You’ll never get laid in this town

August 4, 2012
krauserpua

Three weeks in and I’ve been pretty unlucky on this month-long Yugoslav jaunt. Under normal circumstances I’d expect such a good set of leads to result in 7-10 lays. That’s not my normal hit rate, far from it, but I’ve had an unusually good set of leads…. and then fucked by logistics, friction, and just plain bad luck. Whatever. I’m quite used to picking myself back up and making things happen from zero. No point having a hissy fit and blaming the world.

toys already thrown from pram

My first Friday in Belgrade was an example of how tiny variations in luck can mean the difference between zero and hero, standing on the precipe of greatness and then tumbling arse over tit into the muddy swamps of mediocrity.

Set One – Curvy Serby

Robusto is still in bed recovering from our great night out at a salsa bar so I decide to try a little solo early-afternoon street game. My state isn’t good, I’m tired and a bit frustrated because this city is full of smoking hot women but its so hard to get at them unless you’re willing to do patient coffee shop game. We simply haven’t got time to slowly convert leads. I keep running into the same problems over and over agin, mostly a boyfriend of >3 years. I knock out a few sets and finally get some good luck…. a curvy brunette with massive tits and wide hips bursting out of her short shorts. She’s no stunner, I’d say just a little below the “would date for a while” threshold but quite respectable as a pump ‘n’ dump. She oozes sex and oestrogen which is what turned my head initially, responding great to my opener – “You have the sexiest walk I’ve seen all day”. She’s available and horny. An easy idate.

This image is so close it gives me the chills

Her phone blows up with messages from the friends she’s supposed to meet so I know I’m up against the clock, even though all the planets are aligned for the SDL. I bounce her to a bar opposite my apartment where she kinos me, laughs alot, and throws back two vodkas. My spider-sense is triggered, I just know this girl is on but also I know that even if a girl has made an early “I’ll fuck this guy” determination she still needs to be led down the winding path without shortcuts before her legs will actually open. There’s a technical dilemma over how fast to extract her. I’d like to let another hour pass but her phone keeps ringing and at any moment her friend’s may pluck her from my fiendish grasp. I may never get this love bubble going again. So I rush. She refuses to enter my apartment. We make out on the stairs, I tell her I want to fuck her, then take a number. Bah!

Set Two – Nerdy Serby

Yesterday I’d idated a cute little munchkin. Walking along the main pedestrian area I clocked a disguised Krauser girl – just come back from belly dance class with no makeup, hair pulled into a harsh bun, loose-fitting tracksuit. If that was her normal state it would scream “girl uncomfortable with her femininity” and strike her off, but I can tell it’s only a situational outlier. I’m gonna open that, I tell Robusto and he’s “why?”. He can’t see what I see. She loves it and the idate goes great. No kino or kiss but I’m liking her. So next day (after blowing out with Curvy Serby) I meet my librarian girl for a late coffee. It’s a date I have little expectations of becuase she seems so shy and nice. I just figure I’ll do my work and enjoy her company whatever happens.

Looks just like this

She prettied herself up nicely and after coffee walks me past her university. I kiss her. Great, it’s on. My social conditioning is interfering with me. A common problem I have is I assume Good Girls are not sexual. Silly, I know. We sit down in a bar and there’s a great moment – she tells me she’s reading Fifty Shades of Grey and loves it. Poor girl has just handed me the opportunity to sexualise that I was looking for. I run with it and we talk dirty and kiss alot. My house is 50m away. I whisk her up to the bedroom. She’s topless on my bed and….. LMR. Bah! As I walk her back to the bus stop she turns her head up to look lovingly into my eyes and says “thanks for not raping me”

Set Three – Dancy Serby

So I have 10pm blue balls but it’s Friday night and I head out to the nightclub boats with Robusto and Bhodi. The signs are good – lot’s of dolly birds tottering in their high heels on the wide strip of riverside grass outside the line of ten nightclubs. First boat we board turns out to be the best club. We make our circle and have fun… thus distinguishing ourselves from every other man in the club. Girls notice and IOIs follow. I get drunk. My state bubbles and suddenly I’m opening everything. Before long I want to start rapid escalating so I run off a few sets. No blowouts but nothing quite sticking and then I get my Set of Glory.

A few girls are dancing with a few guys suspecting little and then I’m like those liveleak videos you see of convenience store workers blindsided by trucks crashing through the windows. I crash into set and immediately harrass the hottest girl. After a brief deer-in-headlights panic she goes for it. I’m too drunk to see anything that’s not directly infront of me but the girl must’ve eye-coded her friends cos they leave us in isolation. It’s a blur but I remember being locked in to the wall while she dances in front of me, leans on me, and kisses me. Attraction is super high. Bhodi is lying drunk under a tree hallucinating after twenty vodkas. Robusto is canoodling with some Russian blonde. I pull my girl onto the grass outside and roll around with her. Ten minutes later I hear a couple walk past:

    • Girl: Ugh…. that’s disgusting, those two kissing in the dirt like that
    • Man: Yes, disgusting….. hang on, that’s my friend. Nick!

I can’t extract. Her friends come out a few times and I befriend them then we end up in a house party deep in the darkest soviet projects. Fun times with fun people but the social pressure is just enough to keep her legs together. Another hot 21 year old semi-naked on the bed with me and another LMR fail. Bah!

Epilogue – I bang Curvy Serby the next night, Nerdy Serby is in love with me doing sex chats, and Dancy Serby is falling for me.

4 Comments

  1. I need to know what you boys are taking for your libidos…

  2. Pingback: What I’m Reading 8-4-2012 « I Left The Matrix

  3. Pingback: Daily Linkage – August 6, 2012 | The Second Estate

  4. There does seem to be a warm-up in Croatia where you need to build momentum. I’m two weeks in and only now feel like things are starting to cook a bit, but still not at the level I want.

    In Scandinavia you can get off the plane, go to the club that night, and pull same night. Croatia not so much.

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