An Italian wanders into my killzone. Be careful with that “send friend request” button, girls!

July 9, 2011

I’m minding my own business on Facebook chat with some girls, as I’m wont to do, when a random Italian sends me a friends request. I search my memory and I’m pretty sure I’ve never met her before. She’s made a mistake.

A big mistake.

Let’s find out what sort of trouble she’s landed herself into…..

Her: are you the guy from soho???
Me: probably, I go there alot     on the street?
Her: maybe…but you are the wrong guy   [ok, that’s cleared up the mystery. Let’s see if I can reel her in]
Me: no problem     I have a common name     so who are you?  [low investment, she ought to be polite after opening me]
Her: the most common in england i think     i am [Milano]
Me: That much I already know     you look Italian   [slight defiance, make a guess – easy because of her name – and see if she’s curious about what I think of her]
Her: haha     i am
Me: like one of the crazy Sardinians   [tease, start to put her into a box]
Her: no     from milanno
Me: oh dear…..    I nearly got murdered in Milan   [bait a story, see if she wants to draw it out of me]
Her: haha     why?    mafia?
Me: I was there on business     my last job I travelled all over the world     usually Brazil, Japan etc, but we had an office in Milan     on my first night I get a taxi from the airport     as we come into the city centre, the taxi goes slow because a woman is lying in the road     this is a black mercedes. It doesn’t say “taxi”. My secretary booked it     there was a group of 10 middle-class middle-aged people near her     like they were going to the opera     very Milan-style clothes     and suddenly they attacked my taxi     shouting they were gonna kill us   [standard A2 DHV story. All true. She opened me so I can easily feign disinterest in classic Mystery manner]
Her: hahahha
Me: 😦     I thought “Milan is full of crazy people”
Her: probably     thats why i’m not there anymore  [she’s happy to talk about herself, so I can get her to work a little]
Me: why did you come here?
Her: i dont like milan     or italy     in general     haha
Me: your food is good  [positive frame]
Her: that’s true     i’m still cooking it here
Me: oh, so you like cooking?  [ bait]
Her: yes   [hook]
Me: +10 points for you 😉   [reel]
Her: hahaha
Me: women in England can’t cook     My last girlfriend was from Uzbekistan. She cooked amazing stew!   [release]
Her: uzbekistan?      omg!hahah
Me: well, she was culturally Russian     cos she lived in Moscow since she was 15 for all the shows     but cooked Uzbeki food. Yum!!!!   [preselection DHV and a chance for her to ask about me, which she doesn’t take this time]
Her: i’ve never tried that food
Me: I cook Japanese mostly   [minor DHV]
Her: japanese?     i love japanese food   [rapport seeking]
Me: I lived there. Beautiful people     have you been?   [DHV, allow commonality without jumping on it, stack]
Her: yes     once     it’s an amazing country     and culture
Me: wow +5     where did you go?   [reward, stack]
Her: tokyo, yokohama, shizouka and yamanashi     and some towns between    [she’s investing]
Me: ok, I understand the first 3 but why yamanishi?   [not completely won over]
Her: don’t remeber all the names     my friend is from there     hahaha
Me: !     So you wandered around Japan, causing trouble….     … like a ninja     or wild geisha   [put her in a box]
Her: yes     always
Me: yeah, you’re trouble
Her: i am  [she’s playing along, she knows that if we meet I’m not gonna force her to be a nice girl]
Me: I’m gonna tell my mum
Her: hahah
Me: she told me to avoid Italian girls   [flip the script – frame her as chasing me for sex]
Her: she is clever
Me: “Nick, never date an Italian” she said. “They are all perverts”     “She will kill you when you sleep”
Her: hahahah     yes, that’s what we do   [playing along, she’s attracted]
Me: So I tried dating an Italian.   [bait her to ask about it]
Her: are you british?   [she ignores bait, she wants to find out more about me – an IOI]
Me: English
Her: same…
Me: nope.     that’s like me saying you are from Greece   [defiance, and put it back onto her]
Her: no
Me: you look a bit Greek, actually   [another box she doesn’t want to be in and will qualify to climb out of]
Her: thats not the samei don’t look greek
Me: yeah you do     I found a photo of you looking greek

Burto’s Greek Flag

Her: ¬¬     idiot…     haha   [IOI]
Me: 😛     So what do you do in London?   [elicit investment on a high]
Her: i found one yours as well…   [playing along, working, investing – a great sign]

