I talk a lot about blowing the Love Bubble with girls, that fantastic cocoon only you and the girl inhabit. While the world whizzes by at high speed outside, for the man and woman inside the Love Bubble time stands still. Every flutter of an eyelash or faintly disguised smirk is noted. The air crackles with electricity. You could say there is chemistry. But what is chemistry? Ricky Raw calls it this:
“Here is what I think chemistry is. Some people think we get attracted to partners who represent our opposite-sex parent. Women supposedly marry their fathers and men supposedly marry their mothers. This is not necessarily true. In relationships, we feel intense chemistry with partners who remind us of aspects of our parents we have the most unresolved, open issues with. And in relationships, we become those aspects of our parents we most identified with.“
Uh-oh, that sounds rather pathological. Hmmmmm. Let’s get this straight – we feel intense chemistry with girls (and vice versa) who in some way model the problems we have with our own parents? So for example if her father tended to be grudging in his approval and hard to please, that sweet girl standing in front of you may also feel intense chemistry if she senses you are grudging in approval and hard to please.
Ricky explains that chemistry isn’t necessarily a bad thing, rather that it amplifies in the direction your self-esteem is pointed. Consider it like hallucinogenic drugs – people with solid self-esteem have fantastic trips whereas broken people have nightmare trips.
“When someone with a healthy emotional core feels chemistry, it’s often a good sign. When someone with profoundly damaged core damage feels chemistry, it’s usually a danger sign”
Ricky goes on to quote from the book Emotional Vampires by Albert Bernstein (not the boxing commentator). Al calls chemistry “hypnosis” and compares it to the Cluster B emotional vampire casting a spell over his victim in order to suck him/her dry. Lets look at the tells that someone is a victim:
1. Deviating from standard procedure.
“If you ever find yourself veering sharply from your usual way of doing things, especially in response to a person you don’t know very well, stop right then and ask yourself why. Listen very closely to your answer.”
Let’s take an example of this from a girl’s point of view. She’s walking down the street thinking about whether to buy those lovely shoes or to go straight home and cook pasta. A charming man jogs alongside her, cuts in a few steps ahead, and then tells her she’s nice, and looks a bit French.
Oh, you! Tee hee!
He invites her for coffee there and then.
“I don’t usually do this but ok, I’ll deviate from standard procedure” she says and walks off to the nearest cafe.
2. Thinking in superlatives
“If you are thinking words like “best,” “most promising,” “perfect” or “most charisma” in relation to a person you barely know, take a step back. This is often happening not because of the person is those things but precisely because the person isn’t those things and is overcompensating in order to be seen as the very things she isn’t. (And as I describe later, narcissists and borderlines are expert overcompensators.)”
She’s sitting in the cafe with this rougish charmer and he regals her with mind-bending stories. He’s travelled the world, he runs his own business, and the strangest things seem to happen to him.
“You are the most interesting man I’ve ever met” she tells him enthusiastically.
3. Instant rapport
“Getting to know and appreciate another person usually involves time and effort. Be careful when rapport seems to be developing too quickly, no matter how good the process feels. Instant understanding is usually the result of someone recognizing how you would really like to be seen and pretending to see you that way.”
They have finished the coffee and are now walking to a bar. She orders a beer, her eyes shining and her head spinning. Thoughts of shoes and pasta are long forgotten. This adventure is so unexpected and so much fun!
“I feel like I’ve known you for years” she exclaims. “It’s so strange!”
4. Seeing the person or situation as special
“Defining an interaction as a special case that doesn’t follow the normal rules is a clear sign that an Emotional Vampire is turning on the predatory charm…[R]emember that vampires excel at getting you to notice them, not what they’re doing. Pay attention!”
“It’s so random we met like this” he tells her. “It’s so anonymous, just walking down the street. Nobody even knows we met. It’s like anything we do or tell each other is one big secret. It’s only when you’re anonymous that you’re truly free. This is a unique situation.”
5. Lack of concern with objective information
“Your two most important sources of objective information about another person are the details of that person’s history and the opinions of other people. If for some reason you find yourself avoiding those sources, or thinking that they don’t apply, watch out.”
“I know so little about you” she says.
“It’s crazy isn’t it” he agrees. “We met two hours ago and yet here we are in my lounge watching dogs do backflips on YouTube.”
“Yeah, yet it feels so natural” she coos.
“Hazy understanding of the reasons for your own reactions, coupled with unusual certainty, is a pretty clear sign that somebody has been messing with your mind.”
“I feel like my mind has switched off” she says, and giggles nervously. Her loins are warm and she really wants to fuck this guy, but deep down she’s a little troubled by the speed at which things are moving. It seems like days, not hours, since she was shoe shopping.
“We shouldn’t do this” she moans, lying back as he gets his dick out. “Do you have a condom?”
You know what, written like that it would appear that my Same Day Lay model is a manual for a Cluster B emotional vampire to effectively ensnare hot young women and then fuck them.
If you think that sounds like a great idea, you should see my book. It’s got all of the advice with none of the troubling psychobabble.
August 15, 2016 at 7:13 am
Lol krauser that was gr8t,what city was this in
August 15, 2016 at 11:32 am
A shame ricky hasnt posted anything in 2 years. I remember listening to podcasts of him and mark manson. Good times… [I liked Ricky. Manson was full of shit, just telling chumps what they want to hear. K.]
