Allow me to offer a guest post from fellow daygamer and wing Bodi on a topic I’ve never heard discussed in the manosphere…..
Have you ever been in a crowded bar, a social place, full of noise and crammed with men and women all there with the express purpose of meeting each other yet observed a pair of girls, perhaps sitting at a small table, intensely locked in conversation with each other in their own little bubble. Perhaps you even opened them and were told briskly “they are not there to meet men”.
Have you ever known a girl, in her late twenties and single, who starts to get more into her career. Perhaps she starts ‘working all hours’. She may get a dog and/or even move out of the city into a small town. ‘It’s the only place I can afford the mortgage!’ she’ll say. She’ll get into baking.
Perhaps you knew a girl who didn’t go to bars and didn’t get into her career, but she had a very close group of female friends and they did everything together, organizing character building activities each weekend and staying in close contact over social media. Most of them were single. They all went to Ascot and got tipsy on Champagne.
Or maybe you were out walking one day and noticed a girl wandering on her own through the park, dressed a little alternatively and taking endless same-ey photographs with a huge SLR camera. Maybe you even thought it was a perfect daygame set and opened her, to be shocked at how disinterested, flat and drained she seemed.
Congratulations, you have encountered a phenomena increasingly common in the feminist women’s desperate attempts to ruin their own lives: the Celibacy Club. The common Celibacy Club is where a group of women (we’ll address the Solo variant later) form an intense dynamic the essence of which is to ensure the ongoing celibacy of each member. They trade their own likelihood of success in acquiring a mate for ensuring the other member’s celibacy. On a very simple level you’ve seen this behaviour before with generic nightgame cockblocking where girls will prevent friends from getting theirs if they’ve not had their own, or will even just cockblock out of spite for the sake of it. A Celibacy Club is a level beyond this, it’s less ephemeral and the natural urge to cockblock metastatizes into an all encompassing subtle mechanism of group social control where member accepts celibacy as a fair price for ensuring their rival’s celibacy too.
Celibacy Clubs are dysfunctional herds. Think of ‘The Claw’ in Toy Story.
A bunch of tiny aliens live in one of those grabber machines. They are all identical. They are weirdly culty and wait in anticipation until The Claw drops one day and picks one of them, carrying them up and away to a better place. The lucky alien, The Chosen, will beam blissfuly as he is lifted up and say “Farewell friends, I am off to a better place” as his comrades all coo in rapture at the spiritual event.
This is a woman’s life: they bumble along together in little groups, like herds of zebras, waiting for the lucky day that a lion stalks alongside and pulls one of them away into his own life and reality. The problem with Celibacy Clubs is they derail this prime directive: a Celibacy Club would be the crabs-in-a-barrel phenomena whereby The Claw drops so all the other little aliens jealousy hold down anyone lucky enough to get clawed, thus preventing them being spirited away. The end result: nobody gets Clawed.
How would you recognize a Celibacy Club in action? Here are some tell-tale signs:
- Lack of dick. Lots of talk; not much dick. Most members (lol) are single and continue to be so.
- Subtle attempts to prevent each other from putting themselves in any situation where men could approach them. In a social place the intenso-bubble will form. The group will generally waste enormous amounts of time attempting to schedule activities, then all constantly reschedule and flake on each other. The end result: spending time at home with a box-set.
- High levels of social control: lots of contact through social media
- Subtle attempts to joint lower their SMV: group piggery in restaurants, excessive alcohol consumption, gradually lowering standards of dress and deportment, encouraging other members to pig out or not diet
- Group shaming of members trying to break away
- Outright cockblocking
Let’s look at some examples of such clubs, all real examples that I have encountered:
- Amanda, age 38 and feeling it. Gradually increases her working hours to help her ignore the fact her flat is cold and empty. Meets mid 40’s agressive, loud, wealthy career saleswoman. They ‘really hit if off’ and then every other weekend is a trip away involving lots of champagne and huge dinners. The older woman ‘really supports her’ and often perks her up by telling her ‘no man is good enough for her anyway’.
- Kate, age 30 and single. Every Friday night it’s drinks after work with a couple of the girls from work. It usually begins in the office with a bottle of wine and vague jokes about ‘getting chatted up’, but ends up in the corner of a pub in an intenso-huddle over a table and more wine, with orbiting males quickly repelled by the group force-field.
- Michelle, age 25, moves to London and doesn’t know anybody. She joins a Swing dancing club ‘to socialize’ and even admits she’d like to meet men. The other girls there are very friendly and she swaps numbers, gradually getting to know them. Pretty soon they are helping each other pick appropriate fashions, travelling to dances together and forming an intenso-bubble of femininity at the crucial socialization times before and after the dance classes. She never quite meets a man. None of them do.
- Clare, 28, moves to London and doesn’t know anybody. She joins a choir and sings and plays violin. She thinks it works but doesn’t understand the implications when all her new friends are 35 year old, thick set and terribly posh home-counties girls, living off daddies money in their own little apartments in good areas of London. She starts socializing, but it’s all dinner parties and drinks in nice, quiet restaurants in the suburbs. Weekends fill with choir practice and coffees in pleasant cafes by the park. In other words: a total absence of dick.
Why are Celibacy Clubs so initially tempting? Because of two things: firstly, the immediate throat-slitting joy of enforcing celibacy on other members. Second because it facilitates avoidance, and girls love avoidance. Girls all want to feel like they have unlimited time and unlimited options. It’s hard to believe this if you sit in your flat every Friday night on your own watching ER on DVD and crying into a bottle of wine and a cheescake. Fill your life with noise and the signal gets harder to pick up, and let’s not forget what we all learned when little: the thing that makes misfortune easier to deal with is having others have to deal with it as well. Remember, men’s self-help is self-development, women’s self-help is is self-acceptance.
After the initial two-pronged ego gratification of joining a Celibacy Club membership rapidly becomes quite stifling. Despite all the intenso-bonding a girl’s hindbrain will be screaming at her that her vagina remains continually unfilled. It starts to feel wrong and the gnawing sensation of avoidance becomes harder and harder to ignore. A Celibacy Club is a prison, a prison whose walls are held up by women’s adherence to The Female Groupthink and their intrinsic fear of non-conformance.
Eventually a girl in a Celibacy Club will begin to realize she ensuring her friends celibacy is not enough, and will try to break out of the club herself. She will try to pull away and sneak off and acquire herself a man, well aware that should she be caught by the Borg-mind she is part of she will endure their wrath. At the simplest level you have the classic scenario of a girl “losing her friends in a club”. Believe me my friends, if you’re ever in a club and you run across a girl who has ‘lost her friends’, STRIKE! Beyond this you get intermediate measures such as giving up or radically changing hobbies, increasing workload or time spent with families to avoid certain hobbies or obligations and at the highest level you quite often see girls make radical life changes: like changing career, going back to University or moving city or country. It’s not easy though…and mull over this if you want a glimpse into horror: the reason girls go the toilet together in clubs is not to gossip, but so they don’t want to leave each other alone for even one single minute.
In the next part: Solo Celibacy Clubs and why you should smash them
December 18, 2013 at 1:03 pm
Yes, yes, 100 times yes. I have wondered for ages why the manosphere seems to focus so much on feminists (when so few women have ever heard of Shere Hite or Jezebel) yet says nothing about the huge number of women who are just FRUMPS.
December 18, 2013 at 1:25 pm
Great post. The Pareto principle applied to game is a fairly well known concept: 10-20% of men do 90% of the fucking.
But the reverse is also true. ~ 20% of women are providing the bulk of the hookup pussy supply. A lot of other chicks are in these celibacy clubs, or quietly monogamous, or are introverted and lonely.
December 18, 2013 at 2:08 pm
Very good post. Sometimes self-defeating behavior is the most baffling isn’t it?
There are so many variations of it. It can be intriguing to analyze it.
I guess the various forms all share one trait: it’s insidious;
evading the awareness of the person or organization with the self-sabotaging pattern of choices.
That’s why we must be relentlessly so vigilant about seeing it in ourselves.
It’s such a natural error to blame your failures on forces outside of yourself,
when really the crucial problem and solution is inside yourself.
You can’t solve the problem until you correctly identify the true source of it.
That seems to be the most difficult challenge for most of us.
December 21, 2013 at 5:22 pm
Never struggle with inner game again by changing your core beliefs. Here’s how –
Take the fact you have to do “chores” in life. You can hold the core belief that certain activities are in fact tedious “chores” that have to be endured with suffering, such as mowing the lawn, are you can say to yourself “awesome, can’t WAIT to mow the lawn”.
Now I bet you are saying to yourself, “but wait a minute, mowing the lawn IS tedious and boring. I can’t convince myself to believe something that isn’t true. I can’t convince myself of a placebo if I know it is a placebo” However, is that statement TRUE? It’s actually an irrational belief since it leads to unhappiness!!Think about it. A decision to hold a belief that leads to an unhappy state MUST be illogical.
Nobody says,” I want to be happy because…”
They say “I want to be happy”.
No one says” I make rational decisions because I am happy.
They say “I am happy because I make rational decisions.”
We are seeking an emotional state as a result of rational thinking, not the other way around, therefore it is extremely rational to choose to belief that certain things will make you happy.
This is the rational thought process behind optimism
This is the logic behind the “act as if” theory.
Act as if mowing the lawn is the greatest fucking thing ever.
Act as if your current lover, the girl in front of you, is the sexiest fucking thing ever.
Act as if today is the greatest day the world has ever known.
Act as if you are the handsomest, most charismatic, most charming, most thoughtful, most interesting motherfucker who has ever graced this planet.
Watch your mindset really change. Watch your feelings change. Watch as you become….duntduntduuuuu… HAPPY!
Many people persist in unhappiness due to irrational and false core beliefs about themselves, others, relationships and life. It is very hard to choose to “be happy” or “feel positive” if it contradicts a core belief one holds. The problem is in our relationship between belief and truth. 50, 100, 200, 500, etc years ago people held varying different beliefs about nature/relationships that we do now. We accept with almost absolute certainty their beliefs are false and ours are true. Which is more likely? Our beliefs will eventually fall by the wayside as all others have or somehow we have come to a magic end point where our current beliefs reflect some kind of fundamental truth? The answer should be obvious using reduction ad absurdum.
It is certain future generations will look back at our era and view many of our core beliefs as false.
The concept of “truth”, then, is not a logical way to adjudicate beliefs. Persisting in holding on to a belief that makes you unhappy because you believe it is “true” is profoundly illogical and irrational. Dismissing beliefs based on the fact they that are negative and lead to destructive feelings such as unworthiness, shame, guilt, unhappiness is actually a profoundly rational and logical choice. The truth or falsity of the belief is irrelevant since it is probably false anyways.
December 24, 2013 at 11:39 pm
I once watched a guy at a karaoke bar sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” for shits and giggles. He was way into it, hamming it up, completely uncaring what others thought of him – impressive, even hilarious for the first minute, but every time he went up again on stage that night his act became increasingly stale. You could literally feel the value vaporizing.
This guy, just like anyone else, could tell himself that he shits gold bricks and really is happy with where he is. But, if the state with which he was happy did not hold value to others, and if he derived a certain degree of happiness from giving others something they value, then it would be profoundly irrational for him to keep doing the things that he was happy with but that others didn’t like.
Krauser expresses this really well in one of his other posts – Some people are perfectly content to wear white trainers and dad jeans (or to be estrogen slugs), but it’s counterproductive to game and style if being successful at those things would make you happier than you are now.
December 18, 2013 at 2:17 pm
“Girls love avoidance” is now something my calibration glasses can see.
December 18, 2013 at 2:39 pm
So this is what you would call Women Going Their Own Way.
Except that they need other women to do it.
December 18, 2013 at 2:46 pm
Holy shit! Yes! I see this in my own social circle. There are a few additions to this and some interesting anecdotes to share.
There is a kind of mother hen in my social circle who “invited” one of my ex gf’s who I’m still quite good friends with on a week-long trip. My ex gf is kind of naïve so she told me this girl “Sara” has selected my ex gf but then made a deal of saying “I picked you because I think you’re cool…”
Of course Sara knew of ex gf’s history with me and my ex gf told me how Sara was slagging me off.
But of course I have yet to see “Sara” with a bloke…
Second anecdote…these “Celibacy Clubs” do allow males….let’s call them “eunuchs” to be part of their sad little hen club. These guys are there for the sole purpose of either be the “nice boyfriend” or perhaps the “good friend” who is in every single FB outing photo but who never seems to fuck them.
My recent ex gf I think was on the periphery of one of these Celibacy Clubs but since she was banging me and her other friends didn’t like me, I could feel from some of the things she said after we broke up that someone had talked crap about me.
They also encouraged her to go out immediately after our break up and took and posted photos of some lame dinner on a day that my ex gf had previously committed to supporting an event I was hosting.
The final thing these “Celibacy Clubs” do is in the case of Latin Dance club, they post nonsense on FB saying they are looking for great cities to go Latin Dancing where they can find “good dancers”, a not so subtle jab at the blokes in our club.
Then there’s usually 20 posts from other girls saying “Yah, let’s go” or “Where where?” and shit like this.
The idea that misery loves company and that there are some girls in these “Celibacy Clubs” who are a little older and kind of manipulate the younger more malleable ones—like my 2 aforementioned ex-gfs is insidious but also demonstrates just how fucking sad they really are.
Not sure how to handle. Looking forward to the next installment.
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December 18, 2013 at 3:04 pm
I’ve seen the effects of this in action at singles nights and have always wondered why girls shot themselves in the foot, and this seems to be the explanation.
At singles nights in bars I go to, there will always be many groups of women who upon arrival immediately buy a couple of bottles of white wine at the bar and put them in ice buckets. Next they pick a table right in the corner. One that makes it logistically awkward for any man to approach them if they’re sitting there. They then sit there for the next couple of hours in the intenso conversation bubble you’ve mentioned. Completely absorbed with one another. Giving off no approach invitations. Looking like they don’t want to be approached. After this they leave, no doubt complaining to one another how no men in the bar had the backbone to approach them.
December 18, 2013 at 3:22 pm
“The group will generally waste enormous amounts of time attempting to schedule activities, then all constantly reschedule and flake on each other. The end result: spending time at home with a box-set.”
It takes me up to a full two weeks to schedule a simple dinner out with my friends. Women hate to be the decision maker and love consesus-building, so no one wants to pick a time and place for fear of coming off as too domineering or risk making a decision that bothers one of the others. It’s maddening. That’s why I love reading manosphere blogs – it’s somehow a relief to hear I’m not the only one who notices this crap.
Spot on about the celibacy clubs. I know so many women who are in one, but I didn’t have a name for the phenomenon. [I think most men don’t release what a sweet relief their company is for a woman otherwise surrounded by women. K.]
December 18, 2013 at 5:40 pm
Is it possible for an advanced gamer ( like say someone like K or Tom.T ) to just “crash” an intenso convo bubble and then single a girl out to game her? Or is the intenso convo bubble so strong even champions of game stand no chance?
December 19, 2013 at 10:24 pm
Why even bother??
I’m all about efficiency I only approach hot solo girls during the day. I stopped going to clubs a long time ago as after you do daygame you’ll stand in a club and you realse it’s just completely mad, why would people go there!
It’s just a complete waste of time.
December 18, 2013 at 6:50 pm
“Remember, men’s self-help is self-development, women’s self-help is self-acceptance.”
The sexes all boiled down into a simple, yet powerful phrase… Awesome work Bodi!
If you want to experience this at first hand. Go to any Salsa event in London and watch all the 30-something women interacting with each other. Most of them are divorced and in their own little bubble, unaware of the fact that their market value plummeted a long long time ago and using the environment to live out their false fantasy of having a young hispanic lothario sweep them off their feet lol
I find the whole thing hilarious.
December 18, 2013 at 11:58 pm
@Onder, this is the point I’m making. They sit in a large group so that the ones no guy will ask to dance don’t feel left out when the hotter or more friendly ones get pulled.
I did notice this with my ex gf. I used to pull her out on the dance floor. But since going no contact she largely no sits there staring at me to invite her. But out of necessity she makes a point of huddling with a girlfriend to chat or walking out to the washroom with a girlfriend so that any approach would be impossible….
These self-defeating behaviours are interesting to explore.
But…on reflection, I’m looking at myself wondering “Why does the whole idea of a Celibacy Club piss me off?”
Shouldn’t I personally be focused on the girls who are not in these herds?— Yes.
Am I truly missing out on meeting girls because of this phenomenon?—No really.
But of all the recent posts, this one has sparked my frustration the most. I think it means my own inner game needs work to overcome being bothered by this.
December 19, 2013 at 7:16 pm
I think your first solution is what I would personally recommend as it’s what I usually do.
I tend to ignore them and focus my attention on my dancing ability, improving that and spend time with my friends or the ones who are there for the same reason. I generally don’t bother with night game and tend to prefer day game anyway.
December 18, 2013 at 10:24 pm
Is there a men’s version of this or or are such men ‘incels’?
December 18, 2013 at 11:09 pm
Wonders if they shouldn’t be called chastity clubs instead of celibacy clubs.
