This holds true whether you are on an idate or a Day 2. There’s really not much that needs to be done on a date so long as you have the basics handled which are:
- the girl likes you
- you genuinely like her
- you don’t fuck up the escalation
Over the years I’ve had many failed dates and almost without exception they failed because one of these conditions wasn’t met. I’d chase girls who were merely curious and were sitting in front of me because I’d gamed them onto a date they weren’t much enthused by. I’d be trying to fuck girls I clearly only spoke to for the notch and struggled to hide how little I cared about them. And then many times I simply escalated awkwardly, or too fast, or too slow and her emotions were left flashing “don’t sleep with him”. So like many skills, dating is really simple and easy once you know how to do it, and bloody hard when you’re learning.
In my first year I struggled to even kiss a girl on a date, striking out far more than not. In my last five days in Yugoslavia I kissed seven girls on seven dates and banged two. Only one of them has dropped off the radar. So, what was I doing right?
Phase 1 – Screening
Do not waste your time on No girls or Weak-Maybe girls. It’s a huge amount of effort for precious little reward. Approach the girls you fancy and if they aren’t giving you fairly positive responses within the first five minutes, just walk away. Almost every girl I ever banged made it easy for me once I got over the initial hurdle. The medium is the message. When a girl is tardy in responding, giving little value, and flaking dates then she simply doesn’t like you much. Don’t waste your time. This means that the girls you do get onto dates are hoping you will lead them to your bedroom. They are hoping you can convince their hindbrain to sleep with you. They are on your side, rooting for you to win.
It’s a strange quirk of nature that women have a forebrain and hindbrain. Listen to girls talk about upcoming dates and they say things like “I hope he can win me over”. This sounds ridiculous to a man because for a man to even utter such words mean he’s already decided. But women are like monkeys riding an elephant. They can’t really choose who they want to have sex with, they can only give men a chance and hope he beats them into submission. Bizarre, but life.
Phase 2 – Early Date
Default to a dating structure of three venues. First is a light public environment with non-alcoholic choices (such as a cafe), second is a fairly light public environment with alcohol (such as a pub) and third is a dark semi-private environment with alcohol (the corner of a dark pub). As the girl becomes increasingly attracted and comfortable she will allow you to lead her into increasingly intimate environments. This is especially important for idates where she’ll be more nervous than a Day 2.
So early on just sit back, sip coffee, and run mostly comfort and DHVs. Let her get to know you as you gradually allow her to tease the real you out. Her choice of drink helps calibrate her – if she goes immediately for alcohol its probably on because that’s her pretext for “it just happened”. If she orders non-alcoholic drinks she’s still undecided. Do not rush the early part of the date. Don’t sexualise, don’t escalate. Just weave a web with your words and draw her in. Gradually get her investing. Let her talk. I drop in most of my DHVs early and run the whole gamut. My main stories I’ve used recently (all true) are:
- Teaching my two nephews judo and kickboxing
- Travelling around Yugoslavia to find a city to live in for a few months
- My passion for learning while at university
- Getting chased out of Havana by Cuban guys for clacking their women
There’s lots more and the purpose is to ground me in reality and show who I am. I let the girl gradually reveal herself too. Do one drink in each venue.
Phase 3 – Mid Date
By the time you reach the second venue the barriers are down and you’re building deep rapport. Now I start testing with some sexualisation. Depending on my mood I’ll use either the four-step model from my book or the three-step model from Jambone. The latter is this. When she’s talking about her passions and interests, compliment her on them and make her feel special. Then later compliment her on something womanly but not physical, such as her dress sense or mannerisms. Lastly, compliment her on her body. For example:
- That’s what I thought when I first saw you. You’re very introverted and thoughtful so I’m not surprised you have a passion for reading. I love sitting down in a cafe with a good book and just letting myself get drawn into the different world.
- I like your dress. There’s something about colourful flowing summer dresses that is very attractive on a woman. I like how they swish when you walk.
- I just checked out your ass. I approve. Sexy.
The main thing to look for when verbally escalating is does she block or evade it? If a girl sits, listens, and gives no clear rebuff then that is a green light. Don’t over do it. You only need to tell a girl each thing once for her to get the idea. Overloading her with escalation and compliments makes you sound uncertain and like a pussy hound.
