It’s a common refrain from old hands in the Community that you should have a life outside of Game. As far back as Neil Strauss’ book he warned about how easy it is to become obsessed with pick up with it’s constant emotional rollercoaster resulting from the blowouts and successes. It’s easy to become addicted to new lays. It’s easy to lose all perspective on life as you focus single-mindedly on “getting this area handled”. Getting good at game without scorching the earth around your life is a difficult balance. Community values are weird – such as treating girls as experimental subjects and going out with wings like you’re a mercenary army. Yet if you don’t approach thousands of girls, push your boundaries, hang out with like-minded (and preferrably more experienced) men then how can you improve?
I think it’s impossible to get good at game without compromising your integrity at certain times. Lest anyone think I place myself above such base behaviours, I’ll use examples from my own development. Things I’ve done which I know are shady, but which I rationalised at the time as acceptable (and perhaps still do) include:
- Videoing girls during pick-up and dates and then sharing the videos on the internet
- Dating five girls at a time (who knew about each other) and telling each that she was my number one girl
- Passing girls on to my friends
- Telling a girl logically that I don’t want a serious relationship with her, and then shamelessly playing her emotions to make her fall for me in the full knowledge that they will override her logical mind
It’s easy to find justifications. People are all cunts. All is fair in love and war. They have their own agenda too. If we got married she’d use the misandrist laws against me. Etc etc etc.
I’m not so much interested in the moral dimension of integrity, not for this post anyway. What interests me is that integrity is essential for success in life even if you are merely using enlightened self interest rather than a genuine commitment to moral living for its own sake. I have long said:
High value women do not sleep with low value men
It’s possible to get Type 2 girls (high beauty / low self esteem) into bed with manipulative low value behviour yet it’s almost impossible to have rewarding relationships with them. I’ve met plenty of community guys who rack up lay-after-lay with grotty women, women of low character, or simply normal pretty girls where it begins ok and things turn south rapidly precisely because of the man’s conduct in his pursuit and subsequent relationship. For whatever reason these men feel compelled to stay on the treadmill day-after-day, night-after-night trying to placate whatever demons rest inside them, pouring ever more water into a leaky bucket rather than fixing the hole in the bottom. RSD’s Jeffy gave a great talk about this in Transformations.
What all these guys have in common is a manipulative, value-taking frame that requires vast amounts of lying and dishonesty. No amount of lays is ever enough. It’s like they are punishing themselves week after week. Invariably they surround themselves with like-minded people and then there’s a self-reinforcing echo chamber. Fucked up community standards become the norms that define their conduct. In the beginning their vibe is horrible, completely creepy. As they become more accomplished liars they can disguise the ugliness within until they have obtained whatever value they were seeking to take.
It is still possible to get laid like this. There’s lots of weak girls in the world who can be impressed, cajoled and manipulated into bed. You can spend years feeding in such swamps. With success comes hubris. Rather than remain within the normal world with its normal standards of behaviour you see yourself as an outsider, a man above the “sheep” and no longer constrained by societal rules (which are “all in your head” anyway). Channelled correctly this is a stunning realisation that leads to achievement and inner peace as you cast off the shackles. Channelled incorrectly you become a lame douchebag – never keeping promises, living life on a whim, treating people as pawns to be sacrificed. Like an over-leveraged hedge fund picking up pennies in front of a steamroller, you can go years before your risk-taking wipes you out. One day’s reversal will overwhelm four years of small gains but the homo-sapien is designed to pat itself on the back for every small gain while sticking it’s head in the sand about impending losses. When you jump off a 42 floor building you have an exhillirating ride the first 41 floors you pass.
A man’s word is the only thing of value he will ever own
Much of the discussion on this blog has been about how the type of man you are drives your game, and vice versa. I firmly believe that the only way to avoid the biggest player traps is to conduct yourself with girls (and other men) according to the type of man you wish to be. That means you:
- Aim high, at precisely the girls you most want in your life
- Make your intentions clear at the earliest moment of good calibration
- Decide if you intend to string a girl along you tell her and treat her hind brain the same way
- Abide by wing rules at all times, such as not making your wing look bad in front of a girl or trying to steal his girl
- Maintain a life outside of the Community
- Identify and slay your inner demons, rather than appeasing them
It is extremely difficult to do this. Most guys who get good with girls do so precisely because they are broken inside and driven to extraordinary lengths to make up for it. Normal people with balanced lives give up long before they complete their “1,000 sets of hell”. It’s simply too hard. You can only do it when the wolves are at the door. In my case, it was the various issues emanating from my divorce. For other people I’ve met it’s 20+ years of involuntary celibacy or social exclusion, messed up father figures, alcoholism and redemption, and so on.