December 19, 2013 at 2:14 am
Great article Nick. Guys have celibacy clubs too i.e the manosphere. 🙂 Sit around all day whining on the net and not take any action. Buy PUA material and take no action. I’ve been there, I know. Nothing feels as good as the first approach where you get great feedback, but I’ve still got a long way to go.
December 19, 2013 at 5:04 am
Sorry, that should say “Great article Bodi and thanks for posting it Nick”.
December 19, 2013 at 9:16 am
Inspired post – fuck YEAH, over and over. Overdue congrats to your industrious picture researcher, too.
Phenomenon singular, phenomena plural – but wtf.
I had same thought as Alva – parallel post could be written about guys.
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December 20, 2013 at 6:33 am
Just to be Devil’s advocate, might woman also band together as a means of putting up a barrier against being approached all night by unattractive men, and then give off signals (usually blatant eye contact) towards men they do find attractive?
Back in the day female friends of mine would have “girls nights out” precisely so that their group didn’t have any blokes in it so that if they subtly came on passing guys who they found attractive, the guy wouldn’t be put off by thinking he may be hitting on someone’s girlfriend.
Yes this is immensely unfair if you are relying on attractive qualities other than looks and height. But if that is the case, shouldn’t you be playing to your strengths by approaching in different situations?
This post is not a dig or anything (I’m sure you must get loads of those in the comments from haters). Just a different perspective that woman are equally lazy and superficial when it comes to meat markets.
December 20, 2013 at 7:28 pm
this is the best article this year. if you give one hot damn about a female friend, send it to her.
December 21, 2013 at 3:26 pm
This is a great article, you guys have really nailed this behaviour. Having been on the crap (receiving) end of celibacy clubs I am really looking forward to part 2. Many Thanks.
December 22, 2013 at 3:35 am
This was pretty insightful. Now that I think about it, it doesn’t make much sense girls put up so high a bitch-shield in clubs/bars if it wasn’t for this phenomenon. I encountered this last night. These girls kept turning down guys at a bar last night while they chatted to themselves on the edge of the dance floor; some of the guys were in a high league than them. These girls weren’t even that good looking, and clearly they wouldn’t be going out as “taken women” on a friday night. It angers me thinking about it tbh.
December 22, 2013 at 4:41 pm
Bodi, great read, great observation, great use of illustrations and some very catchy phrases.
December 24, 2013 at 11:20 am
@Bodi: activate comments on your blog!
December 24, 2013 at 1:32 pm
Damn Bodi, loving the writing and yeah enable comments on your blogs lad.
December 24, 2013 at 11:58 pm
I think Bodi has comments disabled so that idiots can’t send him rude messages.
December 29, 2013 at 2:06 am
After I read this, I couldn’t sleep at all because it lit a spark in my head. Awesome post!
1. Bodi, no comments on your page? WTF dude are you sensitive to criticism?
2. Part 2? Still waiting on it…
January 20, 2014 at 8:27 am
Middle-aged married Women will get sucked into Celibacy Clubs: An older bitter women that doesn’t get any Dick will hunt these Women out; This dried out hag will Blame & Shame & Cajole the married Woman into a state of fear & loathing. It will be the Husband & the Children that will suffer the most…. Until the day she finds herself alone, bitter, & a dried out Celibate hag… who then will find a younger Woman to Blame & Shame & Cajole into a state of fear & loathing she learned at the older woman’s knee …
if Misery loves company… Then Happiness requires Bachelorhood. These bitches deserve each other …. while Men are happily doing their own thing
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April 7, 2014 at 1:37 pm
This is all so painfully true. I didn’t meet my husband until I ditched my close-knit group of college girlfriends. I still sporadically keep in touch and they’re mostly all single in their mid-30s, still have “wine nights” with each other and have entire Facebook albums devoted to their cats. The only difference is a slight uptick in the passive-aggressive comments lately: stuff like “I’m so glad I live alone, I can’t imagine being stuck with a man leaving his smelly crap everywhere.” Actually my husband is quite clean, and the steady supply of good sex, conversation and intimacy more than makes up for the occasional sock on the floor, but whatever. You are absolutely correct that women who leave the Celibacy Club are punished in subtle, socially shaming ways, but the trade-off is more than worth it and the ones left behind know it deep in their hearts, which further fuels their spite. There’s no length people won’t travel to defend their own self-defeating behaviors, even if they’re ultimately the only ones who suffer from them.
Bottom line: I’ve experienced way more harmful social aggression from other women than from ANY man I’ve ever encountered. We are our own worst enemies.
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