Allow me to introduce my good buddy, and top daygamer, Rocky. This is his two-part essay.
Ok, this is not a post on explaining how a pattern called cocky & funny (hereafter, CF) works. This post tries to look beyond the pure pattern. I explain how CF is perceived by others, how it benefits you and why CF works.
CF is a pattern that involves a cocky statement that is self-amusing and hence funny. An example would be to say: “With a body like mine you get hit on a lot“. A CF statement taps into a lot of different concepts: self-amusement, non-neediness versus neediness, external validation versus internal validation, value giving versus value seeking, state and flexibility.
Why does CF work? It can be summarised in one sentence: providing value by being self-amusing.
Why do you provide value with a CF statement?
You provide value because you are being funny. There are different types of humour (self-deprecating, call-back, cheek-in-tongue etc.). In this case you are funny because you are raising your status in front of an audience and you are not trying to hide it. You are raising your status by talking about your outstanding physical appearance (for example). If you are a fat bastard it will be even more effective because there is an additional twist that surprises the listener.
Why are you self-amusing?
This can be traced back to the concept of status. It is common for a comedian to generate laughter by changing the status relationship between people. It is highly amusing if a high status person loses value. For example, picture the pope slipping on a banana. That’s funny. Then picture a bum slipping on a banana. That’s not as funny (well, if you are sick like me it is still funny, but you get the point).
Similarly, if you raise your status, which is what you do if you comment something cocky about yourself, then you are intentionally raising your status compared to the other person ( in a way that it is clear that you are joking) and that simply amuses you to their expense, because you have verbalised the status difference and made it real. That’s similar to a student asking me in class: so why is that the right solution to the problem. All I have to do is answer: because I am the PhD and the PhD is always right. He is the student and I am the teacher and simply verbalising this status different is self-amusing. In a sense it is the opposite of self-deprecation (cocky)
Ok, so we have understood that we are funny and self-amusing by being cocky at the same time. Now how does that tie in some more fundamental concepts?
Why does CF (sub) communicate non-neediness and internal validation?
You will find that a lot of people that are naturally strong with women are non-needy. Being needy means that you are looking for validation from other people; we can call that external validation. You are saying a line and you are waiting for a reaction from the other person. Often you see in set that people start to loosen up and relax when they see the first positive reaction from the girl (IOI). That’s a subconscious reaction to a validation seeking mindset and it subcommunicates neediness. Don’t worry; this is absolutely normal, especially if you are a beginner. I am not free from that reaction myself and I think that everybody has reactions to validation at times. What’s important to realise is that it is a huge turn off if you are talking to people to validate yourself. And here I am not talking about subtle cues that you are giving away: If you think of a situation when someone tried to validate themselves by talking to you know who irritating that feels. Imagine someone coming up to you and telling you a really bad joke and then asks you: that was really funny, right? Yes, you want to either hit that person in the face or just leave and that’s exactly how a girl feels when you approach with the mindset that you want validation from her. As an assumption let’s agree on the idea that you have to offer value to people in order to make them want to be around you. This statement in itself is promotes a validation seeking mindset because you want people to be around you. So you are seeking to provide value in order to have people around you; that’s needy. It is almost like you are paying them to be around you. That’s what the dancing monkey does: he loves the attention because it validates how cool and funny he is and he keeps cracking jokes seeking more and more validation. Now this is when CF is at its best because it communicates a very strong internal validation:
With CF you provide value but you are protecting the value by amusing yourself and that’s non-needy. The self-amusement subcommunicates a very non-needy mindset, because even if the girl does not react to your CF pattern, you have still amused yourself and you feel good. By that you have provided value to yourself. You are internally validated. I first started to realise this phenomenon on a subconcious level when I was 17 and on a camping trip in the states. We were a bunch of guys taking Jeeps around Moab getting drunk at night on a camping ground. We had something like a burb contest going. Who can burb the loudest? At some point a chick walked by as I was giving it my best and she said in a very serious voice with total disgust: oh my god, that is totally disgusting!! We just all started bursting out in laughter and she steamed off. We started imitating her as well: oh my god, that is totally disgusting *female voice*. It became a running joke. Obviously she didn’t get the fun of the situation and she was too much up her own arse but that was her problem. The realisation was: a hot chick shot me down while I was amusing myself. Did I care? Not one bit. As a matter of fact I used her response to amuse myself even more and to feel even better. This leads straight to the next concept: State
part two to follow