If you want to lift yourself out of whatever gutter you currently reside in, you need to develop personal integrity. Without it, a conveyor belt of new lays will never fill the emptiness inside.
October 17, 2011 at 1:42 pm
October 17, 2011 at 2:39 pm
It all depends on the context.
The community has warped reality in such a way that we’re all lead to believe that women are skanks and lliterally out to get what ever resources she can from a man and leave him in the gutter when she’s finished.
I used to think like that once, and i have to be honest. I was in a bad place and left me feeling resentful towards the opposite sex.
It wasn’t until i took a step back from the community and looked at things from a different angle when i realized that women are simply human beings who have a strong desire to connect with people. Just like we are as men.
I’ve lost count at how many times i’ve seen a female friend tell me about a recent breakup with a complete asshole due to catching him cheat on her, despite wanting a meaningful relationship.
Women have their own problems – Keeping a man in her life for security and protection.
It’s no wonder so many of them are cautious and often bitchy.
I honestly think the community isn’t doing anyone any favours for that very reason. It’s because of this that makes me realise that we don’t really know much about women after all, despite it being clear as day.
I think the community needs a kick up the ass in all honesty and actually spend a bit of time getting to know a girl on a friendship level to really understand how they’re really like rather than trying to sleep with them.
October 19, 2011 at 3:26 pm
“I’ve lost count at how many times i’ve seen a female friend tell me about a recent breakup with a complete asshole due to catching him cheat on her, despite wanting a meaningful relationship.”
So she is still picking the assholes because they float her ego boat, but she will eventually settle down with some muppet for his resources, while still being attracted to the assholes. I would like to think this is just my ego speaking, but the more I approach and interact with women the more I seem to experience their selection process.
That is to say if you can bulls*it them enough and not care enough about seeing them as people who want to connect they will give you a chance. However, if you see them as people wanting to connect, and they see that in you as well they will piss all over you, and your chance is gone.
Like I say, I am sure I have my issues with the opposite sex – in fact it is a certainty that I do, but I am unfortunately finding that what the PUA community say about hot women tends to be true. They seem to have their own selection criteria and “chick logic”. The interesting thing is despite all that is written in PUA not much is written on the distortions in the female ego, and how they fail to see men as human beings.
We tend to dehumanise women in another way – as evolutionary robots. This may or may not be justified, but women certainly have their own distortions in thinking and what they look for in men.
October 20, 2011 at 7:26 pm
I do agree with you. It’s the mindset that was installed into me when i got into the community as well. But the problem is, it fails when it comes to teaching a man the logic behind why women truly do what they do.
It’s not the asshole that they’re attracted to – But the strength, dominance and the ability to lead and protect.
It’s very basic which many of you including Krauser will agree with. But the problem is, many of the guys in the community are going into their interaction with the previous baggage left in their past together with all the preconceived notions that women are predominantly bitches and whores who are out to get whatever they can – That’s simply not the case.
Once you get truly good at this and you go full circle. You’ll begin to realise that the women who you thought were bitches weren’t exactly bitches in the first place and that they actually do like nice guys – How do i know this?
Because going full circle, i’ve found that i can still be a nice guy and at the same time, give her the characteristics that she’s looking for in a man in order to feel attracted to me.
In an ideal world, women will always go for the nice guy hands down, except the nice guy doesn’t portray the qualities they want, which is why they go for the asshole and getting hurt.
And this is what annoys me because many PUA’s in the community seem to lack this understanding and end up changing into complete dicks towards women for different reasons. What the community should really be about is helping guys stay true to who they are whilst developing attractive qualities in order to make these girls fall for the type of guy they really want…
Not the asshole, but the Nice guy with a backbone… A true man who she knows can take care of her.
Having female friends in my life, i can proudly say that they’re only my friends by choice, and not because i was put there like how i used to be in the past.
We need to start going back to fundamentals and to ultimately understand why we’re here…
Women are the enemy – They may appear that way to a guy coming from an insecure and unattractive perspective, but they can’t help what they’re attracted to. There’s not sense in blaming or feeling resentment over them. instead, we should look at ourselves and find a way to change this without hurting anyone…
“Always leave people better from when you first met them”
October 17, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Does integrity include sad manipulations of none-too-wise young foreign girls who can’t see what local the English women can?
