This is what entitlement looks like

April 18, 2010
krauserpua

Readers may be aware of this girl I’ve been gaming. She was a night-time street game close and followed up with two dates. I found her difficult and unimpressive except that when the banter got going I found it was lots of fun and made the interaction worthwhile. The subtext was her demanding she be the prize and that I supplicate to her. Not only do I refuse out of general principle, but she just isn’t all that. Too old, and pretty but not especially hot and not especially my type.

A practice set.

We’d had a couple of phone calls in the past week and then I get this mail over Facebook. I’ll try not to pre-frame it. Just read for yourself and think what it shows about me, her, and her perception of reality and her place within it. Extrapolate that attitude into the likely trajectory of her life. Consider the assumptions she makes about the relative value I do or should place upon her, and the position she expects me to occupy.

To make it easy, I’ve underlined all insults. Not banter – plain mean-spirited insults. I’ve also italicised shaming language and bolded historical revisionism. Take it away darlin’……..

Hi thanks for the invitation it looks good Krauser but I won’t be there on Saturday.
Krauser I’m going to be completely honest with you….. after our conversation on Thursday night towards the end mostly, I found very uncomfortable and the way you responded towards me when I mentioned the way I see myself and the kind of guy I like to date, I found your comments thought provoking I was disappointed.

What I would say on a good note would be that the other times we have chatted by email, text and the first time on the phone I found you engaging and fun to talk too, but you also appeared to lack gentleman qualities (I have been meaning to have this chat with you I guess now seems to be the right time)

When we meet in Oxford ST, for the first time you took me to get something to eat, the first thing you said to me was not how was your day! or you at least trying to make me feel comfortable, instead the first thing you said was IM ONLY PAYING FOR THE MILKSHAKE AND THE REST YOUR ON YOUR OWN that was scatty and undignified … and if you thought that was bad you did not exercise any courtesy when I was choosing from the menu you told the waiter that I’m indecisive. At that point I was about to leave in 10min. Never in my life have I experience something quite like that. However I was meeting up with friends later so I decided to stay and if it got worst I was going to leave. Lucky for me I was in a good mood that day and I did not leave my house thinking this was a date so I was shocked when you told me a few days later that it was. When we went to [members club] you some how unexpectedly redeemed yourself a little, the conversations was better and you came across as some one who has depth to him and the cube thing I found quite interesting. (But know doubt I am sure you use it all the time) if I’m completely honest that was the only reason why I agreed to meet up again but on my terms as friends.
However between that time until Thursdays conversation I felt we kind of got along conversation wise as friends, we shared some good banter and I found you in some way a little fascinating, so its disappointing how you represented yourself in our talk that night you came across like a Jerk once again. Krauser I don’t wish to spend my time with a guy who views pretty women as scoring boards, as opportunities to getting laid. But someone who respect and even likes women and who values relationships and friendships.
Base on all I have said, I think its best we don’t meet again.
I wish you all the best and hope the next time you meet some one nice you treat her respectfully because if she is special, then the first few things you show her counts in her eyes and if it works out, believe me you would not regret it because you would of found something precious.

Take care
HB Entitled

Ok, now stop for a moment and reflect upon what she just said. Consider how she feels as she clicks the Send button to let me have a piece of her mind. What was motivating her to write these words? Why didn’t she just ignore me and move on, or politely disengaged? What made her feel compelled to reframe our interactions and what made her feel justified in telling me how I should feel and in stitching together a tapestry of insults and put-downs hung onto a skeleton of disarming politeness?

What is it she wants from me to validate her? I believe she wants the sanction of the victim. She wishes to position herself as the prize, as the chooser, and the empowered woman who can do everything she wants like an urban goddess. Knowing that I have added 25+ hotter girls to my Facebook since I met her she wishes to recover the special snowflake position so she can then dismiss me. She wishes to get under my skin, hurt my self-esteem and hopefully trigger a long impassioned response in which I defend myself against her charges and perhaps prostrate myself in rebuilding rapport. She certainly wants a response. So I reply:

ok. Thanks for the note.

Full disclosure: As I typed my response I was sitting in a nightclub with my date, surrounded by five beautiful women. I had just closed ten girls that afternoon (post and video coming soon) and four the night before (likewise).

