I bang my first 24yr old Brazilian waitress

May 1, 2011

This is a Royal Wedding special. Friday was a glorious day to be English. The future King of England marries his mannish disobedient trollop, and Krauser finally closes a Brazilian nine he’s been working since the autumn of 2010. Allow me to recap the story.

I’m out with Suave around Piccadilly at the arse end of August when a very elegant and poised brunette strides past on the other side of the road. Aside from her obvious physical charms she has an athletic grace and coordination. I open telling her she looks like a horse-rider who’s lost her horse (she had tight beige trousers and riding-style boots). She laughs, hooks and tells me she’s a fresh-off-the-boat Brazilian. Ten minutes and I take her number. Light text game ensues, none of it very good work from me. Too boring, too nice guy. A week later we meet for a drink and she bizarrely tells me she’s only got twenty minutes between appointments. The language is stilted too. I walk away having cross her off the list. A failed set.

Burto believes the world is unfair, after what I did

About two weeks later I reopen her and we swap texts for a while until we have a proper date. I take her around Covent Garden, run rapport, and kiss close her in The Three Keys pub. It’s all going well but it sets up a pattern that will continue throughout the set – when she’s physically present she’s massively into me and IOIing, but when she’s on the end of the phone she’s flighty and flakey. Third date is more of the same, another fortnight later. While we are in the pub I finger fuck her next to the bar, in bright lights and full of people. She loves the public danger of it. Can’t get her home. A week after that I bump into her in Covent Garden when I’m walking down the street holding hands with my Thai girl. She doesn’t like that at all.

By late October I get a late night call from Suave and then Moran. They were out doing street game in Oxford Street and opened her. After a couple of minutes Suave (talking in Portuguese) realises it’s my target. Like a solid wing, he instantly curbs his intent and starts DHVing me to her, and Moran joins in. She texts me an hour later gushing at how fate struck.

More messing around from her ensues. I meet her at the station by my house and she won’t come home, so we end up in some chav pub for a drink before she wants to bail. Around this time she has to return to Brazil for Christmas and to care for a dying relative. She keeps sending me texts like:

  • “Hi Krauser, I arrived in Brazil on Monday and I’m really sad about my [relative], his problem is very serious and I don’t know yet when I go back to London. Miss u….” (mid-November)
  • “Hi Krauser, nice to hear from you 🙂 I’m fine but still worried about my [relative] – And you? Are u okay? Tell me the news. Miss you and I’m always thinking of you….” (late November)
  • “Why are you smashed? lol What happened? Miss you a lot x” (early December)
  • “Everything is fine here, I’m enjoying the summer as much as I can before I go back to the cold London. Enjoy the party, but please don’t cheat on me! 🙂 I wish I was there x” (mid December)

You get the idea. She keeps affirming her adoration for me in texts and then not actually wanting to meet for dates. I dismiss her as a games-player. In January she’s back and we have another date, another makeout, and then nothing. I’ve ruled her out for the third time and enforce radio silence. Then, in early April I’m out in Piccadilly with a student when I just bump into her. An extremely awkward conversation ensues in which I lose the frame at the end and say “give me a text sometime and we’ll go out.” I write her off for about the fifteenth time. I’ve been letting this girl dick me around too much and I’ve only half-hearted listened to my core (which was saying “she’s fucked in the head, next her”)

Surprisingly, this is where the momentum builds to the lay. Sometimes sets seem gone, and they rescue themselves. She texts me the next day saying she’s glad we met, has been working alot lately and “but i would love to see you again with more time… 🙂 I like you a lot but as a friend… and i dont know if it is ok for you… xxx”  I’m done with the idea of fucking her so I’m fine accepting the LJBF. I tell her that’s fine because I’m not single anymore. I ignore her and a week later she hits me up on Friday morning asking if I’m free that night.

… and in a way, I guess it is

I go out fully intending to do the LJBF thing. We agreed to meet 8pm in Camden and true to form she texts 15 minutes before to say she’s late and can we meet at half past. I say ok and change location to another pub down the road. She’s on time and I so zero sexual interest in her for three hours. I’m just leaning back, using solid non-verbals, and doing zero chasing or escalation. And lo and behold, she starts chasing me hard. Leaning in, kinoing me, bringing up sexual topics, verbally IOIing me. I consider these to be a trap, bait to see if I jump with my tail wagging like a little puppy. She’s confused when I don’t and chases harder. I realise about two hours in that she’s burning a flame for me and all that “just friends” talk was bullshit. I’d kinda assumed she was LJBFing me because I’d failed to meet her attraction threshold. Now I realise it was the opposite. She was trying to LJBF me because she was too attracted to me and knew that as a player I could hurt her.

Hmmmm. Back to game mode.

I continue to give her the friends treatment but throw her a bone every now and then about how she’s physically my type. I tell her I’d have dated her but she’s too random and flakey. She asks to see pictures of my last girlfriend and the next one, and I really enjoy showing them. P..r…e…..selection! A catwalk model and a large-breasted wonder girl. It’s well on now. We’re both getting drunk. We end up in the pub that Amy Winehouse always passes out in at midnight. Some local higher-beta types try to hit on her but she doesn’t get out of her seat as they stand in front of her losing value. I ignore it and open an Italian couple next to me. The chodes continue:

Chode: You seem tall
Her: Oh, thanks
Chode: How tall are you?
Her: 5′ 9″
Chode: Hmmm, you seem a bit shorter
Her: Oh
Me: He’s trying to make you stand up to show him. Stand up.
Her: Oh, ok. *stands up*

The chode gives it a few minutes of dancing monkey and then gets dismissed. Brazilian sits back down and tries to join my conversation with the Italians. I’ve just made her think I’m trying to palm her off on other guys. So she IOIs me more. She’s telling me how much she likes me, how I’m a nice guy, the only guy she can rely on etc. I take her to another pub and we are trashed now. She has to go outside for fresh air so I let her, and stay inside drinking. Ten minutes later I go out to find her slumped on the floor against the wall with two chode white knights trying to rescue her. I check on her, tell them she’s my guest (NOT my girl) and go back and drink. I’m really not fussed about her getting stolen, although to be honest the chodes couldn’t even outsarge Jambone. I go back out again ten minutes later and just pull her up and inside. She’s leaning on me on the seats and I go have a piss. I come back and one of the chodes is in my seat, next to my beer, hitting on her. I chuck him out of my seat and he slinks away.

I’m now telling her we’ll smoke dope back at my house. First I walk her up to Primrose Hill at 2am. We are drunk and need to sober up a bit. We lay down and look at the stars. Finally I kiss her, for the first time in three months. She likes it. We’re getting cold so I walk her back to the main road and score some dope from a local shifty black guy. And then it’s a bus home.

She’s acting up a bit know, verbalising her own attempts to LJBF me. I give her a quick tour of the house and then we roll up in my room and smoke. I’m going for the Burto dope close routine. She loosens up and we make out. She’s giving me all the “we won’t have sex” talk. I try escalating her about three times and she keeps knocking me back when I try to get past her tits. Finally I decide to just lie back and sleep. I’ve really had enough. She’s been setting hoops and traps for me for several months and this is just yet another one, I think. So I lie back, shut my eyes, and prepare to sleep.

My core awakens. No! Fuck this! I’m not taking this! Bitch comes into my bed, bitch is gonna get fucked.

I go after her with strong intent. She says no, I say yes, she says “aahhhhh” and squirms in pleasure. I know by now that she’s extremely turned on when I breath in her ear and lick her earlobe, so I do this and caress her. I force my hand between her legs and rub her up, breaking through her token resistence. I finger her hard and she’s grabbing me tight, moaning, reaching for my cock. That mutual caressing is the Its On Moment. For the first time since I met her I’m convinced I’m definitely fucking her. I pull away a bit and move my cock to her face.

Her: We are not….. ahhh….. having…. ahhh….. sex
Me: No we aren’t. We’re just friends.  *frigs her harder, pushes cock to her mouth*
Her: ahhh… do you have a condom

I turn to get the condom and when I turn back she’s ripped her panties off. So I stick it in her and squash her into the mattress for half an hour. She has a fantastically firm gym body. Literally the best body I’ve ever dignified with my cock. As I’m nailing her from behind, grabbing a handful of her hair, getting her to tell me how much she likes my cock in her, three thoughts cross my mind:

  • Its the wee hours of the final day of April when I get a new notch. This means I have fucked a new girl every calendar month for a full year – I get the twelfth month at the death. And three of the last four were full on nines.
  • Poor old Prince William is consumating his marriage with a 30+ unremarkable trout at the same time I’m consumating my new notch that cost me two beers and a bag of dope.
  • Jimmy is sleeping alone next door, doubtless hearing the whole affair, crying tears of ineptitude.


  1. Hilarious. Briliantly played sir.

  2. I’d never have had you pegged as a dope smoker. Never. [I’m not. Just trying a new close routine from Burto. K.]

    Every time I see girls game playing like this I remind myself of a few things:
    -They are stupid and confused and don’t know how to select the right men
    -Their game playing weeds out any guy who isn’t a player or in the right place at the right time
    -Hot girls really do have a lot of value to protect; the old ‘in cavemen times fucking them and buggering off might well kill them argument’

    And this particular escapade should show PUAs:
    -It isn’t over till it’s over
    -Girls, particularly ones of value, flake constantly yet you should never take a flake as meaning anything
    -“Nice guys”, the ones who will not cheat on them, will respect them, blah blah, generally have zero game and only generally get girls when women select them because they’re sick of being single and they tick the boxes within their social circle
    -Krauser played no more games than she did
    -PUA know-how and a strong core can get creepy old men screwing hot 24 year olds.

    Well done. Nice soul for the collection.

  3. 12 per year is pretty good if you’re hooking up with 8s and above (I assume you could be banging a lot more 7s if you wanted). Do you know roughly how many sets where your target is an 8 or above you approached in the past year?

  4. Great work. Can’t wait for the book. You’re definately the best PUA writer I’ve read – the last couple of paragraphs there were hilarious!

  5. Very pretty. *Applause*

    I had a question about a girl I’m seeing. If I took her home from a bar the same night I met her, does that make her easy?
    Surely it is possible for a high value girl to go home with a guy the first night she met him and still have dating potential. Thoughts?

    [I wrote about this before. IMHO, a girl is easy if she will let you fuck her without you having to go through the correct stages of courtship. If a girl makes you take her through those stages first, then she is not easy – even if you do all of the stages very quickly in one night. K]

  6. Great field report. A good illustration of how flakey and inconsistent women are and how no man should let that faze him. Win.

  7. oustanding, krauser.

  8. Pingback: Do looks matter? – Mr Potato Head edition « Krauser's PUA Adventure

  9. Just be aware of Brazilian girls in Europe working as “strippers” or “waitresses” .. they are mostly prostitutes. There is a reason why she hasn’t been contacting you before. She went back to Brazil for xmas depositing her cash in her new house construction project. This is a very average Brazilian girl. Go to Brazil and find out why.

  10. Glad to hear this panned out well. I’ve read a few articles relating to the same thing: Many females have some type of rape fantasy. And all I can think about is how they WANT TO pull last minute resistance as their last ditch game-playing to see how much of a dominant son-of-a-bitch they’re dealing with.
    And if the guy pulls through, it’ll only make them cum harder from being forced. Their walls crash down and they submit to the animalistic maculinity on top of them.

    This way, they’re not at fault for getting fucked. “It just happened”.

    You almost gave into her frame, and you almost lost this notch. I think what us guys need to figure out is to PLAN AHEAD and say “this girl is getting fucked by the end of the night”, but be aloof and stay calm throughout the date for plausible deniability. Maybe she’ll do something stupid that’ll ruin her chances of a good bang (which she did many times before this).

    And, as Roissy stated, don’t ever listen to a girl and take her too seriously. She’s full of shit most of the time, just gotta know what you want to do, keep the high value like she ain’t good enough, and fuck her like an asshole does. Hard and rough (or slow and passionate, variety is good).

    She said she flaked because she was afraid of being hurt? I wouldn’t buy it. I think she flaked due to the fact that she’s too busy with her friends, using betas for an advantage, and dating other alphas/betas who got money. Afterall, her beauty gives her TOO MUCH ATTENTION, too many options.

    Her: “I like you as a friend”
    Me: “Can’t agree more” (play her frame, but your dark side says you’re gonna bang the shit out of her brains)

    Most relationships started off friends, then upgraded to lovers anyway. You were friends long enough, so your patient wait was due, pal.

  11. NIce work man.

    I’m trying to keep my approaches up and as a hobby have been placing ads on craigslist, looking for a female model who is interested in having photos taken. I have a few appointments with 9s, so I will see if this gimmick will pay off. [By all means try this, but don’t take it seriously. It’s seedy as hell and will fuck with your inner game as you are basically sneaking and bribing. It reminds me of “PUAs” who offer their room for couchsurfing and then come on to solitary girls late at night in a closed alien environment K.]