October 18, 2011 at 8:47 am
Chandler, Are you a woman?……..What makes you think that picking up women is about manipulation? Why do you call it sad? is it because you are not getting laid? And why do you call foreign girls none to wise? And what is it that the local English women are able to see that the foreign women can’t? Go on mate……say it! For once in your life learn to shoot straight instead of hiding behind innuendo
October 17, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Deep post, Krauser. I appreciate this very much. Self-development IS the key to transcending our patterns as men. Game is just one asset in our portfolio as those who choose to elevate and cultivate ourselves & grow as men. As you said, it’s an addictive area, one that a lot of men can’t or won’t get past.
I see in myself some of the negative patterns you’ve mentioned above, most notably in my intentions with women, how I state them (congruent with my intentions) and then how I treat their hindbrains (incongruent). That’s easy enough to fix, but there are more issues to address, most of them outside the game world. Focusing on Game just takes time away from other pursuits, i.e. career, health, etc. Funny, men (and women) in the corporate world talk about establishing a ‘work-life balance.’ For us red pill gamesmen, it’s about establishing ‘game-life balance.’
For my part, I’ve resolved to work harder at my business, read fewer game blogs, make more approaches, and buy your book. I’m taking your suggestion to do 100 approaches & then work on going more direct, with much higher standards.
October 17, 2011 at 10:42 pm
This is very good. Thought provoking.
Pingback: Personal Integrity & Game | SNY Ideas
October 18, 2011 at 2:39 am
damn, hope you don’t go the roosh and roissy way….posting more thoughts and less of technique. I like your blog precisely because it is so practical. Roosh and roissy’s blogs stopped being practical long ago.
October 18, 2011 at 3:54 am
As Mark Manson (entropy) was saying, pickup is a self-development community in disguise. Most of the guys that get into this have a lot of other bigger issues that they need to sort out first.
October 18, 2011 at 6:33 am
A true Hero is how I know you.
Everyone has Alpha inside them, i just had to have my head pulled out of the beta-media filled junk. Have more than 9 months reading your entries and I can say you are the man I hope to become. Not the player inside you, but the self made man. Incredibly showing your masculine characteristics when picking up woman is what I admire. The confidence you bring is what a true hero demonstrates. My gf says the confidence i possessed on March made me stand out from the rest of the ocean filled guppies. I write this comment to say your wisdom and entries and applied pick-up has shown me what the 21st century mind is capable of. Intellectualism is hard to find. I hope to also one day attend college and better my understanding of life itself and woman (because theirs always room for improvement:)) I have a high respect for you as I too Box, have a passion for always bettering myself through human capital, and having fun along the way as we get to our goals and destinations and even dreams. Appreciate the advice a man can pass on to another as simply as sharing stories. Call me your number 1 fan in a way.
Have some questions (like actually a lot but i won’t strangle you…with much) I haven’t put to rest; what are your future life goals? I mean their must be a point in your life when good pick-up has met its match with time and age that you must want to settle down, right?
Number 1 fan, keep up the awesome entries, always a good read.
October 18, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Krauser spouting forth about integrity. Please. That’s like Michael Jackson lecturing on child safety. The Mighty Krauser, a Wholesome Pretender of the highest (Christ-like?) Order. The man who films pickup, lives pickup, writes pickup, blogs pickup, talks pickup, is more gamey than Mehow, telling us not to get caught up in pickup. Ah, the irony.
[If you’re still having trouble getting laid, just try a whore. It’ll relax you. K.]
October 19, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Rich, the blog is called ‘Krauser PUA’, it’s a blog about the pickup aspect of Krauser’s life. I’m sure he has a lot of other interests, in fact you can tell from his articles he’s into economic theory and martial arts. Not concentrating on writing about pickup and the role it plays in his life on a pickup blog is a bit stupid really. And Krauser is apparently “more gamey than Mehow” – so basically he’s just very analytical, that’s not a crime.
October 19, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Haters gonna hate.