Woof woof

Me: British Bulldog 😀
Her: i love that dogs     they are so ugly   [IOI]
Me: hey!     that’s saying I’m ugly     my profile photo is so cuuuuuute    -3 points for Milanno   [tease disapproval…]
Her: ahahha     what u do in london?   [….which triggers rapport-seeking. She’s thinking “who is this guy I’m suddenly attracted to?”]
Me: I was an investment banker     now I’m a writer
Her: a writer?
Me: yup   [not jumping on the chance to talk about myself. I’m not gonna qualify]
Her: how many events have you written?     books     hahah
Me: 4
Her: did you sell any?
Me: One of my jobs in Japan was a fight journalist. I wrote alot about fight / boxing / martial arts     all of them 🙂     sold out!
Her: to your family and friends?   [she’s enjoying this and I’m happy to let her keep investing]
Me: -5 points for the cheeky Italian girl   [more teased disapproval]
Her: hahahahha
Me: If you were here, I’d spank your naughty ass     Are you a reader?   [sexualise then immediately stack, see how she reacts]
Her: yes     but i just read real books     hahahah     not boring ones     😛   [she accepts it but doesn’t expand upon it. Good sign but not a slamdunk]
Me: blah blah blah     I don’t think you read     I think you just talk alot
Her: why not     i talk a lot too
Me: this is the books you read

Grist for the mill….

It’s about you   [another box, while also letting her know the sex will be good and non-judgemental]
Her: haaha     yes    my favorite book
Me: So why London?   [need some comfort and qualification before progressing to close]
Her: i like london     its a cool city
Me: true     do you work here?
Her: yes     do you know [name of where she works]?
Me: the shoe shop?
Her: no
Me: it sounds like a club
Her: its a bar restaurant     very cool    in [west end] street
Me: ah, I know [that] st. My favourite cafe is there   [commonality]
Her: haha     well, i work there as an event cordinator
Me: oh, so you’re a very organised girl   [qualify her]
Her: yes     at least at work
Me: I just knew you were gonna say that     and your social / personal life is disorganised!
Her: exact     hahaha
Me: typical young girl….   [more boxes]
Her: haha     are u organised?
Me: extremely     too organised for you     you’d hate me   [false disqualifier]
Her: haha
Me: I’d be always telling you off for being late….. forgetting things…     … losing my stuff  [basic Mystery style]
Her: haha     do you think so?
Me: well, I’ve never actually met you…     but probably I’d need to discipline you     make you into a real elegant lady     like that Audrey Hepburn movie   [set her hoops to jump through to please me, while framing myself as above her]
Her: i am     i’m better than her   [she thinks she’s winning, but she’s qualifiying]
Me: big words
Her: haha    haha
Me: Do you work normal Monday-Friday?   [logistics, assume the sale]
Her: no
Me: when’s your days off?
Her: it depends     not always the same ones     it depends on work
Me: this coming week, I mean
Her: wedn and thursday
Me: ok, I’ll have a look at you. Give you some tips on being a proper English lady   [I’m being won over, just]
Her: i don’t want to be an english lady    [resistance is part of the game for girls]
Me: I know, it’s tough for Italians     we’ll start with some English tea   [reframe, bulldozer objections]
Her: I won’t be an english girl… never!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I guess it’ll be mojitos then
Her: ok, better   [it’s on]
Me: text me [my number]
Her: i can’t now
Me: ok, what’s yours
Her: i’ll text you later     idon’t know my non-work phone number
Me: no probs     You’re at work now?
Her: yes
Me: obviously they aren’t working you hard enough…..
Her: hahaha     i can do two things at the same time
Me: Walking and chewing gum?
Her: yes
Me: I’m gonna have a shower  [escape the scene of the crime before the cops show up]
Her: ok…
Me: Nice meeting you Milano. Now get back to work!   [comfort and order her around]
Her: i am working     not hard at the moment     but working

Later that evening I get the “hey, it’s me!” text. Result.


  1. I do love these FB chat posts of yours, my text/IM game is complete crap so it’s good to see it done well.

  2. Oh dear – methinks this one is getting tangled in your FB web and almost ready to be eaten!

  3. +1 for your IM/chat transcripts. Great to see how it plays out vicariously.

  4. That was pro. Also love your use of props like the grandma pic and book covers.

    She’s rather fit as well. Go get ’em tiger.

  5. The tragic, sad thing is that in Italy that photo would be quite normal for youngish girls whereas in the UK two girls over the age of 16 with bodies like that make them one in a thousand. I bet they like guzzling bologne.

  6. Masterful chat game.

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen any better.

  7. Pingback: That crazy (but hot) Italian is still Facebook stalking me « Krauser's PUA Adventure

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