Emotional control is the foundation upon which all game rests. By mastering your emotions you can direct your vibe which will in turn align all of the micro-behaviours that a girl’s hindbrain reads. Good micro-behaviours (i.e. subcommunication) leads to imprinting the girl with a positive intuitive assessment of you and thus smoother interactions. This is why some men can do almost comically bad conversations and still get the girl – they were excelling at the 90% of communication that is non-verbal.
It’s generally believed that achieving good state is the core of good game. The argument goes as follows: Wake up feeling good about yourself and head out onto the streets. After a few awkward warm-up sets you’ll start to slip into a social vibe, gradually building momentum. Eventually a run of good interactions cause you to “hit state” and then you can open everything, hook everything and that’s when the magical sets happen.
This is not wrong. It’s just a massive pain in the arse.
The reality of daygame is that there simply aren’t enough pretty girls around to keep the momentum flowing. There aren’t enough girls that you can afford to waste the first ten sets trying to hit state. Ok, you could do it but it’s so wasteful. You know your game is getting tighter if you get more girls, better girls, and expend less effort. Hamstringing yourself to the goal of peak state prevents progress because:
- Trying to force yourself into state takes alot of emotional energy and is inauthentic. You are trying to make yourself feel something you don’t actually feel.
- Once you start to improve your state you become outcome dependent on keeping that little glimmer alive. More emotional energy expended.
- In the long periods between sets you get into your head trying to keep your state. Holding your state up is like holding a medicine ball in the air. Eventually you tire and it drops.
- You can frame yourself over the long term into a negative thought pattern of “I’m only successful when I’m in state” or in the short term of “I won’t approach this girl because I haven’t hit state yet”
- Girls can sense the inauthenticity if you’re trying to state leech from them, as with your wings. You can end up in destructive state wars with your wings until one or both of you crash (noobs should especially watch for this “value tap” behaviour from more experienced players)
- Daygame becomes much harder work than it ought to be. You are giving yourself an internal opponent to fight. It’s a fight that doesn’t need to happen.
Peak state is good. When you hit it, embrace it. But don’t try to manufacture it. Far better is to drill yourself in stateless game. It’s advanced stuff and not for everyone but give it a try. Essentially you are following this principle:
I feel however I feel and that’s okay. So I will use this authentically and rely on that authenticity to carry me through.
I’m coming to believe that authenticity trumps state (and is equal to vibe*). Forcing a high state is essentially qualifying to the girl by telling her “who I am at this moment is not good enough to get you, so I will expend great effort in forcing myself to be a happier version of myself just to impress you”. Instead just accept your current state. For example:
- If you’re feeling flat and low energy, work with that. Maybe do light side-on opens at a traffic light rather than run-around front stops. Let your vocal tone stay light, flat and disinterested.
- If you’re feeling cocky, go that route. Ostentatiously stop a hard-walking girl, let your eyes shine, smirk insolently and use an outrageously teasing opener.
- If you’re feeling horny, go sexual. Pick out a girl who has the ovulating vibe, eye fuck the hell out of her, encroach her space. Hold that hand a long time.
- If you’re completely lacking creative inspiration just tell the girl she looks nice and drop a generic cold read and tease on her. Leave silences, let her talk.
Stateless game is not a list of instructions to follow, its a mindset. Fundamentally you are shrugging the weight of “hitting state” from your shoulders. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Do you think those approach monkeys running up and down Oxford Street every evening are happy? Allow yourself to instead reach a zen-like calm of whatever will happen will happen. Just flip over those stones, let your authentic state come out, and rely upon your well-drilled Game to just navigate the set for you without getting in your head about state. There’s nothing to be scared of on the streets. Conserve your mental energy by exerting emotional control. You are not pushing water uphill, you are letting it find its natural level and then swimming in that.
And then should peak state ever creep up upon you, milk it while its there and don’t mourn its absence when it leaves.
* Crudely put, state is the power of your energy glow / aura and your attunement to the micro-rhythms of the street. Vibe is your internal level of calm, balance and boundaries. State is far more volatile than vibe.
May 13, 2013 at 3:15 pm
Reminds me that some of my best daygame sets have been when I’ve been very low energy and after a few blown sets [this will be the subject of a future post. It’s absolutely true. K.]