October 20, 2011 at 1:29 am
I agree. Krauser, the only reason you talk to women is to have sex with them, but I’m sure you never tell them this upfront. You have no integrity at all. Game is, fundamentally, supplication. I’m not saying game isnt worthwhile, I’m just saying thats what it is. [It’s not the only reason. Read more of the blog, should you care, and you’ll see I’m more interested in female affection than sex. But generally a man only talks to women to have sex with them and everyone knows this including the girl. I make no attempt to hide it (indirect). She knows what she’s getting into. I don’t lie to her. There is no supplication in drawing a girl into your life. k.]
But then if you disagree with me you can just pull an ad-hom out of your ass and say that I’m having trouble getting laid. Its true, actually, I am. I havent dedicated 2 years of my life to approaching 1000s women and sat through hours of mindless drivel by these women. [I’m guessing you used to be a herby-beta, got rolled bad by a woman, and have spent the past year on the manosphere sites like Spearhead trying to deal with your anger. That’s fine, I did something like that myself. But get over it. Women are not the enemy and wanting them in your life doesn’t sell out the MRM. K.]
October 23, 2011 at 10:48 am
At a fundamental level game is supplication because women have a monopoly on sex; they control who gets the sex. Game is the method men use to prove themselves worthy enough to have sex with women; its supplication. Its another story if you enjoy the chase, if you’re happy to talk to the girl and enjoy the game. But surely most men who approach multiple targets on a daily basis would forego all of the talking and flirting and hoops if they could skip right to the sex.
I watched a news item of a slut on YouTube who said she’d had sex with over 200 (or 400?) men. What do you think her game was? She simply had a ten minute conversation with each man to make sure he wasnt a psychopath, and then they moved to a sex location and had sex. 200 sex partners. I doubt many of the best pick up artists in the world have had 200 sex partners. But a woman got to that number easily, precisely because she is a woman.
I dont think its neccesarily bad that men put in effort in order to bed women, but I do think its supplication. I’m interested to see if you still disagree.
October 25, 2011 at 8:51 am
In response to your follow-up comment, mister A, I agree with this: http://wesno.blogspot.com/2010/12/game-is-ultimately-reactive.html
It is an interesting remark but has no impact.
October 19, 2011 at 8:10 pm
I have to disagree about the system being “all in your head” that’s utter tosh, there’s some vids on quantum language, and if u know anything about economics then you’d know it’s governed by certain laws. They can be contract laws or banking laws, or the two can cross, or intermingle with other laws, such as trust law, business law, statutory law and others, there’s a whole quagmire of that stuff, that very definitely is not inside one’s head.
[So you missed the sarcasm? K]
October 19, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Krauser, would you say that having a strong, tangible father-figure is something a young guy should look out for?
October 20, 2011 at 11:37 am
…Cue an army of retards clapping, you have taken too many red pills Krauser.. To what end was this post intended…seriously, is that how you get people to pay attention to you on the serious issues? Post a video having sex with a girl in Oslo, then title a subsequent post ‘Integrity’ and then use the words ‘A man’s word is the only thing of value he will ever own’ . Even your boys Burto and JJ must would be cringeing at the obvious irony..This is exactly the same as the time you wrote an equally sanctimonious post right after you secretly taped that Russian Model in a private moment. I couldn’t find it before to refer to, which tells me you may have had your own personal regrets about posting it….
In any case, you want people to think you are the Alpha’s Alpha….bottom line, the audience that reads this isn’t going to be impressed with more footage of you shagging….trust me, NO-ONE wants to see potato porn…except maybe the Japanese, I trust if anyone would know it ‘s you since I seem to remember you mentioning about 1000 times you’ ve been there.
If you want to really impress, experiment with quality and some classy girls and show that you can keep a 10 not talk to one…. remember, the guy who is shagging the highest quality girls in the world isn’t writing a blog about it…otherwise stick to what you’re the best at, which is probably the antithesis of integrity. Just don’t try and stichup your audience.
[At which point did I claim to have reached my goal? K.]
October 25, 2011 at 1:23 am
Hmmm. Interesting article. I too had “demons” from my divorce lead me to game. I was never a true beta or herb; I was a natural Alpha in every way except with women: I was raised to respect a lady. The problem was that I was taught that everything with a vagina was a lady.
Game helped smooth out that nonsense.
Still, and it is with all due respect to our host, every time I treat a woman like a human being, she screws me over (worst), loses interest completely (better) or temporarily loses interest until I pour it back on (best). I have one stripper and one Medical Doctor in my ever-shrinking harem right now, and blending the right amount of asshole game with “decent man” traits is difficult. If I let my guard down too much, the M.D. loses interest. The stripper is just fucked up in the head to begin with, so she doesn’t count. I game her with my mighty pimp hand and she submits. Can’t do that shit with a M.D.
