My first close of the year came 6 hours into 2012 and what a wild ride it was! Credit has to go to Jimmy Jambone for making this happen, in stark contrast to him piggy-backing my opening throughout 2011 with his parasite game. It all began in Norway a few months ago when Toe and I were sleeping peacefully in an Oslo hotel room when JJ comes barreling in at 4am, shitfaced and bawdry, two girls on his arms. See here.

It goes quiet then these girls pop back up on the radar when they’re coming to London. There’s gonna be JJ’s target (as yet unclosed), her unattractive little 38yr old single mum friend (dragon) and….. a London-based fashion model. JJ throws me a bone: “Can you wing me on this set and if the model goes for you, take her.” Let’s take a closer look at the girls

Friday night rolls around and we meet the girls for a pint in Soho. JJ asks me how I’m gonna play it. I tell him the truth: “I really don’t give a fuck whether I get this model, so I’ll do straightforward Mystery Method. Ignore her, build value, and then gradually notice her as the night wears on.” It’s so easy to work a girl when you know the set is held all night. It was almost like social circle game – which barely counts as game it’s so easy. So I’ll be cocky, interesting, and pay most of my attention to my buddies. We know they are coming to our New Year’s Eve party the next night so we only need to do A1-C1 tonight.

Right from the off it goes well. We laugh and joke, I neg and tease the girls, and drop in the DHVs. I’m really indifferent to the outcome so obviously this gets the model engaged. She’s pawing me, qualifying and trying to get into the rat pack bubble JJ and I have. Then we bounce them to Camden where more of the rat pack is out drinking. The whole vibe is “fun night out”. Beer gets drunk. On the way there Model makes her move – we are standing in a aisle on the underground train when she whips out her phone saying “I want your number”. Then I race her to the last unoccupied seat (I win, obviously) so she jumps on my lap. “Oww! Jimmy! I can’t feel my legs. It’s like having a hippo on me” I wail. JJ winks. It’s on.

We stay out drinking till 3am and the shit tests start coming. She tries to get me to buy her drinks, she tries to pull me onto the dancefloor, and she opens three chodes and gets them to draw on her forearm. Obvious tests that I just ignore, turning to talk to my friends. I’m fully on douchebag by now, as always when I’m drunk. I really don’t care if I fuck her. I don’t even like her much – a clear low esteem games player. She sits next to me and says “you’re so cocky” (IOI) then stands up to gyrate next to me. I turn away. There’s a group of three young couples sitting across from us who are observing us because we are having so much fun and I’m literally batting this model away so I can talk to my friends. Our buddy Alex is doing a fine job occupying the dragon (who fancies me) to give us time to work. Funniest moment happens during the kiss close….

…I’m sitting back drinking when model starts pestering me to buy her a drink (I laugh in her face, JJ laughs, and she gets the hump). So she pours a little of my beer into her empty glass and dragon’s glass. No more than 1/4 of a pint. It’s a bantering gesture, that’s all. I protest loudly so she bends over and kisses me. A proper kiss. I let her have 2 seconds then push her out the way and grab my pint, lulling. She can’t believe it and turns her back to start gyrating her arse in my face. So I grab her glass and pour the beer back into my glass then fist-pump the air in victory and getting my beer back. All the boys are cackling. The group watching us is creasing up laughing. Then I pull model down onto my lap and we have a proper makeout.

JJ jokingly asks Alex if he’ll take one for the team with dragon and the colour drains from his swarthy features as he declines the offer. JJ’s bird is climbing all over him now so he decides to rush things along for the close. We take taxis back to Chateau RSG and retire to the Hemingway Suite for rum. Now Dragon makes her play for me and won’t leave me alone, which cools off Model (the two only met the day before through JJ’s girl). It’s looking bad because Dragon is clinging to me like a homesick turd. Alex comes in and distracts her so I can push model up against the door, makeout, then room-drag.

I’m lying in bed while model is topless and stripper-dancing to this.

I figure I’m ten minutes away from getting my jollies when it suddenly inexplicably goes south. She kneels down, licks my balls and then teases a blowjob that she won’t give. I try to pull down her jeans when she says “I’m on my period, we can’t have sex.” Even at this point I don’t really care. So after another five minutes of her not sucking my cock I roll over and go to sleep. She keeps her jeans on all night next to me. Whatever. I strike her off my list.

So what happens the next evening is a big surprise…. Part Two soon.