I was asked in the comments of my previous post whether I could address my areas of disagreement with Steve Jabba, specifically:

“Nick, could you please write an article on Steve Jabba’s purple pill beliefs and mindsets and where some things he says aren’t true which if you have seen his YouTube videos know DO exist. I don’t think it’s fair you point out flaws in other people but not Steve Jabba just because he’s your mate.”

Rather than bury it in the comments, it’s probably worth giving my thoughts a more prominent platform. Ok, my main area of disagreement with Steve is simple: My neck is proportionately bigger than his, where as a percentage of height, weight or ratios. But seriously, let’s first recap my working definition of the Purple Pill given earlier: “a marketing ruse to use the credibility of red pill truths but water them down with blue pill illusions so that the listener isn’t required to stare into the abyss.”

The key component of the Purple Pill is not too much reality. We’ll have a little reality so it feels edgy but not too much to make us feel like we’re on the wrong track. Kind of like a girl wanting her boyfriend to have a motorbike but no STDs or criminal record. While I often tell Steve he’s only loosely connected to reality, there are two caveats to that:

1. He’s written about solipsism before here. The jist is that selectively amplifying or filtering out certain parts of reality can strengthen your frame and improve your success. It’s important to do systematically in the right direction in order to shape your reality, rather than from a position of fear (and thus avoidance).
2. He’s written about reality before here. Much of successful pick-up is about confronting reality head on and then figuring out how to adapt. Cold approach forces the world to give you accurate feedback on your value and your abilities. There’s no hiding place on the street.

Putting these two together is what some noobs / intermediates struggle to get their head around because they appear to be contradictory. Are you telling me to avoid reality and remain delusional, or to face reality head-on warts and all? Um…… both. You must go out and trigger real feedback and you must process the lessons the world gives you – so, go cold approach. However you must then use that feedback as fuel to power the reconstruction of your identity and as the armour plating on your frame. So having absorbed the reality at the first pass, you can twist reality a little on the second pass.

Think of it like quarantine in a sea port of old. All your new experiences on the street arrive at your boundary control and are placed in quarantine for examination. You get a good look at them but they are not yet allowed into the general population. After some careful consideration the experiences that will enrich your frame are welcomed in and given the red carpet walk. The undesireables are shot in the head and dumped into the sea.

Basically, how we should be handling the migrant crisis.

That outlines what I think some might think of as the reality-denying element of Steve’s “purple pill” writing. It gets quite a long treatment in his book Primal Seduction so there’s a lot more nuance and practical advice on how to do the filtering process.

Secondly, Steve is often accused of the purple pill by way of his pedestalising women and being something of a vagina-worshipper under the cloak of “loving women” (the first of the Eleven Cornerstone Characteristics that forms the centrepiece of Primal Seduction). Ok, let’s address that. This one is easy to get for men who’ve already fucked a ton of women but really tough for those who haven’t. You have to feel it deep in your bones through reference experiences.

Let me tell you the story of losing my virginity. I was sixteen years old and met a girl at a Sepultura concert in Newcastle one night. She was the friend of a girl who was dating my best friend and those two had met a couple of weeks earlier at a Metallica concert. The girls lived about 150 miles away and were here for the weekend, just for the gig. The concert finished and my girl agreed to come home with me (parent’s house) so we were waiting in the centre of Newcastle at 2am for my dad to collect us in the car. One thing led to another and I ended up fucking her in a back alley behind Fenwick’s department store.

It was horrendous sex, because I had no idea what I was doing. I remember my biggest surprise was how hot, wet and tight she was. My previous “experience” with naked women had been entirely from looking at soft-porn magazines (this was 1991). I knew how they looked but it had never once occured to me how they feel. It never crossed my mind that the vagina isn’t really a hole but is actually a pulsating group of muscles and thus when you stick your dick in it doesn’t feel empty.

Why do I tell you something so vulgar? Because life is full of many situations where being on the outside does not prepare you for what’s on the inside. Another example is when I went to live in Okinawa for a year when I was 24. I’d only ever seen tropical countries on TV and in magazines where they look beautiful. It never occured to me how it feels to be there. The first thing I noticed is they are very itchy places because of the mosquitos and beetles. It’s also very tiring being out in the sun without a bottle of water. Those things surprised me.

So it goes with hot girls.

Most men are intimidated by hot girls. We see them as unattainable treasure troves of hotness value and our hormones compell us to pine after them. Even when you get inside some pretty girls, you’re an outsider for the hotter girls. Being on the outside prevents you feeling the reality of being an insider. The best way to feel an insider is to actually fuck and date a hot young girl. Preferably over an extended period of time. Then you get a window into the girl’s life, and how she feels. The first thing that surprised me was she has her own problems.

I’d always thought of women as a problem for me to solve. It was a shift in reality to realise women also have men problems they must solve. It’s like sitting in your WWI trench shitting yourself at how organised the German lines looked, and then suddenly being allowed to sit in those trenches and realise they are shitting themselves at how strong the English lines look. Once you’re inside you get past the fronting and see the real chaos and held-together-with-spit-and-glue nature of people’s lives. Those of you who worked in shops will know the staff experience differs somewhat from the customer experience.

Steve has fucked a lot of hot women so he’s an insider. He’s seen how fragile they can be the next morning as they try to correct their makeup before taking the walk of shame to work. He knows they are often scared (or excitable) little girls in a hot woman’s body, trying to understand and marshall their value while under assault from hundreds of predators trying to relieve them of that value. Often those girls look at men and their insecurities surface, wondering “how can he be so confident? why can’t I be as creative and impressive as him?” Even now it surprises me when I’m on a date with a hottie and she does something that lets slip that she feels like she’s the lucky one to be there.

I think this empathy – which is commonly deeply felt by players with 100+ notch counts of hot young women – is mistaken as pedestalisation by the men who are on the outside. No, we don’t think women are better than men, or special snowflakes. No, we don’t think they lack agency or should receive a “pussy pass” for bad behaviour. No, we don’t think the family court system or job market is fair on men.

We just have a very initimate experience of seeing how these girls live and how they too have problems. You can’t help but get a bit of empathy for them. That empathy is much harder if you’re still at the stage of getting “bitch face” in your nightclub opens. There’s a long chapter in Primal Seduction about empathy and emotional sensitivity.