I like this article a lot, but man, there’s a reason these “nice girls” who are looking for “a relationship” drop their panties for my aloof badboy game so quickly. I’d say 20% go down on the first night, another 20% on the second, and another 50% on the third. Only 10% make it past the 3rd date, and they always give it up shortly thereafter.
Treating women like human beings can be dangerous. Treating them like ladies AFTER they prove they are one seems more like the way to go. First of all, they’re so few and far between that it won’t take much effort, and second, a lady is still a woman so most of game (minus 90% of the asshole part) can still be deployed.
I’m a big fan, Krauser, and I’m not dissing this article. But I am a little confused about your intent. Certainly you can’d disagree that 50% of women under the age of 45 are goddamn worthless, 5% are detrimental and should be euthanized, and the other 50% must be carefully vetted for their worth. Not saying there’s not a handful of nice ones out there, but damn, you don’t meet them every day.
[Most women aren’t worth the effort which is why I take early screening seriously, such as avoiding native English speakers and girls from bars/clubs. I also try to pick out girls based on their vibe and how their behaviour signals their character. Filtering this way means the worthless girls don’t even get an opener from me. My date model is based on finding out what type of woman she is. Lastly, it’s quite possible to enforce boundaries and build attraction without being an arsehole. I think Game overrates “bad guy strength” (arsehole) and ignores “nice guy strength” (Cary Grant), while also encouraging guys to fuck anything that gives them a boner no matter how rotten their soul. This is not the path to contentment. K.]
October 25, 2011 at 1:29 am
…and clearly I can’t do math or spell. You know what I meant!
October 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Much of this blog could get you arrested mate, try telling the judge about integrity. Maybe you’ll listen to him more than me 😉
October 25, 2011 at 2:48 pm
I think it depends a lot on an individuals values and how they live up to them,a big portion of the community couldn’t give a shit about a girls self esteem level and just want some hot arm candy,thats all well and good assuming its in line with their inner game..others (myself included) like girls they can improve for the better,Alchemy’s model of “type 1 girls” is valid but also subjective…
November 10, 2011 at 4:28 pm
i don’t like the term “nice guy strength”. the nice guy concept is too strongly associated with a totally unviable approach. but positive strength and integrity are definitely key.
as reflected in the exchange between onder and blister above, i doubt that it’s possible to be maximally attractive without some nod to the dark side of female desire. for example, i’d like to be totally open and honest, ie never have hidden intentions. but hidden intentions are deeply sexy. they create tension and unpredictability. i think the best solution is to have integrity and postive stength, leavened with a playful approach to tempting her dark side. we might have to appear serious about this aspect in the moment for it to work, but ultimately we use the dark powers for good. and this includes not misleading her in the big picture. (having casual sex does not require misleading her in any way and is compatible with long-term friendship.)
these new posts exploring a larger and more positive vision are extremely interesting and important. i also think the video postings on this blog reveal something that would otherwise be impossible to show. it’s a radical documentarian approach — and really novel. it does compromise your relationships with the women in the videos, obviously. writers drawing from their personal relationships and investigative journalists who sometimes build relationships with those they plan to expose face similar moral conflicts.
June 11, 2012 at 11:03 pm
Couldn’t have said it better myself Nick. Cornerstone characteristics…
June 29, 2014 at 9:21 pm
“There’s lots of weak girls in the world who can be impressed, cajoled and manipulated into bed. You can spend years feeding in such swamps.”
I suppose that that largely corresponds to the “HV/LSE” category.
You have said that you “educate” each girl that passes through your life, bringing her up to speed on your understanding of how the sexual ecosystem works.
Much more might be said on the subject of terraforming low-esteem girls, but (obviously) not by reassuring them beta-style.
June 29, 2014 at 9:58 pm
Well, I esteem this blog, as well as the published materials of many of the other London-game-model people, precisely because of the infield videos. So much of what has gone before is just some book or a hypnotist in a seminar room, whose opinions and teaching tales are supported only by demonstrations with female assistants on stage.
None of the women in the videos are identifiable, and, anyway, all the racier videos seem to have gone. Without them it would just be some bald cunt with a funny accent and somewhat of a gift for expressing himself (like me. haha).