I’m out with Suave and Subzero on a Sunday afternoon in town. The sets are going fine and we’re having fun. We decide to walk into HMV for some shop game. Browsing through the DVD rack I spot a cute petite HB7 Arab. She’s wearing a daft flat cap, so that gives me my opener.
Krauser: Hi. I just noticed you while I was looking at DVDs. I had to come over and tell you I love your style.
HB Arab: *beaming smile* thank you
Krauser: Except the silly hat. It looks like something my grandad wore to the greyhound racing.
HB Arab: *gasp. laughs*
It’s an easy hook and she’s so demure and maidenly. Muslim too, so doubly fun to think of a possible deflowering. We chat about five minutes when her big fat friend comes over. I immediately include her and she’s on my side quickly and is actually a pleasant girl too. There’s about ten minutes in all and then I take the Facebook. We’d already figured out she was going back to Libya in a day or two and I didn’t fancy my chances of extracting her with the bodyguard around.
I assume the set is finished, but she adds me to Facebook and I decide to give things a try.
Krauser – 19 May at 00:13
HB. I just had a quick look through your photos. Is that really you? They look like you cut them out of a fashion magazine.
HB Arab – 19 May at 10:09
Hiiiiiiiiii, those r not my pics hehehe
Krauser – 19 May at 13:03
That’s very naughty. And I thought you were such a nice girl….
HB Arab – 19 May at 13:27
lol I am nice girl, u think putting other pics then mine would be naughty of me?
Krauser – 19 May at 15:00
HB Arab – 19 May at 15:18
but am not
Krauser – 19 May at 16:28
haha ok I’ll believe you this time. So can you upload a real picture so I feel like I’m talking to the real HB Arab? maybe with your old-man flat cap from the greyhound racing…..
The next day I check in to FB and almost immediately a chat window pops up. Here it is in full tedious detail:
11:35 Her: hi ;);)
11:37 Me: hey!
11:38 Her: how r u? hope still remember me :D:D
11:39 Me: Ha ha, I remember. You’re the pretty girl with the silly hat
11:39 Her: hahahaha u think that was a silly hat lool
11:39 Me: Yeah, but it looked cute on you
11:40 Her: thanx i just liked that hat
11:40 Me: It’s a bank holiday today, so no work!
11:40 Her: wow lucky u
11:41 Me: Gonna feed the ducks in Hamstead Heath with some friends
11:41 Her: enjoy am stuck at work :(:(
11:41 Me: boo
11:41 Her: :P:P
11:41 Me: So you’re back in [arab town] now?
11:42 Her: Its [arab town] not [other arab town]
11:42 Me: Oops They are nearby tight?
11:42 Her: [town] is in Asia but [town] in north Africa
11:42 Me: [other town]?
11:42 Her: near to tunis, Egypt, moroco & Algeria
11:43 Me: Yeah, my bad. [local joke]. I know.
11:43 Her: yep exactly hehehe
11:43 Me: When are you next coming to London?
11:44 Her: dont know maybe in july or August but not sure
11:44 Me: It’ll be good weather then. I’ll show you around. If you promise not to be naughty and cause trouble
11:45 Her: lol hahaha am a good girl am not a trouble girl but sometimes ppl get me involved ;);)
11:46 Me: I’ll have to watch you carefully then…..
11:46 Her: hahaha
11:46 Me: I have to jump in the shower now. I’m leaving at 12.
11:46 Her: ok
11:46 Me: later
11:46 Her: talk to u soon
11:47 Me: one last thing put up a real picture!
11:47 Her: yes hope so
Looking good. She “likes” a few posts on my wall and then posts herself. I post back onto hers. Then next time she’s online the same as me I reopen. I forgot to save the full chat but it starts with her saying she’s had a great week, then I tell her to send me a photo. She does, of her in London the day before we met where she’s not smiling. I tease that she looks miserable and she should send one from right after we met, cos she’ll have a huge grin then. The rest is as follows:
23:56 Her: cuz havent met u
23:56 Me: Have you got one of your smiling/ ?
23:56 Her: let me check
23:58 Me: cool
00:01 Her: here i got 2
00:02 Me: waiting…..
00:03 Her: soon did u get it
00:03 Me: still waiting…..
00:05 Her: got them
00:06 Me: Not yet. Are they worth the wait?
00:06 Her: lol i dont know
00:06 Me: Or are you pulling a stupid face and sticking your tongue out?
00:07 Her: its my internet to slow
00:07 Me: Anyway, how’s your week been?
00:07 Her: so great
00:07 Me how so?
had dinner with friends in chinese resturant :D:D
00:09 Me: nice. Mixed vegetables fried noodle. That’s my favourite
00:10 Her: its was nice is the weather there getting better
00:12 Me: It’s burning hot here in London. My head looks like a tomato
00:12 Her: loool really its burning in here too
00:12 Me: I bought an old man’s flat cap similar to yours. We can wear them when we go to greyhound racing together. We’ll be like a cute old-age couple
00:13 Her: wow that will be coool. who knows maybe in july
00:13 Me: Hopefully not between 1st and 11th
00:13 Her: no maybe at the end
00:14 Me: Cool. What else will you wear at the dog racing. Think carefully – we have to look REALLY old, or they might not let us in. Like, 60 years old
00:14 Her: hahahha. oh my god. i guess u got my pic
00:15 Me: First one, in your room. No smile.
00:16 Her: how comes
00:18 Her: u did not like it
00:18 Me: Oh, it’s a nice photo. but I asked for one where you’re smiling. I remember you had a cute shy smile
00:19 Her: oh havent got much pics smiling in them. but will tag one and send it to u. soon. tomorrow
00:19 Me: Too cool to smile?
00:19 Her: yeah
00:20 Me: hahaha. Yeah, send me one.
00:20 Her: :P:P. but not today tomorrow i will
00:20 Me: What’s your favourite photo on my FB?
00:20 Her: u have alot of nice pics. i was wondering why u r not putting them
00:21 Me: putting where?
00:21 Her: on fb
***** ERROR *******
***** GIRL LOGIC ******
***** MAKES NO SENSE ******
00:22 Her: i mean the profile pic. hahahaha
00:22 Me: ah, I don’t change that much. I like the squirrel
00:23 Her: but u got much nice ones
00:23 Me: Thank you. A favourite?
00:24 Her: there is one. u r in an old city. but u r too far away
00:25 Me: hmmmmmmmmmm, not sure which. Which album?
00:26 Her: tag one of th elephant pics
00:28 Me: I tagged one with you. just now. Hope you like it
00:30 Her: with me
00:30 Me: not sure what you meant
00:30 Her: thats anice one. its a nice pic. there is in an album called
00:31 Me: called what?
00:31 Her: beautiful long weekend. i like the pic u r sitting in it
00:32 Me: Ah, Seville! Beautiful city. I went with my ex-girlfriend
00:33 Her: yep. thats cool
00:33 Me: Didn’t put her in them 😛
00:33 Her: but no pics of her. hahaha. i love the pics
00:34 Me: thanks
00:35 Her: now am going off to sleep. had enough for today
00:35 Me: good night
00:35 Her: and i got to wake up early. good nite
00:35 Me: 😛
00:35 Her: and sweet dreams
00:35 Me: you too
00:36 Her: ;0 😉 😉
So what do you reckon the odds are of her coming to visit and there being one less virgin for the suicide bombers to claim in Allah-land?
UPDATE: Confirmed both the anal and oral. Heh!