17 Comments

  1. I think you mean “sanction” of the victim.

  2. Full disclosure: I’m sitting here after spending a night with an ‘HB 8.5’ who I had extremely stimulating conversation and sex with. I’ve been reading your blog with interest – I’m quite new to game, and it looks like I have been practising some of the principles in a haphazard way all my life. I say this so you don’t think my words come from some ‘jealous AFC’, or a bitter woman! I hope what I say doesn’t come out as too harsh

    I would like to tell you how I viewed that message, based on the information you have disclosed. She sounds like quite an interesting girl, based on the fact that although you didn’t find her that attractive, the banter you had you felt was in some way worthwhile.

    I take your point and do believe she is slightly revising history when she says ‘i wasn’t thinking of this as a date’ – any situation like that is a potential date which either of the participants can revise if they decide they don’t want the other person romantically pursuing them. That kind of stuff is pathetic.

    But, really, isn’t she right in some way – you say she was a practice set but the way I interact with women is very much to pick up on how they want to be interacted with, and it doesn’t look like you did that. I know you might just think I’m a supplicator, I mean that some women want to be ordered around, and others want a ‘gentleman’. I politely suggest that an improvement to your game might be to be a bit more flexible, and ‘plow’ (if that’s the right term) less.

    And if ‘I’m just paying for your milkshake’ is the first thing you said, that is pretty rude. if not, she’s a dick. But the girl I was with last night, she’s a well-off professional in her late twenties, and I bought her dinner. She’d bought me dinner the last time I saw her.

    I’m interested to know your reaction to my comment.

    It seems like she has got you bang to rights. You were really only interested in her as a ‘notch’. She’s astute enough to pick that up, and it’s not something that she wants

    • OK, here’s my thoughts:

      – Even at the best of the banter I was driving the conversation, adding the value, making it interesting and so on. It was a good interaction because I made it so. She thought she was entitled to receive all this value simply because she owned a vagina
      – Her historical revisionism is bullshit. It was clearly dating, she’s just trying to pull some mental gymnastics to pretend she wasn’t interested. I depise such brazen liars.
      – The paying for the milkshake things is spin so she can keep the her-good-me-bad frame. It betrays real intellectual dishonesty.
      – I went into this happy to make her an LTR if she screened ok. Not necessarily a notch. I then demoted her to a potential notch, which as you say she astutely perceived. This probably motivated her to airbrush history to appear more in control than she was.
      – At no point in the process did she make an effort to earn my respect. She just assumed she could demand it.
      – I never once denied being a player or made a promise I didn’t intend to keep.

      The biggest turn off is her letter is a long veiled insult. She is pretending to help me while trying to harm me. The old “don’t piss on my back and tell me its raining”. This is passive-aggressive meanness. I ask you this:

      What the FUCK makes her think she has the right to tell me off and tell me how I should behave?

      Fuck her. I’ll spend my time with actual nice girls, rather than entitlement princesses dressed up in a nice girl costume.

  3. Krauser, you certainly don´t know how to treat a lady! 🙂

  4. I would take out the ‘ok’ part of your reply. Based on what you’d posted about this girl before, her note could not have come as a surprise.

  5. Yes, she is seeking validation. It is NOT over, she wants you to grovel and beg for her.

    I have had this before, and I’m not even a PUA.

    The email in question I received was about ten paragraphs of explanations, revisionism, shaming language, insults …

    I didn’t reply at all. I read it, laughed to myself, and went about my day.

  6. Pingback: Weekend Link Fest – My favorite Bond girl edition « Seasons of Tumult and Discord

  7. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: They Did it Back Then Too Edition

  8. Are you going to reply to DP? I think he makes a very good point.

  9. i like this post a lot, learned a thing or two bout what to look out for, yes it happen to me as well. what i really like about the post is not the obvious, no. I disliked the way you try to get into all the girls pants, saying i’m not like that even though i actually really am. But this reminded me that you actually are sharing a good thing with the girl and some girls just don’t deserve this, she is well on her way to being an ugly 30yo princess that has goes out only with her girl friend and eats ice cream at home on a Friday. Nothing for her is there? U cant talk sense back into these girls and she’ll be the same even if you give her the “respect” that she wants and a couple of screaming orgasms to to it off

  10. I fucking love this post, and the comments.

  11. Did anything ever happen with this girl did she ever talk to you again?
    I ask this because been in this situation before and was wondering also why a girl would bother to write so much and explain herself if she wasnt interested? As Krauser says why not just say nothing? Is she wanting a relationship with power maybe? Or is she just weirdly mean and whats you to beg?
    So confusing this situation.

    [Never saw her again. K.]

  12. thing I noticed with black chicks……They’re either naked in your bed before you know it, or they are almost impossible to close.

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: