[UPDATE: I’ve left this post as originally written, because it captures my mood and vibe at the time I first got into Game and started blogging. K.]
I got divorced early 2009, very much against my wishes. We’d been together for nine years, married for three and despite troubles surfacing throughout 2008 I’d assumed that the absolute bliss of the preceding eight years meant we were gonna get through it.
But no. The worthless skank decided her “feelings” had changed, and therefore that’s that. Fuck her vows, fuck her promises, and fuck our marriage. She walked out and my life nearly fell apart.
My response bothered me. Most of my life I’ve been hovering between lower alpha / higher beta behaviours. At some imperceptible point in our marriage, probably about a year after the wedding itself, I slipped into real chode-ish betaness. I became boring, home-centred, and a provider. When she started acting up, instead of just kicking the bitch onto the street like a real man, I became clingy, needy and lame. That just wasn’t me.
For three months I tumbled into the depths. Objectively, I handled it all well. My work didn’t suffer, my health didn’t suffer, and I didn’t follow any self-destructive impulses. But for weeks on end I’d struggle to hold back fits of tears. Anything could trigger it – a love song on the radio, an off-hand comment from a colleague. The divorce wasnt’ even a difficult one – no kids, no house, no shared assets, no divorce-theft legal claims. Just a clean break. Yet I was absolutely crushed by seeing my whole future collapse.
Three months of hurt. Then I hit bottom and started figuring things out. I had two choices:
(i) I can wail and gnash my teeth, shout “why, cruel world!” and sink into a woman-less refuge of video games and porn, hoping somehow I’ll be introduced to some girl through my social circle. I’ve got a friend who did just this seven years ago. Since then he’s gotten very good at Scuba and darts.
(ii) Take control. Learn to be the agent of my own success with women. Fucking man-up and rediscover my balls.
I chose the latter. A few years ago I’d read “The Lay Guide” by Tony Clink. Just some paperback in HMV offering the (as I thought then) ridiculous promise of teaching you to sleep with a different hottie every night of the week. I bought it as a diversion, expecting my still-beta romantic mind to rip it apart. But no. It was great. I filtered it’s teachings through my own successes and failures and thought this shit is the goods
I didn’t need it back then, so it stayed on my shelf gathering dust till I finally loaned it out. One night in April 2009 as I lay alone on my sofa, wondering why I couldn’t enjoy Bad Company on my Playstation 3 I had that gestalt moment.
I’m gonna be a pick up artist.
This is gonna be my new hobby. I shall dedicate the next six months to learning. If it’s the goods, I’ll continue. Thus was born Krauser’s PUA adventure.
December 16, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Same here. Your path to PUA reads like mine, and your blog is great inspiration. Thanks, man.
April 29, 2010 at 9:34 am
Sounds like you got MAD and got her back and all her kind.
July 29, 2010 at 2:24 am
I am a woman. I am reading your site with fascination and horror. I won’t even pretend to understand what you have gone through, i don’t and and i won’t. Are you angry with all women? Are you trying to find another girl of your choosing to replace her? Is this what this is about? I’d like to understand that at least. She should have kept her vows. People just don’t keep their word anymore. She was wrong to do that to you. Now she has unleashed you on the women of the world! We woman always say it is men who are the bastards, it isn’t until now that i have realised that women are just as guilty too. I don’t think i will ever again say the phrase ” all men are bastards” . It just isn’t true. Reading your blog begins to take me on my own personal journey.I am one of the witches over 40, for whom you say that life is over (lol). I fear you may be right. But quite honestly i never had the options.
There are some things about the game that i think are great. Men should not kiss a woman’s butt just because she’s pretty and they want to get with her. We don’t really want or enjoy that . It shouldn’t take the game to teach guys that. Personally i’ve never wanted my butt kissed because of my looks (people tell me i’m pretty. Whatever!) it doesn’t last anyway. I wanted the shared experienced thing to draw me to my mate. but i also wanted an alpha male who was cocky and funny and quite honestly i never ever met any full on alpha men. I think i was more alpha than they were. Scary! Who is teaching our boys how to be men…. i think you ‘ll find it’s mostly women, cause the men aren’t around. I don’t agree with sleeping around as pua ‘s do but i also think if women are stupid, shallow enough to give it then why not?
August 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm
It’s refreshing to hear a story of life after marriage. Good for you man. I read your Muslim virgin story- nice!
You have a new fan.
September 1, 2010 at 10:38 pm
Great intro. I need to write something like that myself. It is hard for me to imagine you in such a beta state. Makes your site even more impressive and encouraging.
September 3, 2010 at 10:01 pm
“At some imperceptible point in our marriage, probably about a year after the wedding itself, I slipped into real chode-ish betaness.”
Just occurred to me that the chode timeline was probably the same for me. Once I got married, I lost my upper hand, because I wanted the marriage to work out at all costs, and so she smelled that fear.
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December 14, 2010 at 7:56 am
Can’t say I can relate completely, but definitely a great inspirational read. I also know what I want and I’m going for it, it’s very inspiring that you had the balls to do the same and managed to get out of that rut.
I’ll definitely check your blog often.
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December 23, 2011 at 6:12 pm
I was ready to quit PU until I found this blog. Thanks Krauser.
June 29, 2013 at 12:42 am
I really didn’t know you were a divorcee.