Keen readers will be aware I’m field-testing a way to integrate Facebook into my game. A case in point is Sunday’s Lithuanian. It was a quick 3 minute close on Oxford Street the previous weekend and I didn’t really think it would lead anywhere so when she immediately accepted the Facebook add and messaged me I was gratified. I checked out her photos and started to get the first twinges of one-itis.
HB: I was a little bit lost yesterday.. but nice to meet you too 🙂
Krauser: Yeah, you seemed a bit distracted. I sometimes have that effect on people 😉 I just had a quick look at your profile. Where did you go in Gran Canaria? I went there with my girlfriend in 1999 and loved the countryside – especially the cave houses.
HB: I was in Las Palmas, just for 4 days.. Mostly all my time I spent in the beach, but I was in mountains also, I liked too 🙂 So, do you like to travel? 🙂
Krauser: Yeah that’s where I was. We took a tour up through the mountains to have lunch and wine at the top of some cliffs. We could see for miles down into the valley, with all the trees and fields. Happy days. I love travelling. I was in Chile and Brazil last year for work. Santiago is beautiful – it’s like an old European city, but with the sea on one side and the Andes on the other. What’s your favourite milkshake? and don’t say “McDonalds”…..
HB: Nice 🙂 and I would like to go to USA this year, I have never been there, I will see how is going.. And about milkshakes.. Actually I prefer coffee :)) My most favorite is latte 🙂 And what about you? Are you addicted to mikshakes? 🙂
Krauser: I’d like to go back to the US. I liked San Francisco, especially the tram and Fisherman’s Wharf. So you’re a coffee person? My favourite right now is a Caffe Nero in Covent Garden. They have those soft distressed-leather sofas where you can relax and nearly fall asleep. Nice. But I recently found a better place – there’s a lovely quiet cafe nearby in a colourful little courtyard. So that’s where we’ll go. How is your schedule this week? If you’re nice, I might show you my secret milkshake bar later. The best in London 😉
HB: I am in London just 1 month, so I dont know lots of good places 🙂 would be nice if you want to show me :)) Actually this weekend I don’t have any plans. I just have to write my thesis… but a little break would be great 🙂 So you can write me to this number [redacted]
Note how I completely turned off the douchebaggery for this one. I’ve calibrated her as a shy nice girl (my favourite) and thus more likely to respond to mild DHVs and strong comfort, rather than banter and hellraising. The follow up texts were just logistical:
Krauser 1:54pm: HB. Here’s my number. Let’s meet tomorrow about 4pm. Study hard! 😉 Krauser keeping it a little vague so I have an excuse to call to prevent getting stood up.
HB 2:05pm: Tomorrow sounds perfect ( Have a nice day and will try to study hard (
Krauser 5:17pm: Brilliant. I’ll call you tomorrow about noon. Nice guy frame but still leading and soft dominance. Remember, it was three soft dominance displays on the initial approach that built the attraction.
I call her at half twelve as I’m walking into town. It’s a glorious day and I’m feeling great so that comes across on the phone. I wanted to leave her hanging half an hour just to take her attention away from being the selector and suddenly thinking “is he gonna call? Am I really hot enough”. She answers with a beautifully musical voice and some shy giggles. I adore this girl already so I’m pretty much guaranteed to fuck it up. Later she texts:
HB 3:57pm: I am here and what about you? A bit keen aren’t we?
Krauser 3:58pm: Almost. A bit vague, concise. Alphaness in a nice guy frame.
We meet outside the station and she’s dressed almost the same as the approach, which happens to be nice. She looks slightly like a biker so I tease “where did you park the Harley?” then walk her off to a quiet café in a closed-in courtyard. The things I’m practicing on this date are:
- Alpha body language, exemplified by lounging comfortably, slow movements and strong eye contact.
- Nice guy who is social and friendly to all around, but from a position of dominance.
- Providing compelling conversation including listening to her.
- Patience. Not railroading her through a kino-escalation ladder or somesuch.
Her English is raw so we can’t flow so well but I’m used to this and moderate my diction and grammar accordingly. I find girls appreciate the effort while falling into almost a teacher-student power relationship, which is good. She’s shy and demure. After the coffee I walk her down to my favourite retro sweet shop while telling the DHV story about my Grandad giving me pocket money as a child and me blowing it all on sweets then giving space dust to the dog (a great excuse for kino):
Krauser: It sounds cruel but it totally depended on how I talked to my dog [pulls her in to side-on hug]. I’d give her the space dust [had already given HB Lithuania some] and then slowly and softy whisper in… her… ear… like… this. I’d stroke her head, scratch a little bit behind her ears because dogs love that [I’m stroking and scratching her now] and just continue talking in a smooth… comforting… voice… that… everything… is… ok, it’s a nice feeling, you feel safe with me.
She’s never been to Covent Garden so I walk her round there a bit, taking in a magic show, the church courtyard and the market. Then we go to a pub on the Strand. It’s round about this time that the energy falls a little flat. I’m not sure why or how but I feel like I’m telegraphing too much interest and forcing the conversation, and she seems to withdraw a little. The whole time she’s been accepting my light kino and putting herself in position for side-on hugs (i.e. walking right up next to me shoulder to shoulder) and hand on thigh, but that’s all. I do a handhold that she accepts but seems uncomfortable – perhaps because her hands are really cold (they feel like ice) but just as likely I’ve done something to dampen attraction. I throw the hand back and say “you should put that in your pocket, you’re freezing.”
I cut the date short after two hours before I can fuck it up any worse. There’s no chance of a kiss close at any point – too bright, too early in the afternoon, too many people, she’s too shy, and none of her body language is putting her into a position for it. I’m wondering which tack to take, should I (i) plough, lead and force the kiss knowing that it was strong leading that won her over initially and she’s the type of girl who wants to rationalise sex by saying she was pushed into it so she can maintain her good girl self image or (ii) hold back, build strong comfort and rapport then make her chase and give off IOIs, knowing that at no point in the sarge did I give a direct statement of intent and thus she’s still in the A3 phase of having to make me like her.
I went for the latter. We’ll see. The fundamental problem with this set is she so perfectly exemplifies my ideal woman (well, her tits could be bigger but apart from that) that I was too outcome dependent.
Then she FB messages me to send her the photo (see above). I prefer texts so I reply that way.
Krauser 8:11pm: Yeah. Shall I just tag them on Facebook? Because I want them on there as a pre-selection DHV for the other targets but also want to nominally take her feelings into consideration.
HB 8:14pm: If I am look good, then you can 🙂
Krauser 8:14pm: hahaha ( Vague. Am I agreeing she looks good, saying she doesn’t, or just teasing her vanity? Doesn’t matter – I just want her to think and invest.
HB 8:16pm: Ok… better send me by email 🙂
Krauser: 8:17pm: I look good in my photo. Yours is kinda cute – a little bit 😉 I’m the prize, but a light statement of interest to please her. I want her to enjoy interacting with me.
HB 8:19pm: Send me both by phone, I would like to see, I don’t have internet in my house. Oh, she wants to see the photo of me too?
Krauser 8:24pm: I’ll try. New phone, so not sure how. Gonna exercise now….. All true.
I’m pleased that I haven’t burned the set and the speed she replies to my texts, so I capitalise on the energy by calling up two other targets that have stalled out and get into two very productive conversations. I post the photos and then the next day:
Krauser 9:33am: Mornin’. Couldn’t send the photos by sms so I’ve put them on Facebook. Tag yourself if you like them. Can she not tag them and thus betray insecurity that she doesn’t look good, or will she tag them and pass the compliance test? Doesn’t matter so long as she has to think about it and react to me.