Texting while absolutely steaming drunk on a Friday night

October 31, 2011

I got steaming drunk on Friday with some buddies. Beer, shots, and a bottle of champagne to put the final wrecking onto my sobriety. Generally I steer clear of drunk-texting girls as a point of discipline. But I was wrecked so away I went…… I just read them back this morning and started laughing. Here is what a leggy 20yr old black girl heard from about half past nine…

Self-image while drunk

Her: What you doing for Halloween?
Me: Fucking your ass and spitting on your hair
Her: Hahahahahahajahahaha dirty bastard. Would never happen!
Me: My cock will be in your ass before 2011 ends. However, I can’t guarantee love. Sorry :/
Me: That message was intended for a doffrent bird. Sorry
Her: Ahahahahahaha you flipping dirty bastard… I am sure her name isn’t [her name].. so get it right! Ahaha
Me: If you can grow some whopper tits, I’ll do you in the ass. If you can’t we’ll have to fall back onto your personality :/
By 11pm I’m barely upright as I’m helping a friend hit on the barmaid. Well, I think I’m helping but I’m probably getting in the way. He extracts a number from her. I resume the texting…
Me: Fuck me I’m steaming
Her: Stop being horny! I am never guna grow tits so u will never do me in the ass!
[an hour later] Her: Aint u guna fuck the girl yu were originally meant to text?
[another hour still] Her: Actually does steaming mean you are angry about something?
Her: Am a bit tipsy
Her: But you need to hurry up n answer my texts Nick
[4am] Me: I’m so drunk. Can’t remember the last time I had so much champagne
Me: Just woke up drunk. I’ll buy you some falsies, so long as I get first dibs
Her: Wel I am sober now, it feels good to know I won’t get hung over the next day 😀


  1. son of a bitch……….I guess this is what they call serendipity….eh what?

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