Plenty of Fish game – My first bite

January 31, 2011

In my first foray into online game I messaged five girls. The results are in:

  • Pinky – No reply, no evidence she opened the mail.
  • Asian – Replied with a slightly indignant response like I’d prodded her vanity. Didn’t seem to get the joke.
  • Black – Checked my profile. No reply.
  • Brown – No reply, no evidence she opened the mail.
  • Bitchy – Great response, see below. Notably, she doesn’t seem to have checked my profile. She just riffed on the original mail.

So out of five mails, three of them drew a girl’s attention and one hooked well. Here’s the full text of the exchange with Bitchy which all took place on the same evening as my original message.

Me: Your photo intrigued me for all the wrong reasons (for you). Such a “look at me, I’m the princess” pout I thought: this profile is gonna be funny, let’s see how much self-delusion can be squeezed into a single About Me section.But no, you seem like a normal, down to earth girl. Except Dan Brown – ugh!

Her: Haaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

You are so freaking wrong for saying that! So out of order – but I get that all the time! Unfortunately. – Actually, I take that back, it’s not unfortunate, I’m over it now.
Ever heard of the expression “never judge a book by it’s cover”???!? #justsaying
AND that “”look at me, I’m the princess” pout”” picture was taken in my bathroom, I’ll have you know! My whole bathroom was covered in TIN FOIL for my little brothers spaceship project! Below the neck I was wearing an alien costume! It was NOT the slightest bit sexy!
AND AND, DAN BROWN RULES ALL! *sticks tongue out* 


Me: So let’s get this straight. Just so it’s clear in my head.
You’re some kind of x-files weirdo.
You dress as an alien, you read novels about conspiracy theories, and you cover your bathroom in tin foil? Why the latter – is it to stop the CIA / grey aliens from perving with their X-ray goggles while you take a shower?
Nice that you look after your little bro, mind. I’m got two nephews and they are the cutest things in the world. The littlest is a tank so I’m teaching him judo. He’s a natural. The older boy is a bit rangy, so I’m showing him kickboxing. He’s well into it.
Let me ask you two personal questions:
1. What’s your second favourite dinosaur?
2. How many marshmallows can you hold in your mouth while I tickle you?

Her: The XFiles was my answer to evading peer pressure! It was one of the things that aided me through my awful teenage years! Good old XFiles AND Sunset Beach AND the documentary channel. . . Bathroom was covered in tin foil for my bros science project. He won – obviously!
I hate children – every last one of them! BUT they seem to like me for some unknown reason to mankind?!? I think that they think “come near me at your peril” translates into “I like you, please dribble on me” – It really doesn’t.
I only spend almost every waking moment with my little brother and sister because they are really really extremely mature for their age PLUS i love them!
1 – Triceratops
2 – I’m allergic to marshmallows (don’t ask)
^^^^^^^^^ And then you have the audacity to query whether I’m weird?! When you ask “I-may-stalk-you-on-a-sunday-afternoon” questions like these?!? Shame on you x 3!

Me: Ok, I like you. Cheeky, spritely, and creative.
I think I’ll meet you for coffee but please indulge me with a few safety questions so I can confirm you’re not a crazy bunny-boiler.
Would you ever:
– Text me ten times in a row without me having answered?
– Leave more than one comment per day on my facebook?
– Message my facebook friends trying to find out who I’m sleeping with (that’s not you)?
Thanks for the banter. It was worth logging in today.

Her: Haaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaha!!! I promise you, you’re not well! I’d do all three!! And then when I finally get a hold of you, I’d obliterate you for allowing me to embarrass myself in broad light! Yeah, yeah thank me later!
Oh shut up! Don’t try to be sweet after you gave me a good what for just because I had a half decent picture!!! – ****!
Hitting the sack – yes my sheets are clean. Question is – are yours clean? Dun dun dun . . . . Yeah, whatever. Have a goodnight!!x

Me: Goodnight

Her: P.s, it was good talking to you. Made me laugh – even though you insulted me first! You have a sick warped sense of humor – awesome nevertheless!! Boomselecta!

Note – For those of you asking why are the black girls, it’s because that’s hows I filtered my first search. I’m going through a phase where I want a girl with a bit of jungle in her. Voluptuous, earthy, bitchy and so on.


  1. That one was actually more of a neg than outright insulting.

  2. She. was. lapping. that. up.

    Chances are, 99 other blokes messaged her that day saying “Hi. I like your profile. You have some nice pics. Wanna chat on MSM?” and got their messages deleted after she read the subject line.

  3. She sounds like a neurotic waif, jumping from 1 attentionpoint to the other, hard to get hold of.

    • @snoperd: do you know any women who aren’t like that?

      In all fairness to this chick though, Krauser was asking some insane questions and yet…she took the time to answer them.

      She probably gets a ton of perfectly sensible mail on POF that she deletes without reading. Meanwhile, Krauser asks her what second favourite dinosaur is and she goes ga-ga.

      I think she’s a tart for not saying “velociraptor”, but thats beside the point.

      Women get bored easily. They like to play. Never forget that.

  4. I think online dating is almost purely a numbers game. It feeds a woman’s vanity and fickleness. Props to you though, for your bold, outrageous openers. They certainly stand out from the usual.
    Taking notes here. Thanks.

  5. That went surprisingly well.

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: