Health Scans As An Ex Pat

June 23, 2021

I think it’s fair to say I’ve been rather obsessive about my health in recent years. Let me update you on what knobs I’ve been twiddling with lately in my quest for literal [1] immortality. It all got simple because I’m in Serbia.

Reading Matthew Walker’s sleep book was transformative as I’d never fully appreciated how sub-optimal my sleep hygiene was. It seemed kinda silly to think you need to be taught how to sleep. Surely the fact I could wake up whenever I please and nap if I’m short was enough? Evidently not. And I mean evidently, as Walker’s book is based on evidence. It was eye-opening [2] just how many restorative processes sleep involves for both body and mind, and how all your hard work on gym and diet is undone if you don’t sort sleep. I have now enforced this protocol:

  1. No caffeine after 4:30pm. Only occasionally relaxed to as late as 6pm.
  2. No screen time one hour before bedtime, including phone.
  3. Dim or turn off all lights at least one hour before bedtime.
  4. Keep the room cool. If it’s a warm evening, kick the covers off.
  5. Take great care choosing apartments based on good beds and quiet environs.
  6. If there’s unavoidable noise, put on a YouTube video of nature or storm sounds.
  7. A “no rumination” rule if I catch myself thinking of important life issues.
  8. No water an hour before bed.

It’s been playing a blinder. I drop off to sleep far easier, sleep deeper, and feel refreshed upon waking. Gone is the previous norm of feeling a bit sleepy for half an hour upon waking then needing coffee to get going. I also rarely need afternoon naps.

Jimmy went in first

Jimmy found a good private dentist in Dorcol that cost peanuts. I had a check-up and clean. She found one cavity and treated it on the spot [3] with a white filling. She also filed down an NHS crown that didn’t fit well and reassured me on a gum gap I’d thought might be more decay. It was all done in an hour for a total cost of £100.

Speaking of Jimmy, he likes to invent maladies that let him bitch and moan and feel special. His latest ruse was skin cancer so he found himself a dermatologist and got scanned. Having never done that before myself, I wanted to get the all-clear (or, god forbid, catch cancer early) so I booked the same afternoon he came back from his consultation, getting an appointment 9am the next morning. Some bint put a funny eye glass all over my body, checking every mole. Apparently the glass separates out the colour and can easily identify problem moles. She gave me the all clear. £30.

I took the opportunity to ask her about face skin-care regimes. She agreed my vitamin C serum was good and she also recommended exactly the retinol eye-wrinkle cream I was already using. If you’re wondering, it’s Camden Cosmetics London Vitamin C 20% Advanced Formula + Anti-Aging Serum (Amazon) and La Roche-Posay Redermic R Eyes (any cosmetics store or big pharmacy). She also recommend a bi-monthly treatment of mini-injections to stimulate collagen renewal but seeing as my face is as smooth as a baby’s arse nowadays I’m gonna hold off an that.

Bodybuilder Blood Screen
I went to Beo Labs by Kalemegdan park and ordered a “one of everything” screening of piss and blood. It was a no-appointment walk-in service at 10am and they emailed the results at 4pm. They tested something like 40 things, including total and free testosterone. My scores were all in the green range except for cholesterol (a bit high), HDL (a bit low) and LDL (a bit high) but those all in amber range not red. I think that’s an echo of having done a fat bastard bulk earlier in the year. I’ll defer judgement until I test again later when I’m fully lean. £60 all in.

I’ll admit, I was nervous

Mid-Life Hospital Scans
On Monday I went in for a overall screening at Medigroup Hospital in Dorcol. Like everything in Serbian healthcare I got an appointment within 48 hours of asking, didn’t wait around, and it was cheap as chips. I was in the hospital three hours while a receptionist ran me from one specialist to another. My main concern was to catch cancer or heart issues early.

Mostly it was ultrasound scans. A urologist cupped and inspected my nuts (“fine English balls” he said) then ran the ultrasound on them. He did prostrate scan too [4] and kidneys. Then I got sent to a different specialist who did ultrasound on my liver, gall bladder, kidneys again, and spleen. Then a nurse hooked me up to a heart monitor until she had a printout to give the cardiologist, who then did a very long ultrasound. Then I gave piss and blood for a health blood screen (different tests to the bodybulder one), and finally all my results were collated and given to a GP for an overall consultation. Best bit of the bloodwork was the PCA test for signs of tumours was sitting nicely in the green range. £100 all in.

Urologist gave me all clear. Gastro-bird said I have a 4mm soft polyp on my gall bladder which isn’t a problem but should scan again in six months to be sure it’s not worsening. Cardio-guy said I have tiny issue with heart in one valve but it’s extremely common- even in kids- and nothing to worry about. GP was all clear. So, good news. If you’re wondering, my resting heart rate was 50 bpm, slightly up from 48 bpm in April when I had reached a training peak.

I have paid for considerable peace of mind. According to all the specialists, I am as fit as a fiddle with no health issues that need action. That’s very nice to know. I was all done very rapidly and at low cost, but the clinics were all modern places with good tech. I doubt Dr Achmed Bin Jihad on the NHS would’ve been as good.

In unrelated news, I expect to be offering in-field coaching again very soon. That will be five-day immersion courses with me, and likely a shared boot camp with Roy Walker. Details coming soon but feel free to email if you’re interested.

Didn’t see any of this, mind

  1. Rather than literary immortality, which I already have.
  2. Excuse the confusing pun.
  3. Without anaesthetic- my choice- because I’m rock.
  4. Ultrasound only, no fingers up the bum.


  1. K would you be able to tell us more about any strategies or methods you are using to try and find long term relationship leading to family life? Be interesting to hear more about this.

    • Zatara, I got Nick drunk last night at my Belgrade Hotel bar, and this is what he told me.

      1) Lift weight at a hardcore gym, with rusty free weights. No women allowed.
      2) Cook at home. It is cheaper and healthier than going out.
      3) Practice on language apps.
      4) Wind down with video games.
      5) Read a physical book before bedtime (no screen).

      Do you see any defect in this plan?

  2. I don’t trust that Walker book at all:

    “Matthew Walker’s “Why We Sleep” Is Riddled with Scientific and Factual Errors”

  3. This is all great stuff and I’m definitely taking notes. I have been on a similar journey especially with the gym routines and skin care regimes… but we all wanna know how your players journey is going. I have been a long time follower would be great to get some insights into how your daygame experience has been or is going… what your hopes, successes or frustrations have been lately. Respect all the way but would be nice to read some for some nitty gritty.

  4. less than £300 to put your mind at rest. Bargain.

    Wonder how much that would cost in London?

  5. Krauser, thanks for the posts. About that eye-lid cream, someone recently put me onto the work of Grant Genereux, an engineer in Alberta. He had health problems, dug down, then found out about vitamin A toxicity. Almost everyone has it to some degree; but the accutane (retinol, retinoid) family of creams has long lasting negative effects. He put out three free e-books, and his forum and blog are good sources of further information. If you have a bit of time for reading, I found them to be like medical thrillers. The entire concept of vitamin A was based on fraudulent experiments a hundred years ago that gave the opposite results to what was claimed. The first e-book was good, I thought he’d said all there was to be said. But the second and third just kept building and building. The connection with vaccine harm was unexpected, but makes sense once you see it. I’ve been feeling pretty good since I cut vitamin A out of my diet 2 months ago. Here is the link:

    Also, are you still Skyping?

  6. One quote from Genereux blog:

    But, now with the retinoic acid molecule randomly stuck in the middle of the weaving machinery, the cell is going to be continually assembling defective proteins. Although defective, the cell is going to be diligently doing it over, and over, and for the rest of the cell’s life too. The cell is just doing the best it can manage. In one damage scenario, the generated proteins might be so severely malformed that it is just not usable at all.

    In another scenario, the generated proteins may only be partially defective. Either way, the body is now trying to repair and maintain itself with faulty structured proteins. The tissue eventually develops metaplasia. And, that is the perverse and insidious mechanism as to how Accutane really “works.” It slowly wipes out the stem cells of the sebaceous glands of the skin, and many of them throughout the rest of the body too. So, that’s how it shrinks the sebaceous glands (and BTW often the testicles also, and sometimes it even results in the slow chemical castration of young men; that’s more real nice work guys).

  7. Krauser, what are your thoughts on the COVID vaccines? And is there anyone in particular for this topic that you follow for accurate takes/truth?

  8. Sounds like your living the life out of the western shithole.

    I admire that you constantly pursue excellence. I’m 14 years younger than you and I should be doing the same

  9. “No water an hour before bed”

    Anti-diuretic hormone requires salt, copper and vitamin C. I found taking them helps to pee less at night.

    I try to run my calcium intake at 1300-1500 mg/ day and my magnesium intake at 550-700 mg/day for sleep. Mineral water like Gerolsteiner is a great source of both minerals. By supplementation, bone powder or calcium citrate are the best forms. It is probably best to spread out calcium through the day. Vitamin D and K2 improve the body’s absorption and use of calcium.

    Magnesium is a laxative because it attracts water in the intestines. However with magnesium glycinate, the glycine “shields” the magnesium from the water and has much less of a laxative effect.

    If you don’t remember your dreams, vitamin B6 could help. It also helps improve magnesium absorption. P5P is the best form of vitamin B6.

    I look forward to the Krauser post about eating liver.

  10. Hey Krauser

    Would you mind sharing your HDL cholesterol level?

    I recently tested mine and it was 37


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