Regular readers will be familiar with the cute Italian who added me by mistake on Facebook and I’ve been gaming since. It’s now at the stage where she opens me every single time she sees me online and sometimes messages inbetween. It would appear she’s getting addicted to the dopamine rushes of our chats. We haven’t met yet but once we do it’s on. We’ve already been swapping sexual fantasies.

Most of the chats of bantering with droppings of comfort. This girl responds far better to pushes than to pulls so I’m usually hitting her with four or five pushes for every pull, then moving into comfort whenever possible (because that’s lacking). Here’s an example when she invited me to a party one Friday night:

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Me: ok     keep the tickets for me, and I’ll let you know after I spoke to my friends

Her: but i need to know asap

Me: tomorrow morning ok to tell you?

Her: yes     u have time til this friday     as too late!

Me: don’t worry     little smelly Italian girl…..

Her: i’m not smelly anymore

Me: you smell like a pack of rats     living under a bridge     in a storm

Her: whaat      i’m smelling like flowers

Me: I smell like flowers     you smell like old socks

Her: my old socks smell like flowers

Me: you made a mistake     you mean your flowers smell like old socks

Her: no     i dnr have flowers

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We never did go to the club but as usual she’s hitting me up on facebook almost every day. Here’s a chat from a week later.

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Her: oioioiooiioioi     hahaha

Me: still avoiding doing any work, I see

Her: heeeeey i’m off today!!!     sometimes, i’m off ok! hahaha

Me: aha, I remember now      having fun?

Her: not yet

Me: I’m going to Kew Gardens today     very cultural     I must be a culturally sophisticated gentleman

Her: hahahahahha     yes…     ive never been there

Me: they wouldn’t let you in     culturally sophisticated people only     no troublemakers

Her: whaaat      i’m not a troublemaker!     and i’m more sophisticated than you

Me: I’m sure you’ve said that many times, after being caught with your hand in the cookie jar

Her: hahahha     noo     stop talking about you

Me: I cause trouble     I don’t deny it     I’ve been interviewed by police more times than I’ve been interviewed for jobs

Her: hahahahhahahahha     so you are totally trouble

Me: not totally

Her: i’m too lazy today     and i have to do lots of things     pffffff     u should come and do it for me

Me: no     I just had a shower     I smell like a cool summer breeze as it blows across a field of daisies

Her: dirty socks you mean…

Me: you smell like a dead mouse in the corner of a dirty room

Her: hahahaha     have you even smelled one?

Me: yes, in Italy     in your best hotel

Her: hahahaha     our hotels are better than the english ones… i dnt want to imagine about the smell of the dead mouses here…

Me: what are you wearing?

Her: pyjama     well     kind of

Me: shorts or trousers?

Her: shorts

Me: what colour underwear?

Her: i dnt wear underwear when i sleep

Me: me neither

Her: so..    i go for a shower    if u wanna join me the door will be opened     hahahha

Me: already had a shower    but thanks for the offer

Her: back

Me: cool    but I am going out now, to watch Thor in the cinema    take a photo before you put your clothes on    and send it to me    I’ll check it out when I get back    have a great day

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She’s given me two lingerie photos. It’s trundling along nicely but I’m careful not to put too much effort into her seeing as she’s quite a time waster. I’ll just keep letting her open me while I’m doing other things online. My guess is 40% chance of sex.