Krauser: Hey Jambone, you should see the girl I fucked last night. She’s 22 and an astronaut.

Jambone: Wow! 22!

Not quite but she’s 23 yr old and looks several years younger still. She’s the second set from Sunday. I meet her 6pm on the South Bank and things get off to an awkward start when she shows up gabbing on her phone and remains on the call for five minutes after seeing me before finally hanging up and beginning the date. She then either misunderstands or just plain rejects the two-cheek kiss. It’s all very clumsy. Nontheless I came out onto the date with a strong frame: I will fuck this girl or piss her off in trying. I will NOT become her friend.

I lead her to a nearby pub and we drink a pint standing up outside. That’s something I want to make a habit of – the kino is so much more natural than if you’re sitting down. I put her onto the points system right away (“You can cook properly! That’s +10 points” etc) and she’s qualifying. Kino begins when I’m pushing her around for being silly and I’m soon giving her noogies and thumb wrestling (flagrantly copying Burto’s tag-team Mexican thumb wrestler gambit). She’s clearly shy about public displays of affection but is accepting her submissive role. I DHV a bit including my new little boy at the church story, show photos of my nephews (“I’m teaching him judo. He’s gonna be the best judo player in the world”) and so on. All of my cold reading hits and deep rapport is easy to get. I walk her off to the next bar right on the riverside and she’s arm in arm now, and we arrive with a soft hand-in-hand.

Sitting by the river she mutually escalates kino to thigh touching, side hugs and she’s laying her head on my shoulder while I scratch her head. I like to treat girls like cats for kino. She’s drinking fast for a girl and I tell her to slow down (“I don’t want you getting drunk and causing trouble”). We go inside and as we walk through an empty room I do a light kiss close. We sit together in a small pub room with noone else there. I run my boxing NLP routine and her eyes spazz out all dilated and her buying temperature is really rising. We have a proper makeout and subconsciously I just know she’s horny for a fuck. I’d already seeded my home cocktail bar.

Krauser: What was your favourite cocktail again?

HB Thai: Gin and tonic

Krauser: OK, I’m gonna make you one. Come on.

HB Thai: Now?

Krauser: Yeah. I have to send you home early so we’ll do it now.

HB Thai: OK *goes to toilet, comes back and I extract*

I engage her logical mind talking about my favourite muay thai fighters and why I like watching them as I hail a cab. It’s only five minutes drive. Once inside I show her to the lounge then go to the toilet (builds comfort if she can sit by herself for a little while – freedom to leave). Then I pour our drinks and kiss her. She just jumps me, climbing all over and pushing her tits into my face. I decide she’s so horny that foreplay is gonna kill momentum – she’s groaning when my hand merely approaches her woo-hoo. She’s sitting on me so I just stand up holding her and walk into the bedroom with her wrapped around me and throw her onto the bed.

I’ve been wondering about a new theory on sex namely that a woman’s enjoyment of sex is far more about how alpha she thinks you are rather than any technical ability. She’s unbelievebly up for it so I do things to her that would normally take weeks of breaking in. There’s something very special about knobbing a 23 yr old  – the smooth tight skin with subcutous fat, the flat stomach, the naive spontaneity. She says “I’m not good at oral” and really means it, qualifying for me and hoping I’m not disappointed by her enthusiastic attempts. All girls need an alpha to turn them out and I think I made a good job tonight.

There’s that old biblical story about the walls of Jericho and I thought my house was gonna fall down she was screaming and moaning so loud. Oh, and to improve my sexual intent I hadn’t had a wank for a week. This girl reaped the full benefit of / brunt of when I finished off. Heh, I left her semi-blinded on my bed when I went to get the tissues and decided I might as well give her another minute like that. Heh.

I do her again, even better than first time, then send her home. She texts to say she forgot her watch and can I look after it. Forgot? Of course. I probably own her soul now. Lovely girl.