Reframing away a girl’s anti-slut defense

November 21, 2012
krauserpua

It’s unlike me to respond directly to appeals from the unwashed masses but I suppose my last lay report was rather tantalising in omitting details of a pivotal moment – turning her firm no into a firmer yes on the sex date. There’s no magic here but I’ll transcribe the full text chat and add commentary:

Her: (16:39) Hey, I’m sorry I can’t do this. You are amazing, physical you have everything I like in one man but this is not what I am looking for, I tried to tell to myself I could do it, go there have some sex fun whatever and come back home like nothing happen but I can’t.

Deconstructing her girl-talk I read her mental state as follows:

  • Major anti-slut defense / cold feet as the moment of truth approaches. It’s easy to fantasize about bravery from a distance but once you get up close your hindbrain kicks in. I’d worked this girl so her mind is flooded with mental images of hot sex and she’s naturally enjoyed daydreaming about fantasy sex. But once cold logistics take over, ASD rears its head. This was partly my own fault because I’d framed hard on the casual sex so as not to lead her on into expecting a relationship. If I’d gone full Dark Side with empty promises and sweet nothings this would’ve never come up.
  • It’s a big ask to require a girl to come directly to your house on a second date, especially when you tell her you have to kick her out at 10pm. There’s a dividing line between enjoyable degradation by an aloof asshole and simply feeling cheap and desperate  Girls follow happy feelings and avoid bad feelings.
  • Major IOIs. No worries at all about attraction nor escalation.
  • She’s verbalising her inner conflict between arousal and self-image. If you read between the lines girls will tell you how to seduce them. She’s telling me she needs more comfort. Note she’s not telling me I need to promise a relationship – she wants to come but her ASD is holding her back. I see this as her presenting me with a problem she hopes I can solve for her, rather than a firm no. She wants me to overcome her objections.

With this in mind I reply

Me: (16:51) So that sexy underwear and fiery passion will go to waste tonight :/ how disappointing!

Just a few words but consider what is conveyed:

  • No uncertainty or self-doubt. I’m not fretting that she doesn’t like me enough or that I did something wrong.
  • Do not ever beg for sex. Whining (“oh, but you promised”), wheedling (“Sweetie, but you are so sexy”), negotiating (“How about I cook a slap up meal”) and convincing (“This will be so much fun for you”) don’t work. I accept sex will not happen tonight because pushing hard will come off needy but I don’t accept her frame that sex won’t happen at all. Assume the sale.
  • Focus on how we are losing out on a chance for something great. Seduction is a win-win sport so I focus on the (frustrated) mutually beneficial reward.
  • Keep it positive. Although I express disappointment it’s done playfully rather than all butt-hurt.
  • Make her feel good with the compliment / qualification. Comfort.
  • Don’t directly engage in her objections. Her ASD isn’t a real principled objection so addressing it directly will just give it shape and make it harder to shift. Far better to deflect and let it wither. She’s got two basic emotions pulling in opposite directions: arousal to be fucked and anxiety that she’ll feel bad for having casual sex. I focus on heating up the former so it consumes the latter.

Her: (17:28) I’m sorry to disappoint you but im crazy i love sex but not like this. You turn me on a lot you have no idea i think you are a very interesting person but i can’t do it going out from work and go running to have sex with someone i just don’t know. Not so that crazy. Lol

Does this sound like a girl who doesn’t want sex? Of course not, she’s hoping I came overcome the ASD. She’s apologetic and complimentary, feeling bad about disappointing me and hoping I won’t disapprove. She’s still in my frame so I can put her on a compliance ladder to build back up to the booty call, though I don’t want a booty call frame. To deflect this I need to reframe it as a date and apply comfort. Plausible deniability. She knows full well that next time we meet it’s about the sex but if I can throw her hamster a bone, she can quieten him down enough to clear the way for the sex that she so wants.

Me: (17:37) I think you’ll be masturbating this evening :D I hope you have a good imagination, so you can vividly feel my hard dick as it slides into you… in and out… until you can’t control your screams :)

Her: (18:30) Is nothing that i don’t used to do in this last months ah ahahahah and i am good doing it

Me: (18:51) Imagine I’m in my suit, back from a hard day at the office…

Her: (1853) You are trouble for me…

Me: (18:54) So I put down my briefcase, I’m a bit distracted.. Tell me what you’ll be wearing

Her: (18:55) Just an apron and high heel (just today)

This is all about holding my frame, directing the conversation towards sex, and heating up her arousal. The compliance test is quite mild at first. She wants to be led to my bedroom and I’ve managed to deflect the entire ASD objection without ever directly engaging it. Make your frame a force of nature that cannot be resisted. After a few more sex texts I go to bed. Next afternoon I suggest a date and the rest is simple logistics. I know not to invite her directly to my house lest I revive the same objections so we meet for a drink and then I just lead her home with an air of inevitability.

