterly meaningless and what they do matters. She might of had a boyfriend or that was her way to say no gently…but in the end who cares because she didn’t show up.

    In fact I find as a man…this should by my mantra too. Although I’ll keep it mostly action and let that be my talk.

  4. Another thought from post: I’m definitely looking forward to K’s date game tweaks, and other tweaks, in the new book

    It’s amazing the longer I look at what I call the UK Daygamers, the more I wonder what else I’m doing wrong based off traditional Game material

    For example, Krauser and Torero turned me onto the idea of de-investing once a girl hooks. As Torero says ” shut the fuck up” This is direct contrast to products from, for example, Nick Savoy and the Love Systems products who teach “Keep Talking”. Another is Sinn ” You must talk and keep talking”. “Talking will get you laid” direct quotes

    In reality it seems what gets you laid is HER investment. And she cannot invest if you are constantly talking

    You can actually push a girl away with this shit. As K noted elsewhere this could be a relic of LA night game entertainer game where the Mystery/Savoy/Sinn crew started out – working in a particular niche wholly unsuitable for other arenas, let alone daytime

    So you wonder, what the hell else is wrong with that approach to Game

    • Agreed. From the old school time of game, I think Juggler probably had the best model (he pretty much advocated encouraging the girl to invest in the interaction, and then rewarding her with your approval when she did, and escalating each time). Well worth re-visiting for anyone who doesn’t yet have great conversational skills.

  5. I appreciate hearing a failure story, it’s nice to know that this shit doesn’t just happen to me.

    And this cracked me up: “And being a girl she’s too much of a dumbass to properly search the pub for me or to ask a punter to borrow his phone for a second to make a call. This is why women should not occupy leadership positions or be allowed to vote.” Right? Like a panda that won’t screw to save its species. Did she want it? Yes. Would she take even the slightest action to bring it about? Hell no.

  6. At least you can put down most of your failure here to circumstances beyond your control, as opposed your own faulty actions. Most of my failure stories are along the lines of “She was right in front of me giving me obvious IOI’s and I just froze, or became excessively aloof.” I’m hampered in my game by physical nervousness and extreme self-consciousness in front of others, which is why nearly all of my conquests have occurred while I was under the influence of a good amount of alcohol. One of the thing that impresses me about Krauser’s infields is just how relaxed he seems. It seems to me that being comfortable in your own skin while talking to girls is half the battle.

    • Try meditation, Muay Thai, and a huge amount of sober approaches. All three will make you feel more comfortable when interacting with women!

  7. Wait….a girl you’re close to banging says some guy asks to be her bf.

    How is that not totally beta? What is this girl thinking?

    • Ya, that stood out as really odd to me as well. If she was into the NY guy enough that she would drop everything (on a different continent, mind) to be his “gf”, why would she even allow K to get as far as he did? Even for a woman, that kind of non-logic is baffling. It’s like her forebrain suddenly took over.

  8. I mean…how is a guy asking her to be her bf not beta? Do girls really go for this?

    • Yes in most cases asking a girl to be her bf is beta – here it seems he had super “hand” already, wanted to settle down, and she was already his puppy.

      Alternatively, it could be the girl just making up a story and blowing off K. This sounds unlikely however, looking at the way K describes the situation, and seeing K’s very SMV in field given all the evidence we see

      A girl would make up a story about having to go back boyfriend where a guy is too sexual, escalating too rapidly, looks too desperate for sex. His value has dropped in her mind, and she wants out of the hook-up. [She was pushing 30 and had a secure thing in NYC. I think she just future-projected feeling guilty and decided to avoid it. Girls are not notch-centric. K.]

      • Hi Nick

        Did a similar thing other week. Had a date (no expectations, couldn’t really be bothered to actually go on it), went well, and then a mistake text and she vanished off the radar haha. Brilliant article btw.

        Nice one on your input in Jabba’s book, that’s a very powerful book.

      • I’m guessing it was a hail-mary attempt by the guy in NY to lock-down his girl (one-itis) while she was traveling, cock-blocking any potential foreign paramours. Beta move, but it worked.

    • Two men can do the exact same thing. One can do it and appear alpha, one can appear beta

  9. K, I hope in your book you’ll present the underlying model as you did so well in Nitro and won’t make a mistake that “Bob” did in his sequence where he got questions like “There is no wine bar/cocktail bar therefore I cant do intimacy and kiss her..” or “I don’t have shisha or guitar in my room so we can’t have sex”.That’s what I loved about Nitro that I knew the underlying structure rather than just sentences or specific places to go. Now this needs to be extended for the entire model from street to bed. You can beat “Bob” once again if you strip off the unnecessary:-)

  10. Great write up K. I look forward to you’re new book.

  11. Me: I was at the main bar. From 9pm. Red leather jacket.

    I can’t help picturing a bald version of Ryan Gosling in The place beyond the pines.

  12. Commiserations. And congratulations on another ace post (and for writing up the near-misses and patience-exhausters as well as the shots that go in from thirty-five yards).

    “This is why women…” We’re not going to agree on sexual politics, or politics generally. Am sure we’re both crying into our ale about that.

    A gamma writes: a crescendo is the moving towards a peak, not the peak itself (Latin / Italian crescere, grow). This kind of stuff is a handy substitute for having something to say.

    All the best with the book, and regards.

  13. As I’ve gained more reference experiences, missed opportunities are easier to get past, but they still bother the shit out of me when things seem like a lock. Just a few examples are a Ukrainian girl in a tight, white dress in Warsaw that I approached, hit it off with and then went for the #, but she hadn’t figured out her SIM. I took her email and gave her my #, but no contact after that. Another Polish girl that I had a great date with, flaked out on the next one. The lessons I’ve taken away are to strike while the iron is hot and keep abundant options, because even the sure things will fall through more often than we like. The real tragedy is to put all of your eggs in one basket only to have the bottom fall out.

