Let me start out with a confession: I am not a daygamer. I like the idea, I respect the gigantic pair of balls it takes, and I’ve witnessed first-hand that it actually works! I’ve read just about any book I could get my hands on regarding daygame, I read the same blogs most of you do out there, but it hasn’t translated into daygame practice. Nevertheless, I’ve benefitted from much of the advice that’s out there – being non-needy, holding eye-contact, good body language, etc.
I look alright, I hit the gym regularly, and I think about what clothes I wear, which gives off the appearance of a bad boy / R-selection. Because of this, Tinder works well for me. I get many matches, I’ve learned to banter and keep things exciting (thanks, Nick and Tom, for providing examples and suggestions in your books, blogs and videos!), which means getting the girls out on dates is fairly easy. So far, so good. But this is where the problems begin! What’s the use of getting girls out on dates, have coffee, drinks, chit-chat, etc. – if it ends with a peck on the cheek and never seeing the girl again?!
This was my problem: I’d write with girls, get them out on dates, and time and again, it ended after that initial date. Even girls who wrote me that they would meet me just to f***, on a Monday, straight after work – I even managed to blow that, somehow, during the obligatory ‘seeing-if-he-is-an-axe-murderer’ coffee. You can probably imagine the frustration of having this happen to you over and over. I was doing something wrong; and I needed to figure out what that ‘something’ was.
I am currently sitting in a nice apartment in Warzaw, and I’d like to share the experiences and epiphanies I’ve had while here. If you are a regular visitor of this blog, you will know that Nick is also in the vicinity of Warzaw, and I had the pleasure of meeting up with him and talking about many issues. I told him from the outset to be brutally honest with me regarding what he saw and heard, in order for me to become conscious about my own blind spots.
From our coffees and steaks he quickly pointed out what the ‘something’ was: I was being too polite, too concerned about the well-being of others, too nice. If a girl meets up with a bad boy in order to have some R-selected, fast sex – the quickest way to sabotage that is being too nice, a gentleman. Of course I’ve read about avoiding being the nice guy and the provider and all that jazz, but still, when on a date – I would do anything to make the girl feel as comfortable as possible (‘is your drink alright?’, ‘you are not too cold?’ etc.), because – I rationalized – ‘if she sees what a considerate guy I am, she will like me even more’. WRONG! Krauser very eloquently put what I needed to change: Be More of a Cunt!
So – having pipelined a bit a few days in advance of my arrival to Warzaw (meaning swiping on Tinder with my location set in Warzaw) I had about 12-15 matches with cute girls here. Doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome is, of course, stupid, so it was time for me to stop doing the same things and hopefully get a more desired outcome. I had realized, also, that my politeness, my way of conducting conversation face-to-face, and manners in general were 95% pull, and almost no push. Even though I am very familiar with one-liners like ‘attraction is in the push’, when it came to sitting there with an actual girl, all this theory remained very abstract, and the actual guy sitting there (aka me), was just plain boring. Maybe this is the biggest epiphany for me – girls don’t want, contrary to common belief – the considerate, kind guy. Not when you’ve projected the R-selected guy, anyway. In our everyday dealings with people – clients, work associates, staff, students, etc. – we are nice, polite and considerate. When it comes to girls, they want a different, more exciting tune – not the elevator music of the average, nice guy.
So no more excuses, I thought. I would take Krauser’s advice and go out, meet the girls, and do a lot of push. More asshole, less nice guy.
First girl – cute Serbian. We met for coffee at Caffé Nero during her lunch break. I keep telling myself to ‘shut the F*** up’ every time the nice guy wants to comment on something, and instead I direct the conversation to 50 Shades of Grey, I comment on her legs, I ignore her a bit looking around, basically doing much more push than before, being more indifferent. After 45 minutes she goes back to work. A couple of days later I send her a text to meet with me. She says that she can’t before 21, and that she would like ‘a glass of red wine’ at my place. I meet her somewhere and walk her to the apartment. I tell her to put on some music while I open the wine. I sit next to her, we drink wine, and she gives me that look which tells me that it is on. We talk for about 15 minutes, I am just leaning back, being very relaxed and cool, and then I kiss her. From there she literally jumps me, and we fuck half the night, resulting in me learning how to say ‘OMG’ in three different languages.
Lesson? On Tinder, my pictures are carefully selected to signal badass. On the first date, I still projected the R-selected, non-needy vibe. I pushed a lot, but modified this with kino and a few compliments. Still congruent, still being the guy I presented in the pictures, which meant that I had created enough interest and attraction, combined with a bit of comfort, for this girl to come late in the evening and being fucked by a guy she had known for less than an hour. Again – I cannot stress enough the importance of not sending mixed signals! Be congruent, stick to the story you are selling the girl throughout all stages of the process. It’s a win-win for everyone.
Next day – I meet up with a long-legged, blonde stewardess. Her friend has persuaded her to try Tinder the day before, we match, we agree on a Starbucks coffee. We chat, have coffee, and go for a walk. I am still avoiding being too nice, and instead throwing in spikes, complimenting her pink blouse while touching it, and looking at her ass in a very obvious way. Remember – a nice guy wouldn’t do this, but a bad boy would and wouldn’t give a damn! (You’d be surprised how much more fun and natural it is, after a while, to stop giving a damn about everything). We go to another café and order a couple of beers (good sign), and I start the ‘Questions Game’, which quickly makes things sexual, and the boring, mundane conversation is replaced my something much more natural, authentic and fun. By now I am touching her leg and looking at ‘her favorite part of her body’ unashamedly (take a guess what that might be – there are two of them!). She needs to go home and prepare for a flight in the evening, but we arrange to meet the next day. Turns out her flight was in the morning, and therefore she has no flight later, so we re-schedule to meet at 21. I tell her where, she tries to suggest other places, but I stick to my guns. We go have a drink, then a bounce to a Belgian Beer Pub (Champion’s League night, I am not going to miss that!) and after that I lead her to my apartment, which is, funnily enough, just around the corner. Again, I tell her to put on her favorite Polish song, while I mix a couple of drinks. We hear a few songs, have a drink or two, and we start kissing. I put her hand on the one-eyed monster to see her reaction – she becomes more excited. She puts on a John Legend song, and I pull her out of the sofa and dance with her, my hands firmly on her ass. We kiss some more, until she says the magical words, ‘let’s go upstairs’ (here, gentlemen, you fill out the blanks yourselves with NSFW-images).
Lesson: All I did was, I changed a few things, certain behaviors, and the outcome changed completely. I realize that it’s a small sample and that the validity may be questioned, and yet there’s no doubt in my mind that these rather small adjustments made all the difference, made me more authentic, fewer false notes in the song and dance.
Thanks to Krauser for pointing out exactly what needed to be modified. There are, currently, 3 people who are very grateful for that 😉
Primary take-away from this article: Be More of a Cunt!