17 Comments

  1. You appear (from what these women say) to be physically a very attractive man – though I entirely agree these women need to be gamed beyond their ASD.

  2. very confident…..perfect text game Krauser….

  3. My girlfriend has started saying I’m too bossy these past few days. She said she wants me to phrase something like “Can you come to my place at 8?” instead of “Come to my place at 8″ like I’ve always been doing to her and any other girl. Should I comply with that? I don’t even notice myself being ‘bossy’. I thought she was joking at first until she gave examples and it seems to bother her for some reason because I leave her no choice in the matter. Any advice?

    • Leave her no choice in the matter. Carry on as you are.

    • It depends on where you are coming from.

      If you’re acting out in a way which isn’t congruent with your identity because you read it on a PUA website = arsehole. = Static from girl.

      If you’re coming from a position of a dominant, sexy, powerful man with a strong identity = Great.

      Girls often give you static if they are losing respect / don’t respect you.

      I’d look into that.

  4. Krauser, thanks for sharing this helpful info — generous indeed.

  5. Counterintuitive. Don’t back off, double down.

    Nice.

  6. I’d like to hear more about what to do if after countering ASD she still pushed back. I was with a girl I banged this week. We’re making out. She’s telling me she wants to bang me again. We’re all over each other. But after I walked her to her flat, she didn’t invite me up. After using some of these tecniques. I just finally laughed and said, the “and after wearing those heels and stockings…oh well” and wallked off. I’d read somewhere that if you bang a chick and then she kind of pushes back, that the move is not to contact her.

  7. Hi Nick,

    This isn’t directly relevant to your post, but I just wanted to thank you for recommending The Way of the Superior Man – which you did in your Saturday Sarge talk (I watched the youtube video). I read the entire book today and have never learned so much about myself in such a short space of time. I’ve never seen myself as particularly masculine because I don’t really enjoy watching team sports, I don’t find sexually aggressive club girls that most “lads” hanker after at all a turn on, and I’ve never felt competitive with other men about work/girls etc. But now I realise that my psychological, sexual and spiritual core are profoundly masculine (without being macho), as are my passions and interests and outlook. So in this sense I am much further than I thought along the path to male happiness than I realised. It has also made me realise that most of the issues with women that I have are just because I am curbing natural masculine impulses because of various notions of propriety and undue concern for women’s feelings because I simply didn’t understand the essential core of the very feminine women that I find so attractive.

    I can honestly say that it has been more helpful to me than any book on pickup that I have read in the last two years.

    All I can say is thank you very much. I feel so free and good. It has also illuminated so much of this blog for me now.

    OK, that’s enough of the spiritual awakening stuff. Not very British. Back to business as usual gents. [It's very liberating to realign your forebrain to your masculine core. Just wait until you start leading girls into alignment with their feminine core..... K.]

  8. Hi K, just an update for you and readers on how I used your techniques and the response so far. A 29 year old cute girl with admitted “daddy issues”, recently divorced, loves drinking and who I banged on our second outing…suddenly threw up some LMR or possibly ASD. The context is on Saturday when we met up for drinks, she came dressed hot like I asked her to. But didn’t invite me up when I walked her home claiming her place was messy or whatever. I just shrugged and left.

    Then we arranged dinner and for her to come over afterwards tomorrow.

    Suddenly today, she texts and it goes like this:

    Her: lemme ask you something. if i can’t go back to your place tomorrow do you still wanna have dinner?

    Clear shit test.

    Me: Depends.

    Me: Are you paying for drinks?

    Her: you mean dinner?

    Me: sure

    Her: lol. what’s the difference

    Me: dont let that sey lingiere and stockins and hot passion go to waste. see you 7

    Me: Besides i might not invite u back…Depends how turned on you make me…

    Her: haha :)

    Me: u know what I like

    Her; no i don’t. you’re still a mystery to me

    me; surprise me

    her; you don’t seem the type to like surprises

    me: show me

    The point is each shit test, I’ve reframed or not directly engaged her on what she’s on about. I’ll see how this goes. But i think i salvaged this one for now. A girl with daddy issues and me being more mature, she’s 29, I’m 46, means she’s already talking and texting me about how she loves my cock. So this LMR is kind of typical beta bait.

  9. Pingback: Want More Proof That Chics Are Irrational And Illogical? Check This Out! | Kenny PUA: “Get Laid By Being Social”

  10. Pingback: Alpha Assessment: False Frame Edition | Chateau Heartiste

  11. It reminded me of applying for loan from the bank, when they say business plan is not good, simply thank and use their objections to present modified plan, etc. Bankers often like to lend and like to deny loans – its which desire you appeal too. In girls I like one who like to be `slut` directly :P And there are many such girls :)

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