May 13, 2013 at 5:48 pm
Yeah, on lots of occasions I’ve been feeling like shit, not dressed well, etc, but managed to get some of my best results by just letting go of all that shit and making the approaches anyway. I’m glad I had these experiences because they’ve prevented me from both viewing state as being all important, and from chasing it, when in reality the occasions where you are truly in the zone and can do no wrong are extremely rare.
And thank you to Krauser for a really good post.
May 13, 2013 at 11:37 pm
Its funny that for me approaching stunners actually puts me into “state.” Once I make the decision to start moving my legs in their direction and then once I’m in front of them and have to move my mouth, my whole mind and body snap into gear. The act of committing to the approach forces me into presence.
This does not work so much on 7s, but it does on 8s and up. Standing in front of a delicious female while taking her in with all of my senses brings my “game” to life.
May 13, 2013 at 3:20 pm
Im an odd one in the sense for me it doesn’t really matter how many girls I’ve spoke too to get into a good vibe just how much out of my head I am. Practising the power of now and taking my attention away from the thoughts running around my head I find helps me be more spontaneous and authentic when approaching.
May 13, 2013 at 3:57 pm
great stuff. i actually just watched a tyler video of the weekend where he was saying something very similar. authenticity baby. authenticity is the most attractive thing about anybody, anytime.
May 13, 2013 at 4:04 pm
This is the Zen or Taoist approach, if you want to paint it with an Eastern philosophy brush. Excellent concept.
May 13, 2013 at 4:08 pm
Interesting – getting into emotional state is ITSELF an act of qualification.
Even when done way before you hit that day’s target — she will somehow sense you have qualified yourself for the sake of meeting “her,” or someone like her.
The high value man should not be qualifying himself for any girl, in any way
May 13, 2013 at 6:03 pm
Good point. But that mindset, that you really are the prize and the chooser, is hard to get. I imagine this is why so many instructors (Tyler etc) teach getting into state for men that are new to this, because when in state they become indifferent to outcome and don’t give a fuck, which is kind of the next best thing because they stop acting desperate, needy and outcome dependent. Then, hopefully they can get some bangs and begin to cultivate the mindset of real entitlement that you talk about.
May 13, 2013 at 5:21 pm
Authenticity is not only more effective, it’s more fun. Pick-ups, dates, and relationships where you have to wear your game face the whole time are emotionally draining. Going in with the mentality of “I’m going to open this girl with something clever, and then just be ME” is genuinely fun.
May 13, 2013 at 5:35 pm
“State” is a silly concept once you’re fully aware of your value as a man and you have come into your masculine power.
That being said, however, emotional control means that you are able to portray whatever emotions you want to portray at any given time. I know that sounds great in theory and some will say it is impossible in practice, but I’ve become excellent at it over time and through great diligence.
Once you and your masculinity are fully integrated such that you are able to express your natural charisma and manliness, state becomes an afterthought.
May 13, 2013 at 6:17 pm
I agree, but how do you get to that place where you are aware of your value as a man and have come into your masculine power?
It’s probably different for everybody, but myself, I was a low level pro-boxer, ripped, very well dressed, and confident with other men (I didn’t have much money though), but still had zero confidence or experience with women. It was only through brute force of approaching over and over again until I became indifferent, that I was able to start getting some sexual experience, and eventually some experience with top tier women. It was only then that I began to truly feel entitled to the best women.
May 13, 2013 at 9:55 pm
You’re either born that way or you make yourself that way. The process fucking sucks but its worth it.
May 13, 2013 at 8:25 pm
Innovative, high-level stuff here. Emotional control really is the key to everything, and accordingly difficult to master.
May 13, 2013 at 9:03 pm
Reminds me of this Buddhist mentality of not artificially trying to force yourself to be at peace/nirvana all the time. You’re supposed to be in the moment, let it happen when it does, and not tie yourself mentally chasing it.
May 13, 2013 at 9:52 pm
I read your prior blogpost about how you rated Strauss, mystery and Tylers as a pua. I get strauss and mystery, these guys are really messed up. Tyler is a bit weird, but he basically broke down game on a molecular level and really knows his shit. But I’m having trouble understanding why you say he’s just okay.