    I’m trying to gather information from the statistical side of game. A lot of guys say an average looking man with average game should be able to fuck 1 out of 20 girls they approach, which seems to be way way too high of a ratio — that’s 5%!. Since a man with 8 hours of free time a week can do that in a week in a crowded place that would be 52 lays a year. I think Roosh had written that at least when a guy starts out, a 0.5% approach to lay ratio is doing quite well. [That’s waaaaay too high, unless you are approaching skanks well below your level. If I could fuck one girl out of 20 approaches, I’d approach 60 a day. There’s actually not much maths to it – success is down to many other factors. Just pumping out lots of approaches in a Janka-esque charade of finding the “yes” girls. There’s no game in that and it’ll never get the hot chicks. K]

    There’s a lot of liars on PUA forums saying how easy it is to turn a frickin’ COLD approach into a lay. [Everyone on the forums has an easier time getting laid than you do. Just like they are tougher than you and their dad is bigger than your dad. They are morons. K.]

    I’ve been reading your lay reports and it looks like you average about 12 girls a year, right? (That’s where I want to be, BTW; I’ve been averaging just 1 new lay a year but haven’t been approaching much). So let’s say you do 20 approaches a week over 52 weeks (20*52= 1040) that comes to 1,040 approaches a year. I tip my hat in your direction, SIR. 12 new girls a year divided by approaches (12/1,040= 0.016) is a 1.6% close ratio. [My approaches are irregular. I did tonnes in the first year and have drastically cut it down. I also approach sporadically, without any regularity or system now.]

    I consider being able to lay, on average 1 to 2 girls per 100 approaches to be quite good, especially since you seem to get a lot of girls in the 8-9 range; it shows you have game. Most guys are probably lucky to get 1 lay per 150 approaches. [I understand the fascination with numbers, but really there are more important things at work. Generally though, the success rate ought to be going up if the quality bar is constant]

    The point of comment is just to flush out some realistic figures. If someone does a “warm” approach through social circle the odds of closing may be 5-10%, but of course it’s hard to approach on the necessary scale doing warm approaches alone, so, hence cold is of course necessary. [Approach invitations are the biggest difference. If a girl IOIs a tight player, his odds should be >25% because she is attracted and self-selecting as available.]

    K, I am interested if you think my numbers sound about right. Thanks.

  12. Thanks for the feedback. If I can remember I will explain how it worked out.

    I had long thought about the idea as being a photographer to get model quality girls, and roissy’s oost about Richard Kern finally made me want to try it, even though it makes me feel like a creep, but I believe if a man does not feel like a creep, he may not have the best game :o)

    On Richard Kern:


    [Yeah, I read that. My frame is that the only thing you bring to the table is yourself. Anything more than that (money, fame, job, connections etc) is bribery. K.]

  13. I agree that it is bribery; maybe you don’t need it while you are still in yours 30s or 40s.

    But if I may put this forward, any man who thinks he will be able to get desirable girls who are in their 20s once they are in their 50, 60s, 70s without a little bribery of some sort is kidding themselves. Money, job, connections all come into play. Young girls aren’t attracted to men in their 50s+ and no amount of just game will fix that.

  14. Pingback: Another 7. Another un-aspiring date « 50flags

  15. Pingback: How to declaw a stripper and turn her into a pussycat « Krauser's PUA Adventure

  16. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: Defying Gravity Edition

  17. Pingback: Frame control battles in Facebook « Krauser's PUA Adventure

  18. Pingback: Playful defiance – the Latino movie actress « Krauser's PUA Adventure

  19. what one man can do, another man can do.

    i need to keep on telling myself this.

    killer story, bro.

    fucking killer.

  20. Pingback: Bitch comes into my bed, bitch is gonna get fucked. « Becoming Alpha

  21. dude, a stripper? she could be a model. she should be a model.

  22. Pingback: Prince Harry has his shit together « Krauser's PUA Adventure

  23. Pingback: Another 7. Another uninspiring date | My 50 Flags : My 50 Flags

  24. Krauser,

    Reflecting back now, what would have done differently to get the lay sooner? Was her resistance solely because she percieved you as a player, and didn’t want to get hurt? [When she gave me more disclosure later, turned out the whole time there’d been an on-off thing with another man, plus family problems back in Brazil. I have no idea if it could’ve happened sooner. K.]


Leave a Reply to Rivelino Cancel reply

Required fields are marked *.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: