I got steaming drunk on Friday with some buddies. Beer, shots, and a bottle of champagne to put the final wrecking onto my sobriety. Generally I steer clear of drunk-texting girls as a point of discipline. But I was wrecked so away I went…… I just read them back this morning and started laughing. Here is what a leggy 20yr old black girl heard from about half past nine…
Her: What you doing for Halloween?
Me: Fucking your ass and spitting on your hair
Her: Hahahahahahajahahaha dirty bastard. Would never happen!
Me: My cock will be in your ass before 2011 ends. However, I can’t guarantee love. Sorry
Me: That message was intended for a doffrent bird. Sorry
Her: Ahahahahahaha you flipping dirty bastard… I am sure her name isn’t [her name].. so get it right! Ahaha
Me: If you can grow some whopper tits, I’ll do you in the ass. If you can’t we’ll have to fall back onto your personality
By 11pm I’m barely upright as I’m helping a friend hit on the barmaid. Well, I think I’m helping but I’m probably getting in the way. He extracts a number from her. I resume the texting…
Me: Fuck me I’m steaming
Her: Stop being horny! I am never guna grow tits so u will never do me in the ass!
[an hour later] Her: Aint u guna fuck the girl yu were originally meant to text?
[another hour still] Her: Actually does steaming mean you are angry about something?
Her: Am a bit tipsy
Her: But you need to hurry up n answer my texts Nick
[4am] Me: I’m so drunk. Can’t remember the last time I had so much champagne
Me: Just woke up drunk. I’ll buy you some falsies, so long as I get first dibs
Her: Wel I am sober now, it feels good to know I won’t get hung over the next day 😀