I mean how can he NOT be a beast at game. Is there some subtle difference between you and him (in general average looking dudes who fuck hot girls and Tyler) that somehow elevates one of two guys who seemingly know a lot of the correct parts of game and practices alot? [Is Alex Ferguson the world’s greatest footballer? Was Matt Hume a great fighter? The best analysts and coaches aren’t always the best doers. These days I think I can look at men the way women see them. I instinctively know who is fucking hot girls and who isn’t. It’s not 100% but Tyler doesn’t act or look like a guy who bangs top women. I’d imagine he’s at the work-really-hard-for-the-occasional-seven stage. This is supposition, I have no first hand knowledge of him. That notwithstanding, he has made some major contributions to the field. K.]
May 13, 2013 at 11:27 pm
Tyler bangs hot women on a regular basis. I understand the impression of him being a “bit weird” and he can be abrasive at times. People judge him both by this issue and by internet pictures of his babies mama. For the most part the weirdness or whatever stems from the fact that he runs a company day in and day out and it never leaves his mind. He’s always thinking about operations of RSD and how to make it better. Right now he’s making moves to go mainstream personal development and move away from pickup.
I’ve been to a hotseat that he hosted and had a chance to talk to him there. So, I’ve seen him pull hot ass while being recorded. Also, when he’s out talking to chicks he will switch from logical-mode to charisma-mode, but sometimes it takes him a few warm-ups to get there.
The little teaser “in-field” clips that he puts in the free videos suggest that he’s improving far beyond the hotseat footage that I watched. [I don’t have a firm opinion on Tyler’s ability simply because I’ve never seen evidence either way. I’m going with my gut feel, but freely admit that could be wrong. K.]
May 14, 2013 at 12:27 am
Krauser I appreciate you and what you’ve contributed to game. If you were still running bootcamps I’d take one from you to learn how to slay hot EE ass. At the same time I appreciate Tyler and all he’s done for guys and pickup.
He’s not the best in the world. Coming from that place of darkness and bitterness towards women, I don’t think its possible for him to be the best. The best these days are naturals who always had sex with hot women who then received informal and formal training so that they could get even hotter women. These guys embody the irrational confidence because they have rarely, if ever, in their lives had a negative reference experience with a woman, or if they did it never entered into their reality and they put the responsibility on her. These guys are out there and they will approach anyone anytime. They do things like 5min pulls and threesomes with two 9s and bang celebrities.
That being said, I think highly of him, particularly in regard to commenting on other pickup coaches and companies. He never says anything bad about another coach or their coaching, products, or bootcamps–neither in public nor in private. Guys have come after him in various ways over the years but he doesn’t take the bait.
I have nothing else to say on this issue after this comment and do not intend to start and argument with you on your blog. Overall, both of you guys are on the same team.
May 14, 2013 at 12:40 am
Maybe the way I’ve seen Game is wrong. I’ve always thought if you can break down all the variables and then work on them(basically deliberate practice) you can always improve.
I think the analogy you used is incorrect, but instead of sports I would compare it to something like the Dalai Lama(or any buddhist monk teaching about Happiness). There are a limited number of variables that influence attraction and Tyler obviously tries to internalize them constantly over a 10 YEAR period. You can argue that some people start as Lesser Alphas, or Gammas or whatever. But I don’t think that there is a ceiling effect. Over enough time I don’t see a reason why anyone who is committed and continues the deliberate practice can’t become an Alpha. I think Alpha/Beta/Gamma concept is retarded anyways, true measurement is always how hot the girl you fuck is relative to you. But the point I’m trying to make is that even with average looks, verbal IQ, athletic ability etc… a person who learns game long enough and practices them correctly should always be able to improve and eventually become an “Alpha”.
Sports analogies don’t make sense unless you assume that the biological constitution of someone like Cus D’ Amato is as conducive for boxing as Mike Tyson. You see, there are other variables on the table that play a significant part in an athlete’s life that are not changeable. Deliberate practice doesn’t mitigate or replace factors like fast/slow twitch muscles, height, the speed in which you grow muscle. There is definitely a ceiling effect here.
No matter how hard you try, not everyone can win a Nobel Prize in Physics(you should have a very high Fluid IQ along with the deliberate practice, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a decent Physicist.
Since Game is more of a set of learned behaviors and mindset. It’s more closely related to a concept like Happiness than Sports. So yes, you can have an extremely happy Buddhist monk that knows all about the eightfold path and the four nobel truths and all the theory behind happiness. Of course you can also have all the knowledge in the world about happiness and not be happy(like me); however if I put it into deliberate practice there are no limits to how happy I can be(you can also argue that there is a genetic set point to happiness but recent research has showed that that too can be changed with meditation).
