A couple of months ago we have a big house party/BBQ at Chateau RSG for a friend’s 30th. It’s on Saturday night and our cleaner normally comes in on Sundays. So I have to find a one-off cleaner for Saturday morning to spruce things up in advance. We like the Chateau to look spick and span.

I head down to the newsagents and copy down some cleaner’s numbers from the cards stuck in the window. First call is to a Romanian girl. She’s busy at such short notice but sends her mum. The old crone does a good job and I pay her. That’s the end of it, right?

No.

Two weeks later the daughter calls, a 24-yr old Romanian. She flaps her gums about how her mum loved our house and thought we were cool guys, and I was especially nice. She wishes she’d been able to clean the house. Ok. And do I need anything else? No thanks, we’ve got a regular cleaner. Tony’s maid is doing the painting. I iron my own shirts on the rare occasion I wear one.

Her: No, I mean do you need anything extra?
Me: I’m fine
Her: I mean anything at all?
Me: Like what?
Her: I can’t say on the phone. I mean anything.

Aha! The bulb in my head goes “ping!”. I’m on the bus to teach bootcamp so I just run some comfort, tell her I’m busy right now. She offers blowjobs at whatever price I think is fair. I reframe and tell her I’ll meet her in a pub sometime for a drink, but I’m not promising anything. Some time goes by.

I’m sitting at home on a Thursday night playing Call of Duty Black Ops with Jimmy. Bored. I ask him if he fancies trying to shore the whore. “It’ll be a blogpost” he says. So I text her:

“Hi [name]. I’m sitting at home with my friend Jimmy. Why don’t you come around for an hour? We’ve got a little vodka. Have a chat, see our house. No promises about anything else.”

She calls back within ten minutes and arranges to come over late after work. We go back to Call of Duty and hope she’s not a rotter. By 11pm she’s outside so I let her in and then Jimmy and I reframe her hard. We devote most of our attention to the video game while engaging her in rapport, then start DHVing on our pick up lifestyle, showing her infields of our daygame. She’s fascinated and wants to watch lots of my videos. I’m not really sure how to play this so I defer to Jimmy on the escalation. He does his usual lazy laid-back entitled thing and it hits well.

She’s only a low 6 so I’m not much fussed how it goes. I’m just thinking of my dear readers and the new blogpost. JJ starts escalating on her attitudes to sex and it turns out she’s into freaking out. She did a 9 guy / 2 girl gangbang when she was whoring overseas. Tells us she loves blowjobs etc. She keeps trying kino on me which I rebuff to play Call fo Duty.

Finally I go for a waz and when I come back JJ has gotten her to agree to suck me off so I can score her on the quality of Romanian blowjobs. So she does. JJ is sitting next to me playing COD but my aim suffers and I start getting shot lots. It’s the only time he’s ever outscored me in multiplayer. I suspect that was his plan all along.

I feel slightly shy having my cock out with a fellow Bastard present, so I take her round the corner and come on her face. She loves it. Then I wipe my cock off and catch up on the game, getting a Care Package and even the Attack Dogs. Fly my beauties, fly!

She’s qualifying now and asking if she was good. I say 6/10. She wants to suck off JJ too but he says no, he’s still emotional about his Polish girl having returned to her homeland. She’s virtually begging for the chance to suck him off. He resists. So I send her home. She thanks me for a great experience. Never mentions money once all night. Reframe!

So there’s a few tick-boxes for me:

• First shoring
• First cleaner

I’m supposed to be gangbanging an Argentinian escort (also for free) with a wing next week. Let’s see if I can tick those boxes. Already got strippers and catwalk models. Maybe by June I’ll get the whole list by bagging a celebrity, a midget, and a blind girl.