  14. You write (twitter) – “Getting shot and surviving is not “bravery”. It’s just the will to live, shared by 6 billion others.”

    True in itself, but it’s what she did before she was shot (pre-9 October 2012) that makes her brave. She made herself a potential target because she believed in something, in a place where she had no protection.

  15. I think as I progress through game I tend now to brood over my mistakes more than revel in my successes. There was a time last year where I was just ploughing through. This year, I had a gf and even though I continued gaming other chicks, the gf took up a lot more of my emotional time than before. The shit tests got worse and I began to second-guess myself. So I had to game and bang 3 chicks just to remind myself I still had game.

    Now I’m in a dilemma. Did banging 3 chicks over-ride one shit-testing uber cunt?

  16. This shit happens all the time, even to the best, there’s plenty of girls out there and it can be easy getting invested in flakes when you’re strolling along the game path, man I’m done that plenty of times. I’m up to the ‘oh well’ phase whenever it happens and just thinking about the next hot piece of ass that walks along.

  17. Kick was placed perfectly in the high left corner, perfect bend on it…

    The goalkeeper was just on his (her) game. Denied. And the crowd goes wild.

  18. Some of you guys are so obsessed with what is “beta” or not. What is the purpose of game, to prove your alpha and more importantly non-betaness to other mostly-struggling men you don’t even know on a message board somewhere, or to have more success (however you define it) with women? NY dude got the girl he wanted, AND got her to shut out all other foreign cock… seems like a pretty fucking solid move to me (no offense, K). You guys act like he did something wrong or beta, yet he ended up with the girl…

    “I mean…how is a guy asking her to be her bf not beta? Do girls really go for this?” Of course you idiot, if they like you. How do you think 80% of hot girls have boyfriends? By accident? It somehow happened without their boyfriend asking to date them? What?

    Being alpha isn’t limited to being a single swinging player who never fucks the same girl twice. Being alpha is a state of mind, a state of confidence, a projection of your dominant, overriding manliness. Some alphas fuck dozens of women every year and entertain no thoughts of settling or slowing down. Some alphas are quite content with a loving, caring, womanly wife with whom they can start a family. Most are somewhere in between. Either way, if you are getting what you truly want out of life and women, there is nothing “beta” about that. What is “beta” is your need to constantly measure your alphaness against other people, especially those who you will never meet and who don’t even know that you exist.

    Just do you, bro. Don’t worry so much about what is alpha and what is beta, other than to understand the concepts of each and why one is generally preferred in most dealings with women. Would it be beta for you to go up to some random girl and ask her to be your girlfriend? Yes, of course, and you would get laughed at. But this dude clearly already has a rapport with the girl, a relationship and circumstance which you know nothing about and therefore aren’t qualified to comment on. And most importantly, like I said, HE GOT THE GIRL.

    You guys take this shit too literally; game doesn’t exist in a vacuum.

    • There’s no reason to believe that NY guy “got the girl” other than your own projection. All he managed to do was MOMENTARILY keep her from hooking up with another guy.

      You don’t “get the girl” if you’re 3500 miles away. Big lol.

      And yes, MANY relationships begin without the man asking for the woman to be his GF.

      Seriously, you need more dating experience.

      • Your comments are not invalid, but you missed my point. Making all decisions based on what, in a vacuum, is “alpha” or “beta” is simply retarded. Would it have been more “alpha” for NY guy to have acted aloof like he didn’t care and not talk to this girl or tell her that he wanted to be with her? Sure, it would’ve, and then the love of his life would’ve been ravaged by a smooth talking, barely employed Englishman (and likely others during the course of her trip). But at least he could go back to his message board buddies and report back how “alpha” he acted, right? Good game vs. bad game is a better question than alpha or beta. This dude wanted to be exclusive with this girl, even while she was away, and he got it. Good for him. He obviously couldn’t have been THAT beta or she would’ve just laughed him off while Krauser was balls deep inside her. Beta move? Maybe. The right move (for him)? Definitely.

        That is all. Obviously the goal IS to be alpha and as far away from beta as possible. I’m just saying, some people take that shit way too literally and don’t know how to apply it in different situations. I promise you that no true alpha has ever asked “was that beta?” Not because they already know, but because they don’t care. Kinda like how an attractive guy can say suggestive things to a coworker and get away with it while an ugly guy will get fired for sexual harassment, an alpha can get away with “beta” moves if his game is otherwise tight.

  19. I think she had a bf the whole time and had a line in sand up to which she thought was just some fun. She no doubt liked a tight line and a bit of a fight on the hook but didn’t want to get into the boat. Stayed in a backpackers once for work and had a gf at the time. Around the time The Game hit book stores. Gamed a few girls there up to a kiss then pulled the plug – just for some practice. Reject a girl when she’s all ready to go – boy do they get snaky.

  20. Every woman on earth doesn’t want my penis? Fuck it, I don’t wanna be a PUA anymore

  21. Since you may be recognizable, I’ll offer another thought:
    She may be playing YOU.
    Boyfriend or no boyfriend, she seems to have been great as the anti-PUA.
    Always playing one step ahead of the PUA…
    Keep the line tight, reel him in, closer, closer, closer…. cut the line loose… splash!

  22. Greetings from Canada, just started my very own blog where I chronicle my journey on this path to greatness. My stories are very comparable to krauser’s early stories once he just started. Give it a look

  23. Pingback: Friday Night Field Report: “My mom is in the hospital”; Did The Player Get Played? | Socialkenny PUA: “Get Laid Fast”

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