This is my understanding of Game. So when you say Tyler, who by all means has the proper knowledge of game, intense deliberate practice over a period of 10 years and still struggles to fuck with hot women(of course you already admitted you could be wrong, but the idea that you might be right really fucks with my head). It suggests to me that there is some extraneous factor that we haven’t just put into the equation yet.
This frustrates my gamma nature. As an 18 year old virgin aspiring engineer who also is aspiring to fuck all the hot bitches, if someone like Tyler can’t do it in 10 years, who the fuck am I to even try. [Happiness is a competition against nature, Game is a competition against other men. Happiness is not hierarchical because its not a structurally limited resource like, for example, a house by the beach but also in good commuting distance to the city. In Game you are competing against other men because the best women choose their perception of the best men. Some guys will always start out with a big advantage over you. No matter how unlucky you were in nature’s lottery, tight game will advance you further up the SMV ladder even if you are never going to reach the top. K.]
May 14, 2013 at 1:27 am
You must try. If you put yourself through the process of approaching and being rejected over and over, you will learn how to pick up hot chicks. At the very worst you will be fucking 7s. And since you’re a virgin now you only have room to improve.
Giving up is giving in to fear. If you give into fear you will be a coward and you will know every day that you are a coward. You will die inside a little every time you choose not to make the effort. If you make a pattern of this it will become a part of you. You will not have the drive to make progress in your life and you will hate it and yourself. Out of loneliness you will turn to a chubby uggo and rationalize away all of her shitty qualities. Then you’ll cry yourself to sleep at night as she gets fatter and more demanding, and you turn into more of a self-hating pussy.
Breaking down the variables is what people call “outer game.” The mechanics of the pickup. Its Step 1, step 2, step 3, etc. Its good to learn the structure and practice it. Your results will suffer if you only try to work on outer game, though working on outer game–forcing yourself to do the approaches–develops “inner game” to a certain extent as well.
You need to be doing the inner game work too–meditation, reflection, ridding your mind of negative programming, worry, and senseless fear–in tandem with working on outer game. “The process” encompasses the self-awareness, self-reflection, meditation, and learning from your mistakes as well as successes.
I’m not explaining how inner game and outer game develop together while you are going through the process because there’s a complicated dynamic. Often, you must put in the inner work to be prepared for the outer–inner lays the foundation. Outer game produces experiences which, “good” or “bad,” lead you to new understandings and push the inner game work in different directions.
Being present, aka “out of your head” is the best place from which to access the “outer” game tools. I guess this is the best way to explain it. When you are in control of your emotions and present to the moment, then you are able to be your best self–you are not held back by fear or distracted by what-if worries. Fear and worry leak out in your voice, behaviors, and body language. They signal to the girl that you are not comfortable with her and therefore that you are not high-value enough to bang her.
The inner game work strips away the egoic psychological fear and worry, and this allows you to actually see what’s going on and to be so comfortable in yourself that you can express who you are and what you want to her. She will feel your authenticity and respond to it with attraction and trust.
I hope this helps. [It will. Thanks. K.]
May 14, 2013 at 1:37 am
Real quick on Tyler’s deal. There comes a point with the “inner” game stuff (also known as the spiritual or your relationship to the universe and consciousness, your true self-confidence/self-image/self-esteem) at which a man must cross the river on his own. I’ve been told that certain things cannot be taught and no one can do it for you. You must make the decision to grab yourself by the metaphysical balls and haul yourself through the fire.
I don’t know that he’s taken that step or made the leap of faith. I get the feeling that he won’t let go of the wounded boy feature of his ego. Maybe he’s simply playing a character so that his audience and potential customers can easily find a way to connect with him because they feel that he empathizes with their situation–that he’s one of them.
To reach your own personal apex of game you must face your fears and conquer them. Once you do the weight lifts off of your shoulders and you move through the world with ease. Girls become your playtoys and other people treat you differently. You can see the envy in their eyes and they want to be close to you, to feel your masculine power and knowledge of your own worth. [See this video. K.]
May 14, 2013 at 2:28 pm
I can see Krauser’s point about Tyler. It seems like a nasty thing for me to say, but if I was a woman, then I can’t imagine being attracted to him. You can still see the weirdness left over in him a little. However, he looks great in his in-field videos, and has spot on sub-communication, so I don’t doubt that he gets the good results.
Julien on the other hand seems to have taken over Tyler in ability, and looks really impressive in-field these days. He also has some great videos on technique (his recent video on how he passes shit tests on his appearance was great).
May 13, 2013 at 10:28 pm
“It’s not 100% but Tyler doesn’t act or look like a guy who bangs top women. ”
, i’ve not viewed a single clip of him where he is just chill and relaxed, no smirking smiling or making some joke. I’d be curious to go gaming with him to see how he acts with women in person.
May 14, 2013 at 3:58 pm
Excellent post, Krauser, and very timely for me. After a few weeks of going out with wings I’ve just started solo daygaming and putting a lot of thought into how to build state in myself. I agree that it feels inauthentic to do warmups.
The big thing for me is that ‘state’ significantly helps me with approach anxiety. Doing that first approach of the day often takes me an hour, a bunch of mental tricks, a particularly DNA-matched girl, etc. I also tend to blow the first approach or two simply on the basis of nerves after opening. After those are out of the way the next approach less pressure.
Even without it though, hopefully going out solo and opening from being socially ‘cold’ will yield rewards in the long term. The whole idea is to integrate this into my life, so the idea of doing a warmup set when you see a girl that’s just your type is silly, really.
Maybe riding state/momentum is a little different for a beginner — a crutch to help get the numbers up, or best not to rely on it in the first place?
May 14, 2013 at 9:18 pm
I am not a pick-up artist, truth be told I suck at art; no, I am a PUS, or pick-up scientist!
This seems on its face a fundamental truth that even I had overlooked. Authenticity is a prime factor and I’ve always assumed with state that improvement was in pushing the petal further. It never occurred to me to flip the script and instead leverage the assets I had! As a shitty actor all I have to say is this is a perfect idea. How it will bear out in experiment and repeatability remains to be seen, however…
The repeatability of experiments predicated on observed rules is the only thing of value. Anything else is snake oil… or worse!
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May 18, 2013 at 2:08 pm
Amen, I call this “levels”. Acceptance with equanimity. Volitionlessness – absence of false agenda.
May 24, 2013 at 8:00 pm
Great article. Wasn’t sure if I was into this pick-up stuff, but I’ve picked up some really good tips from you [shameless blogwhoring. K.] (can check out some of his stuff
[shameless linkwhoring]) both of you talk about calling it out, being authentic and trusting your confidence will rise to the surface. this is crucial, cause if she senses you are nervous WHILE acting arrogant, the game is over. so it’s walking a thin line if you still need work on confidence.
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July 20, 2013 at 1:40 pm
Redirected back to this excellent post by the interview LaidNYC. After hearing an excellent old interview with Rion Williams by David D yesterday stressing the benefit of zen mentality in cold/initial approach (where your energy does not change) and reading the below decided to share the quote because I’m seeing some commonalities from multiple sources:
Julius Evola, “Ride the Tiger”: The character of the human type we have been describing must result in a certain orientation whose essence was defined in the traditional world by two basic maxims:
The first of these is to act without regard to the fruits, without being affected by the chances of success or failure, victory or defeat, winning or losing, any more than by pleasure or pain, or by the approval or disapproval of others. This form of action has also been called “action without desire.” The higher dimension, which is presumed to be present in oneself, manifests through the capacity to act not with less, but with more application than a normal type of man could bring to the ordinary forms of conditioned action. One can also speak here of “doing what needs to be done,” impersonally.
Michael Jordan played some of his best games with the flu
March 11, 2014 at 2:34 pm
Its amazing how true and congruent this all is with my personal experiences in daygame now that i’m revisiting it.
Being in state is so awesome. You almost become a magnet to the girls around you and can sense your vibe as you’re walking down the street or wherever you are.
For me, it was the shopping centre that I frequent due to it being local and it being high traffic.
I actually recorded myself on film in my latest post to capture myself in state so I can inspire myself on keep going out on days where I struggle and lack motivation.
I’ve ordered your book btw Nick and will be reading and reviewing it soon. [Sweet. Will be interested to read your feedback. K.]
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July 11, 2014 at 4:43 pm
This is all rather paradoxical, since it seems to negate the whole idea of having high value as a man (looks, fun, having your shit together) and that an authentically-presented low value is superior to a statefully-presented high value.
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