It starts like it always does in Lithuania – I’m out daygaming with Jambone, trawling the main street at Gedminos between the catherdral and the McDonalds. I spot a blonde girl – HB Low Esteem – with long flowing hair – really long in the way I like but rarely see (last girl to impress me so much with hair wa Borat). I’m mic’d up but the camera is a bit shitty.

I open by slotting a spontaneous observation into the usual structure, highlighting the contrast between her bad girl black clothes and her nice girl glasses. It hits. She’s soon laughing and lighting up a cigarette. Turns out the girl fancies herself as a psychologist and also into fashion. I give it ten minutes then take her number. Text game ensues:

Me 9:13pm – Is this HB Low Esteem? The slightly cute, slightly fun girl with librarian eyes and biker-chick clothes? The one who owes Nick a coffee (white americano, no sugar)
Her 9:19pm – Wow mr.krauser wants some coffe.. maybe yes maybe no..maybe rain maybe snow..if u will find mw on fb=) and fuck we lost the game [reference to Lithuania getting trounced by USA in the basketball]
Me 12:06am – Bad luck with the game. Still – getting to semi is impressive.
Her 12:09am – wining would be impresive 🙂 how long are u going to stay in lt?
Me 3:13am – I’m here till Wednesday. Too short I love it here
Me 12:54pm – Good news – Mr Krauser is available for coffee this afternoon, to anaesthetise the pain of basketball failure. 4pm good for you?
Her 1:05pm – Bad news – HB Low Esteem is very sorry to announce that she is available for latte tomorrow at 6pm? so mr krauser…? rain or snow?
Me 1:43pm – Hmmmm. Monday might be tough. Today or Tuesday are good. Can you check with Low Esteem’s secretary, see if she can be flexible. Tell her it’ll be lots of fun with a cool charming guy. Tell her she’s lucky and shouldn’t waste her opportunity….
Her 1:49pm – And what about mr. krauser? isn’t he lucky to get a remarkable opportunity to drink coffee with no sugar (white death) with the young lady.. like Low Esteem?
Me 1:53pm – He said she’s cute, but he doesn’t get excited over just any girl. He is curious – maybe she is more interesting than the other girls. But he’s not quite sure…
Her 1:59pm – Mr krauser has a lot of demands for such a young boy. but Low Esteem will give him a chance on tuesday, the time mr krauser is on ur hands?
Me 2:05pm – He says yes. details to follow….

Her 4:05pm – Hi krausy, my secretary just informed me that u really want to see me on tuesday… so I am waiting news from u… and today we are going to win =) sending you a big hug.. see u =)
Me 5:03pm – Krauser says “she’s funny, Low Esteem is funny”

OK, so that’s nicely framed. No doubt about the sexual dynamic and she’s intrigued after throwing out a few tests. We meet for late lunch and she’s 15 minutes late then immediately runs off to the bathroom. I’m expecting it to be difficult but once she’s sat down we slip into rapport very easily. She likes talking and is one of those “seeker” girls who is into psychology and charity, health foods and all that shit. Like PT Barnum once said – every seeker is a sucker. So I play up the emotional depth angle.

I was only planning to do this a couple of hours but she’s hooked strong. She’s also a slut, though I don’t really grasp this until much later, so she’s very selective with her alpha screening. That means that what I initially take to be IODs are really just shit tests. By 6pm the vibe is great and I just have to Not Fuck Up.

Between 6pm and 10pm I fuck up. Part three coming….