I like to hold good solid eye contact with a girl throughout the date and don’t let her rock me off balance with any of her games. If she leans away, I don’t follow. If she comes onto me, I don’t rush in blindly. Gradually, her frame will break. It’s designed to and that’s what she wants to happen. If it’s on you’ll get a hypnotic scanning moment when you both hold deep eye contact and you can feel electricity crackle. That’s the big signal. If it’s strong I say “I want to kiss you now” and then go for it. If it’s weak I say “I’m going to kiss you in the next bar / soon” and then go for it next time there’s that moment. Don’t try to kiss on a lull. Wait for the moment. It’s in the eyes not the body so don’t be afraid of reaching over even if she’s on the other side of the table.
Phase 4 – Late Date
By this time you should both know it’s on so concentrate on getting some alcohol inside you both and escalating kino. You’ll be making out alot. I rarely touch a girl’s pussy on the date but I tend to hold strong posture and let her bend into me. Alternate comfort (verbal, and head scratching etc) with seduction (dirty talk, making out). The alcohol is a mutual pretext so she doesn’t feel slutty. If she’s up for it she’ll get herself drunk. If she’s holding back on the drink it’s because she wants to stay in control which means she’s not sold – so more comfort, qualification and dirty talk is needed.
You’ll probably get into a vibe where neither of you talks much, your brains have shut down and you are mostly just touching and chilling. I like to draw her in and whisper dirty talk about what I intend to do. I always phrase it as “I’d like to” such as:
“I’d like to rip your clothes off. Within one minute of taking you home I’ll have you naked on my bed. I’ll be looking at your sexy body, watching your chest heave as you breath heavily. Seeing you hot and horny.”
Don’t worry if she verbally refuses. Just hold your frame and restate yourself in different words. Often I say “I know. I’m telling you what I’d like to do”. Your entire strategy is to set her hindbrain against her forebrain and let them fight it out until the forebrain surrenders. She wants you to win her but she needs your help defeating her forebrain. So use kino, eye contact, dirty talk…. and just wait. It’s a siege mentality. At some point the fires burning in her loins will overpower her logical and she’ll go for it.
Once she’s grabbing your cock it’s time to extract. If she’s not grabbing it but you think she wants it, just put her hand on it and tell her “that’s how much you turn me on”. At the peak of her passion say “Come on, let’s go” and lead lead lead. Here you simply want her momentum to follow you rather than any explicit verbal agreement. Just lead, have her follow and you’ll somehow end up back at your place. This is the time to fill her forebrain with distraction bullshit and ask her questions about any old shit just to get her talking.
Phase 5 – Closing
Once back at your apartment one of two things will happen. Best case is she’s super horny and ready to go in which case you just lead her straight to your bedroom, put some music on, and start undressing her. If she’s a bit resistant to going straight to the bedroom you need to back off and make her feel safe. The following helps:
- Put the computer on youtube and go make a drink. Talk lightly with her about what music she likes. No sexual stuff.
- Go to the bathroom and clean your teeth. By being in a separate room her hindbrain knows she is free to leave and because of that she’ll relax and stay.
- Sit with her leaning up against you while she shows you here favourite youtube videos. Kiss her forehead, scratch her hair at the temple and back of the neck.
A little of this and she’ll relax, calm down, and jump you. Then fuck her.
August 5, 2012 at 4:30 am
“A little of this and she’ll relax, calm down, and jump you. Then fuck her.”
August 5, 2012 at 6:45 am
Great model! I haven’t read a good dating strategy in a long time.
As a suggestion: you should create a Page with all the models (instead of only the Day Game one), put them there and improve on them once in a while. Now that would be a precious bookmark.
August 5, 2012 at 3:12 pm
“It’s in the eyes not the body so don’t be afraid of reaching over even if she’s on the other side of the table.” I’m not sure I could ever kiss a girl over a table. Not even when I was regularly dating a particular girl.
August 5, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Just had first date with 26 year old i met online. She’s more mature, very elegant dresser. Was interested in latin dance. After some initial back and forth, I followed this model, pulled back on the cocky-funny and played up the DHV and comfort building.
