More spice to add a sprinkle of douchebag onto your relations with women. Generally speaking these routines are best done 1-to-1 with a girl rather than infront of her friends, and during comfort. A deadpan and earnest delivery is usually best because you are pretending to be serious in order to bait her – if she knows from the beginning that you’re joking then you won’t get the satisfaction of catching her out. Also, after I’ve successfully nailed her with one of these I then soften it by pulling her in for a kiss / hug / smile and going back to comfort.
9. No you can’t
Description: You bait the girl into saying she wants something, then deny her over and over again. It gets her to invest and chase while setting you up as the guy who doles out rewards when it pleases him.
Use: When you open a bag of crisps, motion them towards her and say “Do you want one?” When she goes to put her hand in the packet pull it away and say “well you can’t”. A couple of seconds later do it again. Wait, make a conciliatory ok-no-more-fooling-around-I’m-serious-now face and do it again. Keep going until she refuses to take the bait. Then let her have the packet to get one herself.
Variation: Pull her in for a kiss, slowly and romantically. Make her push up on her toes to reach your lips. And just before your lips touch, turn away and say “Never mind” and start walking off. Nine times out of ten she’ll chase and demand the kiss. Making her chase.
10. I can translate that
Description: For foreign girls or girls talking about girly subjects like shoes, fashion or chocolate. After they’ve said something that you can’t understand (or think is beneath you, or too girly) you tell them confidently that you can translate it into English. Then just make jibber-jabber noises. Works best if you do the “lobster pincers” hand movements to mock their mouths moving, and do stupid voices. It winds girls up and positions them as silly little fools who have trivial concerns, while reframing any potential insecurity you have with not knowing their language.
Use: Girl just finishes a phone call in her language.
Me: I understood all that you know.
Her: Really? But it was in Russian
Me: No really. I can translate it. Not perfectly, but I can translate the jist of it
Me: First, you said “blah blah blah blah….. blah blah…. blah blah blabla blah” Then she said “blah blah… blah blah blah”
Her: *laughs, punches your arm*
Variation: Play around with different gestures and voices. Always make sure that your translation is devoid of meaning but you can throw in the odd real word like “blah blah blah chocolate blah blah shoes blah blah
11. I have a plan
Description: Girls love a man with a mission in life, one he has a laser focus and determination to complete. So ridicule it by laying out your plan step-by-step with utmost seriousness, but the plan is to do basically nothing. Really sell the plan with a deadpan delivery like you are discussing a military raid.
Use: You are both lying in bed on a Sunday morning thinking about how to spend the day. You look thoughtfully at the ceiling, hands crossed over your chest and begin… “I’ve got a plan for today. [look over to her, demanding attention] First, I’m gonna get out of bed. Then I’m gonna walk in to the bathroom and have a shower. I might have a piss first. Not sure, I’ll figure that out when I get there. [pause]. After my shower, I’ll dry myself with my towel. Then I’ll put some clothes on…” continue until she’s laughing.
Variation: On a pre-f-close date you can do this when you’re sitting in a bar deciding what to do next.
12. Oh, you mean that one?
Description: This is a childish way of reacting to her asking you a question until she’s exasperated. When she asks “Do you know……?” you keep teasing like you know the answer and then denying it. You’re investing her.
Use: You have to wait for her to ask the right type of question [“Do you know?”], and it has to be something she’s invested in, such as telling you her favourite music, film or book.
Me: What’s your favourite book?
Her: I like The Da Vinci Code. Do you know it?
Me: What’s it called again?
Her: The Da Vinci Code
Me: Oh, right. No. Never heard of it.
Her: It’s the one they made a movie of
Me: Oh! That one! The one with that famous actor…. what’s his name?
Her: Tom Hanks
Me: Yeah him. No. Never heard of it
Me: Oh hang on. You mean the Da Vinci Code?
Me: No. Never heard of it.
Variation: She how many times you can bait her into trying to jog your memory. Use a full repetoire of gestures, eureka moment eyes and so on.
13. I wasn’t listening
Description: Girls really want you to listen to them and betas always try to remember every little thing a girl says so they can earn brownie points by trotting it out at a later date to prove how much they care. So make fun of this, pretending like you’re an arsehole who doesn’t listen to prattle.
Use: Wait till the conversation takes a turn towards recalling a past event or conversation then claim you don’t remember because you didn’t care
Me: What are you doing tomorrow?
Her: I told you already. I’m going to visit my gran.
Me: Oh right. Did you tell me that? I probably wasn’t listening
Her: Hey! You should listen to me!
Me: Uh? *looking away absent-mindedly*
Her: I said you should listen to me!
Me: Wha? Did you say something
[keep going until she realises your faking it, then smile and pull her in for a hug]