I talk a lot about blowing the Love Bubble with girls, that fantastic cocoon only you and the girl inhabit. While the world whizzes by at high speed outside, for the man and woman inside the Love Bubble time stands still. Every flutter of an eyelash or faintly disguised smirk is noted. The air crackles with electricity. You could say there is chemistry. But what is chemistry? Ricky Raw calls it this:
“Here is what I think chemistry is. Some people think we get attracted to partners who represent our opposite-sex parent. Women supposedly marry their fathers and men supposedly marry their mothers. This is not necessarily true. In relationships, we feel intense chemistry with partners who remind us of aspects of our parents we have the most unresolved, open issues with. And in relationships, we become those aspects of our parents we most identified with.“
Uh-oh, that sounds rather pathological. Hmmmmm. Let’s get this straight – we feel intense chemistry with girls (and vice versa) who in some way model the problems we have with our own parents? So for example if her father tended to be grudging in his approval and hard to please, that sweet girl standing in front of you may also feel intense chemistry if she senses you are grudging in approval and hard to please.
Ricky explains that chemistry isn’t necessarily a bad thing, rather that it amplifies in the direction your self-esteem is pointed. Consider it like hallucinogenic drugs – people with solid self-esteem have fantastic trips whereas broken people have nightmare trips.
“When someone with a healthy emotional core feels chemistry, it’s often a good sign. When someone with profoundly damaged core damage feels chemistry, it’s usually a danger sign”
Ricky goes on to quote from the book Emotional Vampires by Albert Bernstein (not the boxing commentator). Al calls chemistry “hypnosis” and compares it to the Cluster B emotional vampire casting a spell over his victim in order to suck him/her dry. Lets look at the tells that someone is a victim:
1. Deviating from standard procedure.
“If you ever find yourself veering sharply from your usual way of doing things, especially in response to a person you don’t know very well, stop right then and ask yourself why. Listen very closely to your answer.”
Let’s take an example of this from a girl’s point of view. She’s walking down the street thinking about whether to buy those lovely shoes or to go straight home and cook pasta. A charming man jogs alongside her, cuts in a few steps ahead, and then tells her she’s nice, and looks a bit French.
Oh, you! Tee hee!
He invites her for coffee there and then.
“I don’t usually do this but ok, I’ll deviate from standard procedure” she says and walks off to the nearest cafe.
2. Thinking in superlatives
“If you are thinking words like “best,” “most promising,” “perfect” or “most charisma” in relation to a person you barely know, take a step back. This is often happening not because of the person is those things but precisely because the person isn’t those things and is overcompensating in order to be seen as the very things she isn’t. (And as I describe later, narcissists and borderlines are expert overcompensators.)”
She’s sitting in the cafe with this rougish charmer and he regals her with mind-bending stories. He’s travelled the world, he runs his own business, and the strangest things seem to happen to him.
“You are the most interesting man I’ve ever met” she tells him enthusiastically.
3. Instant rapport
“Getting to know and appreciate another person usually involves time and effort. Be careful when rapport seems to be developing too quickly, no matter how good the process feels. Instant understanding is usually the result of someone recognizing how you would really like to be seen and pretending to see you that way.”
They have finished the coffee and are now walking to a bar. She orders a beer, her eyes shining and her head spinning. Thoughts of shoes and pasta are long forgotten. This adventure is so unexpected and so much fun!
“I feel like I’ve known you for years” she exclaims. “It’s so strange!”
4. Seeing the person or situation as special
“Defining an interaction as a special case that doesn’t follow the normal rules is a clear sign that an Emotional Vampire is turning on the predatory charm…[R]emember that vampires excel at getting you to notice them, not what they’re doing. Pay attention!”
“It’s so random we met like this” he tells her. “It’s so anonymous, just walking down the street. Nobody even knows we met. It’s like anything we do or tell each other is one big secret. It’s only when you’re anonymous that you’re truly free. This is a unique situation.”
5. Lack of concern with objective information
“Your two most important sources of objective information about another person are the details of that person’s history and the opinions of other people. If for some reason you find yourself avoiding those sources, or thinking that they don’t apply, watch out.”
“I know so little about you” she says.
“It’s crazy isn’t it” he agrees. “We met two hours ago and yet here we are in my lounge watching dogs do backflips on YouTube.”
“Yeah, yet it feels so natural” she coos.
“Hazy understanding of the reasons for your own reactions, coupled with unusual certainty, is a pretty clear sign that somebody has been messing with your mind.”
“I feel like my mind has switched off” she says, and giggles nervously. Her loins are warm and she really wants to fuck this guy, but deep down she’s a little troubled by the speed at which things are moving. It seems like days, not hours, since she was shoe shopping.
“We shouldn’t do this” she moans, lying back as he gets his dick out. “Do you have a condom?”
You know what, written like that it would appear that my Same Day Lay model is a manual for a Cluster B emotional vampire to effectively ensnare hot young women and then fuck them.
If you think that sounds like a great idea, you should see my book. It’s got all of the advice with none of the troubling psychobabble.