We met for dinner at a relaxed busy place. She loved the vibe. Ordered cocktails, food. I ran The Cube on her. “70% accurate”….but she was mesmorized by it. Then we went dancing. I taught her how to dance, teased her. Then we went for drinks. Here she was up for kino but pulled back on the kissing. [This doesn’t sound like my model at all, but good luck. K.]
Then she started shit testing: do you have any other dance partners etc etc. I could see the IOI’s. I held my frame said “Of course…TONS” and changed subject.
Didn’t get the kiss response but we agreed to meet up again and she was up for it. A bit more text game….she’s responding within 5 minutes…working towards a day 2…
August 5, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Cheers, a little different to how I work but as you seemed to be getting very good dating success recently, I was curious to see what you were doing! Good stuff, getting printed out as I speak for future reference.
August 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Good stuff K. Been reading your blog for several months now and never thought to comment. With all the focus on Game theory and the psychology, its always refreshing to see practical guides on the important stuff. This is a good model, that youve honed through many dates no doubt. Should a date fail, one could easily reference this post and see where they goofed. Great post dude, keep em coming.
August 6, 2012 at 12:02 am
It’s really great that you’ve written this. Date game is something people don’t talk much about, which is a shame because I think it can be a big part of the overall game.
I’ll be honest, most guys I go out with don’t have a huge problem with dates. They struggle to get the numbers, and then to get a date once they have the number, but once they have got this they usually get the lay almost 100% of the time on the day2. [That sounds like heavy screening in effect, whether deliberate or accidental. K]
I’m just the opposite. I go out a lot less then them, but end up on more dates. My problem is that a tiny percentage of my day2s lead to sex. What’s really frustrating about this is that I don’t have a clue what’s going on and what I need to work on. It’s got to the point where I’m almost thinking that there’s little point in approaching and getting them out on a date at all. This is the last thing that’s stopping me having the success I want with women, but I’m doing the same thing over and over, and so, of course, I’m getting the same results.
One of the strange things is I don’t have much of a problem getting girls to get physical with me. Once upon a time girls on dates would rarely let me K Close them, but now I at least kiss all of them (I think there was only one girl this year I didn’t), and it’s not uncommon for me to be able to escalate further than that (e.g. hand up skirt, hand on cock, groping tits) without resistance, but they still won’t let me take them home. I just seem to be quite good at getting girls to do naughty things in public, both when I meet them in clubs and on day2s, but not at actually getting them into bed. There seems to be a huuuuuge difference in a girls mind between touchy feely stuff and full blown sex. [It sounds like you aren’t doing enough comfort. You are meeting girls with a heavily sexual frame and then continuing it on the date. That tires them out. They’ll be up for some smooching but then wonder “is that all this guy has? is he just using me for sex?”]
I have some questions:
– If the initial pickup was in a bar / club and the interaction was fairly long, is it ok to skip the coffee stage of the date? [No. You still need comfort. If you are sure you have enough comfort (say, two hours) then skip it K.]
– How do you go about building deep rapport? I think comfort & rapport is a weak point of mine, I never seem to be able to get deeper into things, everything seem superficial. [Read more books, develop more opinions and ideas about the world, talk more about what’s important to you, your hopes and passions. Probably you’re being lazy and not shifting out of first gear. Or perhaps being too sexual which tends to shut down your verbal skills]
– One of the three success conditions (and I agree with all 3 of them, btw) is that you genuinely like the girl. Do you just mean physically or their personality as well? It seems hard to care about an individual girl I just met when I meet and talk intimately with so many. I think coming off as just doing it for the notch is one of my biggest problems. Can you really meet so many girls with personalities you genuinely like? I’m starting to find this a real challenge. I’m picky when it comes to personalities. If I screen hard I’d have to do 50+ approaches to end up on a date with a girl I find interesting to talk to. [I find it easy to meet girls I really like. Think about how you are initially selecting them. If you wait for IOIs (i.e. they are choosing you) then you have less ability to screen for what you like. The upside is you get stronger leads, the downside is you are less interested in the girl.]
– I think I’m coming off as a shallow player, who’s fun for 60 minutes in a night club but lacks depth beyond this when it comes to forming and emotional connection, but who only cares about fucking and not the girl. What would you say would be a good way not to come across this way [Change your intentions. Stick to SNLs if you only care about the notch. Dating has a way of exposing players]
– How would you briefly sum up your overall frame / mindset for the date? [The only thing I bring to the date is me. If that’s not enough, so be it. The girl finds out who I am, and me her, and if we click its on. K.]
I appreciate this is a very long comment, it’s just no one in the community seems to be able to help me with this.
August 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm
I suspect this is why many of my dates with girls from on-line failed. Because you don’t pick them out on the basis of seeing them in the flesh, you don’t really know if you’er attracted (unless they are 8’s). If you’re not genuinely attracted, it can’t be faked, and the date fizzles.
August 7, 2012 at 10:32 am
Man I wish i recorded one of my dates from the trip to Zagreb, would probably help with betatopua to understand about comfort. I ran Jimmy’s escalation method but most of it was just showing the girl who I am, not overdoing the teasing which can kill it.
August 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Excellent post! It’s good to have a model in mind, especially for a beginner to the “new world” like me! I have a question: During all these dates, idates/day2s, who pays for the drinks/coffees? [It doesn’t matter because they are cheap. If the girl is a broke student, I pay. If she has a job I expect her to split it. K.]
August 7, 2012 at 2:56 pm
This is brilliant stuff Krauser. I’ll be writing some stuff and linking it to this post shortly. Keep writing amazing pieces of art.
August 11, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Talked about your date model and physical escalation in this post Krauser: http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/how-to-never-get-lets-just-be-friends-part-2/
You nail it perfectly – spot on for guys who are trying to calibrate when they need to be increasing the touching.
August 8, 2012 at 2:58 am
Reblogged this on aneroidocean and commented:
Krauser killing it as usual. I’ve stumbled upon this success model by accident prior to reading this and it’s worked rather well!
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August 8, 2012 at 4:29 pm
For all interested, RooshV has great advice (almost like a videogame walthrough) on doing this (from approach to bed) in his book Bang. I know this may be the most repeated advice, but some guys don’t know.
It focuses on conversational skills and physical contact, which automatically translates into a sexual frame in both your and her mind. It’s natural and automatic.
Has worked for me.
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August 10, 2012 at 9:07 pm
great post – I like the basic three step model, definitely matches experience.
Have you thought about or had experience with choosing first dates venues based on things that exciting?
I’ve never made the connection until reading the above, but looking back I’ve noticed taking dates to amusement parks and scary movies yield very high lay rates.
Maybe a good alternative model is:
1. scary movie/roller coaster/exciting activity etc as the early+mid date venue
2. then proceed to late date per and beyond per the post
for what it’s worth [The only thing I bring to the date is me. I’m not there to entertain her. K.]
August 12, 2012 at 5:08 pm
You replied to a comment on here saying your dates are cheap? How much do you spend on a typical date. I think I may be going to the wrong places and spending too much because one of my main problems at the moment is I’m often too broke to go on dates. Partly because I’m really bad at being frugal though. [Coffee in venue one. One round in venue two. Girls round in venue three. I should be about £10-£12 in by the time I realise it’s on or not. K.]
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August 13, 2012 at 6:19 pm
this is fucking awesome, NK. you are the man. thank you.
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August 14, 2012 at 7:15 am
just to confirm, you now recommend kino? in your book you didn’t. you recommended only verbal escalation. obviously, strategies change, just wanted your thoughts on this. thanks. [Late on in the date, when you’ve already finished most of the verbal escalation. There’s no gradual kino escalation, it’s about going for the kiss. K.]
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September 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm
“My passion for learning while at university”
Can you flesh this out a bit? How would you bring this in to the conversation / what are some good phrases to say? I can relate to this one but nothing about the cubans or kickboxing!
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January 6, 2013 at 3:21 pm
This post is an excellent model especially the part about screening. It’s so simple yet profound. if a lot of guys did this they wouldn’t be chasing women who have lukewarm interest levels
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July 15, 2013 at 10:12 am
nick, this really should be up on the main menu, next to day game model. it’s incredibly useful.
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April 19, 2014 at 11:15 am
Reblogged this on canadianthug and commented:
Krauser is the go-to for mastering oneself and the attractive women in your world.
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November 20, 2016 at 8:03 am
hi nick, can you name a few places in london that are “venue 3” i struggle to find lounge bars that are dark, empty, and secluded,..