August 15, 2016 at 12:32 pm
I’m not buying most of that. I’m in favor of trying to understand people and psychology can be a useful tool, but pattern recognition can be a tricky thing.
I seriously doubt that attraction is mainly or even often about unresolved issues with our parents. I also doubt that flirting and falling for someone as you described it is a sign of cluster B disorders.
Sometimes it could be, but there would need to be other signals. Those signals are not enough to accurately see that pattern of behavior. [Did you read the linked post? Ricky makes it clear from the beginning he’s only talking about people with codependency. K.]
August 15, 2016 at 1:32 pm
Enjoyed this read a lot.
This author chase amante, is great you and him have similar writing styles and the 2 of you are the most knowledgable in depth writers on game I am yet to see.
Would be really awesome to see you do an interview with him, perhaps on womanizer podcast… Just an idea.
He has literally loads of great articles but here’s just one http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-tell-if-girl-horny-without-her-having-tell-you
(Ignore the other writers on the site, chase is more advanced, even his knowledge on day game) [I liked his writing but I’m not willing to pay to read his blog. I have no problem with his business model, mind K.]
August 15, 2016 at 1:59 pm
You only need to pay to read 10 + in a month I believe. If you like I’ll send you his Ebook to have a skim through he wrote a couple years ago if your email is still firstname.lastname@example.org [ok. K.]
August 15, 2016 at 2:28 pm
August 15, 2016 at 5:45 pm
Having understood the concept of the neg and why Mystery used it in his game. It was apparent to me that the types of women this worked on was the Cluster B types who had serious issues with their fathers. Particularly if the PUA himself also has low-self-esteem, referring to the idea that ‘like attracts like’.
What Mystery essentially did is enforce the neg in order to emulate the behaviours that girls within those types best responded to: Fear of abandonment, disrespect and deprecation.
It is no surprise that many PUAs and gamers have mistaken this to the actual social behaviour one must employ in order to attract girls in general, when what you’re really doing is attracting a small fringe of girls who are essentially damaged. You essentially create a selection bias and develop a skewed idea of what women are actually like.
There’s a massive difference between negging a girl and simply having playful banter and adding value for the sake of adding value; A distinction that many guys in the community seem to miss.
It became more and more clear to me the minute I got into a relationship only for it to break apart soon after. Because I no longer provided the girl the negative triggers that she’s accommodated to, hence why cluster-B types are impossible to date.
Because of this understanding, i’ve tried to tease far less now and have instead looked at my inner game and adjusting my communication style to better fit that of a man of high self-esteem. The result of it is meeting better quality and more stable girls.
I’m qualifying a lot more now early in my communication and it seems to work. Surprisingly, more and more girls are happy to qualify themselves to me without having to trigger any attraction. A big part of it is realising that you’re enough. Something to think about I guess for guys who are just starting out.
August 16, 2016 at 11:16 am
A ‘neg’ is just a tease calibrated to a populous high-energy environment like clubs and bars.
Teases and negs are just forms of establishing higher relative status. It actually is good social behaviour and is what occurs in any attraction whether the individuals have high or low self-esteem.
August 16, 2016 at 2:58 pm
You already have ‘High social status’. No one can give that to you but you. It’s all in the mindset. You don’t tease to raise it, but because it’s fun and quirky that adds value to the interaction. People want to be around fun and positive people. To do that, you have to live a positive and happy life. That’s what essentially makes you attractive. The model is essentially served to simulate that type of guy, but technique on it’s own isn’t enough.
August 19, 2016 at 7:33 pm
Onder, you’re just regurgitating that self-help rubbish that I often see the RSD circle peddling. It’s not a mindset. It’s not all in your head. You don’t already have ‘high social status’ unless you generally mean high self-esteem and the requisite behaviour that comes from an area of competence. You have to actually do stuff that gets you high social status like taking risks, approaching girls, sparring with other men, getting good at something etc.
Teasing is communicating that you have a relative higher status than the girl. Yes it’s ‘fun’ and ‘quirky’ but make no mistake, you’re establishing higher relative status. It’s not exclusive to girls either: teasing guys is communicating higher social rank.
August 16, 2016 at 9:28 pm
“That’s what essentially makes you attractive”
Are you talking about forming friendships or seduction? If it’s the latter I disagree
August 17, 2016 at 11:14 am
That would mean game in a broad sense and daygame in particular, works better or only with damage goods.
Damage goods could be younger, hotter, tighter anyway
August 17, 2016 at 4:17 pm
You shouldn’t conflate the phases/process with certain styles. For example, two guys can use the LDM but depending on their style it attracts different personalities. If someone goes into the romantic-you-are-my-soulbuddy-type of game as Krauser describes it, and some chick digs it and doesn’t think “WTF is wrong with this Wannabe-Casanova” or think it’s kinda sleazy, chances are high she is co-dependent.
If she’s a type of girl who responds more to hard negs, assholish behavior and manipulative “who-invests-more-and-who’s-frame-will-brake-first”-games, chances are high she’s a (overcompensating) narcissist.
And the r-/K-screening by being more or less fast and aggressive in your game is another topic.
That’s how I would explain it.
August 19, 2016 at 5:29 pm
I think you should ask Coco how can do it same day lays! 😀 😀 😀
August 19, 2016 at 5:30 pm
August 19, 2016 at 5:31 pm
anyway, that chick looks way better than the real life video…
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